


we'll burn that bridge when we get to it

by chaoticsandstorm



Series: the things we give to each other [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: "...You can't just hijack my mission" says Zuko, "Listen Zuko. If I am going to betray my father and my nation then I am going to do it RIGHT.", 'Azula joins the Gaang' AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula (Avatar)-centric, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, azula thinks she's manipulating zuko, let's go lesbians let's go, listen the fire siblings dynamic is like a see-saw, neither are on the same page but working towards the same goal anyway, the fire siblings are traumatised karen and damn right i'm gonna deal with that, the more stable one is the less stable the other one is, the only romantic pairing is Mailee so have fun, world's greatest road trip across the Earth Kingdom, zuko thinks he's redeeming azula
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 107,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticsandstorm/pseuds/chaoticsandstorm
Summary: An AU where Ozai wasn't so forgiving of Azula lying about the Avatar's death, and decides he doesn't want an heir he can't control. Zuko goes with her.OR: The one where Azula gets a life-changing field trip
Relationships: Azula & Katara, Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Azula & Suki (Avatar), Azula & Toph Beifong, Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Mai & Suki (Avatar), Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Series: the things we give to each other [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1829854
Comments: 1385
Kudos: 2175
Collections: AtLA <100k fics to read, Azula’s Redemption, Mayfriend's Favourites





	1. father would never accuse me of treason, unless...

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy, i'm back again. another Azula fic for you to enjoy (or throw rotten tomatoes at, but that's neither here nor there). to my eternal disgust, this looks set to become my first multi-chaptered fic on Ao3. each chapter will be approx. 3,000 words (fingers crossed).  
> i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a least a little bit inspired by "Towards the Sun" by MuffinLance, and a bit by "Fractures" by good_eviening, specifically the parts where Azula and Zuko interact, so go check out those fics if you haven't already
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> \- Canonical implied/referenced child abuse  
> \- Canonical war/violence
> 
> in this AU the events and timeline is roughly the same except that Azula and Zuko leave the palace not long after their return.  
> EDIT: so that was a lie. the timeline is ??? at this moment. currently kind of canon-adjacent but that could change before long

When Azula was young, she still wanted nothing more than to look cool in front of her friends and potential-future-underlings. Mai and Ty Lee were invited to visit Caldera Palace after Azula took a liking to them at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. They were daughters from noble families, so the palace approved. Azula would train them to be her ultimate tools. It helped that they were, reluctantly, amusing.

For example: Zuko tackling Mai into the fountain after Azula set the apple on her head on fire? Priceless. She needed to involve her brother in her playdates more often, if that is what happened.

She hadn’t expected Mai to develop a crush on poor Zuko, but that was fine. Another tool at her disposal to embarrass the them and keep Mai in line. It helped that Ty Lee found the entire affair _so cute,_ making Mai flush and lower her head in shame. Nothing would come of it, after all, so what was the harm?

Zuko watched Azula uneasily. _Mom I don’t want to play with her._ But she always found a way. Back then, Azula was less focused on tormenting Zuko and more focused on getting what she wanted. In this case, she wanted him to help her break in her new toys. Mai and Ty Lee had to be perfect, after all. Her perfect loyal friends. It would be a shame to discard them and waste their potential, so she had to make _sure_ they knew that she was the smartest, the prettiest, the most powerful. They had yet to disappoint. Ty Lee especially lathered compliments upon her, making Azula preen.

Ursa approved of Azula making friends. Azula was careful never to poke them when her mother was around. She didn’t understand the process of crafting loyal underlings. Her father did – he nodded solemnly and encouraged her when she told him _no she isn’t making friends, she is securing ties to noble families,_ and that was justification enough for constantly asking for Mai and Ty Lee to come over. They weren’t friends. That wasn’t permissible. But _allies_ were.

Ursa disapproved of a lot of things. She hated when Azula spoke sharply, with a twist to her words that would make Ty Lee cry, or when she left gifts on Zuko’s pillow just to make him scream. She didn’t like Azula very much. Whenever Azula repeated what her father had told her about things like _power_ and _ambition_ or court politics _,_ which Azula personally felt were very sensible, her mother was there with a scolding on her tongue telling Azula to get that nonsense out of her head before it poisoned her. Ursa wasn’t very powerful in court. There was a reason for that, and a lesson to be learnt.

While Ursa was babying Zuko and feeding the turtleducks with him, Azula was training. Her instructors were not kind, even to a Fire Princess. Sometimes she watched Zuko with envy and wished she could join in, but that wasn’t allowed. Azula had potential. She had power. She couldn’t waste it by spending time feeding _turtleducks,_ of all things. Not when she had so much work to do to become a firebender worthy of her father’s pride.

Besides, her mother never allowed her around turtleducks. Something about her treating them too roughly.

Azula spent more time spying on people in the palace than she technically should, with her schedule, but she promised herself it wouldn’t take more than an hour each day. If Zuko could have his little Blue Spirit outings he thought were _so secret,_ then she could have her own. She learned a lot of things that way. That the advisors had never liked Lu Ten as second in line to the throne, too soft and kind even for the way his teeth flashed like a dagger in the dark when he smiled. Like that the serving girl in the kitchens had a thing for one of the guards, and isn’t it tragic how that news spilled out and got her fired? She should have been more careful not to let anyone overhear.

When Azula saw her father entering the throne room to meet Fire Lord Azulon after Lu Ten’s death and the collapse of the siege of Ba Sing Se, she followed, creeping behind the curtains.

She told Zuko that their father wanted to kill him not to scare him, but to keep her toy safe. She wasn’t done playing with Zuko yet. Azula didn’t want their father to break him before she was finished.

Ursa saw it another way. She always did.

 _What is wrong with that child?_ she whispered, thinking Azula couldn’t hear.

She did. And she remembered.

When Ursa disappeared and Ozai was crowned Fire Lord, Azula didn’t shed a single tear.

Being third in line to the throne was a lot more interesting than being fifth in line but involved a lot more lessons and courtly etiquette. Her mother wasn’t there to press her hands down and tell her _quiet hands,_ princesses don’t wave their hands around excitedly. The Fire Lord declared Azula’s firebending progress more important than etiquette and makeup. Something twisted inside her when she heard, but she was relieved she didn’t have to sit through more poetry and calligraphy lessons. Azula dedicated herself to her history and geography lessons, with firebending being most important of all, but it didn’t stop her from making the servants straighten her hair and apply makeup to her face. She always had to be put-together. Azula was the favoured child, the prodigy. Everyone knew that she was better than lame old Zuko, and she had to look the part with her hands on fire.

Zuko was always kind. Azula scorned it, mocked it, never understood it. He was as bad as Ursa at court politics. Maybe that was why they both fell from grace.

Zuko was banished on a scorching summer’s day, but Azula felt cold watching. It was probably the righteous vindication coursing through her. She smirked when he fell to his knees and begged for mercy, laughed when their father set his face on fire. That was what was expected of her. It proved once and for all that she was the superior sibling. That she could stare suffering in the face and remain unaffected. She would become the Crown Princess and eventual Fire Lord. Zuko was _nothing._ Their mother wasn’t there to protect him anymore. ( ~~Or Azula~~.) She could focus now on being the heir father wanted while Zuko chased 100-year-old ghosts.

He was always too foolish for the palace. He should have spent less time feeding turtleducks with their mother and more time learning from their father, as Azula had. 

Azula watched the ship leave the harbour, carrying her burned brother that her father had cast away for speaking out of turn. She felt nothing.

It didn’t take her long to realise that without Zuko there to make her look good, she would have to work twice as hard for twice as long. Her father was a busy man. She couldn’t waste his time. She couldn’t disappoint him either, or he would find an excuse to get rid of her just as he did to Zuko. If Azula missed her brother, she made sure it never showed.

Lo and Li started teaching her lightning when she was thirteen. The same age Zuko was when he was banished. It was the first time she had thought of Zuko in months, and all she thought was _Agni, he was pathetic._

Lightning was about precision and control. You had to be in charge at every moment, ordering it before it ordered you. Destroy it before it destroys you. A pre-emptive strike against nature itself.

They warned her it might be months before she could summon even seed lightning. Their eyes told her they expected it sooner. So Azula spent her days in the courtyard firebending, then learning to adapt her forms to wield cold fire. It hurt her hands and her arms and some days she walked away shaking, but she hid it, because Princess Azula never shows weakness. Not the heir to the throne. They expected lightning, so she gave them lightning. By the end of the year she could summon it at a moment’s notice.

Her father smiled when he heard.

She was fourteen when he sent her after Zuko. Poor boy. He truly thought father wanted him back, that they could _ever_ be a family. He was deluded. Azula took full advantage. He was even more pitiful than she remembered, and she would feel bad if she was the kind of person who felt guilt, or pity. Mostly, she wanted to put him out of his misery with a fireball to the head, just as you would put down a komodo-rhino with a broken leg. She couldn’t leave him alive to embarrass her, after all. Father may want him alive but Azula knew the second they reached the Fire Nation, he would slip her a note to give her permission.

Zuko escaped. His determination surprised her in a way she was not often surprised. She had thought his spirit would be more broken after learning father doesn't care for him. She was preparing to go after him when father sent a fire-hawk instructing her to chase the Avatar instead and forget about Zuko, so that's what she did. She chased the Avatar across the Earth Kingdom, shot lightning at her uncle and laughed at Zuko’s despair, shot lightning at the _Avatar_ and watched him fall, then offered Zuko his only chance to come home.

He took it. Any idiot would. 

Zuko was wary around her. Always had been, always will be. He held his breath around her, just waiting for her to reveal his secret. It was nice to have the screw-up brother back in the palace. In comparison to him, Azula seemed to shine even brighter. She didn’t even mind the advisors all carefully calling him _a loyal son, Avatar-slayer,_ murmuring praise behind their sleeves, because Zuko knew the truth and so did Azula. It was only a matter of time before the truth came out and the Avatar was found alive. Zuko’s days were numbered. She would let him enjoy it while he still could.

_(A miscalculation – Azula had vouched for Zuko and lied to her father’s face. One last act of loyalty to the brother who would soon be disregarded. Ozai was not prepared to overlook this.)_

Azula is in the gardens with Mai and Ty Lee when they come for her. She is smirking at Ty Lee’s attempt at making Mai smile, Ty Lee making a fool of herself while Mai’s expression remains stubbornly deadpan. Azula knows Mai has at least five knives hidden up her sleeve, and she cocks her head to the side as she ponders what it would take to make Mai use one against Ty Lee. Maybe she could make them spar. The two non-benders with their distinctive styles.

That isn’t how they work. There is no use to making them spar together except for her own amusement. She wouldn't make them do it any more than she would make them spar against her. She needs their respect. Mai's grudging admiration and Ty Lee's adoration. She has that, but more importantly she has their terror. Mai and Ty Lee are loyal because they fear her. Loyalty stems from fear - everybody knows that. It is the first lesson she learned in court at her father's knee. But there is a fine balance, a knife's edge. Push it too far in either direction and they will break. Azula needs her tools, her weapons. They make her shine, like Zuko used to with his mediocrity. She rescued them, one from boredom and one from a fear of being unremarkable, and they owe her. Fear mixed with admiration. 

Mai glances over at her, carefully neutral, but Azula can read the lines of her body. She is uneasy. _Good._ As long as they are afraid, they will remain loyal.

If Ty Lee notices their silent communication, she either doesn’t care or is too smart to bring it up.

The guards come.

“Princess Azula,” one says, and she laughs but the laughter dies in her throat as she takes in the situation.

Muscle memory borne of years of combat mean Mai and Ty Lee flank her on either side, irregardless of their little spat. She trained them that way. Mai appears wary, eyes narrowed as she prepares to strike. Ty Lee’s eyes are wide and a little confused, keeping her fists close to her chest even as she readies herself to take them down. She looks like she hopes she won’t have to.

Azula’s mouth twists. “What is this? Do you really think you can attack your princess without the Fire Lord executing you all?”

She adds a haughty laugh. The one she used to practice in the mirror. It needs no more perfecting now, and the guards at the back exchange glances. Their leader continues undeterred.

“Princess, you are currently under arrest for treason.” Azula bristles. Mai and Ty Lee silently prepare for action, quick hand signals behind their backs determining who will take which guard. Predictably, Mai wants to take the talkative one. “… By order of the Fire Lord.”

The moment the words leave his mouth, Mai throws her knives and pins him by the sleeves, almost acting on impulse. Ty Lee darts forward to immobilise him and works on the rest of the guards while Mai grabs Azula by the arm and drags her away. It is a presumption Azula should arrest her for, but she can’t find it in herself to move. Her father? Treason?

Mai is shouting in Azula’s face now even as she drags her forcefully away from the conflict.

“Azula, we don’t have time! We need to get you out _now.”_ Like it never even occurred to her to simply let the guards take her away, even after she threatened Mai’s family and mocked her for her liking Zuko. She must still be more afraid of Azula than she is of the Fire Lord. 

The guards begin to overwhelm Ty Lee. They call for backup. It should be funny – one non-bender beating all those guards. But even Ty Lee can’t hold them off forever.

Mai stops, and spins Azula around to look her in the eye. Mai seems almost frantic. It is the most emotion she has ever seen from the girl. It is funny. She should be laughing. Should be doing a lot of things right now, like fighting, like blasting all those useless, pathetic guards away, like taking Mai’s hands off her arm and reclaiming her control of the situation. Except she never had control, did she? Did her father know, all this time? Was he simply waiting? Did he finally decide he wants Zuko now, a puppet, someone to manipulate, rather than his perfect weapon?

Azula tries to summon her fire. It refuses to answer.

“Azula, you need to leave,” Mai says again, like Azula didn’t hear her the first time, even through the haze that has descended upon them. “The Fire Lord wants you _dead,_ we all know what charges of treason mean-“

Something stirs within Azula. She tears Mai’s hands away from her and the girl steps back, away from the twin daggers of flame blazing in Azula’s hands.

“Let him try,” she sneers, and stalks off on her own. She has a plan. She always has a plan. She can fix this, she can, she just needs time and evidence and if she throws Zuko under the komodo-rhino then maybe she can still walk away from this unscathed-

Except she can’t. She knows she can’t. She tells Mai and Ty Lee to keep fighting, to hold them off long enough to give her time, and she doesn’t seem them nod but she can hear the fighting continuing, so at least _they_ haven’t betrayed her yet, her perfect tools in a way father has decided Azula is _not_ -

Zuko is in her room. Zuko is in her room with a bag and a set of swords strapped to his back, face grim and determined like it was _him_ being arrested for treason, not Azula.

The world makes a little more sense now. They are being punished together for their sin. 

“Go away, Zuko,” Azula scowls, and pushes past him to collect her things. She doesn’t have much, never needed much, just useless trinkets that suit her status. She doesn’t have time for Zuko right now.

“Are you packed?” he asks, instead of going away.

Azula rolls her eyes. “Of course I’m packed, dear brother. I was planning on taking a little vacation anyway to celebrate the annihilation of the Earth Kingdom. This is no different, really.”

Lie, but Zuko was always terrible at distinguishing lies from truth. Then again, even Azula cannot tell if she is lying sometimes. And how did Zuko know she was being arrested?

Unless they told him when they came for him, too. 

Zuko pries open the window and looks at her expectantly. There is something she is missing here. She feels confused. This must be how Zuko spends his days – always missing the bigger picture. She doesn’t enjoy the feeling.

Zuko sighs. “C’mon, Azula. If you want to get out of here alive, we’re going to have to sneak out.”

If _you_ want to get out of here alive. A hint? Did they not come for Zuko, after all? Did father decide to _forgive_ Zuko, give him another chance, while Azula is being cast aside?

And there’s that familiar determination in Zuko's eyes. Azula can hear the guards approaching. Too bad they weren’t dumb enough to skip her room because now she must burn them to a crisp and fight her way out like a true Fire Princess would, like Ozai’s daughter would, like Zuko is too much of a coward for no matter what Ozai says-

Or she can leave with Zuko. A simple choice. Azula should not hesitate for as long as she does in making it. Leaving with Zuko? But she’s already a traitor accused of treason. What else can her father do to her? She’ll return, she will. She is still his loyal daughter. The prodigy. Heir to the throne and youngest wielder of Cold Fire in centuries. She just has to prove her loyalty and he’ll want her back. If she drags Zuko down with her, he will see once again that Zuko is still the same useless, pathetically weak boy he set on fire and exiled. 

Zuko sees the narrowing of her eyes and thinks she is joining him. That she has come around to his side. Really, it is simple math. Father wants her in prison for that tiny little lie she told for Zuko. She doesn't know what his plans are yet, if he simply wants to leave the palace or desert the war entirely. But Zuko is a single-minded idiot. _Dum-Dum._ He probably wants to find the Avatar. If she can make Zuko take her to the Avatar, then she can burn or chain the lot up and hand-deliver them to her father. It will prove that Zuko cannot be trusted, but Azula can. He’ll take her back, then. He must.

Azula prepares her best _worried, vulnerable little sister_ face. She doesn’t take Zuko’s hand, but she does leave through the window. Maybe if she were thinking more clearly, she would understand the implications, how it may look to the guards bursting through the doors. But she doesn’t. Too terrified her father is really abandoning her this time and too focused on planning how to regain control. Really, that determines her fate right there.


	2. little sisters remain annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula gets a crash course in piloting a war balloon, then they walk. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this like the day after the last chapter and I already have the next one written too so don't worry about regular updates for now.
> 
> My rambles:  
> Azula may seem too calm in this, but I was re-watching the scene where Mai and Ty Lee betray her and her impulse wasn’t immediately to yell or attack them. She hesitated. She asked Mai why she was doing it. She seemed, for the briefest of moment, calm but confused, and hurt. It was only when Mai declared that her loyal was greater to Zuko than to her that she attacked, which implies that the trigger for Azula in that scenario wasn’t the betrayal itself. It was the breach of trust. Ironically, that brief moment is also one of the only scenes in ATLA where Azula isn’t either angry, manipulating, or unstable. I drew a lot of my characterisation from that, and I re-watched the scenes with Azula and her mother. I think it just reinforces that Azula was moulded a lot by the expectations of what Ozai’s heir should be, whereas Zuko was shaped by Ursa. Is Azula unstable? Yes. But we’ve seen that Azula isn’t always like that. I’m also pointing towards her interactions with Zuko on Ember Island. We see her try and comfort Zuko almost, telling him to come back to the fire with his friends rather than staying in an empty house that’s clearly upsetting. There’s no ulterior motive there. No game, no manipulation, just a moment where Azula sets her brother in pain and wants to help.  
> While I’m very worried about making Azula seem out of character, I stand by my assumption that Azula isn’t always manipulating or scheming, and she doesn’t hate Zuko (even though she tried to kill him. Many times.)  
> And also, how many times can I make Azula frown and Zuko shrug/scowl/frown in a chapter? Because I feel like that’s all I’m doing
> 
> EDIT: As of 21/4/20 I did some minor editing to this chapter and the previous that will hopefully make Zuko's motivations a little more clear, and kind of clarifies the whole mess with 'why is Zuko leaving?'. The edits are minor but I feel necessary

Getting out of Caldera Palace is pathetically easy. Zuko’s playing at Blue Spirit must have paid off somehow, because he is jumping over the tiled roofs as lithe and light on his feet as a cat. He is a disgrace. A true firebender would confront his problems head-on. Zuko skirts around them.

Azula contains her scoff. She has to humour Zuko, at least for a while. They still need to get out of the palace. Azula isn’t averse to trickery and subterfuge – that’s how she conquered Ba Sing Se the second time around – but it still rankles. Taking the back door like peasants rather than blasting their way out in a blaze of fire.

She moves her arms in circles, lightning already crackling at her finger tips. Zuko shoots her a warning look, like he can control her. She rolls her eyes but lets it dissipate. It would draw too much attention to the escape.

Zuko seems to be half-expecting her to take control of their little escape, but Azula is content to let him lead. For now. She has to play the vulnerable younger sister but she will turn the tables once they reach the Earth Kingdom. She simply has to be careful about how she times it. She can’t have them destroyed by the comet before she can bring them back to her father.

They stick to the shadows. Zuko moves soundlessly, more shadow than boy. He blends into them while Azula finds herself fumbling. She has never had reason to operate in the dark. Whatever she wanted, they handed over freely, or Azula made them. In broad daylight, where everyone could see that they were defeated by the girl who would be Fire Lord.

The back wall remains unguarded. Zuko jumps off the roof and rolls to break his fall. He unsheathes his swords and creeps quietly over to the gate, balancing on the heels of his feet. He stands next to the door, back to it, and breathes to three. Then he rapidly kicks open the gate and puts his swords to the throat of the serving girl standing on the other side. She drops her basket in surprise, hands thrown into the air, while Zuko blinks in surprise. Idiot. Even she knew it likely wouldn’t be anyone but a servant, if there was anyone at all. It’s the _servant’s_ entrance.

Zuko keeps the swords pressed to her throat, and he speaks evenly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he tries to reassure her, but he sounds like he inhaled too much smoke even on a good day. The servant girl tenses even further. “We just want to pass by. If you tell anyone we were here, I will hurt you. Understood?”

The girl nods. Azula really does scoff this time and she drops to the ground next to Zuko.

“Zuzu,” she mocks. “Do you really think she isn’t going to run straight to the guards the moment we leave?”

Zuko barely spares her a glance. He sheathes the swords.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “We can’t waste time here.”

He sounds like Mai. Boring, ruthless efficiency. Maybe that’s why they like each other.

Azula sighs, and lets a flame dance on her finger. “I say we kill her and be done with it. It’s a matter of practicality, Zuko. We can’t have her telling the guards we were here. It’s not your head they’re after, you know. It’s mine.”

Zuko wavers, she can see it. Then he shakes his head. “Azula, no. We aren’t killing her. C’mon, let’s just go. She won’t say anything.”

The servant girl squeaks an affirmative. Azula lets the flame grow to a ball in her palm. Stupid Zuko. What good are morals if they put your life at risk? He sounds like mother. As useless as her, too.

Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fine, we’ll take a vote. All in favour of not killing the girl, raise your hand.”

He raises his hand, followed by the servant girl. Azula scowls and keeps hers purposefully lowered.

"You're out-voted," Zuko smiles. 

“That’s not fair,” she snaps. The flames in her hands grow hotter, more focused.

Zuko shrugs. “Life’s not fair. Now let’s go.”

They make their way through the dimly-lit backstreets of Caldera. They are eerily empty to Zuko, who spent months navigating the crowded roads of Ba Sing Se, but to Azula streets are simply streets. She is still wearing her armour and it makes her conspicuous. Zuko, she realises, must have planned ahead because he is simply wearing a plain red tunic and pants. Even his hair is down, long enough now to obscure the scar. Azula still has hers in a top knot.

She reaches up and removes the crown from her head. It slides into her boot, barely, then her hair is tumbling out of its top knot. It feels wrong. In the Fire Nation, hair is strongly tied to honour and status. Azula cannot remember the last time she wore it out. The guards will be on the look out for a girl in a top knot, though. It makes her hate this experience even more. 

“Dum-Dum,” she murmurs to Zuko, and it should be mocking but she cannot make the words come out right. They stick in her throat like overcooked rice. “Tell me you thought to bring another set of clothes. And somewhere to hide or sell my armour, I don’t care which.”

Zuko halts. Azula nearly runs into him, but that is undignified for a princess so she refuses to acknowledge it. He seems sheepish, running one hand through his hair.

“I didn’t really… plan for you coming?” he admits.

Azula sighs. “Zuko. Tell me you at least have an exit plan.”

He does. A stupid one, but a plan nonetheless.

They don't have much time with the guards on their back, but they manage to scatter pieces of Azula’s armour in various vendors' empty stalls. They liberate a pink tunic and pant set from one of them, and Azula frowns at its colour. Zuko simply shrugs.

“It’s all they have in your size.”

And that makes Azula want to grab a size smaller, just to prove she can fit and doesn’t need stupid pink clothes, _everything is tailored in the palace_ , but grudgingly concedes the point. This is to capture the Avatar, she reminds herself.

They make it outside the city. Azula considers this nothing short of a miracle. The guards had started peeling off into the streets by the time they left, apparently wasting hours scouring the palace. Like they’d be stupid enough to stay there.

Father would know by now that not only did Azula resist arrest, she took Zuko along with her for the ride. She hopes he understands what she is doing, why she has to do it. Ozai is not a patient man. He is not forgiving. He barely gives first chances, let alone second ones, which is why Azula has to succeed in this mission so she can be forgiven. It also means Zuko will not be forgiven upon his forced return, having been given a rare second chance by father and squandering it. Azula looks forward to dragging him down. 

Azula doesn’t have anyone else, not like Zuko. Iroh is a foolish old man who sent her a doll from Ba Sing Se and gave Zuko a knife. Her mother loved Zuko more, too. Lu Ten and Azulon are dead, not that they ever mattered, and her father-

Azula has to succeed. It’s the only way he’ll take her back. Then she can get rid of Zuko and be heir and together they will burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground under the glory of Sozin’s comet. She will be crowned Fire Lord and everything will be perfect. Mai and Ty Lee her loyal tools, the crown resting on her head, a world that will bow down to her. Everything will be perfect.

… Unless Zuko crashes this Agni-forsaken war balloon. Which he will, if he keeps sending out jerky and shaky flames like that.

“Give me that.” She pushes Zuko out of the way and takes his place at the controls. She punches out a fist of flame and it soars higher, floating them away from the capital. It is almost dizzying to watch. She keeps it soaring steadily, until Zuko begins eyeing her with apprehension.

“Azula,” he stutters. “I think that’s a little high now.”

She rolls her eyes. Higher is safer. It brings them out of range of catapults and fireballs. She should know – she’s used them often enough. But she eases up on the flame.

“You’re a terrible pilot,” she tells Zuko.

He flushes. “You try piloting a war balloon for the first time!”

Azula sends out a lazy curl of fire then tugs at the steel, and the war balloon drifts to the left.

“You were saying?” she arches an eyebrow. He sighs and stomps to the other side of the basket, muttering to himself.

 _Mumble mumble_ this was supposed to be _my_ trip _mumble mumble._ Loser. Azula ignores him in favour of piloting the war balloon. The nearest point of the Earth Kingdom is three days away, but to reach the south it is closer to a week.

“Where are we going, anyway?” she asks Zuko. She figures he knows more about where the Avatar is at this moment than her. It still irritates her to ask.

Zuko pulls out a map then studies it for a long moment.

“Here,” he says finally, eyes flickering with satisfaction.

 _Here_ is a point in the middle of nowhere three hours out of New Ozai, formerly Omashu. The Avatar was last sighted in the eastern Earth Kingdom.

"Trying to find the Avatar, are we?" Azula muses aloud, crossing her arms over her chest and shooting Zuko a lazy smirk.

His fists clench around the scroll. "Yes."

She hadn't expected him to admit it. Azula internally applauds herself, then manipulates her features so there are small ticks and tells. She appears nervous, to someone looking. Zuko narrows his eyes in something nearing suspicion, but Azula maintains a haughty expression. The tells she adopted were subtle. Just apparent enough so Zuko can read her, but not so obvious that it would seem suspicious.

"Lala," he says finally. "Are you coming with me?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course I am, Dum-Dum. I'm wanted for treason, remember?" she spits it bitterly, words copper on her tongue. She doesn't have to fake it. "You took me from Caldera so now you are stuck with me. I expect you to take full responsibility for your actions."

Zuko is an idiot. He smiles at her, relaxing back into the basket. 

"Don't worry Azula, I'll try not to get in your way."

Zuko insists there is an old Air Temple where they are headed, and of course the Avatar would be trying to reach there. He’s preparing to fight their father and he would need a safe place, a spiritual place. Azula argues that if it isn’t on the map, then the temple must not exist, but Zuko is confident. Exile does that a person, apparently. Not that he was confident the first time she encountered him after exile, bleeding his emotions all over the deck of her ship.

Reminded, Zuko looks up at her and hesitates. “… Azula?”

“Yes?” she hums.

“You’re not going to kill the Avatar as soon as we get there, right?”

“Of course not, dear Zuzu. You worry too much.”

He frowns. “Azula, I mean it. I took you with me so you wouldn’t be imprisoned, or killed. That doesn’t mean I can’t drop you off at some Earth Kingdom port and leave you behind.”

Azula pauses. He wouldn’t. Then she looks at his face and sees him staring back at her, eyes serious and dark, fire reflecting in the depths.

 _Maybe he would_ , she concedes.

“Fine! I have no intention of harming the Avatar. I can see now that staying in the palace isn’t in my best interests, but don’t think this means I’m joining their little team,” Azula warns. Best to keep her story realistic. Too intricate and he may realise. Say that she's merely coming along because she has no other options, but do not pretend to agree with Zuko. That's how she will get them. 

Zuko accepts the explanation. He’ll press for more, closer to their destination, but Azula has her story all worked out for the Avatar, once she can get him alone and away from spying eyes. She saw the light in the palace. Oh what a monster their father is! The war is wrong and you are right – it must be stopped! I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but I’m done fighting for the Fire Nation. Come with me while we discuss it - it has to be in secret, my poor brother has not yet seen the light, he is tricking you all...

Then she will strike. She will turn the Avatar and his friends against Zuko then bring the two back to her father. 

Azula nearly laughs. They’ll eat it up. Every last crumb. Zuko’s sincerity will help sell it, too. The more stubbornly insistent he is that he's changed, he's trying, the more they will loathe and suspect him. It will make it even easier for Azula to accomplish her mission. Then she will be safe from her father. If she is the one who truly kills the Avatar and reveals the Crown Prince as a traitor, he cannot make her disappear so easily. 

The only obstacle is whether she can get Zuko to believe she has changed. She has the duration of a war balloon flight to convince him. Lucky for her, she started her game back at the palace, when she exited through the window with Zuko. She is already ahead. Zuko doesn’t have to be convinced that she saw the light – he knows her too well, but he has to believe that she thinks Ozai doesn’t want her, that carrying on the war effort in his name is futile.

It isn’t. It can’t be. Azula will send a falcon-hawk to Mai and Ty Lee as soon as she can.

She frowns. That is if they aren’t imprisoned already. They knew the consequences and they stood by their princess. Father will reward them upon her triumphant return.

(If she returns.)

Azula counts her breaths and holds for the time drilled into her by her tutors. Breath control. Child’s play for her, but unfortunately essential. Even more so now that the war balloon depends on her fire.

She could drop it. Let it plummet, hear Zuko scream. Maybe kill him. Maybe kill them both.

Azula dismisses the thought. Impractical. She can’t die before her father takes her back. She breathes in air and breathes out fire. 

When they land, Azula and Zuko burn the war balloon as best as they can, then hide it in the shrubbery.

“I don’t understand,” Zuko complains loudly. “Why do we have to destroy it?"

“So no one can trace us, Dum-Dum,” Azula explains with considerable patience, she feels.

They grab Zuko’s bag and Azula’s pouch. Between them, they have a set of tunics, a sizeable amount of money _(Zuko scowled and yelled “That’s too much money Azula! Do you want us to get mugged?),_ a royal hairpiece, and a set of swords.

“Anything else?” Azula asks innocently.

Zuko hestitates, then reaches back into the bag he was defending so carefully. He pulls out a portrait of their mother and Azula feels her smile drop. She thought- whatever Zuko was hiding, she didn’t expect this. Something embarrassing, maybe. Something useful. Not a portrait of mommy dearest who left to protect Zuko and didn’t even say goodbye. Not to Azula.

“Let’s just go,” she orders Zuko, and stubbornly refuses to look at the painting.

Zuko watches her warily. He doesn’t argue.

They pull out the map as they walk and pinpoint exactly where they are. Their food supplies are low, water even lower after the long trip, so their first priority is locating those supplies. Zuko suggests finding a stream. Azula wrinkles her nose, thinking of fish and birds and all sorts of animals defecating and drinking from the stream, contaminating it, and passes. Zuko cannot dissuade her.

There is a town nearby that should have supplies. It isn’t far from their destination. Maybe by a few days, walking. The Fire Nation will be on their heels before long, once they work out where exactly they took that war balloon, but Azula is a prodigy and a genius and Zuko is an expert at evading the law by now. Provided Zuko doesn’t make any mistakes more drastic than usual, they will be fine.

Azula will accomplish her mission.

They buy dried fruit and nuts that Zuko says will be better for travelling long-distances, and Azula hates the texture of dried fruit but agrees. Then he wants to buy a cheap leather waterskin instead of the quality one they already have, claiming it screams wealth to anyone looking, and again Azula cannot argue. Zuko takes care of the shopping. Azula wanders off to think.

The Fire Nation is likely already after them. They can remain for a few hours at most, then they need to leave. The Avatar may not be at the Air Temple but he will head there eventually. And when he does, Azula will be waiting. She is good at waiting. She shot him full of lightning once and she can do it again just as easily.

Zuko will be a challenge. He always is. She still doesn’t know why he was in her room with a travel bag already prepared. Azula thinks he may have been ready to leave even before he heard of Azula’s treason charge, then decided to bring her along at the last moment. It sounds like Zuko. But why would he leave? Especially without their fat and lazy old uncle in tow.

Azula feels that she must solve the puzzle to unlock Zuko’s motivations. Then he will be manipulated that much more easily.

She walks back to Zuko.

“Are you done yet?” Azula drawls, bored. She crosses her arms.

Zuko nods and grabs the last of his purchases. They should just steal it. It’s not like the peasants will notice. They should be grateful to have royalty eating from their sub-par stalls.

He hands her the bag of dried fruit. Azula wrinkles her nose but takes it. All good machines need fuel for their journeys, and if she has to eat this disgusting dried fruit, then it doesn’t matter. Fuel is fuel. It will get her to her destination.

Zuko has his hood drawn low over his face. It makes him seem even more suspicious, between the hair and the scar. He is a wanted man. Anyone would be happy to turn him over and collect the reward, and it doesn’t even matter who to. There are more warrants out for Zuko’s arrest than there are volcanoes in the Fire Nation. They are lucky it is a somewhat cool day in this dump of a town. They can blame the hood on the weather.

“Are we seriously walking?” Azula complains after an hour, dragging her feet. “I’m a princess. I shouldn’t have to walk like a peasant.”

 _And I’m a prince_ , Zuko doesn’t say.

“We have to keep going,” is what he decides on. “If we buy too much from the one town, that’s more people who can identify us later. We can buy ostrich horses from the next town. Or,” he shrugs. “We can walk the whole way.”

Spoken like a true criminal. Azula wonders why father ever let this feral pygmy-puma back into the court. His hands are positively filthy, like a peasant’s. Who knows what Zuko got up to while he was banished? Next he’ll be telling her he worked as a server in a tea shop.

Azula laughs at the thought. It wouldn’t surprise her.

She picks up their pace. She is Ozai’s heir, and they need to reach the Avatar as soon as possible. It is almost ironic now. I must find the Avatar to restore my honour. Like Zuko. Except father will take her back because she isn’t weak and useless like Zuko. She spent years at her father’s side breaking herself into the perfect daughter, perfect heir, perfect weapon. Lo and Li expected her to summon lightning within a year, so she did it within months. Azula is precise. She doesn’t waste time. She doesn’t waste energy. She will not spend three years on a fool’s errand like Zuko did. She will find the Avatar, capture him, then shoot Zuko full of lightning and take them both back to the Fire Nation for her father.

They walk almost the entire day, sticking to back roads to avoid people. Zuko wants to travel mostly at night after this, to avoid suspicion. Not a bad idea for a Dum-Dum.

“Besides,” he adds. “If we want to grab supplies, we can send you in. No one would recognise you as Princess Azula.”

Azula frowns. She seems to be doing a lot of that, lately. She is torn between agreeing – after all, her hair is out and she has removed her armour and her royal hairpiece. Everything that identifies her as the princess. But she wants to believe that she they would recognise her anyway. The guards and soldiers of the Fire Nation should be able to recognise their future Fire Lord no matter what she looks like. She will have to drill them all when she gets back.

Zuko’s plan means they walk through most of the night after a quick break for dried fruit and nuts, and a swig from the waterskin that Azula refuses to drink out of. Zuko shrugs, says suit yourself, believing Azula’s eventual thirst will force her hand anyway.

Azula has never walked this much in her life. Even in the Fire Nation she can use palanquins to move between buildings. In the field, she uses ships or komodo-rhinos or gecko-lizards. No one would dream of letting Princess Azula walk halfway across the Earth Kingdom.

Complaining doesn’t get her anywhere with Zuko, and she can’t show weakness in front of him, so she grits her teeth and bears it. This must be what it feels like to be Zuko.

“No,” he says thoughtfully. “I had an ostrich horse last time.”

She stops in her tracks and stares at him. He flushes self-consciously, turning his scarred side to her.

“What?”

He was probably just thinking aloud.

"Nothing Zuzu,” Azula sings, after a deliberate pause. His embarrassment covers her own surprise. Best to exploit it.

They have no rugs, no furs, no blankets when they finally stop to sleep. Zuko claims a fire would draw too much suspicion. They find a spot hidden by shrubbery some distance off the walking trail, and draw the bushes around them to disguise them. Zuko simply clears the rough rocks beneath him then lays down and rolls over, already falling asleep. Experienced at sleeping in the rough.

Azula is not. She steals Zuko’s bag and places it under her head as a makeshift pillow, takes his cloak to line the ground. She wishes she was in her own bed in Caldera. She wishes there was a fire. Azula has a lot of desires, but none of them are getting met by laying on the cold ground somewhere in the Earth Kingdom wilderness. She closes her eyes and prays that tomorrow will bring her closer to her goal.

Zuko slumbers away, blissfully unaware. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azula is still in denial that her father wants her in prison so that explains her relative calm here. she thinks the Fire Nation will stay on their side. it's kind of sad because she's deluding herself into thinking that if she just does the right thing, says the right thing, then her father won't discard her like he did to Zuko. It's a very typical train of thought for survivors of abuse - convincing themselves that if they change their behaviour, if they do the right thing, then they won't get hurt
> 
> kudos/comments are welcome! i love discussing the character and/or plot with people and i'm always happy to chat about where you think the story is going, listen to guesses, or even just hear your suggestions and advice


	3. ostrich horses and blind little girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s the Avatar’s earthbending master,” Zuko hisses in her ear later.  
> Azula raises an eyebrow. “Oh?” She laughs in delight. “That’s perfect then! We can capture her and exchange her for the Avatar, he’ll practically hand himself over-“  
> Zuko definitely does not sigh. “Azula. We’re trying to join them, not terrify them into submission.”  
> "Is there a difference?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter kicked my ass. it DID NOT want to come out properly and i actually had to do some planning for once. this is the mostly-unedited version and you may be asking “how does this work, this makes no sense with the timeline-“ and my answer to that would be “timeline, what timeline?”  
> i actually did do research and pulled up a timeline for season 3 but ultimately elected to treat timeline-compliance as optional. you guys are still here, after all, and you knew it was an AU 
> 
> the chapter grew considerably beyond the original outline, but enjoy! i'll probably edit later lol but for now i just wanted this up

Azula steals two ostrich horses, reaching her breaking point with walking. Zuko protests and threatens to return them to their owners.

“I’m trying to be _good,_ Azula, stealing isn’t a good thing to do!”

Azula smirks. “Good thing you _aren’t_ good then. The ostrich horses will get us to the Avatar that much faster, then you can deliver your little speech you thought I didn’t notice you practicing.”

Zuko sputters. He insists that stealing is wrong and they should return the ostrich horses but he doesn’t, Azula notices, actually let go of the reigns. He must see her point. Azula mounts the ostrich horse and spurs it into motion. They don’t have ostrich horses in the Fire Nation, but it isn’t so dissimilar from komodo-rhinos that she struggles.

Zuko has to race to catch up.

The next town they pass through has a Fire Nation presence. Usually this would fill Azula with a sense of pride and satisfaction. Now it unsettles her. Any number of these men could spot them and turn them in. Judging by Zuko’s scowl, he has noticed too.

They keep their heads low and their pace steady. Zuko tugs his hood further down his head and Azula adopts a demure, just a young girl travelling through attitude. She hopes it works. It is the best disguise she has to offer beyond the difference in hair style and clothing. Everyone knows Princess Azula has pride. Who would expect that she lower herself to posing as a peasant?

Their respective red and pink clothing are a target here. They were supposed to find new clothes in this town, by exchange or liberation. It may keep them safe from the soldiers stationed here as long as they don’t look to closely, but the rest of the Earth Kingdom will hardly be so accommodating. They still need new clothes.

“Azula, let’s skip this town,” Zuko murmurs in her ear, eyes flickering towards the soldiers.

She is filthy and tired and she wants to _go home._ These soldiers are supposed to obey her, worship her. Azula shouldn’t have to hide from them.

“I’m not leaving,” she declares, and tosses her hair for good measure. Zuko growls in frustration as she trots away.

Azula dismounts when Zuko isn’t looking and swipes a green tunic from the vendor who has a lazy eye and can’t quite look to his left. Then she goes looking for a soldier.

“Take this,” she demands quietly, head raised imperiously.

He startles. He didn’t see the girl approaching behind him and even now, Azula carefully keeps out of his line of sight. His fingers close around the letter she gave him.

“Ensure this reaches the Fire Lord. A message from Princess Azula explaining her loyalties remain ever with her father, and she will return with the Avatar in chains.”

The soldier tenses. Azula spots the exact moment he decides to shoot fire at the girl behind him and is already ducking out of the way. Not very gracefully, perhaps, but it is hard to fight with grace and precision in a filthy Earth Kingdom alleyway.

She is gone before he fully turns around. Zuko has rubbed off on her.

“Where did you go?” Zuko snaps at her. His eyes are narrowed, but his body language screams _worry._ He thrusts her bird at her. “Your stupid ostrich-horse ran off. I had to chase it down then argue with a farmer that it really was my horse and I wasn’t trying to steal it.” He looks away, still grumbling. “Take better care of it next time, Azula. You were the one who wanted the damn ostrich-horses.”

There won’t be a next time, but Azula smiles indulgently and lets him think he is in control. The soldier has her message and her letter. Father will read it and understand, and then she will be able to count on assistance from soldiers. If he lets Mai and Ty Lee join her, the mission will be over in no time. Azula smirks to herself.

The trail becomes increasingly worn and beaten as they follow it out of the town, skirting around the Fire Nation soldiers. The next town is bigger and well-populated. More likely to be occupied, but easier to disappear into.

Shockingly, the Fire Nation hasn’t reached the town yet. Azula looks around in distaste. No wonder. The place is a dump. No apparent strategical value either. Zuko tugs his hood tighter over his face just in case.

It is nearing light when they arrive. They have enough money for a room in an inn – Azula argues for two rooms and Zuko caves, relief flickering in his eyes. They are equally relieved to step out of each other’s sight for a few hours. Zuko presumably naps, while Azula retrieves a map she stole from the innkeeper and spreads it out on the fake wooden table.

Zuko believes the Avatar is headed to the Western Air Temple. They are headed south along the coast towards it. Azula has had plenty of time to think on the way here. They are almost halfway now, and who is to say the little Avatar isn’t in disguise? He could be walking along the same path as them, tracing the same route. They might run into one of his little friends along the way.

The chances that the Avatar has reached the Air Temple already are slim. Azula can try and intercept him on the way, or wait until he is settled and unaware then spring the trap. So many options. It won’t be hard, Azula is sure. But she is still one person against the Avatar, his bending masters, and potentially her brother. She needs Mai and Ty Lee. Absentmindedly, she wonders if she can arrange for them to be broken free and join her at the Air Temple. She will have to be careful.

The invasion is coming soon. The Day of the Black Sun is a matter of weeks away, maybe two months at most. Azula has faith that her father can repel the forces. She alerted him months ago from her post in Ba Sing Se, acting with the ears of the Dai Li. Zuko still doesn’t know. Father didn’t trust him enough upon his return to inform him. He might have, if Zuko stayed after he threw Azula in prison.

Again, Azula wonders why Zuko left with her. Pity? His conscience?

No, Zuko is a bleeding heart but he is _angry._ Mai broke up with him for his temper on Ember Island. They got back together, which made it easier for Azula to control them both, tugging this way and that on their strings, but Zuko has been discontent since he came back. She knew he was guilty over the Avatar’s near-death experience, and their fat and lazy uncle being imprisoned. Zuko wasn’t happy in the palace. That much was obvious. But there was never any love between them. Father wouldn’t have been happy about him lying, but it was obvious Azula crafted and carried the weight of it. She bore the brunt of the punishment accordingly. Father abandoned for Azula in favour of Zuko and she doesn’t know _why,_ after all these years of telling her she is the golden child, the favoured one. Azula didn’t make mistakes, not like Zuko. It kept her safe. Others feared her so she was safe from them, had them under her control, until Zuko came back to the palace and ruined everything.

Maybe Zuko left with her out of some adorably misguided big-brother sense. Maybe he sensed opportunity. Azula doesn’t think Zuko capable of that kind of manipulation, but she will be sure to keep a close eye on him just in case. She had trusted her father, after all.

It hardly matters now. She will Zuko down. Whether he was already planning to leave or he feared for his life after Azula’s arrest, she will use him to achieve her ends. Then she will dispose of him.

They leave the inn the next day, Azula craving her soft bed at the palace. The mattresses at the inn were hardly fit for royalty. They were lumpy and hard and almost as bad as sleeping in the dirt. Even when she was chasing after Zuko, she never had to put up with that kind of indignity.

Their breakfast is hot and fresh, with a bed of rice that would bring tears to Azula’s eyes if she were capable. Zuko had nearly suggested buying something that would last longer, then their noses caught the scent of the curry and his stomach gurgled.

“Maybe just this once,” he suggested, and Azula took the coin purse before he could change his mind.

There is a heavy military presence on the streets now. Azula breaks the movements down into quadrants, analysing the number of soldiers stationed in each area, calculating the strategic advantages of each. Zuko walks slowly and keeps close to Azula. His eyes flicker between the soldiers, meaning he sees it too. Azula is confident he has no idea what it means. He never commanded troops, after all. He was banished at thirteen. Azula spent her time learning strategy and offensive movements and the logistics of command. While she preferred ships for their swiftness and easily manipulable quality, she is familiar with the army.

These soldiers are not Earth Kingdom army. They are militia. Their dress is in a state of disgrace, their bearing appalling. If they were Azula’s troops she would have them all flogged or burned. No self-respecting army would allow themselves to fall into that state, which means they are either militia, as she thought initially, or particularly poor and under-resourced Earth Kingdom soldiers.

…Poor and under-resourced Earth Kingdom soldiers who would, for example, be wiling to pursue the bounty on two Fire Nation royals’ heads.

This is not Azula’s area of expertise. Her experience is with leading troops, not running from them. But she is no stranger to taking control of unexpected situations and turning them on their head. She has been doing it since she was a child.

Azula grabs Zuko’s arm, because she unfortunately still needs him, and disappears down an alleyway with him in tow.

“Two options,” she confers, brows furrowed and she sketches out a course of action in the rough dirt. “One, we fight-“ and she rolls her eyes. “Which we will obviously be doing anyway. Which brings us to option two. We try and sneak our way out.”

Zuko chooses sneaking. Of course he does. He crouches next to her to examine her dirt map, and if she had the time she would make it a proper map, but she doesn’t. Zuko has a guarded look on his face like he expects this to be a trap.

“Zuko, if I wanted to turn you over I would have by now,” Azula explains, and checks her nails for chipping. “You can trust me and follow the plan, or you can take your chances with the militia that has sprung overnight.” She shrugs, carefree. “I will be fine either way. It’s only your life that you are risking.”

He hesitates. Azula knows he will go with her. It is in his nature. She rises to her feet and carefully dusts off her tunic, delicately flicking lint off her shoulder. Zuko has fallen back into step with her by the time she reaches the entrance of the alleyway.

They skirt the edges of the town, trying for lesser-travelled backstreets and pulling their hoods over their heads. Zuko’s face is far too recognisable. He is a danger to travel with. They will make it out of the town, because Azula is leading this time, but if he is an idiot and provokes one of the soldiers, she will not be able to protect him from his own identity.

The soldiers have started ransacking vendors stalls and demanding money. Brutes. This would never happen with Fire Nation soldiers – they have far too much discipline and self-control. Azula keeps her face neutral, eyes scanning for potential threats as they ease their way out of town. One soldier kicks over a display of melons and hoists the vendor, an old man, up by the lapel.

A girl runs into the fray.

“Hey!” she demands, jabbing one small hand at the soldier despite her head being turned away. “Leave him alone! He hasn’t done _anything_ to you.”

The soldier rumbles down at her. “Little girl, get out of the way before you get hurt.”

Thunder dawns on her face. The little girl scowls up at him, eyes unfocused and milky. _She’s blind,_ Azula realises, and silently writes her off as she tries tugging Zuko away from the conflict.

Zuko is already pulling away from her and moving towards the child, eyes dark and intent, when the girl stamps down a foot and blasts the soldier with a block of dirt. Both Azula and Zuko freeze. The street halts in motion, everyone turning to observe.

The girl appears unharmed. She doesn’t bother brushing herself off, instead taking a defensive stance. It is a strange stance for an earthbender. Grounded to earth, as she should be, but her hands are somehow free yet poised to strike. Almost like a mantis. It is a distinctive style and Azula should recognise it, but she doesn’t. Self-trained, then. Azula watches carefully as the girl moves, and she looks like the earthbender from that backwater down where she shot lightning at Iroh. It can't be the same girl though. A blind little girl taking on an Earth Kingdom soldier, with more on their way. 

It is an opening. She grabs the back of Zuko’s hood and hisses in his ear, but he is already moving once more, smoothly drawing his swords and taking a position next to the girl.

The soldier picks himself back up, face contorted with shame and rage. A dangerous combination.

“You’re dead meat, little girl,” he growls. The girl remains unmoved, almost challenging. “And you-“ he jerks his head towards Zuko. “Get out of the way or I’ll hurt you too.”

Zuko remains in place, seemingly confident. The girl speaks without facing him.

“Go. I can handle myself.”

“I’m sure you can,” Zuko reassures, and it sounds almost sickeningly sincere. No doubt the girl will see it as condescension.

The girl’s lips curl into a snarl, but she has no time to reply before the soldiers are gathered before them and sending a barrage of pavement blocks and dirt boulders. Zuko deflects as much as he can with his swords, dodging others and slicing through some the same way you would fire. Azula wonders how on earth their father produced such an immense _idiot._

The girl herself, for being blind, holds her own remarkably well and fights like she is trying to knock them out of a ring. Soldiers fly over her head even as Azula watches. The girl fights with a smirk on her face and a gleeful cockiness in her actions that Azula takes note of. Arrogance is an easily exploitable flaw. She doubts she will encounter the girl again, but she knows better than to dismiss a clearly-powerful bender, no matter how young. If the girl really was with the Avatar, he would _be here,_ not letting the girl throw soldiers around like dolls. The girl is of no more note than as an earthbender. 

The fight seems to be progressing well, and Azula continues searching for a gap in their defences to slip past the soldiers when Zuko puts down his little swords. Then one soldier catches sight of Zuko’s face, the hood having slipped after he dodged a boulder, and cries out in surprise.

“You-! You’re that Fire Nation prince!”

The atmosphere changes immediately. The soldiers disregard the girl, who recoils in disgust after hearing _Fire Nation,_ and begin circling Zuko.

Azula leaps into action. She waltzes forward into the fight, taking her time to observe and catalogue as she was trained to do. She plants herself next to Zuko and casts a smirk at the girl, obviously cannot see it but withdraws anyway.

Azula forms her hands into perfect fists, standing with her feet just-so and her back straight as an iron. Her lips curl into a snarl. Or a smile, depending on your position.

Zuko stands next to her, wound tighter than a spring and looking twice as defensive. He meets her eyes as the soldiers begin to encircle them. She narrows her eyes back. _Use your fire,_ she encourages him silently. A son of Ozai should at least do that much.

Zuko sheathes his swords. As one, they punch out twin jets of flame and launch themselves into battle. Azula gleefully takes down five of the soldiers before they can so much as throw a pebble at her. Pathetic. They should know by now not to underestimate her.

Zuko struggles to take out his own soldiers, flame inexplicably weak. Azula remembers her momentary falter in flame after her father asked for her arrest. She pushes the thought out of her head, focusing on the sloppiness of Zuko’s footwork, the desperation in his punches. He is fighting to survive, not to thrive. That is the difference between them. Azula takes it for granted that she will survive the battle. Zuko does not. He is more careful than Azula in that way, but much less thoughtful in battle, actions less considered.

Azula tsks _. Sloppy._ She hurls a ball of fire at the back of the soldier about to take down Zuko. The soldier falls to the ground screaming. Azula almost smiles. It has been far too long since she has inspired screams of terror.

Zuko half-turns, sending her a grateful look over his shoulder. Azula shrugs it off and keeps moving. Who cares if Zuko is grateful? He should be. She shouldn’t have to take care of his pathetic self. He is dragging her down in this fight, as he always does. If his fire is this weak (and Azula, for all her gloating, knows that it isn’t weak now, has grown progressively stronger since his exile like the problem was with the palace and not him, the thought casting doubt in her mind as she watches Zuko stumble and falter now-) he should never have jumped into the fight. The little girl could have handled herself. _Is_ handling herself, because the soldiers may be focused on the Fire Nation royals but one apparently decided to attack the blind girl out of- jealousy? envy? rage?- and the girl breaks half the bones in his body with one sharp spike of earth. Azula can hear the bones crack.

The girl sends her another smirk, as if she can tell that Azula is watching. Whatever. She irritably scorches the earth between them, spinning onto her hands and kicking out a wide circle of flame that divides the soldiers’ forces in two. Half for the girl, half for them. Divide and conquer, except Azula has no intention of conquering.

She grabs Zuko by the back of his tunic and throws him out of the battle. He lands on his feet, spry as a cat, then turns to yell at her. She cuts him off with a sharp punch of fire and he deflects it, hands moving with the flame rather than outright punching it. The move sparks a memory, somehow, but Azula has no time to wonder what it reminds her of. She subtly gestures towards an opening behind the soldiers’ backs. It is small, granted, and cutting through the fray to escape will be no small task. Azula knows Zuko can do it. Just as she always knew what Mai and Ty Lee were capable of, even as they hesitated and insisted _Azula I can’t do this, it’s too dangerous, I can’t-_

They just needed a nudge. Zuko barely needs even that, conditioned to throwing himself into danger. He nods, once, then slips off to take advantage of the opening. Azula turns back to the battle and prepares to _really_ let loose, rather than just the kiddie stuff she was unleashing upon them before.

She lets a smile rise to her lips. A soldier flinches. Needless to say, it is not a smile. It is a snarl. She has fifteen minutes to raise fire and brimstone against these scum of soldiers while Zuko creates their way out, and by Agni, she is going to _take_ it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, that was Toph here. i did promise she would make an appearance and the reasons why she is here will be explored the next chapter with Zuko and Azula. for now, we might check in with Mai and Ty Lee...


	4. kiss me all before you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me - updating early? more likely than you think.  
> i actually really loved writing this chapter and i couldn't wait to get it out to you guys. i figured no one would be upset about an extra chapter a few days after the last update. i said i wouldn't forget about Mai and Ty Lee and here is the proof!  
> (title for this chapter comes from "Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Rey because i couldn't get that phrase out of my head)  
> also, i'm looking at my outlines and thinking yikes, this might be a LONG fic. out of curiosity, how long of a fic would you guys read? i'm considering splitting it into 2-3 main parts as a series if it starts getting long.

Mai had the particular talent of never looking back. Introspection never came naturally to her. She preferred keeping her back straight and her head unbowed, ceaselessly looking forward into the future. Meeting each challenge eye-to-eye. As much as she was never one to dwell on the past, it was part nature but majority nurture. Her parents were nobles. They were always busy - her mother with social engagements and carefully calculated flattering of the officials’ wives, while with her father it was court. _Never look back,_ they told her. _That means you are admitting you have regrets._

Azula drummed that lesson into her brain. Cold condescension and hands alight with her signature blue, she mocked Mai whenever she caught her thinking of Zuko.

“He was a dummy,” she told her, lips twisted with cruelty. “He deserved everything her got.” Then the cruelty faded, replaced with a quiet, but no less deadly, reservation. Mai never knew what to make of it. “If you’re weak like that, you won’t survive in the palace,” she said seriously.

Most times, Mai hated Azula for toying with her, for treating her like the dolls she burned for fun. Other times, she wondered if Azula considered her a friend. There were moments like these were it almost seemed like Azula was trying to give her advice- to help her, in her own twisted way. She just didn't know how. Mai saw Azula near the turtleduck pond, once. A loaf of bread in her hand, biting on her lip in concentration as she attempted to throw the bread to them like her mother did. After Lady Ursa left, Mai saw her by that same pond with an apathetic look in her eyes, calmly burning the turtleducks to death. Azula never understood kindness without gain. With her mother gone, there was no point in trying.

Mai learned to keep her face carefully neutral around Azula. Any weakness could be easily pounced upon. But that was familiar to Mai – she was expected to be silent at home, playing the perfect daughter who never spoke, never felt emotional, never longed to focus on combat rather than her stupid calligraphy lessons. It was Azula who rescued her from that, her head tilted to the side as she said _you’re wasting your potential. Follow me._ Her parents were ecstatic that she gained the favour of the princess. They didn’t argue when Mai informed them that Azula requested she be trained in combat. She learned how to throw knives and pin down enemies even being a nonbender. That was another thing she liked about Azula. She was never belittled for being a nonbender. Mai knew it came at a cost; Azula expected unconditional loyalty, even when she was nine and watching whether Mai would allow her to shoot an apple off her head, laughing when Mai trembled. That was okay. Nothing came free with Azula, but it was a price she was willing to pay.

Things got worse after Zuko left.

Azula taunted her when she saw Mai thinking of Zuko, but the message was abundantly clear. Zuko didn’t make it in the palace. Don’t get caught thinking of Zuko or they’ll drag you down too.

Azula’s mother was gone. Her brother was gone. She had her father’s full, undivided attention, and sometimes Mai thinks she should have put Azula on the ship with her brother. Chasing the Avatar for three years would have been a kinder fate than what she endured. Mai doesn’t love Azula, doesn’t even like her most days, but she is grateful to her. That gratitude, and her quiet remembrance of Azula’s coded advice back when they were young, is what guides her hand when she flings her knives at the guards and grabs Azula’s arm, running with every intention of getting Azula out of the palace. Mai knows how to repay kindness, even if the kindness was unintentional. Azula would never understand. 

Azula rejects the help, predictably. Knocking away Mai's hand once the shock wears off and the haze clears enough for her mind to begin calculating her chances of survival if she stays. But she ever-so-kindly allows Mai and Ty Lee to sacrifice themselves to let her escape, already dismissing them in her mind even as she turns away. Mai understands. They are not friends, after all. They are allies. Tools. Everything has a price, and this is Azula's final demand. 

Mai is in no position to refuse.

Even as she fights the guards, Ty Lee springing around behind her and chi-blocking as many she can, Mai knows the fight was over before it truly begun. Azula was charged- or suspected- of treason. Mai and Ty Lee are defending her. There will be no happy ending to this. As her tools, they are expected to her punished along with her.

A guard punches out a ball of fire that Ty Lee cannot quite dodge, and the panic on her face is clear as she cartwheels out of the way. Mai can smell the singed hair. That _stupid_ ponytail.

Mai takes down another guard and puts a knife through the shoulder of another, but there are too many guards and more approaching. She meets Ty Lee’s eyes. For a moment, sadness flickers in the chi-blocker's eyes and her fists sag. Ty Lee clearly understands the gravity of the situation. The guards begin surrounding the two, and Ty Lee nods. Just once, slowly and heavily like her head is too heavy to keep raised. The signal is unmistakable. Mai nearly chokes on the emotion rising up her throat, but she has learned in Caldera Palace to never show weakness. She ignores the guards rushing forward to take her down in favour of raising her palm high and tapping the junction near her thumb.

“Stop them!” the leader roars, and they grab Mai’s shoulders and force her down onto the ground. She can see them doing the same to Ty Lee.

They are forced to lay down with their hands behind their backs. Ty Lee looks at Mai, both facing the other even on the ground. She smiles. Mai hopes it is not the last she ever sees of Ty Lee, but she thinks she would be content if it is. Ty Lee, more than Azula ever was, is her friend. It was an honour to fight by her side. Worth it, even with the years of listening to her ramble about auras. She always knew what Mai was thinking. Sometimes before Mai herself. Mai has never had a friend like her. Probably never will again. 

_It isn't fair,_ Mai thinks, and feels like Tom-Tom when their parents say he can't have more sweets. A child complaining about a predictable injustice they really should have learned will never change or get better, by now. She and Ty Lee both knew this would happen one day. Azula uses her toys until they break, or she breaks them. No amount of gratitude could soften the eventual blow.

Ty Lee’s eyes glimmer. She mouths something at Mai, and Mai immediately feels the breath knocked from her lungs. She takes one last look at the sky. The same shade of azure Ty Lee claimed was Azula's aura when they were all young. Azula had better have gotten away safely. Mai will kill Azula herself if all of this was for nothing, if she is saying goodbye to Ty Lee and Zuko and her family without need. 

The guards take them away. 

Mai is taken to the prison network beneath Caldera Palace. She recognises it only because she used to come down her with Azula, watching her practice her interrogation skills. It still haunts Mai sometimes. Mai has done many terrible things for Azula, but she has also let Azula do a thousand more. The interrogations barely make the list of top 100 worst things Azula has done.

They shut Mai into her cell. She has a window, if it can be called that. There is no need to cut her off from Agni when the spirit has never shined upon her. The guards are wary of her. She is part of Azula’s team, and everyone knows how much Azula despises anyone who touches her toys. Mai is also the daughter of the governor of New Ozai, formerly Omashu. They would never dare touch her on a normal day.

But this is not a normal day. And even palace guards hold grudges. Mai keeps one eye on them through the bars, but turns away and sits by the window. She wonders where Ty Lee is. Down here with her? If Mai escaped would she be able to find her? Would Ty Lee find Mai? 

Unlikely. Azula is gone and no one else cares that they are down here. Her parents may have cared about Tom-Tom enough to risk New Ozai for their precious little boy, but they are hardly so considerate of her. The girl. The spare, now. The highest hopes they had for her was for her to continue currying favour with Azula and help their family rise even higher, then marry a man from a prestigious family. Maybe Zuko, they hoped, even with Zuko's _unfortunate_ exile. Damaged goods, the both of them. There will be no help from Mai's family. Not while it might hurt Tom-Tom.

… Zuko might. Mai considers the thought then discards it, pain blooming between her ribs. They got back together, when he came back, but he isn’t the same boy she once knew. He is pained now. Scarred. Angry. That anger terrifies her, sometimes, but she knows he would never hurt her. And it is never directed at her. She has witnessed Azula’s rage enough times to know when someone is dangerous, and Zuko is not. He would protect her. He would help her break free out of that damned sense of honour that got him exiled in the first place, unthinking of the consequences. But Mai would kill him before she let him put himself at risk that way.

_(Fact: Before he left with Azula, Zuko placed a note on Mai’s desk explaining that he was leaving, that he was safe, that he still loved her but thought it would be for the best if they remained friends instead. Palace politics are not kind, and they do not give second chances._

_Mai never had the chance to read it.)_

Zuko may not be the same person he was when they were young, but neither is Mai. That heavy anger, that darkness in his eyes, matches the self-loathing Mai feels for herself sometimes. It is good, she thinks. If either of them were less damaged, they would never be able to understand the other so well. She still broke up with Zuko when his anger spiralled out of control, verging on possession with his jealousy, but he came back to her calmer. Almost contemplative as he apologised, looking to the side while he says he was being a jealous jerk. Zuko is, at heart, a good person. She knows that when he apologises he truly _means_ it. Unlike Azula. So she took him back with grace and a carefully phrased scolding that leaves Zuko smiling sheepishly, but smiling nonetheless.

Mai wonders if she can send a break-up letter from prison. She knows Zuko will not come. He is the crown prince and now the sole focus of his father’s attention, with Azula out of the way. She wonders if it will break him or forge him. Or both. Like Azula. It takes a special kind of attention to turn a child into that kind of ruthless and lethal weapon, a perfectionist streak running hotter through her veins than her own fire. Mai hates the thought of Ozai doing the same to the older sibling. 

Mai resigns herself to a long time in prison. She knew from the moment she raised her knives this would happen. The palace runs on fear. Azula learned her first lessons on fear from the court, searing their rules into her brain. Mai does not scare people like this. Powerless; she cannot override their conditioning, and no one would go out of their way to help the disgraced friends of the fallen princess. 

She thinks, again, of Ty Lee.

Ty Lee is having the time of her life. Really, she is! The guards keep forgetting to bring her food but that’s okay, she can practice that fasting technique she heard about in the circus. It’s good for the soul _and_ for the body! And she’s making so many new friends. The guards are _so sweet_ when they tell her to stop doing handstands in her cell or she’ll get into trouble. That means they care!

When the guards slam the door and take hurried paces down the hall to escape her perky inquiries about their auras, she allows herself to wilt. Prison is no fun, whatever she tells the guards. There is no room for cartwheels or flips. She isn't a firebender, but even she doesn’t appreciate being kept locked up in a dark, confined space for weeks on end. She didn’t get a window. She hopes Mai got one. She gets so _grumpy_ when she's kept in the dark, for all that she says she hates the sun and burns bright red when she is under it for too long. 

Ty Lee sighs. She misses Mai. She was always so serious and intense, but Ty Lee was never afraid of her like she was of Azula. The guards are probably all terrified of Mai, and Ty Lee almost wishes they were afraid of her too. But that has never been her strength. She’s the bouncy one. The pink one, in Azula’s own words. She is supposed to be bright and friendly and disarming, right up until she strikes them with a chi-block or nerve pinch. Their roles were carved for them a long time ago. Ty Lee tried fighting against it, when she left for the circus, and for a while she thought Azula would respect her decision.

She should have known better. Mai certainly did. Ty Lee would be lying if she said she wasn’t waiting for an opening, just a little. A chance. One moment to take Azula down is all she needs. But Azula has been good to her, truly. For all her calculated cruelty and mocking remarks, she never called Ty Lee a freak. She never compared her to her sisters. She called Ty Lee extraordinary, extended a hand in friendship. Ty Lee took it without ever looking back. Sometimes she wishes she had.

The moment when the guards came, Ty Lee hesitated. Azula didn’t notice. She was too focused on the guards, and in checking if Mai was by her side. Even Azula never doubted that Ty Lee would be on her side to defend her against the guards, against the Fire Lord himself. She doubted _Mai_. It is almost ironic. Ty Lee doubts they realise, but Mai has always been more loyal than Ty Lee. She may have disliked Azula, criticising her with narrowed eyes and an ever-so-slightly foul mouth. But Mai stayed. Ty Lee ran away with the circus. Then Mai, too, had to leave, because her family made her. Not because she wanted to. Mai came back willingly whereas Azula had to set Ty Lee's safety net on fire and threaten her circus friends for her to come back.

Ty Lee admires Azula. She does. She admires her courage and her uniqueness and her determination to be the best, to never let anyone look down upon her. But admiration does not trump fear.

Azula knows Ty Lee fears her. She counts on it. She feels it keeps her in control, and Ty Lee can see the flicker in her aura when she feels Ty Lee is being too friendly, too casual, a frown gradually forming on her mouth. Then Ty Lee has to “accidentally” bump into Azula or land a cartwheel wrong, doing something, anything, so Azula has an excuse to snap at her and force her back into submission. Azula has to be carefully managed like that. Ty Lee can’t manipulate her – Azula is too smart for that – but she knows how to keep Azula’s eyes away from her. She makes sure that all Azula hears from Ty Lee is praise, and that Azula always feels in control. 

Ty Lee grew up with five sisters. She knows how to escape girls who want to feel powerful by bullying others. Azula is much worse than them and a bazillion times more dangerous, but Ty Lee remembers when Lady Ursa refused to come help Azula with her hair. She walked away, claiming to be busy helping Zuko with something while Azula stood in shaky silence.

Azula never asked again.

Ty Lee was younger then, and Azula’s aura was not yet the murky deep blue it has become, like muddied water or lightning crashing through a mountain without rest, so she offered to teach Azula to do her hair. _You’ll never have to ask anyone to do it, ever again!_ she chirped. Azula took one long look at her then at the brush she still held, hours later (Ty Lee could claim plausible deniability about overhearing their conversation, seeing Azula still holding that brush), and nodded.

Azula’s hair was soft and silky. She wasn’t as obsessed with her appearance as she became after Zuko left, but she was still neat and fastidious. She took care of her hair in order to form the perfect topknot that would keep her crown in place. Ty Lee brushed out her hair and talked Azula through the whole process, teaching her how to keep her hair tidy in even the most difficult of terrain. Coming from a family of chi-blockers, they had stories and tips aplenty to share with Ty Lee. Then Ty Lee shared them with Azula.

She thinks Azula still remembers that moment. She allows the servants to brush and oil her hair, but even now, years and years later, she still does her hair herself. Ty Lee pities Azula. Maybe she is right that fear keeps people loyal, because Ty Lee took her side during the fight. But when Ty Lee moved to attack that guard, it was not fear that was running through her head. It was pity for Azula.

It was Ty Lee's chance, finally, to stand aside and let them take Azula. She would be free. Mai too, even if she was the first one to leap to Azula’s defence when the guards came. But she couldn’t bring herself to. Azula had been the favoured child for so long, constructing her world based on the fundamental assumption that the Fire Lord loved her more than Zuko. Ty Lee could _see_ the devastation it wrought when that came crashing down. Shock, then denial, then _rage_ all flashed across her face, and her aura darkened so dramatically in that instance that for a moment Ty Lee was afraid her heart had stopped. Then, Ty Lee thinks, came quiet kind of sorrow. The same sorrow Azula felt after her mother left, then her brother. The type of sadness that burrows inside your soul and refuses to leave. It is easily smothered by other things, like the anger that coursed through Azula and lit her palms, but Ty Lee knew. Azula was all alone now.

Mai threw the first knife, and Ty Lee followed with her fists. No one deserved what the Fire Lord was doing to Azula. Turning her into his perfect daughter, his perfect weapon, then discarding her. Ty Lee still doesn’t understand what Azula did to raise his ire, but she thinks maybe there doesn’t have to be a reason. He got rid of Zuko for speaking out of turn. Men like that don’t _need_ reasons to be cruel.

Ty Lee sighs, but can’t bring herself to regret helping Azula. Her aura was just so dark, and Mai’s burned with indignation. They were a team, after all. Azula taunted and mocked her when they were young, but she still cared enough to go to the trouble of bringing them back to her side. Azula is probably organising their rescue even now.

The thought perks her up, and she finds the energy to do another handstand. She really hopes Mai is doing okay. Zuko too, even though Ty Lee doesn’t think he is under suspicion. Zuko and Azula knew something that Mai and Ty Lee didn’t, and Ty Lee isn’t naïve enough to dismiss that. It could easily be what turned the Fire Lord against Azula. Still, Ty Lee doesn't think anything could be bad enough to justify accusing _Azula_ of treason. They helped her get away, but Zuko could still be in the palace. Ty Lee hopes he is okay; he has been hurt enough.

It’s such a shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my writing hot tip of the day is if you need to cut a line or a scene out because it doesn't work, don't delete them. save them in a word doc and hold onto them so you can work them in later. 
> 
> comments are highly appreciated but no pressure! thanks for reading <3


	5. please say sike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gaang enters from stage left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i actually wrote this the same day as i published the last chapter. which, coincidentally, is exactly what happened with the previous chapter too. i guess i'm just having fun writing this story? lemme tell you, it took all my self-restraint not to post the two chapters at once.
> 
> as for the timeline, it's a bit... eh? right now. i'm trying to follow it without sticking religiously to it because this is an AU anyway. in this chapter let's say that the Gaang left Hakoda not too long ago. the invasion is still on their minds and they're still helping to prepare for it, but they're mostly trying to evade the Fire Nation right now and letting Aang heal more. does that make sense? it's all a mess in my head and i'm honestly pretty close to just ditching the canon timeline entirely
> 
> there WILL be more Toph v Zuko & Azula interaction, but i felt it was a bit premature to lump them together immediately. rest assured, they will meet again even before the Fire Siblings join Team Avatar.

Fire races along her hands. Azula punches out one fireball towards the left, then dives forwards into a roll and comes up swinging, using a quick rotation on her left leg to put more power in her real right-leg kick. The soldiers scatter like bowling pins before her, and she laughs without restraint. The girl is out of the way and Zuko isn’t here to hold her back. These aren’t her tutors or her people. She can hurt them with no consequences. She is a monster, and monsters don’t just like pain. They _revel_ in it.

Azula tries out a new move her tutors had taught her just before she left the palace, and Earth Kingdom scum aren’t worthy targets for such a brilliant attack, but they catch fire all the same. Azula delights in the fear in their eyes.

They stop attacking. Mostly because they are all dead. The few that managed to escape will no doubt with more, trying to arrest or kill her. If they can.

Azula turns to where the girl has stopped fighting, eerily focused on the corpses. As if she knows exactly where they are. Her face is white as bone and she is shaking. Azula knew that the girl was young. She couldn’t be more than twelve. But Azula didn’t realise _how_ young, to have never seen- well, _felt_ \- dead bodies. Azula was much younger when she saw her first. The girl will soon learn the scent of burned flesh, the unnatural stillness that comes with death. The stench of emptying bladders because that is something they never tell you. When a person dies, their bladder releases. It is undignified. _Death_ is undignified, no matter what the spirit tales say. Azula should know. She has seen enough of it. 

She brushes past the shaking girl, smirk full of contempt. Once upon a time she would have pitied the girl. But then, once upon a time she wasn’t forced to kill a man when he thought the nine year old princess would be an easy target for assassination. Azula learned. This girl will too. She should be thanking Azula for such a painless introduction.

She goes to find Zuko.

“Azula,” he sighs when she reaches him, finally stopping his restless pacing. The smell catches up to him and his nose wrinkles. “I see you didn’t need that opening then.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Zuko,” she retorts, discarding her robe. It is a lost cause anyway. “What if there were more on their way? I doubt that the whole company was dispatched to deal with one little girl.”

Zuko’s face is paler than usual, and she can see that he understands exactly what Azula did to those soldiers. His hands are clenched into fists. He won’t protest. They are both Fire Nation. They understand that there is a cost to be paid for everything. Agni gives life, and he can take that life away. This is _war,_ not some silly little game like they played when they were young. Everyone's hands have been sullied somehow. The earthbender girl is yet to understand, but she will. Azula helped her on her way. 

They locate their ostrich horses in the mess and ride out of town unopposed. People scatter before them. Azula should feel proud at instilling such terror, but it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. There was no victory in this. No glory. Not as a so-called “traitor princess” fighting starving soldiers on a dirty road, rather than fighting for the honour of her father. 

And maybe, just maybe, a tiny part of Azula wishes she didn’t have to make people fear her for them to respect her. There has never been any other way for Azula. 

Zuko is silent all the way to the next town, and the one after that. It is Azula who makes the call to set up camp, and when the spot she picks is in the woods rather than an inn, Zuko still doesn’t say anything.

It has been three days since they left the Fire Nation. Azula still feels like they haven’t talked about it. Isn’t sure she _wants_ to talk about it. But she needs Zuko’s full support in finding the Avatar, and needs him to believe that she has changed. She killed a company of Earth Kingdom soldiers today. Azula can say she wasn’t in her right mind, or that it was to protect Zuko and that girl. But Zuko does not ask. He knows he is travelling with a monster. He knows what Azula has done, even before he returned to the palace. 

Azula bites her tongue, and tastes copper. Quietly, she wants to ask what Zuko thinks of her. If he is disgusted. Zuko left before his hands could be suitably sullied, then his own inadequacy meant he never had to because he was never close enough to the action. Then Azula was there in the catacombs to do the dirty work for him. He should be grateful for such a kind sister.

Azula has never cared for Zuko’s opinion and she certainly won’t start now, not over something he has never had to do. She haughtily raises her head and demands Zuko prepare their meal for the day. They will sleep soon, and travel again when it is dark. 

A faint smile passes across Zuko’s face at her demand. He opens their new (stolen) satchel and pulls out more of those Agni-damned dried fruits and berries, then stops. His hand moves instead for the rice.

“We’ll catch some fish tomorrow,” he offers. “Or a bird.”

Azula shouldn’t feel so Agni-damned _grateful,_ but she does. She allows the emotion for once. Zuko is being a good brother for once and finally getting her some real food, she supposes she can feel happy for the moment.

It won’t last. It never does. But she has _rice_ and soon, meat, and they managed to scrounge up proper bedrolls at the last town so Azula won’t have to sleep on rocks tonight. If father saw them now he would banish them both on principle.

The thought makes her laugh. The sound of it, so far from her usual mocking laughter, startles her. Then she laughs at her own laugh and keeps laughing, sides aching and feeling like they will burst. What kind of person doesn't recognise their own laughter?

Zuko's eyes are wide and wild with concern. One hand reaches as if to touch her shoulder. This only makes her laugh more. He looks like a _turtleduck_ like that, all inquisitive and vulnerable. She laughs and she laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs, thinking _fuck you father_ , for this stupid quest to regain his trust, for his trumped up treason charge, for taking Mai and Ty Lee from her, for forcing her to train herself into the ground to gain his favour. She hates that she doesn't mean it. She will still betray Zuko in a heartbeat if it means Ozai will take her back. 

Zuko is right to be concerned. 

Katara throws the coat at Sokka.

“Get up,” she snaps, and Sokka groggily awakens.

“Wassup?” He groans and rolls over to avoid her barrage.

Katara’s mouth tightens. “Toph is gone.”

That startles him into properly waking. “What?” he demands immediately. “Toph is gone? Wasn’t she just going for a walk.”

“Obviously not,” Katara retorts, already moving to wake Aang. Couldn’t she have done that _first?_ Granted, Aang was shot with lightning not too long ago, but he’s _fine_ now. Sokka needs his rest more than Aang does. 

Aang is just as surprised but- Sokka notes- faintly guilty. Which means he already knew.

“She said she just needed some time along,” he offers sheepishly, still with that guilty smile. “I didn’t see any harm.”

Katara tuts in that way she does when she is _really_ mad, raising her chin defiantly.

“We need to find Toph. There’s no way she’s fine without us.” She puts her hands on her hips and starts complaining. _Loudly._ “She’s going to get herself into trouble again and then _we’ll_ have to go get her out and take care of things just because Toph doesn’t know what _manners_ are-“

Sokka disagrees but doesn’t tell Katara. Aang doesn’t dare. They wait with bated breath for Toph's return, Katara sending them each off to search another area. When Toph comes back, Sokka nearly misses her entrance, so focused on scanning the nearby woods and stamping his feet to ward off snakes. Or attract Toph. Whatever works, he guesses. When he finally notices her, he jumps so badly that Toph rolls her eyes.

“Toph!” he cries, hand to his chest. He points an accusing finger at her. “You scared us, little missy! Katara is in the _pissiest_ mood, where have you _been-_ “

Toph doesn’t object to being called little, or missy. That is the first sign. The second is the deadened expression on her face and the almost apathetic lilt to her voice when she says:

“I ran into two firebenders. One killed all the soldiers in town.”

Sokka stares. Blinks, sticks his fingers in his ears to check they are working, then stares again.

“Wha- _firebenders? Here?_ And one killed-“

“All the soldiers in the town, yes,” Toph interrupts. She crosses her arms and keeps her head lowered, eyes in the direction of the ground.

It would have shocked him less if she had shot a block of Earth into his chest. He half-wishes she did.

Toph seems smaller now. Sokka had forgotten how young she is – just Aang’s age, but without the experience of being the Avatar to help her mature. Not that Aang is mature, really.

Sokka sighs and crouches next to Toph. “You good?”

He can’t say it doesn’t sicken him. All the soldiers in the town? How many is that, like thirty soldiers? All burned to death by _firebenders._ Like they haven’t taken enough from this town and these people. But Sokka has seen death before, helped the elders bury those who couldn’t survive the winter. Before that, the Fire Nation came to the shores of the Water Tribe searching for waterbenders. Sokka doesn't remember much of that day. Remembers the wonder of the black snow, then the fear when he realised what it meant. His mother was already gone by then. The Fire Nation mostly took prisoners alive from their village, but Sokka remembers stumbling across the burned corpse laying in the snow. Sokka had heard once that death is quiet. As simple as falling asleep. It’s different, of course. _Murder_ and passing away in your sleep don’t look the same, don’t smell or sound or act the same.

Sokka has seen death. _Real_ death. Maybe not the act itself, but he knows the stiffness that all corpses adopt when they are left outside too long. Toph hasn't seen _anything._

He exhales slowly. She doesn’t let him hug her, but she does rest her head on his shoulder.

“They called one of them _that fire prince,_ ” she quotes eventually. “I don’t know what that means. Is that the Fire Nation guy who was chasing after you guys?”

Sokka stills. “ _Zuko_ was there?”

Toph scoffs. “They didn’t call him Zuko, but you seem to think it’s him. It probably is, then. And the girl with him- _that’s who killed those soldiers, by the way-_ was his sister, I think.”

This day just keeps getting worse and worse. “So you ran into Zuko, and you _didn’t_ attack him?” Sokka demands. “And his sister is _Azula,_ Toph, that’s the crazy bender who shot lightning at Aang. This isn’t good.”

She pinches him. “I’m _blind,_ Sokka. It’s not like I knew who he was right until the end, and you guys have never described him beyond _angry ponytail jerk._ And it’s not like I knew who Azula was either. We didn't exactly talk a lot when we were fighting. She didn’t use lightning but her fire definitely felt hotter than Zuko’s. And he’s the prince of the Fire Nation, right?” At Sokka’s nod, she frowns. “Huh. That’s strange. It sounded like there was a bounty on his head or something."

Toph shrugs, but Sokka’s heart is fluttering. A bounty on Zuko? Is he on the run? Oh man, there is _so much_ to exploit here.

“C’mon,” he says firmly. “We need to go tell Katara and Aang.”

“Okay,” Katara sighs, rubbing her temples. “So for the last time, you’re _sure_ Zuko has no idea who you are?”

“Positive,” Toph replies casually, now lounging but still clearly shaken. “He thought I was just some random earthbending girl. Pretty sure crazy blue knows I’m blind though.”

Having never spent any prolonged period of time with Azula, the rest quickly described her to Toph as an insane, yet super powerful firebender with blue fire and a terrifying cackle. Toph had promptly designated Azula as _crazy blue._

Katara straightens. “ _Azula_ was there?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Toph repeats tiredly. “I didn’t know she was there, okay? I had no idea who she was. I met her for like, a few minutes before. Hearing her voice once isn't really enough for me to recognise her."

Katara frowns and looks like she is about to say something about Aang and lightning and Azula, but Sokka makes a loud noise to cover it up. Katara has been pretty sensitive about that topic lately. He guesses it has to do with literally holding Aang’s life in his hands and trying desperately to save him from dying. Aang still has lightning scars and a little damage, but he’s on the mend. There’s no need to upset Toph over that particular incident.

Aang perks up. “He was helping you, right?”

Sokka cuts in. “ _No_ , Aang. It was probably some despicable Fire Nation trick. He was just trying to lower Toph’s guard!”

“He didn’t know who I am though,” said girl points out.

Aang’s hopes gradually inflates, like a balloon. Sokka is armed with nothing but a stupid toothpick trying to pop it.

“Sokka’s right,” Katara gently explains, attempting to soothe Aang. “We don’t know what Zuko’s motivations are. And his Azula _killed_ all those soldiers and shot lightning at Aang, and he’s travelling with her. He hasn’t changed, Aang.” Her expression darkens like thunder. “And don’t forget that _he_ was the one who betrayed us in Ba Sing Se. He chose to keep being evil.”

Aang droops. Sokka feels like he’s kicked a baby penguin-seal and judging from Katara’s guilty face, she feels it too.

She bites her lip. “I’m sorry, Aang. It’s just too dangerous. Plus, you’re still healing and we can’t risk you.”

“They’re obviously travelling somewhere.” Toph scratches her arm, half-focused on their conversation. “Could they be looking for you?” She tries to play it off casually, like she doesn’t care and wasn’t listening, but Sokka knows by now that Toph is more invested than she lets on.

Sokka senses opportunity. Katara senses a headache. Aang is somewhere in between.

“… We could track them,” Sokka realises slowly.

Katara throws her hands up. “You were the one who was saying we need to move on so he can’t track us!”

“That was before,” Sokka argues, waving a hand. “This is _now,_ and now we can track Zuko and get him back for trying to capture Aang!”

Katara turns to Aang, beseeching. “Surely you agree with me, Aang. Tracking Zuko is madness, especially if Azula is with him. We _know_ how dangerous she is.”

Aang hesitates. Katara raises an expectant eyebrow.

“Weeeeell,” he says slowly. “If he’s already looking for us, wouldn’t it make sense for us to try and find him first? So we don’t lead him to the Air Temple,” he adds hastily, still grinning like one of Bato’s spirit masks.

Katara is outnumbered. Toph doesn’t care either way, frowning at the thought of running into Azula again but hoping for a chance to _destroy_ her in a fight. And she wants to talk to angry ponytail guy too, even if he didn’t _seem_ very angry, all quiet sighs and fluid motion with his swords.

“You can’t tell me you don’t want to get one over angry ponytail guy,” Sokka goads. “He _threatened_ Gran-Gan!”

Katara finally gives in. She storms off somewhere, grumbling to herself about boys and their stupid plans, and Sokka takes the chance to steal her blanket and gently drape it around Toph’s shoulders.

“I know, alright?” he says before she can protest. “You’re a big strong rock and you don’t need no blanket. Just-“ he shrugs and tries to play his next words casually. “I remember when I saw my first death. I had someone to give me a blanket and hold me and that really helped, you know? I know it’s different, but- I just want you to feel safe, Toph.”

Toph takes the blanket. She doesn’t protest, just thanks him quietly. Sokka leaves her alone after that, sensing her need to be alone. He thinks Aang creeps over later, when Katara is asleep and Sokka should be to. Their quiet conversation lasts some time, the fire slowly beginning to dwindle, when Toph throws a rock at Aang. Sokka can hear her laugh. He smiles to himself, knowing that Toph will be okay. He rolls over and goes to sleep.

Toph, secretly, has a rough idea of where the two were headed. She may be blind, but she could still pick those two out of a crowd. Zuko’s heart runs faster than normal, like a hummingbird. She doesn’t know if that’s stress or just how firebender hearts are. Judging from Azula’s - a slow, rhythmic pulse, she guesses it’s just a Zuko thing. Definitely stress.

She knows the others are set in their plan to track them. She isn’t sure that’s a good idea. They’ve had run-ins with Azula and her team before, the bouncy chi-blocker and the knife girl with no serious of humour. Toph hasn’t met the two yet, but Sokka has a loud blabber mouth. She wonders why the two girls aren’t with Azula, but has an idea anyway.

The others know Azula is dangerous. They were chased by her for weeks and saw her shoot uncle with lightning – and boy, _that_ had taken a long time to wrench from Sokka. She had thought he would never repeat the story aloud. She was _there,_ and shooting rock at Azula, but Sokka refuses to admit the whole thing happened which was _infuriating._ Mainly because the story involved them fighting _with_ Sparky against Azula. Any mention of lightning, particularly with Azula in the same sentence, sets Katara on edge. Even more than she was before.

But they haven’t seen Azula take a life. Toph has. She feels that makes her more than qualified to judge Azula’s danger level. She tore through those soldiers like paper and laughed the whole while, a manic edge to it. Toph is normally all for creepy laughs and completely crushing opponents, but no one really gets hurt. Her fights in the Earth Rumble tournaments were closely watched with medical staff nearby, and now Toph makes sure to avoid permanent harm to her opponents. Azula has no regard for that. She doesn’t even care that she’s killing. She laughed at Toph like she knew she had never seen someone die before and _enjoyed_ that knowledge.

Toph feels colder for it. She wants to meet Azula again just to slam a huge wall of rock right into her face as payback. Toph doesn’t like being afraid. It isn’t an emotion she experiences often, and for good reason. First, there was nothing to fear at her home. Then she learned to earthbend from badgermoles and competing in tournaments and learned that facing your problems head-on solves 90% of them. Fear is what you make of it, and Toph makes it into an ally. She loudly and frequently declares she isn’t afraid, but it’s more accurate to say that Toph just learned how to push it down. Weigh it down with rocks and keep it locked up so she can push through. When she needs a boost, she loosens the rock a little and lets it force her onwards. She invented metalbending when she was panicked and afraid. Fear isn’t _wrong._ It’s just pathetic to let it consume you.

She wants to meet Azula to show her that she didn’t break Toph. Didn’t damage her. She is more than the innocent little blind girl Azula dismissed her as. Toph is _strong._ She will bounce back.

And when she does, she wants to meet Zuko again too. She honestly wasn’t expecting anyone to come to her defence when the soldiers started attacking her. After all, she was the only one to help that poor man. But then there was Zuko with his swords and a quiet determination radiating off him and even Toph- hello, _blind girl_ here- could see that he had no ulterior motives. No malice in his movements. She thought he might have been looking down upon her or condescending her when he said _I know_ after Toph insisted she could handle it herself, but his heartbeat sounded truthful and steady, for all that he has a fricking hummingbird’s pulse. The firebending came as a surprise. He was good with swords, Toph acknowledges, but somehow weaker with bending. He clearly had the will and drive to be good. Toph saw that with his swords and with his firm, planted stance. For some reason, he just didn’t have the desire to maintain strong flames.

Toph is no expert on firebending. Zuko and Azula are the only firebenders she has met. But she’s a pretty damn good earthbender and she knows what happens when people’s bending weakens for no reason. Illness, sometimes, or injury. But bending is tied to your chi and your emotions more deeply than most people realise. But most people haven’t been taught to bend by badgermoles. When your emotions are out of whack then your chi is too, and your chi affects your bending. Something is wrong with Zuko’s chi, and Toph doesn’t know what, but she _will_ find out. If it has anything to do with the bounty on his head and Azula’s heads than she definitely wants to know.

It might explain the sputter of Azula’s flames too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've spent ages editing this but i'm tired of looking at it so there may be some mistakes. oh well.  
> please leave kudos/comment if you can, there is nothing worse than pouring your time into a piece then staring at an ocean of silence in response.  
> stay safe and stay at home! <3


	6. we don't talk about that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so rough explanation of their current location:  
> they travelled from Caldera (centre of Fire Nation) to the western coast of the Earth Kingdom, destroyed their war balloon, and are now headed on foot to the Western Air Temple (near Fire Nation). this was to try and throw the Fire Nation off their tail (which i will explain more in this chapter). meanwhile the Gaang were also headed for the Air Temples having recently parted way with the invasion force to let Aang heal and train a little more before the invasion, so the two groups are roughly headed in the same direction right now. (emphasis being on right now, wink wink.) i tried to explain this a bit more in this chapter but i think the explanation carries over into the next? anyways, hope this clarifies a few things

It has been nearly a week since Mai and Ty Lee were arrested. Ty Lee is growing rapidly bored. There’s only so many times you can flirt with the same rotation of guards before they start plugging cloth into their ears to ignore you. At least if they had just stood there she could pretend they were listening.

Usually, that would work for Ty Lee. It means the guards can’t hear the subtle metallic sounds of her picking at her restraints. Can’t leave a chi-blocker unbound, after all. And they can’t hear when she uses her spoon to scrape a mark on the wall to keep track of the days. She has no window and is keeping time mostly by the changing of the guards. She needs to know how much time is passing. It keeps her sane. But a week of isolation would wear anyone down, and Ty Lee is not exempt. She kind of wishes the guards would just _talk_ to her. About anything. Music and dance are strongly discouraged nowadays so she can’t even ask them to sing her something, and they would probably punish Ty Lee if she tried. The war is depressing and she doesn’t want to hear about it, having assisted it herself and regretted every moment of it. The war is likely the only thing they will talk to her about, and they won’t say anything on Zuko or Azula.

Ty Lee tried asking if Mai was okay, when they first locked her in here. They told her to stop talking. Ty Lee doesn’t know if that means _no_ and they don’t want to say, or if Mai really is okay and they just can't be bothered sharing information with a traitor.

if Ty Lee is being perfectly honest, she could have escaped by now. Her wrists are thin and her hands are small, and what she can't simply slip right out of she can pick with ease. Chi-blocking the guards would be simple when they underestimate her so badly. But where would she go? She can't leave without Mai, and Mai doesn't have anywhere either. Their families wouldn't take them back in. Azula is gone. Nowhere in the Fire Nation is safe for traitors to the crown. No, it is better to stay here. At least for now, until things die down or Azula comes back. 

It is nearing evening when the Fire Lord summons her. Ty Lee has learned to recognise her evening meal, and the guards that typically take the night shift. They unlock her cell and bark at her to move. They won’t tell Ty Lee where she is going, other than that she is seeing someone important that they can’t keep waiting. Ty Lee begins to deliberately dawdle as a test, and they haul her along by force. Someone _really_ important then, not just a minor minister or official. 

They round the corner and Ty Lee sees Mai waiting by the door with her own guards. Expressionless, but still somehow projecting boredom as loudly as she can. Her aura is darker than it was before they were arrested, more of a dark orange than its former tangerine. She seems okay though. Not physically injured, despite the dark circles under her eyes and the unnatural pallor to her skin. And Ty Lee would rather somersault off the palace roof than ever admit to Mai that her aura is orange, seeing Mai’s passionate hatred for the colour.

It is kind of funny though. Ty Lee surges forwards grabs hold of Mai’s arm before the guards can stop her.

“Mai!” she cries happily. “You’ll never guess what happened after we were separated. I have this cute little room all to myself. It doesn’t have super pretty decor, but I’m sure I can arrange something. The guards outside are cuties too! It’s such," she sighs heavily. "A _shame_ that they don’t appreciate my singing.”

She pouts dramatically and deliberately leans her weight onto Mai, dragging Mai's body to an angle. Mai’s eyes shine at seeing Ty Lee alive and well, and she glances down at the splay of Ty Lee's hands made obvious by their leaning. She moves her head in what could be a nod, or just a slow movement, if you weren't watching too carefully. Ty Lee relaxes her grip.

Then a thought strikes Mai, and she frowns.

“… Ty Lee. Why are you in chains?”

She is. An intricate system that connects her hands to her feet. Originally they just bound her hands and she could still do handstands in her cell. But after the second day where a guard got too close and a little too leery and Ty Lee panicked, well. They decided to bind her more thoroughly.

Really. She _did_ say the paralysis would wear off!

Mai’s expression hardens and she turns an accusing gaze towards the guards. Ty Lee knew Mai cared. They had known each other for years, and their little bonding moment when they were arrested kind of confirmed that. But it makes Ty Lee feel all warm and glowy to see it now. She can faintly make out her aura pinkening. 

“The Fire Lord will see you now,” a servant comes out and intones. He the deep, ceremonious voice all court criers are trained to adopt. 

Ty Lee feels her smile die. There goes the pink in her aura. She looks towards Mai but she isn't looking back, face grim as she stares forward. Her back straightens. Ty Lee tries her best to mimic Mai's casual grace. 

The guards escort them into the room. The Fire Lord is sitting on a throne of fire that rises and falls with his every breath. Mai and Ty Lee are forced to bow before him. It takes several long minutes before he allows them to rise, and they exchange glances out of the corner of their eyes, still kneeling on the floor. Ty Lee tries to think of it as one of Azula's stealth missions. They are familiar with bowing to dictators - it hardly hurts their pride now. Mai and Ty Lee know they can outlast whoever is so keen on humiliating them. 

But this is the _Fire Lord._ Ty Lee isn't sure she can outlast him. Not without Azula. 

The Fire Lord observes them. He makes no move except to breathe with the flames of the throne. They are not, Ty Lee notes, the blue of Azula's flames, but the back of her shirt feels sticky all the same. He could have them both executed right now. 

“You served Princess Azula faithfully for many years,” he muses and Ty Lee kind of thought the Fire Lord would sound more… impressive. Mostly, Ty Lee is just scared. Not impressed. “Now I am giving you the opportunity to redeem yourselves for your impertinent action against my guards. As you know, to disobey your Fire Lord is to disobey Agni himself-“ Mai shivers next to her. “… But I’m sure you didn’t mean to disobey me,” he continues smoothly, one eyebrow raised. “Did you?”

Ty Lee can see where Azula learned from, now. He is giving them a chance to exonerate themselves, or incriminate themselves. Her eyes cut to Mai. The other girl shows no signs of responding to the Fire Lord, so Ty Lee is forced to intervene. What they say next is crucial. 

“Of course, My Lord,” she replies as humbly as she can, keeping her eyes respectfully lowered.

He smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I am sure you were unaware of the full situation. My daughter no doubt ordered you to attack those guards before you heard of the charge. Hence why I am offering you one final chance – go to the Earth Kingdom. Bring back Princess Azula and Prince Zuko. If he was coerced or kidnapped by the princess, make sure he arrives safely. If he went with her _willingly…._ ” His pause has significance, and a meaning that Ty Lee isn’t comfortable with.

“We accept,” Mai says quietly. Ty Lee glances at her, startled.

He leans back on his throne, waving a hand. “You will have all the resources at your disposal that you need. They have proven difficult to find. We have wasted precious time by searching the Fire Nation. If you are successful, your crimes will be forgiven and your families will receive leniency. Should you fail to retrieve my children, there will be no such kindness.”

Ty Lee has six sisters. Mai has a brother still in his toddler years. They cannot afford to refuse.

She feels her heart sinking into the floor. This isn’t what she wanted. The Fire Lord himself is approving them to betray Azula, but it is with a fire-covered hand to their throats. Betray Azula before some terrible fate befalls your families. Ty Lee wonders if he ever gave Azula ultimatums like this. She wouldn't admit it if he did. 

Whatever issues the three of them have, it is between them and Azula. No one else. The Fire Lord has no business intervening in their affairs. He is stripping their freedom from them, and Ty Lee violently resents him. She doesn't often hate people, but she thinks she comes close in that moment. Staring at the Fire Lord's feet and listening to him condemn his own daughter to death. 

They are dismissed. Left with an hour to collect any items they need, and to write a letter to their families. The Fire Lord may have said they have the Fire Nation’s resources at their disposal, but neither Mai nor Ty Lee expect that to go very far. They would be surprised if it extends to dropping them off in the Earth Kingdom rather than finding their way on their own.

They make their way to Mai's room after collecting their supplies. She is the only one who has writing items between the two of them, papers and ink brushes and an ink grinder too, a smooth jade Ty Lee envies sometimes. Mai seats herself at her desk while Ty Lee walks around the room. 

Ty Lee sighs and stretches her arms above her head. She could write to her family to explain. But who would want to receive a letter from a daughter arrested for treason? Things are just too complicated. She hasn’t spoken with them in years, and now isn’t the time to start. She has her fists and her skills and that is all she needs. They will travel alone for the most part. A retinue of Fire Nation soldiers would just make finding Azula and Zuko harder. She knows them, even if they deny it. Zuko would hurl himself into the fight just to prove he isn’t a coward, and Azula would deliberately instigate said fight to prove she is still in control.

She sighs again. They are really messed up. It makes her sad, sometimes. Zuko used to burn so bright. She wonders what happened to him; if he is just as weary as Ty Lee feels. Will Azula kill him in the Earth Kingdom? And for what end? Revenge? Control? Does Azula even know her father wants her dead, and does she know what Zuko risked in leaving? 

Why did he side with Azula? He could have just sat back and let her be arrested then remain secure in his father’s affections. The victorious sibling. The Fire Lord is not a loving man, but he rewards loyalty. Zuko would have been safer than he has in years. It’s what Azula would have done in his position. And Ty Lee still doesn’t understand the charges against Azula. She doesn’t know what happened after Azula left them behind, or when exactly Zuko left with her. Was it kidnapping, like the Fire Lord suggested? Or is there something else at play?

Ty Lee knows the answer will determine their approach.

Mai is supposed to be writing a letter to her family, but she is staring down at the parchment with a dripping ink brush. Her mouth tightens.

“Can’t think of anything to say?” Ty Lee sympathises.

Mai shakes her head and abandons her attempts. She looks up, and there is something in her gaze that unsettles Ty Lee. Not sadness, exactly _. Resignation._

“They wouldn’t care, even if I wrote.” 

_They still have Tom-Tom,_ she doesn't say. 

They have their skills; knives and fists and knowledge of chi lines. They have financial backing from the Fire Lord. They have a seal that grants them the right to commandeer any fire Nation troops they require along the way, and years of learning of Azula that gives them an advantage. Ty Lee has no doubt that they can find Azula and Zuko. It’s a matter of when, not if.

The awfulness of it sinks in for a moment and Ty Lee closes her eyes. A moment of respite for herself. The past week has been a blur, from the arrest, to imprisonment in a room without sun. 

“Did you get a window, Mai?” she asks when she opens them again. 

Mai finishes gathering her things from her room. She pauses. Ty Lee smiles in reply. It must come out wrong because Mai flinches. A small, contained thing betrayed only by the quick twitch of her fingers and narrowing of her eyes. A battle reflex. 

Ty Lee can’t help it. She doesn’t want to be the pink one anymore. She doesn’t want to be bubbly throughout this. She wants to march back into the throne room and scream at the Fire Lord for treating his children like they are disposable, then she wants to find Azula and scream at her for turning Ty Lee into a weapon. _Everyone_ is paying the price now. Not just them. It is Zuko and the servants and the Fire Nation citizens. They are all embroiled in this. Because of Azula, and because they have a Fire Lord that values cruelty over kindness, rewards ruthlessness before things like love and filial loyalty. 

Mai got a window because her family is valuable to the Fire Lord. Ty Lee didn’t. That tells them everything they need to know about who has more to lose if things go wrong in the Earth Kingdom. Besides, Mai has one little brother with powerful parents. Ty Lee has _six sisters._ They may have been on equal footing when they were with Azula, but Azula is gone. The Fire Lord is weighing their family connections and their skills on that little scale called _expendability._ Mai has higher status. Ty Lee has unique skills, but six sisters who were taught those same skills, and six sisters to torture if she steps out of line. 

Who would come out higher on the scale? 

She hates that this is how she thinks. Cold calculations and sliding strings of numbers. It is how she has survived this long, despite her close proximity to Azula. She keeps it hidden from Mai but her mask is beginning to slip.

Something flashes in Mai's eyes. Her fingers tighten around the brush. Her jaw clenches and she is clearly running through the same sequence of logic, the same simple step from Point A to point B. Then she relaxes. 

It has been a long week. Ty Lee is tired. She doesn't want to think about this. She doesn't want to fight Mai. 

Mai must be tired too, for she simply sighs and lowers her head.

"Come on, Ty Lee.”

Mai is her dearest friend. She respects her in a way that no one else has ever managed to come anywhere near. Not even Azula. She hates that they are doing this, that they are finally seeing the impact of all those years of training. Azula was training them to be her resources, her allies, and they thought the Fire Lord allowed it because Azula would be heir one day and would need people like them. Now, they know the truth. Azula trained them as tools. And tools can be used by anyone.

That awful tension lingering between them, they leave for the Earth Kingdom.

Things were _fine._ Azula was _fine._ She had a goal and an action plan and she was going to fix things. This exile was merely temporary – she could endure a few weeks of sleeping in the rough for the sake of the mission.

_(She looked and Zuko and wondered, did Zuko think it was temporary too? All those years, did he wake with the same bone-deep certainty that father will take him back, as Azula does now? Is she simply delaying the inevitable with this mission of hers? A little girl attempting to stop the relentless tides._

_Will she ever stop feeling like her father should have killed her instead of calling for her arrest?)_

They still haven’t spoken about it. Azula, half out of curiosity, and half out of boredom, finally brings it up with Zuko on one of their rare rest breaks. The Avatar wouldn’t be taking _rest breaks,_ after all, so neither should they.

“Why did you leave?” she poses casually, deliberately hunching her shoulders to make her seem smaller and more vulnerable.

Zuko pokes at the fire like the disgraced bender he is. She doesn't know why he started it. Their supply of rice has run dangerously low, so they can't even use it for cooking. 

“I told you, Azula. I was already planning on leaving.” He frowns and draws his legs closer to his chest. “But when I heard that you were under arrest, I couldn’t just leave you.”

They both know why Azula was arrested. Lying for Zuko, protecting him from their father. Elevating his position based on falsehood, saying he killed the Avatar when he did not. Zuko is tentatively expressing a return of that shameful moment of weakness - loyalty for loyalty, the lines of his body read. Like proper sibling staking care of one another.

Azula allows the remark to slide off her back like water off a goose-swan. It is meaningless. A useless show of loyalty to the sister who would have stabbed him in the back at the earliest opportunity. They aren’t _friends,_ Zuko and Azula. They were competitors for the start. For their mother’s love. For their father’s attention. For the throne. Ty Lee was better at cartwheels than Azula so she pushed her over and laughed, and when Zuko was scarred and banished she laughed then too. She has never tolerated anyone being better than her. Not even her brother.

She scoffs and crosses her arms. “Don’t pretend to like me. You have never seen me as your sister. You want to hand me over to the Avatar as a peace offering.” She raises an eyebrow. “I admit, it’s a smart move. I never would have expected it from you, Zuko.”

Zuko groans and throws down the stick. “ _Azula,”_ he says, all tired exasperation. “I’m _not_ handing you over to the Avatar. We’re going together, remember? I know you don’t really believe that the war is wrong-“ A childhood mantra: _Azula always lies._ Azula shouldn’t be surprised he saw through her. “But you have to at least understand that you can’t go back. Not to the palace. He thinks you’re _treasonous,_ Azula.”

And Azula appreciates that breathless wonder of his, that silent shock that Ozai would ever believe Azula to be anything other than loyal. She looks away. She is loyal to their father, always has been and always will be. But she made mistakes. She lied. To help make Zuko look better, to help him come home.

(Ember Island. Zuko raging and not knowing why. ”I’m just _angry._ ”

They pestered and badgered. Who, Zuko? Who are you angry at? 

Azula quietly asked “Me?” and he dismissed it without a thought, _no not you,_ and she still doesn’t understand why that filled her with such relief.)

Dad gave her a chance. But he is not her dad anymore. He is father, or Fire Lord Ozai. It is childish to cling to her old habits. He gave her a chance to confess, to reveal what she knew of Zuko’s exploits in Ba Sing Se, the truth of the catacombs, and she turned it down with a smile.

Fools. The both of them. 

“Clearly I am,” Azula says casually, lounging like she is on a throne rather than a bed roll. “I’m here, aren’t I? Helping you find the Avatar rather than helping father prepare the invasion.”

Zuko tries bending the fire hotter. The flames lower defiantly. Zuko sighs and turns to Azula for help, and she hesitates. Then she tosses her hair and dutifully bends the fire for him. More heat for the fire is more heat for her, after all.

“You’re not a traitor,” Zuko says lowly. He doesn’t offer anything to support his claim. No evidence, no support. Just a conviction Azula cannot shake.

“What’s wrong with your bending?” she tries instead. Their previous line of conversation didn’t rattle him. Let’s see how he fares with this.

Zuko’s lips tighten. In the dark, his face seems unearthly pale. They will have to keep moving soon. For all that the past week of relentless moving has tired them, both refuse to admit it. They don’t have a choice in this. They _have_ to find the Avatar; Zuko for his honour, Azula to return home. 

“There’s nothing wrong with my bending,” Zuko lies. Really, it’s a wonder he lasted as long in the palace as he did. He has a truly _terrible_ poker face.

Azula arches an eyebrow. “Oh? Then explain your pitiful performance during the fight with those Earth Kingdom peasants. Do you really mean to tell me you are just _that_ bad at firebending, dear Zuzu?"

Zuko turns his bad side to her. The scar. As if he thinks that will stop Azula from prying further. Maybe it worked on his useless crewman and on simpering peasants, but it won’t work on her.

“Just drop it Azula. You wouldn’t understand.” His voice is low and raspy.

Of course. Azula would never understand. She never wavered or struggling with her bending, after all. She was on advanced sets while Zuko was kept to the basics. Her bending has never betrayed her the way it did to Zuko during that fight.

Except it has. Azula knows it has. She recovered quickly and forced herself through it, but she hasn’t forgotten the sputter of her flames after father called for her arrest. A shameful moment of weakness.

“Have you considered,” Azula says slowly, tasting the words on her tongue. “That it may be a more… _personal_ reaction to leaving the palace?” She shrugs, leaning back. “Just a thought, Zuzu.”

Zuko is silent as he mulls this over. “You mean the source of my bending has changed?”

Azula examines her chipped nails. She frowns. It isn’t dignified for a princess to have such ugly nails, even after a week sleeping in the woods.

“Exactly, Dum-Dum. You were angry, right? The source of firebending is anger, so it made sense that you didn’t have problems actually producing the flame.” A subtle slight on Zuko’s bending prowess, but he never has to know. “But you left father and the palace, and you _didn’t_ kill him in the process. So if you aren’t angry, Zuko, what are you?”

He doesn't know. She can read the distress on his face as her words sink in. _Proper_ firebenders use their anger as their fuel. What else is there? Zuko struggled with this when they were both in the palace, producing weak flames that filled Azula with equal measures disgust and pity. Then he was banished. He had no problems with anger, after that.

Now here they are. Azula has a little sympathy, at least. She never relied on her anger. There were other sources of bending that worked better for her. As long as she never told her tutors, they could never criticise her for it like they did to Zuko. He was stupidly honest fool. He should have learned to lie like Azula did. Lo and Li figured out by the end what the source of her bending was. They exploited it. Azula became a better bender but a more unorthodox one. Honestly, if Zuko had been any better at bending he would have realised that the more powerful you are, the more leeway you receive. But you have to _earn_ it first. Beat them into the ground before they beat you. 

Zuko doesn't know who he is beyond his anger. His bending is disrupted because the source of his bending has changed - she read cases like him in her lessons. Cautionary tales forced down her throat as a child. Don't deviate from the well-trodden path, Princess Azula. No good comes from it. You don't want to be _weak_ like them.

Azula can hardly a remember a Zuko that isn't angry, either. They know his bending was fuelled by anger, and now that the anger has dissipated his bending is weakening with it. What does that mean for Azula? Lo and Li figured out the source of her bending but they never told her. There is no need, they said. As long as you are excelling. And Azula was always excelling so she never learned, and now she has no idea what is causing her bending to fluctuate. 

What motivated her? Anger, like a proper firebender? She doesn’t think so. Otherwise she would never have been able to master the cold fire.

Zuko can never know that she is struggling with her bending now. It is only fluctuating, after all. A momentary lapse in power. It will have recovered before Zuko can even notice a difference. She isn't like Zuko. She didn't lose her bending and her home. 

Azula is tired of talking. She doesn't want to keep pressing. Zuko is tired, and she is exhausted. They are nearly at the Air Temple, but Zuko must have miscalculated. It is taking longer than they expected. Or maybe they are just slower at walking than they believed. She is sick of sleeping on the side of dirt roads and the farther they get from their landing point, the less inns there are available so they don't even have the _option._ Needling Zuko is fun, but she wants to get to the damned Air Temple and keep conversation away from her bending. 

Zuko shares the thought. He rises to his feet and dusts off his knees. "We have to keep moving," he sighs, then gathers his focus and hones in on the next step of their mission.

If he had that kind of focus when they were young, he would have been an excellent bender. Azula isn't bitter at all. She simply despises wasted potential. She rolls up her own bedroll and grabs her bag, then leaves with Zuko. For the mission, of course. She will never use a bedroll ever again once she returns to the Fire Nation. This stupid circling movement of theirs has allowed them to throw off any Fire Nation shadows, but it is keeping them from the Air Temples and from the Avatar. They should have just flown directly to the Air Temples, rather than this ridiculous go-around. Has Zuko even considered how they will cross the sea to them? 

If Azula had been thinking clearly that night, she could have suggested a new course. But she didn't. Her strategist mind failed her, and her bending failed her, and Zuko's bending is still failing him. They don’t want to think about their bending or the reasons why it has changed, and they are getting far too cozy in this little clearing.

They pack their gear and forge on through the night. They have an Avatar to catch, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all had a lot of theories with Mai and Ty Lee and i'm curious to see if anyone predicted this  
> also: does anyone else ever just,, give up trying to cut out the completely unnecessary commas littered in your draft? there reaches a point with every chapter where i just publish because i can't keep re-reading it for errors


	7. the strategiest strategising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka is a genius strategist and no he doesn't accept criticism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so juggling three perspectives is a bit challenging. who would have thought?  
> this chapter needs a heap more editing but i couldn't be bothered so you guys get it a day early! just if you re-read it keep in mind that i may have made some edits lol

There is an invasion. There is an invasion and no one seems to be worried except Aang.

“Are you sure I’m ready?” he pesters Katara endlessly, seeking reassurance. “It’s not too soon, is it?”

Katara places her hands on her hips. “ _Aang._ This is the best chance we’ll ever get. You have to be ready.”

And that is that. Toph is still brutal in her training and Katara continues her gentle encouragement, but both look worried when they think he isn’t looking. Aang knows he isn’t much of a warrior. He’s never killed anybody, really. Not as himself. The North Pole was _different,_ no matter what Sokka says. It wasn’t him. It was the ocean spirit and Aang couldn’t control that, couldn’t stop that.

He will never willingly take a life. It isn’t the Air Nomad way. But everyone seems to think he’s going to kill the Fire Lord, or- or maim him so badly he can never hurt anyone again. And Aang doesn’t know what he’s going to do to the Fire Lord, but knows it isn’t _that._ He just has to make the Fire Lord stop fighting, right? He can try and talk to him, and if he won’t listen then Aang will fight. Then once the Fire Lord is beaten then maybe he’ll be more open to reason!

Toph? Toph why are you laughing?

Aang knows he’s strong. He’s the _Avatar,_ and the last airbender. He probably knows things that the Fire Lord doesn’t. But he’s also been frozen in ice for the last hundred years, and things have changed since then. Katara and Sokka, and their now-tiny village are proof of that.

He knows Katara hates this plan of theirs. Tracking Zuko while he’s tracking them? It does, Aang admits, seem like a bit of reach on Sokka’s part. But it’s the best plan they have so far. Aang needs to talk to Zuko and see if he can get him on their side. Azula too if they can, although Aang doesn’t think she’ll listen.

If his son is on their side, then surely the Fire Lord would think twice before attacking. Right?

Aang still remembers Pouhai Stronghold. Zuko isn’t all bad, no matter what Katara seems to think. He can be reasoned with if you can get past all the yelling. Plus, Aang kind of wants to hear Zuko explain for himself why he sided with Azula in Ba Sing Se. Aang doesn’t have the weirdly personal grudge against Zuko that Katara does (what _happened_ in the catacombs?) but Zuko _did_ get him shot with lightning, so. He isn’t forgetting what Zuko’s done. He still makes Aang a little uneasy, to be honest. But he’s not with the Fire Nation and there’s a bounty out on him for treason, so Aang feels reasonably confident that they can talk to Zuko.

If they can’t, then they just move on. No loss. It really isn’t as bad as Katara thinks it is.

Which brings Aang to crouching in the bushes with Sokka, staring down at a map and trying to decide where Zuko and Azula went.

“Maybe here?” Aang suggests, chewing on a blade of grass.

Sokka scoffs. “That road leads to _Pouhai,_ Aang. Think. If we were two dubiously evil royal firebenders, what would we be after? The Fire Nation is like _right there-“_ he points to a point just across the sea. Aang could probably fly it in a few hours, if he really really tried. “And we’re _here._ The closest thing to a major city or anything near us is Pouhai Stronghold, and that’s still a good few days away. We’re closer to the Air Temples than anything of strategic value for them-“ Sokka halts. He glances at Aang, contemplating whether to mention it. He hurriedly rolls up the map and stands. “Nevermind, I was wrong. You’re right, they’re probably just heading for Pouhai-“

“They’re not heading for Pouhai,” Aang says quietly. He isn’t stupid. He can put the pieces together himself. “They’re going to the Air Temples, aren’t they?” He looks up at Sokka.

Sokka sighs. He tucks away the scrolls and sits cross-legged next to Aang.

“Honestly Aang? I have no idea. Yeah, the best bet right now is that they’re going for the Air Temples. _B_ _ut-“_ he continues before Aang can interrupt. “We don’t know if they want the Air Temples, or if they want _you,_ Aang. It makes sense that they’d assume you’re going there.” _Because you are,_ Sokka doesn’t say.

“There might still be scrolls and Air Nomad artefacts in the temple,” Aang proposes brightly. He springs to his feet, lighter than before. “They’re probably just looking for things to take me down!”

“There's an _invasion._ That isn't a good thing! And remember the poster, Aang?” Sokka reminds him with a heavy groan. “They’re not working with the Fire Nation anymore. But that just means they probably want to take you down themselves.”

“Watcha guys doing?” Toph asks curiously.

Aang startles and Sokka swears.

“ _Toph,”_ he exclaims, one hand to his chest. “You have _got_ to stop sneaking up on us.”

Toph shrugs. “It’s funny.” She seats herself next to them. “What is that?”

“A map,” Aang explains.

She brightens. “Great! Can I see it?”

“Sure- _heyyy.”_

“Oh Sokka, you really need to stop falling for that.”

Aang shuffles closer. “We’re trying to decide where Zuko and Azula have gone, but-“ he nervously glances back towards their camp. “We didn’t want to do it in front of Katara.”

“And risk making Sugar Queen mad? I gotcha,” Toph says blithely. “I might be able to help. I’m the one who actually saw them, remember? They definitely seemed like they were trying to get out of town. I was able to sense them leaving down this weird, kinda rocky road?”

Sokka squawks. “Like _this_ road!”

Aang takes a closer look at the map. “Hey, that looks right! Thanks, Toph.”

She shrugs. “No problem. Just don’t tell Sugar Queen I helped.”

Sokka rotates the map and narrates aloud to Toph. “The Fire Nation isn’t too far from here. It would maybe be a few days flying by Appa-“ Toph winces at the thought of flying. “We’re in the west of the Earth Kingdom and the Air Temples are only like a day or two away by flying, including all the breaks Aang keeps making us do to have his freakouts-“

Aang hunches over. “I’m sorry, Sokka,” he mumbles.

Toph punches his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Twinkletoes. If you hadn’t had your freakout we wouldn’t have been stopped here long enough to see Prince Hotpants and Crazy Blue!”

“I thought you were calling him Sparky?”

She shrugs. “I’m trying something out.”

“ _Anyway,”_ Sokka says loudly. “If they _are_ headed for the Air Temples, it’ll take them another few days. Longer than us. I doubt they have a map but if they do, then I don’t think they’d have been able to pick one up that shows the terrain. Earth Kingdom maps are _terrible at that,_ being home to earthbenders and all. And Zuko and Azula they don’t have an earthbender like we do. “

Toph grows bored of picking at her toes. “Your point?”

He smirks. “They’ll run into problems with the mountains in their way. That’s our chance to ambush them.”

Aang is starting to fear that smirk.

“Are you sure this is the right way, Zuzu?” Azula asks doubtfully. She glances around them.

Mountains. Nothing insurmountable. Merely an unexpected challenge. Things are _fine,_ but a detour would cost them days they don’t have, and neither are sure exactly where they are.

Zuko frowns at the map. “I’m positive. This is the fastest and most direct way to the Air Temples.”

“Did you forget that you aren’t on a ship anymore and have to encounter _land_ based obstacles?” Azula suggests smoothly, picking at her nails. The polish is coming off now and its patchiness bothers her.

“Why don’t _you_ try then.” Zuko pushes the map into her chest and storms off. He won’t wander far. Azula has trained him to stick close to her. It barely took the week.

Azula politely refrains from pointing out that the last time Zuko said _that,_ she ended up performing far better than him. Instead, she allows him to have his little temper tantrum in the woods. He isn’t within her line of sight, but she can see the jets of flame shooting up towards the sky. He has found a clearing, then. He wouldn’t risk bending with trees in the way.

Azula reigns in the impulse to throw a tantrum herself. She is tired. She is filthy. Her scalp is itchy with sweat and she wants nothing more than a _shower,_ and her hair oils, and possibly a comb too. She wants to feel clean again.

She throws her bags to the ground. Throwing things feels good, so she picks up Zuko’s bags too and hurls them into the foliage. She exhales. A short, sharp thing. There is no one to take her anger out here – and Azula understands now why Zuko walked away to have his meltdown – just stupid trees and stupid bags and a stupid map that couldn’t even warn them they were walking right into a mountainous area. Azula scoffs. _Some map._

Zuko’s flames are still weak, stuttering things that Azula laughs bitterly at. They barely curl over the tops of the trees, even with Zuko’s frustration and anger at its highest since they left the palace. Azula doesn’t try bending. She doesn’t want to know if it would succeed or not.

Azula should take this chance to look at the map and plot the next leg of their journey. All she needs is the sun and the map, really. They taught her in her lessons. It would be less accurate, but still more efficient than Zuko’s inadequate map-reading. She should check their supplies. She should practice writing a letter to her father explaining her progress, and how close she is to having the Avatar in her hands.

But Azula doesn’t think of that. She thinks of the stupid mountains in their way, the Avatar probably just over the other side yet infuriatingly out of reach, and stupid Mai and Ty Lee who got themselves imprisoned for her, and her stupid brother screaming into the woods, and she wants to cry. A week of constant travel and intermittent sleep will do that to a person. She buries her hands in her face and tries to scream like Zuko is, or yell, or cry or _something,_ but nothing happens.

Azula was trained better than to show emotion that easily. Even now, in the middle of nowhere in the Earth Kingdom, she cannot shake that instinct. If she had an excuse- a shipman to yell at, Mai or Ty Lee to mock, even Zuko to rile, then it would be justified. But there is no excuses for Azula here. Nothing to hide behind. Just Zuko, endless trees, and herself.

She _despises_ it.

Zuko gives up on his pathetic bending and comes back, considerably calmer and more collected but avoiding Azula’s eyes.

“Let’s just go,” he mutters.

Azula rolls her eyes and stands. “Why not take a water break, dear brother? We’re already stopped.”

He scowls and opens his mouth to argue, but Azula is already digging out their waterskins. If they keep going like this she really will set Zuko on fire. That would slow down their pace far too much. 

She passes one to Zuko and he stares at it as if contemplating whether to chug it out of spite but relents. He takes the slow, careful sips of one accustomed to going without water for long stretches of time. Not for the first occasion, Azula wonders what exactly her brother got up to during his exile.

Zuko soon grows restless. He pulls out his dao and commences practice, Azula deliberately taking her time with her water to grate on Zuko’s nerves.

Azula watches him out of the corner of her eye. “Why didn’t you go back for his royal tea-loving kookiness, by the way?” she crosses her arm and leans back, shrugging. “Not that I care, of course. I simply thought you would have broken him free on your way out.”

Zuko pauses. The point of his dao sags towards the floor, too heavy to hold.

He sighs. “I tried. He didn’t want me to.”

Then he resumes playing with his useless swords, although Azula has to admit they probably need them with his bending out of commission. 

“Let’s find another way around this stupid mountain,” she finally concedes. 

Zuko takes his cue from her and reaches for his bags, then stops and frowns.

“Azula. Where are my bags?”

Azula rises gracefully to her feet, every inch the scornful princess. “One would imagine that a _Fire Prince_ could keep track of his own belongings.”

“Not a prince anymore,” he corrects, sighing. “We both know father will have declared me a traitor again. And _Azula._ Please tell me those aren’t my bags in those bushes.”

Azula laughs. “And if they are? What are you going to do about it, Zuzu?”

“ _Pick them up,”_ he grumbles. He fetches Azula’s too. “You could have just said, you know? Not everything has to be a game, Azula.”

Azula frowns. She doesn’t like this new, introspective Zuzu. She wants her easily riled, oh-so-fun to tease big brother back. She can laugh at how pathetic he is then, rather than shifting uneasily when he drops one of his strangely insightful comments. She doesn’t want to think about things. She just wants to frustrate her brother and earn her father’s trust back.

Zuko hands over the bags without another word and lets Azula pretend one of her heavier bags is secretly his. She could carry it, of course. Strength training was essential in her bending lessons. But it amuses her to let Zuko take her bag like a pack ostrich horse. He is at least good for something that isn’t yelling or glaring at Azula.

Mai and Ty Lee land in the Earth Kingdom. Mai dismisses the guards with a curt nod of her head, and they hesitate but politely bow as they exit. They will be in touch if they need them, but they won’t. Mai knows that either they find Azula and bring her home, or none of them are going home. If the two girls who trained for years with Azula can’t beat her, or at least convince her to return, then no one can. The guards who try will only end up dead.

Mai flexes her fingers. There are seven knives up her sleeves. She imagines using them on Azula, then bites back her reaction. Mai doesn’t know if Ty Lee is willing to do what they need to bring Azula down. She hasn’t spoken to her family in years. And Ty Lee was always far fonder of Azula than Mai was. Her admiration was, if exaggerated, at least partially genuine. Mai doesn’t particularly care for her parents and their doll-shaped box for her, but she does care for her brother. And they’re still her _parents,_ even if she dislikes them at best and hates them at worst. She can’t afford for them to die.

They have a map. Outdated, it seems. It still lists the territory of New Ozai as Omashu. Mai’s lips curl bitterly at that. They have two infuriating teenagers to find, one the best firebender seen in hundreds of years, the other….

Well. Mai doesn’t know Zuko as well as she thought she did. He didn’t tell her he was planning on leaving. She has no doubt he planned that – thinking ahead was never his strong suit, escaping with Azula _had_ to be improvised – but he planned it. Mai knew he wasn’t happy. Azula and Ty Lee did too. It was an open secret, to be prodded and used to provoke, but never freely discussed. It could be misinterpreted as treason.

Zuko is rash, but he doesn’t act lightly. It had to have been a thought churning in his head for days, or even weeks. And he didn’t tell Mai.

She doesn’t know what she would have done if he had. Report him? Slap him across the head then press supplies into his hands? Leave with him?

It hardly matters now. Something inside Mai feels cold at the thought of Zuko. She hadn’t expected him to be so different after his return. He was _angry,_ and lacking the bright-eyed optimism Mai had quietly liked when she was young. Seeing Azula interact with him was an exercise in caution. Conversation with Azula is a spiderweb, each word a strand sending some silent signal to Azula that makes her either smirk or frown and demand to know who is _really_ in charge here, do you think I’m a fool?

Azula seemed more stable, somehow. With Zuko there to balance her. Mai isn’t sure if Azula loves Zuko as anything more than a tool – she certainly doesn’t recognise him as her older brother. What are they doing together? Why are they in the Earth Kingdom and not hiding somewhere in the Fire Nation? Why did Zuko even risk his neck for Azula when she would betray him without a second thought?

Zuko thinks he knows Azula. He doesn’t. _Mai_ knows Azula, and she knows enough about herself to see that the first thing she does when she meets Azula again will be to launch a knife directly at her shoulder. Ozai may want Azula dead, but Mai doesn’t. Not yet. But that won’t stop her from attacking. 

Ty Lee keeps on talking, and Mai allows the words to wash over her. Half of what Ty Lee says is nonsense. Auras, or this new food she saw at a food stall that was pink and _oh-so-cute._ Ty Lee knows Mai ignores her. When she really wants her words to be heard, she lets Mai know.

Forward scouts reported finding a Fire Nation war balloon crashed in a forest a few hours out of Pouhai Stronghold. Half-destroyed and burnt, like someone with exceptionally hot bending attempted to cremate the evidence. Mai sighs. Azula has patience in abundance, but it is a secret known only to Mai and Ty Lee that when she is in a rush and feels out of control, she slips. She gets sloppy. Azula is always thinking five steps ahead and has a plan for everything, which means she is all the more rattled when she doesn’t. Zuko should have known to double-check, even if Azula hadn’t. Mai supposes they had been preoccupied with the whole “traitors to the Crown” thing.

Their head start won’t help them now. Mai traces the map and marks potential stopping points for Zuko and Azula. There aren’t many. They would have wanted to forge on at any cost. But there are no key ports or towns beyond Pouhai – just a steady path towards the ocean. What are they _doing?_

Ty Lee pauses in her rambles to peer over Mai’s shoulder.

“Oh,” she considers, then points. “Aren’t the Air Temples there?”

They are. Mai vaguely recalls her geography lessons, back when she still attended things like _lessons_ rather than _training_. It was more of a history lesson than anything. _Fire Lord Sozin conquered the Air Army and this is where some of the remnants are._

“There won’t be anything there,” Mai says. “And Azula would know that.”

Ty Lee smiles brightly and claps her hands. “But does _Zuko_ know that?”

Sometimes, on rare, insignificant occasions, Ty Lee has some truly spectacular ideas. 

“You think they’re headed for the temples.”

“Well duh, they’re like, the only significant feature out there for _miiiiles.”_ Ty Lee sings the last word, stretching it out like sugar candy.

Mai reconsiders her point. “They could be searching for shelter. Or refuge.”

“Somewhere to hide,” Ty Lee agrees. “But there’s so many other places, why the Air Temples?"

A thought strikes Mai. She frowns. A second later, Ty Lee parses it too.

“Oh no,” she gasps.

“ _Zuko,_ ” Mai curses. Then: “Azula.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoiler: more Fire Siblings v Gaang interaction is coming up and i am HYPED  
> Sokka: i have eyes on Azula, do you have-  
> Katara, rolling up her sleeves: i have Zuko.  
> (later)  
> Sokka coming back: Katara please take Azula from me, i can't deal with her right now  
> Katara: i'm your gal  
> Sokka: don't kill her tho  
> Katara: ... you need a new gal


	8. surprisingly effective plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timeline, what timeline?  
> The Gaang finally enact their brilliant plan of tracking the Fire Siblings before they can track the Gaang. It's surprisingly effective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> struggled a bit thinking of a bridge for this chapter.  
> anyways, y'all were waaaay more interested in the source of Azula's bending than I thought you would be. i can say that as of 27/5, none of you have guessed correctly. you have some really interesting ideas and many come close/are related but no one has guessed exactly what it is. i expect some strong reactions when you guys find out what it is :)  
> logically i know that Azula is a horrible person and i'm trying not to let her off the hook for that - e.g showing some of her terror/manipulation through Mai and Ty Lee's POVs - but i refuse to condemn a 14 yo victim. even if it is Azula. 'tis a delicate balancing act when writing her

The stupid mountain range spans all across their route. Going around would delay them too long. Going over would be dangerous and potentially lethal. Not to mention that if they make a mistake, they won’t ever reach the other side. Namely because they will be dead.

Zuko studies the path with a practiced eye. He taps absentmindedly at the dao by his side.

“I think we can cross it,” he says.

Azula is _tired_ of Zuko’s cryptic new skills and careful comments.

“Why?” she demands and moves into his space. “Why are you so convinced we can cross this mountain?”

He glances at her. “There’s a path, Azula. What does that say?”

It clicks. A path means people, and people mean a safe way up the mountain, if not over. She wants to scream at Zuko for figuring it out before her, but Azula isn’t used to having to think on the go with a week of little to no sleep. She is smarter than this. Steadier. Stronger. But she doesn’t _feel it._ She just feels hungry and tired. She wants to sit down and never get back up.

But she can’t. Father. The Avatar. She has a mission and an aim and she can’t give up. Azula has never abandoned anything in her life and she won’t start now.

“Fine. We’ll go over the mountain.”

Zuko goes ahead, slashing at any overhanging branches with his dao. He winces a little to use the fine steel on plants, but Azula doesn’t care. She refuses to get her hair or her tunic caught on the brambles. Zuko can get over himself. After an interminable period of time, Zuko glances up at the sky and stops. 

It is dark. They cannot forge through a mountain at night. Zuko relays this over his shoulder to Azula, and she frowns.

“Yes we can,” she insists.

He sighs and slashes another branch. “Azula, I just wanted to scout ahead to see if the path was clear. I didn’t actually want to try and follow it tonight. We don’t have enough light. What if something happens?”

It won’t. This mission is too important. The mountain will bow before them if it knows what is good for it. She casts a mutinous glare towards it.

Zuko stops. He turns to face Azula. “I’m serious, Lala. We can’t keep going. Go back down to where we were and I’ll clear some more branches, then meet you down there. Okay?”

 _Lala?_ Azula’s hands burn blue, and she says casually: “Say that again, dearest brother.” Her eyes gleam. “I _dare you.”_

He raises his hands in peace, confusion evident. “We literally cannot cross this mountain in the dark, Azula. If it was just me then yeah, I’d do it, but I’m not risking your life too.”

Azula burns with indignation. “I don’t need your _protection,_ brother,” she spits. She moves one hand towards Zuko. “And I would suggest you get over yourself before I _make you.”_

She stalks past him. Zuko raises his eyes to the sky, sending a silent prayer to Agni, then chases after her.

“Azula! _Listen,_ please. What if we get injured doing this in the dark? What if there isn’t a path on the other side? C’mon, you’re the one who thinks ahead Azula. I’m just your weak older brother, right?” Azula stops walking, and Zuko halts behind her. “Azula, please.”

She extinguishes the flame. She exhales, then cuts her eyes at Zuko.

“Fine. But if you don’t come back, I’m eating the last of the rice and setting fire to your bedroll.”

A mild threat, and they both know it. But it is not empty.

While Zuko is off exploring the trail, Azula makes herself the promised food. She discovers she cannot cook. Staring down at the bowl with disgust, she briefly considers not eating it. The rice is horrible and burnt. A princess should not consume such sub-par food. Her advisors would keel over in shock if they saw her willingly eating such degrading food.

…. But Azula is _hungry._ Zuko cannot cook either, so her rice is no better nor worse than his, if slightly more charred. Azula refuses to admit this. She is hungry and there are no other options and her entourage are not here, Mai and Ty Lee are not her, neither are Lo and Li or the war ministers or the chefs. Azula is alone.

There is no point in eating delicately. There is no one to see her now, crouched in the woods scarfing down burning rice. She looks down at her hands afterwards. Pink in places from the heat of the rice, but Azula is resistant to burns and heals quickly from them. It will not harm her. There is sticky residue from the rice, and she turns expectantly, waiting for the basin of water to appear even though it has been a little over a week now. She should know that there are no servants. There is no one to provide her the hand basin after eating a meal, no one to comb her hair, no ministers or advisors to consult on her plan.

She is alone. She wipes her hands down on her trousers then, on a whim, hunts through the bags for more food. All she finds is a handful of the remaining dried fruit and Azula scrunches her nose at it but eats it anyway. Then she leans back, observing the crackling fire.

Azula feels… almost calm. The Avatar is within sight as soon as they can get over this mountain. No one expects anything from her at this moment. Not even Zuko, wandering down that trail with his silly little swords. 

She reaches for the comb in her bag, picked up from the previous town, and lays it flat before her. She fills a bowl with water and uses it as a mirror, checking her reflection but expecting it to look as it always does. Dignified. Composed. Princess-like, with all the power and authority that comes with it. She turns her head to the improvised mirror and stops.

It isn’t her. That’s the only thought in her head. It isn’t her. Princess Azula never looked like a savage, matted hair running loose and wild, dark circles under her eyes from months of only sleeping during the day even in the palace, even on the run, and _hungry,_ cheeks hollow from depending on a dwindling supply of coin for food in a nation that hates her. If father saw her now, would he cup a hand to her face in a tender caress and burn half of it off, like he did to Zuko? Or would he not even give her that, turning his back on her and throwing her straight into the dungeons?

Azula knows which one she hopes for. She is disgusted at herself for wanting it.

Hands trembling, she raises the comb to her hair and combs through it. She will _not_ appear before the Avatar in this dishevelled state. She has to betray her brother. She has to capture the Avatar. Only then will things return to normal. Only then can she re-join her place at her father’s side. This isn’t her fault. She isn’t choosing this. It is what she has to do, what is expected. Zuko wouldn’t understand. He was always too weak.

Part of her wants to cry. The other, stronger part continues brushing her hair. The night is silent around her.

Azula wakes to the snapping of a twig. Within a heartbeat she is spinning herself onto her feet, weight supported by her upper body strength, shooting twin flames of blue towards the sound. She twists to her feet and takes a rooted stance, two fingers pointed to shoot precisely at the target. They can’t take her bending prowess from her. Her home, her appearance, her earth-like surety, but never her bending.

Zuko comes out with his hands raised above his head.

“Azula,” he says irritably. “You couldn’t have waited to see who it was?”

She uncoils her hands. “No,” she shrugs unapologetically, and waits for Zuko to sit before she lowers herself back to the ground.

Her fire had felt weak. Sluggish. Harder to channel and force through the singular points of her fingers. She had been forced to use the wider chi paths of her feet to get them out, and even then Azula knew they weren’t as hot as they should be. Another reason to return as soon as possible – Lo and Li will fix her. They will know what to do to make her strong again.

Zuko peers into the empty bowl, digging for scraps, and scowls when he can’t find any. Then his face softens, and he looks towards Azula, almost smiling.

“I guess it wasn’t an empty threat,” he jokes.

Azula scoffs. “Obviously, Dum-Dum. Do try to keep up.”

She keeps an eye on him from the other side of the fire. He pokes at the fire without really seeming interested in it. The less attention he pays to her, the more she allows herself to relax. Zuko doesn’t know of her plan, after all. He thinks they will go bow before the Avatar like cowards, like traitors. He should know that Azula would never lower herself to that level. Treachery may be good and well for Zuko, but Azula is loyal to their father. She won’t leave him. Not for Zuko. Not for Mai and Ty Lee, should they require… _intervention._ Not for anybody.

Zuko reaches for his personal bag and withdraws a small parcel of dried root and nuts. Terrible food, which is evidently why he was saving it for last. Zuko sighs. They will reach the Avatar tomorrow, or the day after. If they are lucky, they will not need food after tonight. If they are not, then food will be the last of their worries between this stupid mountain, the Fire Nation soldiers, and the Earth Kingdom.

Zuko clearly considers this. Azula turns away so he can’t see the faint longing on her face at the sight of the food. She ate already, but that was hours ago and she has slept since. Azula is unaccustomed to going long periods without food. She hasn’t gone hungry since Zuko left – the darling only child, the clear future heir. No one would dare refuse her anything. If Azula wanted food after a long training session, she would get food. It was only once that her father decided she was too distracted by hunger during her training and demanded that she go without for the day as a test of her mettle and dedication.

Azula passed, of course. She wasn’t going to let a few hunger pains get in the way of proving father proud. Then she could eat whatever she wanted after that, as long as she ate quietly, with dignity, taking small bites like a princess should and not making a pig of herself. It would embarrass father. Growing firebenders are expected to eat their fill, so it was fine. But growing _girls_ were expected to keep to a strict diet.

Zuko rations out a little more of their precious food, then gives the bowl to Azula after a moment of thought.

“Here,” he says. “Take it. “ And turns away.

She should just take it. Zuko obviously doesn’t care if he eats tonight. She curls one arm around the bowl, hungrier than she can ever recall being even in the palace even after her meagre meal of burned rice earlier, and stares.

“Zuko,” she says finally. “Don’t you need to eat?”

He looks up, surprised. “I will, Azula. I just need to look at this map for a while. I’ll eat later.”

“You didn’t eat at lunch,” she points out. She starts scooping dried root from her bowl.

His smile turns sheepish. “…. I forgot?”

Azula watches him enviously. She wishes she could just- forget to eat **.** Even now, her hunger gnaws at her stomach and she curls an arm around it.

They were always like that. She had forgotten. Back in the palace, when they were little, the servants and cooks all wanted Zuko to eat more. He ate surprisingly little, for a boy. They thought it another sign of his abnormality, his weakness. They piled Zuko’s plate high and he sighed and stomached as much as he could, complaining all the while.

It was Azula who was the hungry one. She practiced her katas non-stop. Her rigorous training meant she burned through her energy at a higher rate than others, and she needed more food to stop her from feeling constantly hungry. But girls weren’t supposed to eat too much. The servants gave her dainty portions that _should_ have been enough to feed a girl- even a firebending one- but it didn’t make her full. They weren’t accounting for the fact that Azula didn’t eat like a pigeon-dove and she needed more than their stupid two scoops of rice. _Zuko_ got four.

He let her take her leftovers, sometimes. When it was just the two of them eating together and the servants had their back turns. He would glance around then carefully slide his rice onto Azula’s plate. When Zuko gave her extra food, she abandoned manners and shovelled as much into her mouth as she could before the servants looked, because the last time they caught her they scolded her for eating too much and took the food away. Azula had gone to bed even hungrier than usual, ashamed for breaking the rules and ashamed that she depended on Zuko for his stupid extra scoops of rice.

When Zuko hit puberty and started shooting up, he started eating all the extra rice then asking for seconds too. Azula had learned by then to eat slowly, elegantly, wielding her chopsticks with grace and poise as she took small mouthfuls. It looked more dignified. It also made the food last longer, and she pretended she wasn’t starving. There was no more shovelling food into her mouth so the servants couldn’t take it away from her, because there was no extra food to shovel down.

A few days before the Agni Kai, Zuko came to her room at night bearing a handful of plums and a guilty expression.

“I forgot,” he explained apologetically, handing over the plums like fragile cargo. “That you need more food than me. I couldn’t sneak any rice or leftovers from the kitchen, but they let me take these.”

Of course. The cooks had never chased _Zuko_ out of the kitchen. There was a reason Azula learned to sneak around so effectively, and a reason Zuko had never needed to.

She had never loved or hated Zuko so much as she had at that moment when he brought her plums just because she was hungry. It startled her; they were rivals in the palace, constantly competing for acknowledgement and their parents’ affection. They both knew it. Azula hadn’t felt like she had a brother in years, but for the slimmest of moments, she felt like nothing had changed.

She smiled at Zuko. Then two weeks later their father burned his face off while Zuko screamed, and she smiled then too. Azula wonders what is wrong with her. If there is just something broken inside her that can never be fixed. She loved her brother. She still laughed at him for begging for mercy from their father. Good people do not laugh at pain and feel vindicated for finally having proof that kindness is not tolerated in the palace. She was right all along, and Zuko was wrong.

Azula thinks of the plum.

“You’re an idiot,” she decides finally. She gives half the serving to Zuko and does not regret it. She refuses to think too deeply about it. Call it repaying a debt.

Something insider her twists with the knowledge that she has to betray Zuko soon. But he would do the same. There is no way he is actually intending on shielding her from the Avatar after she shot him with lightning. From that waterbender girl too. Azula has no choice. She can't stay in the Earth Kingdom, and if she ever wants to go home she has to do this. To go back. Back to father. Back to the palace. Back to the war. There is nowhere else for her. She is nothing without her status and her place by her father’s side. She can't ever be a normal peasant or soldier. The only path for her is the one that leads to the throne. With her father. 

Zuko does not factor in. She watches as he rolls over and goes to sleep, so still he could be dead. He doesn't trust her. He doesn't love her. Only father has ever cared for her, and even he arrested her for treason. But she will clear everything up and return with honour. With pride. She _has to,_ Zuko wouldn't understand. He had his mother. Azula had her father. They picked their sides, Zuko and Azula, and now they have to stick with them. No matter the cost. There is no way out. 

Azula quietly tries summoning flames in her hands. They grow, unexpectedly, then slowly reduce in size. A weak pulse. Like a heart. Different to before, but not worse nor better. Her bending is still not back to how it was, and Azula knows Zuko’s bending is still nearly non-existent.

She extinguishes the flame and exhales. Maybe it would be better if they just died in the Earth Kingdom where they can’t do themselves, or father, any more harm. What use are two non-bending royals?

The Avatar has other ideas.

Azula stares at the mess sprawling before them and feels her fingers tingle with phantom lightning. She looks at Zuko, heart strangely heavy. Is this the beginning of the end? 

“It seems to me, dear brother, that we are outnumbered,” she says, purposefully calm. She raises an eyebrow at Zuko.

He is staring wide-eyed at them. His little fantasy come true, the Avatar and his friends surrounding them. Turns out they didn’t have to cross the mountain after all. Instead of finding the Avatar, the Avatar found _them._ Now Zuko can hand Azula over and do what he truly wants. 

The waterbender, the non-bender, the earthbender Azula vaguely recalls being present during the altercation in that village, and the Avatar himself. All present and accounted for.

Azula takes the lead. She slowly kneels and raises her hands above her head.

“You got us,” she calls, voice deceptively light. “We won’t make a move.”

Zuko stares at Azula. She subtly motions towards the ground, and he hesitates. Is he planning how best to betray Azula? To turn her over? But no, he is stepping forward and kneeling beside her. Azula watches him from the corner of her eye. 

“We surrender,” he calls with that raspy voice of his. Azula nearly rolls her eyes. It is a miracle the Avatar didn’t attack on sight, with Zuko’s infamously bad reputation and Azula’s own feats.

“Yes,” she agrees mildly when all eyes turn balefully to her. “I surrender too.”

The little earthbender makes a sharp upward flick and Azula finds herself encased in stone up to her chin. Zuko, interesting, is left unbound besides an intriguing whirl of water circling him. Like the eye of a typhoon during wet season. 

“What do you want?” the non-bender barks. He is wielding a sword, and Azula narrows her eyes as she recognises Piandao’s symbol on it. That old fool was always suspiciously deferent considering his track record of treason.

 _He must believe he sounds impressive,_ Azula thinks mockingly. _One sword and he thinks he can take us in a fight._ But she holds her tongue.

Azula has heard Zuko practicing his speech, preparing for this exact moment. Dramatic monologues to frogs, to logs, to trees, to _Azula,_ once, when he was only blearily awake and unable to process the danger of this act. His face flushed so deep with shame when he fully awoke that Azula briefly contemplated capturing the shade and getting it sold as a new pigment for Fire robes. She has enough blackmail material on him for a lifetime now.

Azula thinks she knows how Zuko’s speech will go. Then he will tack on something at the end, some line of _here, take my sister as a peace offering, kill her if you want._ And Azula will have to fight them all. She will win, of course. Even with her weakened bending. She will win because that is what Azula does. The prodigy. The golden child. She is a victor and she will grind them all into the ground. She forces herself to appear relaxed as Zuko speaks. She is ready to attack. Just _waiting_ for those words.

But what he actually says is this:

“Hi, I’m uh- I’m Zuko. But you already knew that. We’re here for the Avatar. No not like that, please don’t attack us- we left the Fire Nation to help the Avatar and we’re good now, sort of. I can’t really speak for Azula. But she hasn’t hurt anyone since we left! Except those men but they were trying to attack us, and you really can’t blame her for that but- yep, we’re good now and we want to help the Avatar.”

That strikes the little group silent. It strikes _Azula_ silent too, taking the moment to close her eyes and pray to Agni that her fool of a brother gets struck down. The moment passes, and Zuko still kneels beside her, all sincere earnestness that would sound _inconceivably fake_ to those unfamiliar with him.

Wonder of wonders. Zuko lacked the guts to kill Azula and save himself. Now Zuko will get them both killed before father can. Azula wonders if this kind of idiocy is planned or simply spontaneous. Surely no one can be that stupid. 

Then the non-bender savage throws a _boomerang,_ of all things, and Azula seriously considers it being genetic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for staying with me on this wild ride! this chapter is mostly unedited so you have my apologies for that.  
> his chapter may not have been the most interesting but the next has more of that fabled Gaang vs Fire Siblings interaction, so stick around for that! <3


	9. can i get uhhh, group therapy thanks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY ABOUT THE LACK OF EDITING. i had to write and post it tonight (bc reasons and i am super tired) so i'm gonna try and edit it tomorrow so hopefully any errors in here won't be there for long. lemme know if you find any major typos 
> 
> there is one person who has come very close to identifying the source of Azula's bending! unbelievably close!! (i believe i also told this to the person themself so you know who you are). i will reveal exactly what it is eventually but i'm saving it for an emotional punch soon... (hint: it's not fear.)
> 
> quick TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter! Azula says some insensitive things regarding Zuko's abuse and scar and forces him into a situation where she tells people about some of his trauma without his consent. i'll talk more about this in the end notes but please take care when reading this scene. it's during the Avatar's "interrogation" of Azula and Zuko

The stupid nonbender launches himself at them, his boomerang preceding his presence. A wooden weapon. _Really._ At two _firebenders._ Azula can admire his sheer idiocy if nothing else, the nonbender screaming as he runs towards them.

Azula wants to set him on fire. Just a tinsy bit. But that would be a waste of time and energy and she has a _mission,_ so she sighs and keeps herself defensively lowered. If the boomerang hits her, it hits her. It might make her look more sympathetic. She can’t make herself look bad my defending herself, after all. She can take a hit for the sake of the mission.

Except Zuko _intercepts the Water Tribe Savage and knocks him off his feet._ One sweep of Zuko’s legs and the nonbender is down, howling indignantly. The boomerang sails over their heads. Instantly, the others attack. Zuko is forced to the ground with the waterbender’s strength, her water pushing him downwards. The boomerang arcs back around but falls short of its target, clattering to the ground. Azula cannot move from her stone bindings. She could if she wanted. But it serves her better to appear harmless in their little prison.

Zuko wheezes. The waterbender might have damaged something; her face glowering down at them. Azula almost admires her for a moment. Then she pulls herself back together.

“We come in _peace,”_ Azula stresses, and her eyes flicker to the earthbender girl. “We mean you no harm. We have deserted the Fire Nation, and our father.” She shrugs. “Like my dearest brother said, the war is wrong.”

“Don’t bother lying,” the waterbender snaps, one hand tense and ready to unleash a water whip. “Toph can tell when you’re lying. Tell them, Toph!”

Oh? Azula barely refrains from raising an eyebrow. This should be interesting.

“If that’s the case,” she continues smoothly. “She should be able to tell that I’m telling the truth.” She gestures towards her idiot brother, still wheezing on the ground. “My brother and I are here to help the Avatar.”

Something in Toph’s face seems to focus, listening to something beyond Azula’s own ears. Toph frowns.

“She’s telling the truth.”

Azula smiles and shrugs to the best of her ability. “What can I say? I told you I wasn’t lying.”

The little group exchange harried glances. The Avatar finally pushes forward.

“I’m Aang,” he says. His voice is serious, yet still laced with childlike softness. Azula wants to push him. Just to see if he falls. “Why do you want to help me?”

Azula’s eyes go, involuntarily, to Zuko. He props himself up on his elbows and groans a response.

“I want to train you, Avatar. You said we could have been friends in another life. Is that still true? I know the war is wrong now and I want it to _stop._ Isn’t that what you wanted? I have Azula with me now and she’s-“ he pauses. Azula senses his bitterness and smirks. “A much better bender than me. She can help. We both can.”

He sounds out of breath by the time he has finished. Azula is almost touched that he finally admitted it. She looks at him. He hasn’t turned her over yet. He just volunteered her to help teach the Avatar. What is his game? Zuko rarely thinks ahead and she doubts he has now, but he _must_ have some sort of plan. Why would he spare Azula? She used to drag him into her games to humiliate them when their mother’s back was turned, burning his arm during training to throw him off. Because it was funny. Because Azula was jealous. Because she _could,_ plain and simple, and everyone admired her regardless.

Why hasn’t he taken revenge yet?

The Avatar looks uneasy. He shuffles his feet and looks to the others. But, Azula notes, first to the waterbender girl.

“We need to talk,” he says. Then he hurries to add: “Don’t think of going anywhere! Toph and Katara have to keep you like that for now. Sorry.”

 _Sorry._ Almost impulsive, like he physically could not stop himself from apologising. Azula hates the Avatar with a fervour. She _hates_ him. She should have killed him the first time. He is worse than an irritating pest, bleeding sympathy from every orifice.

Zuko’s eyes turn sharply on Azula. “Don’t attack him,” he hisses quietly. Earthbender girl pauses in her conversation, like she heard.

Azula allows herself a subtle roll of the eyes. “I’m not here to attack them, Zuko,” she says. _Lie._ “We’re here because we can’t go back, remember? Father exiled us and accused us of treason to the crown. The war has to end.”

If Azula is laying it on a bit thick, no one has to know. Certainly not the earthbender listening in and relaying Zuko and Azula’s conversation to the rest of their little group. Zuko frowns but lets it slide, noting to future-Zuko to be on guard for Azula's plan. 

The group turns back. Aang is apologetic.

“I just-“ he ducks his head. “I can’t trust you. Either of you. You’re the Fire Lord’s _children._ Why would you want to help me?”

Like that means something. Azula pointedly stares at Zuko’s scar. They follow her line of sight and frown in puzzlement while Zuko flushes.

“That’s- _Azula,_ that has nothing to do with this!”

“Really, brother?” she cuts in. “Then you won’t mind explaining, right?”

He stares at her. Betrayed.

“You can’t use it like that,” he says between gritted teeth. The temperature spikes sharply. “It’s not- some sob story to use for pity. You can’t use it like that. Use _me.”_

Azula sighs. “Really, Zuko. Do you want them to trust us or not?”

Toph wanders closer, frowning at Azula. “Hey, Sparky over here is getting pretty upset. His heartbeat is going like _crazy._ He doesn’t have to say anything.”

Azula squints up at her. “You were the blind earthbender in that town, weren’t you?” She relaxes back into her restraints, clearly dismissing Toph. “Then you know my brother has a bleeding heart. It’s how he got that scar.”

The revelation rocks the group. The waterbender’s stance loosens, just for a second, then she is back and yelling at Azula.

“ _Liar!_ You’re just trying to get our guard down, to make us- make us _trust_ Zuko like he did in Ba Sing Se! Well we’re not falling for it!”

The nonbender places a hand on her shoulder, face reading _concerned._ Her brother, then? They have the same dark skin tone.

“Katara,” is all he says. “Trust Toph.”

Toph shakes her head at them. “She’s telling the truth, still. Or thinks she is.” She turns her face back to Azula. “What do you mean by that?”

Azula shrugs. “What do you think? It’s a long story involving dear Zuko here speaking up for his beloved people and getting his face burned o-“

“ _AZULA!”_ Zuko shouts, chest heaving and face burning with rage. He tries evaporating the water around him. Azula watches, sensing his bending flare then dissipate. A dismal attempt.

She really doesn’t understand why he is so upset. It’s an embarrassing story, certainly, revealing shameful weakness in front of the enemy. It exposes his flaws. But isn’t that the best move for them right now? A carefully calculated display of weakness to get their guard down, make them trust them and underestimate them. Zuko shouldn’t have a problem with this. The evidence is on his face – even if they doubt Azula’s words, they cannot deny Zuko’s scar.

This is what you do with the enemy. You manipulate. You lie, you deceive. Did Zuko really leave the palace so early as to not learn that lesson?

She observes the escalating tension between them, almost detached. Azula never had any embarrassing stories about herself exposed. She fired or threatened anyone who ever saw anything she wanted kept quiet. The servant who caught her tumbling out of a curtain after a certain war meeting soon handed in her resignation, long sleeves hiding the burns from small hands. It was the best move for Azula. For her safety and continued existence. Why is Zuko so opposed to this small sacrifice? He should really be moving on by now.

The Avatar and his friends glance warily between Zuko and Azula. She knows they need a firebending teacher. The Avatar clearly hadn’t mastered fire the last time they met. They don’t trust Zuko and Azula, understandably. But in terms of pure strategy, doesn’t it make more sense to take them on?

Zuko, still acting soulfully wounded and staring with hurt eyes at Azula, offers a solution.

“You can take us as prisoners,” he suggests. “If you can’t trust us as allies.”

If Zuko were there alone, maybe they would scoff and say _yeah right, we’ll take our chances elsewhere._ But Zuko is not alone. Azula is there and very much encased in stone. She isn’t sure whether to play up her defencelessness in this moment or to look threatening. She settles for baring her teeth in a facsimile of a smile, sinking further into the stone.

She can see the exact moment the nonbender falls victim to temptation.

“Okay, I know they’re massive threats and most definitely planning something, but they’re literally offering themselves on a silver platter. We’d be stupid not to take it.” He angles himself towards the Avatar and the two benders. He conspicuously lowers his voice, but Azula has always had sharp hearing. Zuko even more so. “Dad…. Still at the bay… ready for the invasion. We can turn them over… easy. Steel cages.”

Azula scoffs internally. Zuko looks eager to be taken prisoner, and seemingly surprised his plan worked. Maybe if it were Zuko alone they would simply cut their losses and throw Zuko out on his heels, shooing away the Fire Nation fool chasing them. But Azula is here, and she is far too big a threat for them to safely ignore. They would never accept her freely - Azula knew that. Zuko's eyes cut to Azula and he scowls again. _Really?_ It’s just strategy. Nothing personal. Azula wasn’t even trying to double-cross him. Just to help. 

The group has an intense silent conversation, coupled with wild hand gestures from the Water Tribe siblings. Azula should really keep track of their names. Katara was the waterbender and Toph was the earthbender. She doubts she will use them. It may come in handy if she is trying to appeal to them, however. She has no doubts that _Zuko_ won't even remember. There is a reason Azula is the superior sibling. She lasted far longer in the palace than Zuko ever did. She made it to fourteen, rather than his pitiful thirteen. And she will soon return. She will go back and father will welcome her and Zuko will still be sad and alone. 

The Avatar really needs to teach his little groupies better communication. Azula has had more complex silent conversations with Mai and Ty Lee, with entire battle plans riding on their correct interpretation. She could raise an eyebrow and have Ty Lee instantly peeling away with a target in mind. The Avatar and his group are... _appalling_ poorly organised. She approves of the waterbender's suspicion, but all that anger really is useless. It isn't like she can use it to fuel her bending as firebenders can. Her anger will cloud her mind and eventually, she will slip. The nonbender will be focused on Azula, she is sure. Watching her every move out of some misguided sense that as the oldest and the big brother, he must keep an eye on the prisoners to keep the others safe. A simple enough weakness, if misguided. The Avatar doesn't worry Azula - she killed him once, she can do it again. And Toph? Well, she all it takes is a little blood to scare the girl.

Azula smiles. They are playing right into the palm of her hand. She will wait until they accept her then she can, _finally,_ take Zuko and the Avatar and go home. Father will be proud of her. He hasn't ever said so, but she knows he is. And he will be even prouder once he hears of her accomplishment. 

Sorry Zuzu. A few weeks together in the Earth Kingdom don't outweigh Azula's favoured status. He will be discarded by her as soon as he lacks use. 

Katara hates Azula. She hates her like she hates only one other person, and that person has the special position of being her mother's murderer.

Azula _killed Aang._ She held him in her arms and felt his life force drain steadily out of his chi paths. She was terrified, mind blank with panic and grief, unable to do anything as Aang left for a place she could not follow. It was a miracle she had that Spirit Oasis water on her. She could have lost Aang forever. Even now, he isn't totally out of the woods. 

The others all dismiss her. She sees it every day. Katara is just being overprotective, stay out of her way today. She _babies_ Aang, needs to let go. That's what they say. It hurts, but Katara doesn't let it sting for long. They weren't there. They weren't the ones holding Aang's life in their hands and knowing that with _one mistake,_ the world's only hope would be gone. That with one mistake, Katara's first real friend could be gone. 

Azula's languid posture screams of a quiet lethality. She blinks with complete innocence and her words aren't lies, according to Toph, but Katara wouldn't be surprised if Azula has found a way to deceive Toph. If anyone could do it, it would be Azula.

Katara glares at her. Then she switches her glare to Zuko, who doesn't even have the decency to seem guilty or ashamed. Just happy that he is here, with them seriously considering taking the two as prisoners. Katara thinks it's a terrible idea. _Anything_ could happen. Azula could try and murder Aang again. Zuko could kidnap Aang. The two could hurt her, or Sokka, or Toph, or- or threaten civilians or something else unspeakably evil like the two always do. They aren't good people. They don't know mercy and regret like them. She thought, in Ba Sing Se, that Zuko was actually human. She felt sorry for him, listened to him talk about his mother and trace his scar, all solemn and reflectful. Then he turned around and helped Azula shoot Aang down with lightning. She won't make that mistake again. She won't fall for it again. If she lets down her guard and starts thinking of them as human, as people with real emotions, then she will get tricked again and something _bad_ will happen.

Toph and Sokka don't understand. They think she's being paranoid. Aang keeps asking to just give them a chance - he needs a firebending teacher, after all, and there's two right there! 

None of them say Azula and Zuko aren't dangerous. Sokka suggests taking them to their father in Chameleon Bay, where the rest of the invasion force is. Katara would agree. It's the safest place to keep two dangerous, high-level prisoners, but they can't risk taking the two straight to the invasion force. There can be no chances of the Fire Lord discovering the invasion. 

"They'll just have to come with us then," Toph says easily. Katara glowers at her and Toph rolls her eyes. "Relax, Katara. I _know_ they're dangerous, okay? I was the one there when Azula killed a bunch of soldiers, remember? But even if Azula is lying, Zuko's telling the truth. He really is here to help us. I think we should give him a chance."

Katara crosses her arms. "You say that now Toph, but soon he'll get you on your side by talking about his mother, or cute little animals, or something that makes it seem like he isn't a Fire Nation monster."

Toph frowns. "Maybe because he _isn't?_ Katara-"

"Okaaaaaay," Sokka interjects quickly, stepping between the two. "Obviously we can't let them go. I say we take them as prisoners." His face is serious. "I mean it, we can't let them run around this close to you-know-what. They're a security risk."

They all look at Aang. He raises his hands defensively. 

"What?" he says, then sighs when their staring intensifies. "Okay, I kiiiinda want to take them in too. I need a firebending teacher. But I don't think we can trust them." He worries at his lip as he observes Zuko. "Not yet, anyway. They haven't done anything to show us they're serious about this."

"Does that mean we're taking them?" Toph presses urgently, like a child asking for a puppy. Katara wants to shake her until she understands. Toph's expression turns mutinous as though she can sense Katara's thoughts. 

Sokka makes a see-saw gesture with his hands and shrugs. "Maybe? Aang gets final say."

"If it's okay with you guys," Aang says hesitantly, leaning more heavily on his staff with the pressure. 

Katara crosses her arms. Sokka nods. Toph huffs and throws her hands in the air at all of them, then jabs a finger towards Zuko and Azula.

"Look at them! They haven't tried attacking us or anything since they've got here. Considering their family and all, they could be a _lot_ more messed up." Toph talks over Sokka and Katara's protests. "Even Azula, and I was _there_ when she killed those people, and yes I know she shot Aang. But she didn't attack today and even Zuko didn't until you-" she turns an accusing finger on Sokka. "Tried attacking him first!"

Sokka opens his mouth to argue, hands curled around boomerang.

Toph slams a hand in front of his face, a flesh and bone wall. "I don't want to hear it, Boomerang Guy."

They glance back to Zuko and Azula. Zuko is still rubbing at a spot near his shoulder, face betraying no pain but body clearly telling another story. His scar stands stark against his pale skin. Katara, for a brief moment, wonders if Azula's words were true. But why would Zuko get so angry unless she was lying? It makes no sense. Azula, beside him, is silent but no less dangerous. She smirks when she notices Katara watching and looks deliberately down at herself, mockingly pointing out her own vulnerability. Katara narrows her eyes. She won't take them off Azula for a single second Azula is with them. If Azula so much as _breathes_ near Aang, she is going _down._

"Do what you want," Katara says abruptly, resting one hand on her water skin and still staring at Azula. "I have a score to settle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azula has a very toxic mindset regarding Zuko in this chapter, specifically with sharing the story about his scar and treatment (abuse) in the palace without his consent. to be clear, this is NEVER okay. i wanted to expose more of Azula’s learned ruthlessness and the rift between the Fire Siblings, especially where Ozai is concerned. Azula still hasn’t recognised it as abuse and she still thinks if she were stronger, smarter, then Ozai will take her back, and that she wasn’t abused as “badly” (in her mind) as Zuko because she was better than Zuko, and Zuko deserved it. once again, an extremely toxic mindset and one i look forward to making Azula leave behind. if this chapter has raised any concerns/issues with you, please take care. make yourself a hot drink, wrap yourself in blankets or take a hot shower, and talk to someone who can support you. i’m also here to talk if you need so don’t be a stranger <3


	10. seriously, please get these kids therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with a sooner-than-i'm-supposed-to update! my problem with editing is that i want to share it NOW, i don't want to wait another few days to post it. that's also why i keep posting irregularly lol. i got InspiredTm and wanted to write this chapter bc it made me sad and i want to share that sadness with you. i read a little drabble i wrote earlier to insert into a later chapter and it made me cry so like,, good luck y'all. but i'm also emotionally invested in this fic so you guys may escape unscathed without my level of obsession in these characters! we'll have to see :)

Zuko hears the popping of the cork before he sees it, and his body is reacting before Katara has even taken another step towards Azula. His flames are weak, guttering things, but more than enough for Katara to flinch back.

The others leap into action, the Water Tribe boy grabbing onto Katara’s arm and pulling her back, Toph slamming up a wall of earth in front of Azula. Aang repels the flames and turns his disappointed gaze onto Zuko.

He scrambles to his feet, trying to straighten as much as he can around Katara’s watery bonds.

“I’m so sorry, is she okay? I didn’t hurt her right? I just- she was going to attack Azula, you saw-“

If there is one absolute law to Zuko’s life, it is that he never gets what he wants, and things are never fair. They saw Katara pop her water skin and advance on Azula, but what if they don’t care? What if they think they already have two firebenders - what’s the point if one is a little damaged?

Zuko feels the rough skin of his left side of his face. He can’t- he _won’t_ let them hurt Azula. She is manipulative and calculating and _cruel,_ in a way that Zuko tried to be but felt empty, like copying a painting only to find that the ink is weak and watery, lacking substance where the original is vibrant. She tried to kill him. He tried to challenge her to an Agni Kai. He knows she isn’t here because she’s changed- he can admit that much at least- but she’s still different than before. Zuko isn’t just imagining her quiet moments. Sometimes it seems like Azula is having regrets. Over what, he doesn’t know, but the fact that he can tell means she’s slipping. Her mask is crumpling, a piece of origami folded too many times. A masterpiece taken a step too far.

She is his sister. And uncle- he didn’t want Zuko trying to make amends in the way that their mother tried to make them when she was still around, and he knew he was right to fight Azula. But she’s his sister. He can’t let them hurt her. Won’t let _her_ hurt _them,_ either, because Zuko meant it when he said the war needs to end. He won’t let Azula compromise that. He has to be with the Avatar, he doesn’t _have_ anywhere else. He knows this is his destiny.

Zuko catches the stony glare of the Water Tribe boy and goes quiet. Zuko has always had too much pride for his own good. Too much pride for a failure, for someone whose mother left and couldn’t be bothered to take him with her. But he turns his shoulders inward to seem more vulnerable, the way he saw Azula do, and tries to make himself look small. He means no harm. They have to see that.

He doesn’t expect them to.

Katara appears startled. “I wasn’t going to attack her,” she explains with a bewildered tone. “I was just trying to keep a better guard on her.”

The Wate Tribe boy- Sokka? Doesn’t remove his arm. He seems doubtful.

“They’re our prisoners Katara,” he says. “But we still can’t attack them. You know that, right?”

She scoffs and re-corks the water skin. “Of course I know that, Sokka. I wouldn’t attack her when she’s defenceless.”

Beside him, Azula frowns at being called defenceless. She looks prepared to argue and even _Zuko_ knows that’s a phenomenally bad idea, so he quickly intervenes again.

“I really am sorry, Katara. I swear I meant no harm. I was just worried you would hurt Azula and that’s all! Your earthbender can restrain me too, it if makes you feel better.” He is determined not to mess things up. He _has_ to join them. He has to. 

“He’s not lying,” Toph helpfully supplies. She is listening intently, her arms folded across her chest. 

Katara glances uneasily at her, then back to Azula. Her expression hardens.

“I still think we should throw them both out, but they’re too dangerous to let go free. Toph, restrain them both _properly_. I don’t trust Zuko not to break free of my water.”

Technically it had never restrained him in the first place except to serve as a very threatening reminder of Katara’s power, but he doesn’t say that. He tries looking at Azula to follow her lead, but her face is artfully blank, if wryly amused.

Sokka and the Avatar exchange some sort of stare. Clearly, they aren’t so sure of Katara’s intentions either, even if Katara _seemed_ to be telling the truth. Zuko remembers Katara feeling sympathy for him in Ba Sing Se. _Sympathy._ For the enemy. He winces as she considers how badly he must have hurt her for her to be so adamantly against him now. He can’t say he blames her.

Katara stalks forward. Sokka and the Avatar both still, watching her reaction, but the earthbender seems unconcerned. It must be fine then.

Zuko still keeps a careful watch on Katara as she leans forwards in Azula’s space, the firebender staring back up with a gleam in her eyes Zuko knows to watch out for. Azula always lies. These people don’t know that yet. He doesn’t know how she has escaped the earthbender’s lie detection so far, but he thinks the girl must not be very good. He remembers her from the village, felling soldiers left and right with that strange, sliding bending of hers, and she seemed advanced in her technique. Maybe Azula is just better.

“Try _anything,_ " Katara says through gritted teeth, forcing a smile even as she keeps her voice lowered as to avoid the others hearing. “And I will end you, Azula.” Her eyes flicker to Zuko. “Especially you.”

The earthbender’s eyes widen. She heard? Maybe her hearing is better without her sight, the way that Zuko’s ears seemed sharper after his left eye permanently blurred. Katara’s lips turn downwards, just subtly. Like she knows that the earthbender heard.

And wow, Zuko _really_ needs to start learning more names. In the Fire Nation it didn’t matter. As Crown Prince, remembering names was mostly optional outside of war rooms and meetings with officials. Azula probably has a better grasp of the politics here, the inner workings of the group. What do they have to give up? Do they have to hurt themselves to prove their sincerity? What is the protocol here? How can Zuko make things better, make them trust him?

Azula was wrong to try and tell them about his scar. That’s _his_ story, not her plaything to use and discard at will. He confronted his father and bent lightning at the throne because of it. The Avatar won’t trust them more after hearing. Azula miscalculated. One story won’t undo years of hatred and mistrust.

Even so, he finds himself waiting for Azula’s move with baited breath. She will take control here. She always does. And this is Zuko’s dream, his ambition, the only move left for him with the pieces on the pai sho deck, but Azula knows how to move those pieces more effectively than he ever could. He doesn’t mind allowing her to stand in for him, here. It’s a means to an end, he reminds himself. Azula won’t take all the attention. Not again. _He_ is the sincere one here, trying to make amends for a war he never approved of, got himself exiled for merely _questioning._ Azula will have to catch up. For once in her life, Azula might actually be out of her depth.

She still knows how to gain trust. Zuko has never quite managed that.

Azula yawns, tilts her head in her restraints. “Are we just going to kneel here all day, or are you intending to actually make camp at some point? It _is_ getting rather dark, and I would be ever so disappointed to spend my first night here on the ground.”

“Good,” Sokka – he’s definitely Sokka, right? he has to be – puts his hands on his hips and grins widely. “Because that’s exactly where you’re staying!”

Azula puts a modicum of effort into her _‘oh no, how horrible’_ act, seemingly more occupied with studying her restraints. Zuko actually agrees with her. They’ve spent the past week sleeping on the ground, and the past month before that sleeping somewhere even worse - the palace. Compared to that, this is nothing. He can sleep knowing Katara has a knife to their throats. It’s familiar. She actually has something holding her back though. No one in the palace ever had.

Not even their father. 

Mai hasn’t slept well for three days and counting. She _can’t._ The crescent moons under her eyes grow darker and deeper each night but she cannot bring herself to lay down. When she sleeps, it is not restful.

Maybe it’s the guilt. Maybe it’s the knowledge of what they are trying to accomplish. Maybe it’s the fact that she is chasing her boyfriend across the earth kingdom. He left a note on her bed, before he left. Mai only saw it when she returned to write a letter to her family. It was sitting on her bed, an innocuous white scroll, before Ty Lee studied the contents and quickly declared that there had been a mistake and it was actually intended for her.

That hurt. It wasn’t the content of the lie so much as the fact that Ty Lee was lying at all. Mai has a feeling she doesn’t want to read that letter, anyway. If it was bad enough for Ty Lee to meddle and keep it out of her hands, then it is bad enough that Mai would probably be able to kill Zuko without guilt.

She quirks her lips. Maybe she should find the letter, then. It would make things easier for her.

They had fun, in the palace. She thought they were on the same page. All those posers, those fakers, trying to get close to them because of who they are and who they’re connected to. She made Zuko order her a pie with a rose on top because it was _funny,_ a jab at the servants tripping over themselves to make sure Zuko would never have to walk anywhere, dress himself, even fetch his own water. They tried the same on Mai once they realised she was dating the Crown Prince. Mai had thought he was in on the joke and he _was,_ she knows he was. Laughing and playing along, taking Mai for walks and using the palanquin to cross the courtyard to her house, ordering trays after trays of sweets just for her. She thought they were united in that – this bitterness, returning to a place of smoke and mirrors.

Apparently she thought wrong. Zuko left. For _Azula._ Mai was there for the Agni Kai. She saw Azula laugh. Saw her fake retch at Zuko’s burns afterwards and leave the room with light, airy steps, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And she was there when Azula reached right into Zuko’s chest, finding the desires and ambitions so true to the core of who he is, and _twist,_ using them for her own gain.

Zuko chose _that_ over Mai. Maybe he really is as stupid as everyone thinks. Or maybe he just got sick of Mai.

“It’s like talking to a stone wall!” he had said one day, throwing his hands up in a moment of rare frustration with her.

On the beach, an echo: “You never express yourself.”

Didn’t he know? There was Azula sitting across from them, raising her eyebrows and smirking at the fire running unleashed. It wasn’t _safe_ to show emotion, it got you manipulated and used and trapped, and guilted into stupid things like currying favour with the girls of other nobles so her mother could have her stupid tea parties, and making friends with the Fire Princess and learning to practice her knife-throwing on turtle-ducks so Azula could have a weapon.

“You want me to express myself? _Leave me alone!_ ” she had yelled. An answer to his earlier questions, his statements, all his frustration and anger. It wasn’t just an answer to Zuko. It was to Ty Lee, who called Mai emotionless, to her parents who thought her rather dull for _their_ daughter, and to Azula, who thought she was nothing more than her bored, cynical little mouse.

Mai isn’t just Zuko’s girlfriend. His baggage? It’s not _hers._ She doesn’t have to deal with that. Doesn’t have to hold his hand and walk him through his journey of realisation or whatever. Isn’t it enough to just mess around together and try to make the day seem tolerable?

Ty Lee and Mai have made good speed in the Earth Kingdom. They made it to a village where they reported a massacre at the hands of a firebender with blue flames. _Azula,_ Mai thought, lip curling. But there has been no sign of them since. Ty Lee still thinks they should try the Air Temples, but something inside Mai is telling her to hold back.

It is stupid. She doesn’t owe anything to Zuko. And she _definitely_ doesn’t owe anything to Azula. The girl who made her a weapon, carving her from steel with a burning chisel, and the boy who gave his heart to Mai but demanded too much of her. She can’t be what they want. Either of them. She isn’t the weapon or the lover or the kindly girlfriend or the callous ally. She’s just _Mai._ It’s stupid how Ty Lee is the only one who doesn’t have any expectations of her. She hasn’t forgotten their spat on Ember Island. It just doesn’t matter now. All they have is each other.

Mai stares out into an undying night and wishes she could sleep. There is a choice to make here, she knows it. She just does not understand what it is.

Mai presses tired palms to her eyes and holds them shut. She doesn’t want to think of this. Why is it Mai? She was raised to be silent, a pretty doll sitting in her chair and eating her food with small, dignified bites, reciting poetry because that reflected well on her parents. She was never meant to get wrapped up in palace politics, and learn to fight, and move out from her parent’s house because she had a position with Princess Azula. Why does it have to be her? She wants someone to walk up to her and take this ink brush from her, painting their own strokes in the sky. _They_ can determine the outcome of this, changing the stroke order to change a destiny.

Not just hers. Azula’s. Zuko’s. Ty Lee’s, too.

There is more riding on this decision of hers than even she fully understands. Mai cannot sleep not from guilt, but from the pressure of making her decision. She dreams in shades of grey. Her mother’s hand a claw on her shoulder, lips peony red and insisting Mai do the same. Zuko’s burn rough against her silk robes. A flash of something like anger and embarrassment, young Mai pushing herself off the ground merging with a vision of herself holding a knife to someone’s throat. She doesn’t recognise his face. He doesn’t have one. When she blinks she sees herself in wedding robes sinking into a pool of blood and when she exhales she sees Azula, full of mocking applause as she says _good job Mai, I always knew you had it in you._ Mai wonders who she killed. She sees Ty Lee’s shoes by the door and wonders if Ty Lee is here as accomplice, or victim.

She awakens to Azula’s laughter echoing through her mind. Her shoulders tremble in the shadows. Mai has reason to do anything. She could kill Zuko for demanding what she could not give. She could kill the Fire Lord for threatening her family. She could kill her parents for their demands, their expectations, their _hush, ladies don’t make noise._ She could kill Azula for any reason at all. Mai has suffered enough and seen enough that nobody expects anything from her, which means they expect her do anything and everything.

What should she do?

Ty Lee watches from the opening of her tent and sighs. She retreats as silently as she came.

Hundreds of _li_ away, Azula sleeps shivering in the cold.

Toph can hear it from her self-constructed earth tent and feel the vibrations through the floor. She sighs and slips one foot off the rock so she can extend her senses, reaching until she can find Azula properly.

 _There –_ shuffled away from the fire and still in her restraints. Toph is fairly confident she had successfully bullied Sokka and Katara into allowing the two firebenders near the fire. Katara rolled her eyes and accused Toph of being careless. Toph simply argued that unless they wanted the firebenders to have to warm themselves with _their own fire…_

They conceded remarkably quickly after that. It’s not like they have a prison to keep the two, and no one is willing to let them sleep on Appa. Zuko had settled a careful pace away from the fire, eyes flitting between them like he was measuring who had the most sway and could revoke the standing permission. Toph likes him. He’s a bit rough around the edges, a bit crass and a bit of an asshole from what Toph has seen and heard, but that adds to his charm. He can be her pet. Her very own firebender.

The others still don’t trust Zuko and think he has some nefarious plan to get their guard down so he can capture Aang, but Toph can sense his sincerity. If anyone has deigns on Aang, it’s Azula. There were times when she spoke where she was definitely lying. It doesn't align with Toph's knowledge of her. But there was nothing in her heartbeat, the most honest part of a person. What does that say about Azula?

Who is currently shivering away from the fire. Zuko is sleeping without any blankets and doesn’t seem cold at all – he said something about firebenders naturally running hot – but even so, he is still laying near the warm coals of the fire. Azula had fully distanced herself from it. Although, Toph considers, Katara may have tried _actually_ attacking Azula this time if she had seen Azula go anywhere near the fire. Which is strange. Toph hasn’t seen Azula bend at all since she has arrived. Zuko has tried controlling himself but even he breathes out little flames when he gets frustrated, which is more often than he wants them to know considering he's still trying to convince most of them that he really is good now. Even Aang has doubts, which is saying a lot. Toph can hear his heartbeat though. Sparky is out of luck if he wants to hide things from them, big or small. It probably helps his case that he's so honest. 

Toph will be the first to admit that she isn’t the most caring of people. She’s rude, and brash, and she prefers punching their shoulders as a sign of affection than telling them verbally or some icky stuff like that. Toph appreciates straight-forwardness. It’s why she likes Zuko. Sometimes she forgets that not everyone can make themselves tents out of the earth, or dry their laundry by constructing themselves a wringer. Toph likes competition and being equal with people, each to their own and finding their own way to succeed. She forgets that the others don’t share her view on friendship. For Toph, leaving them to do their own thing is how she shows she cares. She was smothered in her house and she doesn’t want to smother _them._

She would never think to bring Katara a blanket if she were cold, or give Aang an extra heaping of rice, or help Sokka brush out Appa. That’s just how she rolls. Equals means not babying each other. But she thinks of Azula in the cold, technically their prisoner and thus not entitled to a blanket, with both Zuko and Azula trying to sleep around stone restraints. She wants a re-match with Azula. Toph wants to beat Azula into the ground and show her just how strong she is, and that she is deserving of a second-glance from the stuck-up princess.

But she can’t do that if Azula burns herself into the ground. Toph sighs, and carefully extracts a spare blanket from Sokka’s loose pile. He doesn’t even sleep with half of them, anyway. He kicks in his sleep and pulls them all off himself.

Zuko is a light sleeper. His heartbeat is all jumpy and paranoid, and that hasn’t changed in his sleep. It’s just slower. If she made even the slightest noise she is sure he would wake him. Azula isn’t like that. Her breaths are slow and heavy, her face firmly tucked into the crook of her elbow as she cradles her head in lieu of a pillow. She doesn’t wake as Toph lightly places the blanket over her. Toph doesn’t dare do anything more in case she disturbs Azula for real. Besides, she accomplished what she set out to do.

Satisfied, she returns to her earthen shelter. Azula doesn’t seem so scary when she’s shivering like a puma-cat. Even murderers feel can cold, Toph thinks. But is Azula really a murderer? All things considered, she might be more similar to Zuko than they thought. A bit rude. A bit of a bad person- okay, a _lot_ of a bad person- but not fundamentally evil or warped.

The others can’t seem to wrap their head around that for Zuko either. Toph doubts that would give the thought the time of day for Azula. She sighs to herself, resting her feet off the ground. Looks like she will have to do all the work again.

Those chuckleheads are _so lucky_ to have Toph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen i have many feelings about Mai and half of them i didn't have until i started writing this fic so i really brought this upon myself. this is a prelude to the real sadness in this fic - you haven't seen NOTHING yet.  
> as always, comments are v v appreciated! thanks for reading guys and for putting up with me <333


	11. turtleducks are friends not food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back.  
> whoo boy do i have some stuff up my sleeve. also: i can't believe the guessing competition is still running. you WILL find out, i promise, but you'll have to find out Zuko's before you can find out Azula's in-text. this plays into one of my favourite tags for this fic:  
> "listen the fire siblings dynamic is like a see-saw. the more stable one is then the less stable the other one is"

Dawn breaks cold and clear. Katara rouses the rest of the camp, beginning the preparations for breakfast. Zuko watches her with curiosity. He hadn’t seen much cooking before. The most he saw was the cook on his ship, but that can hardly be considered _cooking_ since what he churned out was mostly gruel. Zuko gags to think of it.

It was- discouraged, in the palace. A boy shouldn’t show interest in cooking. They were happy enough to let him ask for extra food from the kitchens. Well, mother was anyway. Ozai had never quite liked that. Azula had lessons on etiquette and dining matters to host guests, and he would glance at her notes when he could. It wasn’t overly interesting. Zuko much preferred eating to cooking, but it wasn’t _boring,_ is the thing.

When he was with uncle in the Earth Kingdom, they mostly starved. Zuko admits he stole most of their food. Uncle hadn’t approved and turned his head aside, all disappointed, when he found out Zuko was stealing from rich Earth Kingdom nobles like a common bandit. He felt it was his right, back then. He was a _prince._ Why shouldn’t he take their money and food and fineries? He was _entitled_ to it. He had the higher status. They should be happy that he deigned to take their stuff.

He knows he was wrong now. You starve enough times and you eventually realise that no one deserves to go hungry. Not even stupid nobles.

Zuko has been awake since dawn, Azula since just before. He tries not to stare. They’ve been travelling together for over a week now. He should be used to seeing her in the morning. But he went three years without seeing her at all, then at the palace she was always so presentable. Her hair is just slightly wispy from sleeping in her topknot all night. Zuko briefly considers telling her it would be more comfortable to let it down to sleep, but she must know that already. She slept in a ponytail in the palace, he recalls. Is it a power play? A last display of power and status to intimidate the Avatar and his friends?

Azula stares balefully across at Zuko. She draws herself up, spine tightening as everyone else slowly rolls out of their sleeping areas. The earthbender girl isn’t awake yet and, from their murmured comments, it seems won’t wake for a few hours yet.

Katara’s glares are vicious. Each one cuts though Zuko. He isn’t afraid of her – not in the way she wants him to be. He trusts that she will follow through with her threat should he step out of line, but Zuko is used to people threatening to kill him. He is more concerned with the _guilt._ Katara, in the grand scheme of things, was only a small moment of hesitation in a long line of mistakes. It’s like a boulder. You nudge it, thinking it will only move an inch or so, without realising that you’re standing on the top of a cliff, and it keeps rolling and rolling and rolling and you can’t stop it. Ba Sing Se was the moment where he thought he finally had it stopped. Then it kept rolling and he didn’t even notice.

He thinks of uncle. Katara is vehemently angry. He can understand that. But uncle refused to so much as look at him. Until Zuko tried to break him free.

“ _No,_ Zuko,” he rumbled, finally turning around. “You must leave me here. Your father will be very angry.”

“I can’t just leave you here,” Zuko cried. He sprang forwards for another attempt at breaking down the bars.

Iroh shook his head. He sighed; a sound familiar to Zuko.

“Leave me, Zuko. I am an old man. Ozai will not harm me. I can only hope things are as you wish and he loves you.”

Iroh refused to speak after that. He didn’t stop Zuko from finally opening the cell, but he did not move. Not when Zuko yelled. Not when Zuko pleaded. Not when Zuko finally, reluctantly, walked slowly away.

Zuko hopes his uncle had something planned. He hopes he isn’t still in that cell. Who knows what happened after Zuko left?

Zuko had heard rumours about Azula. Rumours that she had lied to the Fire Lord. Zuko had gone then to uncle, trying to get him to leave. It didn't work. He couldn't save uncle but he thought he could save Azula from whatever she had done, and Zuko _knows_ how bad she is. Azula always lies. Sometimes she spreads rumours herself to catch people off guard. She's done it to Zuko too. He wondered if the rumour could be a lie, but palace rumours were often a more reliable source of information than anything said directly. And something about that rumour burned inside his chest, screaming _TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH_ and Zuko thought _did she lie for me? Is this about the Avatar?_ He moved as fast as he could.

He packed his swords and some rations and left a letter on Mai's bed, then left to save Azula. He doesn't know if he made the right decision. He thinks he would have left soon anyway. Ozai was not the man he thinks he was. Zuko had wanted nothing more than to return _home,_ where he was safe and loved and secure. Except he wasn't. He finally had his father's respect and Zuko was so ashamed of himself he sometimes thought he should just disappear into Caldera and never return. He proved himself to his father, but at what cost? Giving up everything that made him who he is? Hurting people? Betraying uncle? 

Katara is angry, but Iroh only ever seemed disappointed. Is that a sign he cared more, or less? 

Zuko remembers Ember Island. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula all pestering, questioning, interrogating. _Who are you angry at?_

He remembers his answer. He doesn't want to be angry anymore. He wants to find who he is without anger. Maybe the Avatar will help with that, maybe not. But Zuko knows his destiny is here. This is his last chance to prove himself that he is _not_ his father's son. That there is Ursa inside him too. And Iroh. That he can do more than spread violence and hatred like Katara accused. 

Katara finishes preparing breakfast. Sokka and Aang have finished rolling up all the mats and have placed them back with the bison. Katara serves them heaped helpings, then begrudgingly spoons some into bowls for Zuko and Azula. From her bitter expression, Zuko safely surmises that if Aang weren’t watching, they wouldn’t get even that meagre portion. He takes the food and does not complain. Katara has reason enough to hate him. Anything from her that isn't a knife between the ribs is welcome. 

Azula takes the chopsticks and uses them to swirl the rice around in the bowl. Her face is one of fascinated horror.

“Your burnt food tasted better,” she tells Zuko after tasting it. “This is far too salty.”

Katara huffs. “Water Tribe food _is_ salty. You would probably know that if you hadn’t killed all the waterbenders and fighters in our tribe.”

Then she stalks off, tightly wound and refusing to come back. Sokka eats quietly. He looks to where Katara disappeared, almost rising from his seat, then notices Zuko and Azula still seated by the coals of the fire. He sits back down.

Azula appears almost amused at the little scene she caused. Right up until Katara returns, sees Azula hasn’t finished her food, and snaps up the bowl.

“If it’s really so bad then don’t eat it,” Katara challenges. She waits for Azula to take back her words and apologise.

Azula stares at Katara. She elegantly turns her head to the side, lip curled. It is eerily reminiscent of the court ladies snubbing one another back home. Or maybe more like an official showing his displeasure with someone from another department. Zuko wouldn’t know. He only returned for a month.

Katara huffs again, suppressing a scream of frustration, and stomps off to spoon Azula’s food out. She shoves the bowl back to Azula.

“You can wash it yourself.” Katara folds her arms and towers above Azula.

Azula smirks. She gestures lazily towards the bowl. “You really think I won’t just burn it?”

Azula is Azula, even when she is supposed to be acting. There is no aim here. No special mission other than ‘wait until the Avatar lets down his guard’. The Avatar is _twelve._ It won’t take long, so Azula doesn’t bother putting much effort into it.

Katara scowls and walks away, one hand on her waterskin. Zuko supposes he should be thankful she didn’t try attacking Azula.

With Katara gone, Azula’s eyes dim. She examines the bowl then deliberately looks away.

Zuko recognises that expression. It is hunger. Being hungry and pretending you are not, out of pride. He has done it enough times himself to recognise it. He knows Katara is only doing this to- to feel in control, or vent a little. Azula shot the Avatar. He knows that's a big deal. She shot Katara's friend. Zuko doesn't want to interfere with her revenge and make her hate them even more. They have hurt her enough. She wasn't starving them, after all. Azula said she didn't like the food so Katara took it away. That's what happens in the palace too.

But he can't let Azula go hungry. She's his sister. If Katara gets mad at him then he'll simply have to bow before her and apologise. Zuko checks to make sure they aren’t looking, then slides some of his rice into Azula’s bowl. She doesn’t say thank you. He doesn’t expect her to. She eats with the restraint he is accustomed to seeing on Azula and none of the desperation of the past week. It should be a positive sign. He can’t help but feel it is the opposite.

Aang seats himself in front of Zuko, watching the firebender calmly eat his food. Zuko switches his focus from Azula to the airbender.

“Will you stop _staring?_ ” Zuko growls in irritation.

Well, maybe not so calmly. Zuko seems to regret the outburst, if his faintly guilty expression is any indication. He lowers his chopsticks.

“I’m sorry, Aang. I didn’t- it’s just hard. Adjusting.”

Aang accepts the apology. It really isn’t worth kicking up a stink over – he’s not Katara or Sokka. While Zuko should definitely be waaaay calmer if he really wants their forgiveness, he’s clearly making an effort. Aang still doesn’t trust him. He’s tried kidnapping Aang more times than Aang has fingers to count with. But something Zuko had said last night resonates with him.

“Fire hurts,” Zuko said, and shrugged at the wary looks thrown his way. “What? It’s true. Fire hurts. If you let it get out of control it’ll just grow and grow and consume everything around you, and people get hurt. You need to learn to control your fire so you don’t hurt people. Then the fire will consume you too.” He was quiet, then. “I learnt that lesson the hard way.”

And Zuko is _right._ Azula laughed but Aang has hurt people because he’s afraid of his fire, and in his fear he hasn’t tried controlling it, facing it the way Toph forced him to with earth. He can’t flow with it like he can water or evade it like air. If Aang is being honest, he’s been too scared to try since he hurt Katara. He revoked fire. Swore he wouldn’t use it. He had planned on facing the Fire Lord without it too – and while the invasion is too close for Aang to master fire, it isn’t too late to pick up a few tricks from Zuko. Maybe he can learn more about how it works, so he won’t be so afraid when he goes to defeat Zuko’s father.

Which is kinda messed up, now that he thinks about it. Shouldn’t Zuko and Azula be on their father’s side? He’s their _father._ Aang has never had one but Monk Gyatso was the closest approximation possible in the Air Nation. Gyatso had shown him how to throw pies from windows and make people laugh, and played pai sho with him instead of insisting the Aang train all the time. He knows that the Fire Lord is evil, but Aang can’t imagine turning on Gyatso the way Zuko and Azula have turned on their father.

“Can you teach me some stuff about firebending?” Aang asks now. He waits impatiently for Zuko to finish chewing, and he places his chopsticks down neatly beside his bowl.

Zuko nods. “Of course I can. But-“ he hesitates, and his eyes move towards the other side of the camp where Katara is keeping watch on Azula now. “Don’t you want my sister? She’s a much better firebender than me. She can bend lightning. I can only redirect it.”

Aang didn’t know you could redirect lightning. He isn’t particularly interested in bending lightning. He has been struck with it before and felt the electricity ripping through his body, and he doesn’t ever want to inflict that on someone else. But redirecting it?

“Can you teach me to redirect lightning?” Aang leans forward, eyes bright and eager.

“It’s dangerous,” Zuko says slowly. His reluctance shows in the tapping of his fingers, the careful stillness of his shoulders. “I was only taught in case of emergency. I thought- maybe when I was leaving, that I would have to use it. But I didn’t. So I haven’t really even used it yet, I don’t know if it works.”

“I’m sure it does,” Aang insists, but Zuko refuses to budge.

“I’ll teach you the basics of firebending,” he says instead, voice all firm and commanding like Aang remembers from his ship. Then he wilts and defers to Aang. “I mean, if that’s okay with you. We don’t have to. I know I’m still the prisoner here.”

Aang waves that away, perking up. “Great! Katara is still pretty mad at Azula because, y’know, she was insulting Water Tribe cooking and all, so it’ll be okay if we just practice a few katas." He leaps to his feet. "C’mon Zuko, show me what you got!”

It rapidly becomes apparent that the trees are too thick for any real firebending. Zuko finds a dirt circle relatively clear of debris and sweeps the rest away with his foot, then lowers himself onto the dirt. Aang follows.

Zuko knows his flame is still weak. He thinks, sometimes, that maybe Azula would know why. She had years of instruction in firebending that he didn’t. Access to scrolls and ancient texts that no one would ever entrust to Zuko. He doesn’t bend in front of Aang, merely demonstrates a few breathing katas.

“Oh,” Aang says unconvincingly, shifting in his spot. “More breathing. Great.”

Zuko opens his eyes in frustration. “Breathing isn’t just important in firebending, Aang. It’s the _source._ Fire comes from the breath.”

Aang mulls this over. “Does Azula have like, really big lungs or something? Is that why her fire is blue and yours is red?”

Zuko clenches his fist. He holds it, feeling his nails dig into his palm, then meets Aang’s eyes.

“No. Azula is just a better bender. Her fire is blue because it’s hotter. It takes a lot of willpower and precision to get it like that.” It looks like Aang is about to ask more questions, so Zuko hurriedly continues. “Anyway, you know the source of your bending? Not the breath, I mean. What you use to power it. That's important, okay? So think of that and control your breathing."

Zuko is a good teacher. Snappy, but surprisingly patient. Aang learns both more and less than he thought he would, but is left with the strong impression that to beat the Fire Lord he needs to talk to Azula. It isn't that Zuko is a bad bender. He's just reluctant to bend - at least in front of Aang. And he doesn't know as much about the Fire Lord as Aang had hoped, only saying that he is extremely dangerous and summon lightning. _Lightning._

He shivers at the thought, thinking of the scars running down his back. It is necessary to talk to Azula. Zuko can redirect lightning, which to be honest Aang prefers anyway, but Azula can summon it. She’s a prodigy, Zuko said. She must know something about how to beat the Fire Lord and escape his lightning, maybe even shut it down. Aang will need to keep learning from Zuko. When Sokka and Katara and Toph all find out they'll be on board with Zuko staying, surely. Redirecting lightning would be a neat, maybe life-saving trick to know. But is Zuko really ready to go against his father? They don't know why he is here. He could still be planning on returning.

As for Azula, even if she is manipulating them, wouldn’t she tell them something just to get them on her side? Aang doesn't think Zuko is as manipulative as her but they could be working together. Collecting intel before they go back to the Fire Nation. 

Azula is meaner than Aang thought. More cunning and calculated. But she’s Zuko’s sister, right? If Aang is trying to give Zuko a chance and learn from him, even if he might be planning to betray Aang, then they should give a chance to Azula as well. Maybe she’s not so bad. Mean, definitely, and Aang doesn’t want to get any closer than he has to, but maybe- maybe she was just misguided. That’s a possibility, right?

The more sensible part of his brain whispers that she's going to betray him. Zuko, too. They will both turn their backs on Aang as soon as they get whatever it is they want. But Aang _likes_ Zuko, responds to that common fear of fire and hurting people. He doesn't want to mistrust Zuko. He wants to believe Zuko is here to do good, and that means trusting Azula as well. 

When Zuko says they have finished their breathing exercises for the day, Aang goes to find Azula.

Ty Lee moves onto her hands. Mai rolls her eyes but says nothing, and continues interrogating the farmer.

“Yes I’m sure I saw them,” he says, clearly bewildered. He looks between Mai and Ty Lee but their clothing reveals no clues as to their nationality. Not Earth, perhaps, but those in the cities have some strange fashions. Maybe green is off-trend there? And neither of the girls have firebender eyes. Not that haunting amber. Gaining courage, he says: “A little bald boy with three other kids. One was mighty short. An earthbender, maybe, but she’s awful young to be that good.”

Mai’s eyes turn to slits. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

She turns to Ty Lee, who springs lightly to her feet, and the two move off together. They are definitely on the right track.

“Air Temples,” Ty Lee sings in Mai’s ear, who swats at her like a fly. “I told you so!”

“Yes you did,” Mai sighs. She stops walking.

Ty Lee nearly runs into the back of her. Curious, she studies Mai’s expression. It isn’t one she’s ever seen before, and Ty Lee has seen Mai in almost every mood and situation. Conflict, it looks like. Guilt? Confusion? Her aura is a murky orange that doesn’t bode well for either of them.

“What do you think,” Mai says slowly without looking at Ty Lee. “Of Azula?”

Ty Lee frowns. “Azula? What about her?” She steps forward and places a hand on Mai’s shoulder. “Mai, if this about how she left, she _made_ her choice. And we made ours.”

“Now we’re all paying for it,” Mai mutters. They think of their families. “What of Zuko?”

Ty Lee is really getting concerned now. “What’s this about?” she laughs nervously.

Mai looks at her. “I’m saying, if it came down to it, would you turn Zuko in?”

Ty Lee rolls her neck. “You think I don’t care for Zuko? You think I _want_ turn him over to the Fire Lord? Mai, he was my friend,” she says.

“That’s not a _no_ ,” Mai replies quietly.

Ty Lee has no words. Of _course_ she doesn’t want to turn Zuko in. She even protected Azula! 

Mai keeps staring. Ty Lee slowly realises she is still awaiting an answer. Mai is not often this doggedly patient, but when she is it is for a reason.

“I don’t know.” Ty Lee meets Mai’s eyes. “I don’t know what I would do, Mai, because I haven’t been in that situation. I helped Azula, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” Mai considers. “You did.” Then her gaze sharpens. “Would you do it again?”

Ty Lee’s mouth falls open. “Wha- _Mai,_ what do you mean?”

“I said,” Mai repeats, deliberately slow. “Would you help Azula again? And Zuko?”

Ty Lee looks around as if to check for eavesdroppers. This is not the palace, or Azula's ship. They turned away the soldiers accompanying them. They are alone, and Ty Lee is still afraid, and so very very cold. 

"What do you mean, Mai?"

"I have a plan for how to deal with them," she says quietly. She looks to the sky. "I don't think I like it. I don't think I want to do it. But it might be the only way."

Ty Lee takes firm hold of Mai’s shoulders. Both their auras are dark now. Murky orange and bleeding pink. “Start from the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i do have a reason for not dealing with Azula so much in this chapter and this will not be a pattern, i can assure you. just laying some groundwork for some... let's say 'confrontations' that will happen soon ;)  
> (hint: who has the most animosity between them right now?)  
> ((don't @ me for being lame and hinting. i'm excited, okay?)) 
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER: Suki enters the ring.


	12. suki deserves to kick ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula stirs up trouble. Suki is bored and considering how many people she can fight in the Boiling Rock. Emotions overflow and the team is left wondering if they were right to leave Katara alone after Aang was shot, instead of talking things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was a mess. this chapter just kind of took a few different directions while i was sitting there like "whoah whoah whoah" trying to reign it all back in. some of the dialogue was originally written for Katara but i had to change it to Sokka last minute so sorry if some parts towards the end seem a little weird/OOC.  
> anyways, enjoy. i promised Suki and i have delivered, kinda

Azula hates this place. She hates the Avatar and the earthbender who looks at her like she wants them to be _friends,_ she hates the Water girl who keeps glaring at Azula like she killed her pet, and she hates the stupid non-bender who seems to think she is up to something.

Which, she _is,_ but he keeps watching her like he thinks he can read it on her face. It’s _irritating._

The Avatar shambles over to her where she is under watch by the twitchy waterbender and that little earthbender girl who is apparently keeping an eye on the _waterbender._ Not Azula. Interesting, but not enough to keep her attention.

Azula cracks open an eyelid to look at the Avatar. _Nervous,_ the shuffling of his feet scream. The determined set to his shoulders says _fear, dislike, stubbornness._ So the Avatar doesn’t like her either. Oh well. She did shoot him full of lightning. Pity he didn’t die – they could have avoided this mess in the first place.

Zuko still hasn’t mentioned her lying for him. Does he really not know, or is he simply avoiding the topic? She doesn’t want him to mention it. Her weakness. He will press and prod and yell, _what is your plan Azula,_ she always lies, she always manipulates. Except she _wasn’t._ She lied to her father because Zuko looked _afraid,_ how stupid is that? She tried to kill Zuko then as soon as father said he could return as long as he killed the Avatar, she did everything in her power to ensure that would remain a possibility.

Stupid.

The Avatar still isn’t saying anything so Azula sighs and gestures lazily for him to sit.

“What is it, Avatar?”

He flinches at her tone. Katara flings herself between the two.

“Stay away, Aang,” she warns. She shoots daggers at Azula with her eyes.

Azula beckons him forwards, just to watch that hatred grow. There is nothing the waterbender can do to her. Azula could kill Aang at any moment and they both know it. Her amusing little glares mean nothing.

Aang nervously eyes Katara but moves forwards anyway.

“I was just training with Zuko,” he mumbles slowly, and Azula fights the impulse to snap _speak properly_ at him. “He says he can redirect lightning?”

Can he now? Azula’s eyes narrow. “And what method did he say this was through, Avatar?”

Katara cuts in. “ _Aang._ His name is _Aang._ ” She folds her arms over her chest and glares some more, clearly bitter at being forced to stand aside.

Azula really doesn’t care.

Aang thinks. “I don’t know, he said it came from waterbending. His uncle taught him it.” Then he falters, seeing Azula’s expression. “Huh, I guess that’s your uncle too.”

Iroh is no uncle of hers. He claimed Zuko as his own. She knows how these things work. Mother chose Zuko. Iroh chose Zuko. There was never space in their hearts for her, just as there is no space in Ozai’s heart for Zuko.

You pick sides. You decide who is more valuable to you. That lazy old man chose _Zuko,_ apparently taught him how to redirect lightning. What’s so impressive about that? Azula can summon lightning. Zuko can’t. Any technique derived from the Water Tribe would clearly be ineffective in firebending, Iroh’s words be damned. Zuko is a terrible liar so he must _think_ he is telling the truth.

Azula shakes out her hands and laughs. “Do you really believe it is possible to redirect lightning?” She leans towards Aang. “After all, if you, the Avatar, haven’t heard of it, then who is to say it is possible?”

He appears unsure. “I don’t know, Azula.” He visibly picks himself up. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you knew anything about the Fire Lord that could help me with- _uhhh,_ “ he stumbles and stretches the silence out like sugar candy, hopping to the other foot. “You know. Standard ending-the-war stuff. Beating the Fire Lord.”

“Is my brother not enough for you?” Azula asks curiously. Zuzu could never compare to her and he is missing his flame now, but he is at least marginally better than the mediocrity of those trained outside the palace. His stupidly good intentions would carry weight with the Avatar, surely. Do they really believe him to be a heartless monster, as Katara implied?

Aang looks down at his feet. “It’s not that,” he says, more determined than Azula has heard since they arrived. “We just did breathing katas. Which- it’s _fine,_ but I need to learn quickly if I’m going to beat the Fire Lord. What do you know about lightning?”

Azula stretches her arms above her head, feeling her back pop. Katara makes a threatening gesture as if Azula was reaching for a weapon. Azula scoffs and shakes her head at the waterbender.

“Why, Avatar? Do you really think you can summon it?” She tilts her head and smirks.

He is already shaking his head. “No no, it’s nothing like that!” he hastily assures her, waving his hands. “I just- the Fire Lord can summon lightning, can’t he? If you can?”

Azula frowns. Her achievements have nothing to do with her father. The Avatar is right, of course. Ozai can summon lightning. But Azula didn’t spend a year mastering lightning to have it diminished like this. She left practice each day with her arms tingling with residual lightning and couldn’t eat with metal chopsticks for _months._ This is how it is treated?

“He can,” she allows reluctantly. The waterbender is watching with a stubborn expression. However much Azula would like to tear the Avatar to pieces, she has to gain their trust. She has to _play nice._ “Zuko never learned. The Fire Lord is a strong firebender but lightning requires precision. It requires focus. You have to have complete unity with your mind and body.”

Or so she has been told. Azula always excelled in achieving the impossible. Some days she floated through her lessons, shadows playing tricks on her eyes and half-convincing her that she was watching a shadow play of her own life. It didn’t feel _real._ She summoned lightning for the first time, feeling it crackling along her fingertips while Lo and Li reminded her to _focus,_ all the while thinking _I’m going to kill someone if this is a dream._

Aang wilts. “I’m not in unity.” He appears so glum Azula fears Katara is about to storm over and accuse her of saying something to ruin Aang’s mood. Azula needs everyone on her side, not just that little earthbender girl.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t use lightning against you,” she quickly comforts him. “He wouldn’t waste it on an opponent like you.”

Katara, seething to the side, has finally had enough. She storms over.

“What do you _mean_ , Azula?”

Azula tuts and rolls her eyes. “The Fire Lord wouldn’t care enough to use lightning against him. Traditionally, it is used against opponents who have greatly dishonoured you, or themselves. The Avatar hasn’t done that.”

Katara still has a vague air of offense but Aang seems more confused than anything.

“If you want my advice, Avatar,” Azula interjects. She waits for his careful nod and shoots a victorious smile to Katara, who presses a hand to her waterskin. “You will not be able to master firebending in a matter of weeks. It will take long than that. If my brother really has learned this _lightning redirection_ method then learn from him. Otherwise, I can supplement Zuko’s tuition if you are unsatisfied.” She smiles pleasantly, resting her chin on her palms. “Is that amenable to you both?’

Katara looks furiously at Aang but says nothing. He closes his eyes to consider Azula’s offer.

“I mean, I guess,” he decides finally. “You’re both here, right? Zuko said you two want to help stop the war.” _Sure we do,_ Azula thinks to herself and refrains from snorting. Aang keeps talking. “No one will trust you until we see that you’re changed, and we can’t really do that if we’re just keeping you guys in chains all the time.”

“ _Finally,_ ” Toph groans. She materialises next to them. “I’ve been trying to convince you guys for _days_ that we should just give them a chance. They’re our allies now, alright? They’re not lying, I _told you._ ”

“We can’t trust them,” Katara snaps, losing patience. Her hands rest on her hips. “Zuko has betrayed us before and Azula nearly _killed Aang_ , or is everyone conveniently forgetting that?”

Aang guiltily looks down. Toph clicks her tongue but says nothing. Katara surveys their expressions and scoffs.

“I guess not. Am I the only one who actually cares that we have Zuko, who tried kidnapping Aang and betrayed us in Ba Sing Se, and Azula, the liar and _murderer,_ in our camp?” She shakes out her sleeves to hide the telling tremble of her hands. “ _I_ was the one who had to heal Aang. _I_ was the one who changed his bandages and applied ointments and creams, hoping he would wake up. _I_ was the one who woke up for weeks afterwards convinced Aang had _died in the night,_ and now we’re just letting Azula waltz right in because _Zuko,_ our _enemy,_ says she’s changed? That they both have?” Katara shakes her head, disgust lining her features. “You know what, forget it. Let Azula in. Sokka can keep an eye on her, I don’t care. Go train with her, Aang. Zuko too. But nobody come crying to me when they _both betray us._ ”

Katara does not storm. She walks away quietly, shaking her head and back upright in a way that would make the court ladies in Caldera proud. Azula reconsiders her opinion of Katara. Her plans may have to be adjusted. There is clearly tension here that has not been dealt with, and if Azula is not careful then everything will blow up in her face. But Katara doesn’t hate _Azula._ She’s scared. There is a crucial difference there, and certainly room to exploit that.

Aang is still looking down. Toph bites her lip, feet slowly turning towards where Katara is, then stop.

“C’mon, Blue,” she says. “Let’s get you some food.”

If Zuko were to ask later, Azula would primly deny having scrambled to her feet after Toph. But food is food, no matter if it comes from the hand of an enemy or a friend.

Aang glances behind him to where Zuko is having a discussion with Sokka. Something about swords. Sokka had wanted to keep watch on Zuko after he realised Aang walked away to talk to Azula, but evidently the conversation has evolved beyond _I have my eye on you, firebender_ threats.

He didn’t mean to upset Katara. He knows it was Azula that hurt him, and he knows the toll that caring for Aang took on Katara. There’s just more at stake now. There are bigger things to worry about than whether Azula is about to attack them. They _need_ Azula, and they need Zuko. Aang hadn’t wanted to admit it at first. Toph is right – he needs to learn some firebending before he faces the Fire Lord during the eclipse. While Zuko and Azula wouldn’t be his first pick, they are here now. They have to deal with that. All of them.

Would cleaning all the dishes so Katara doesn’t have to be a good apology? He can make her a daisy chain, too. Except there aren’t really any daisies around. Maybe a pine crown instead?

Toph has Azula and Sokka has Zuko, and Katara is wandering off on her own because they upset her. Aang sighs. Maybe the problem isn’t with the firebenders. Maybe it is with them.

Lunch is tense. Katara is still absent, no surprise there. Toph would feel more guilty about upsetting her if she didn’t know she was right.

They don’t have _time_ to keep obsessing about the past. Aang needs to learn firebending. That is that.

“What’s the Fire Nation like?” she throws out. Zuko and Azula freeze while Sokka pauses in his eating to look at her like she’s crazy.

“What?” she replies to his unspoken question, shrugging as she puts her feet up. “May as well get to know them.”

“It’s beautiful,” Zuko says quietly.

It isn’t the answer Toph was expecting, but she’ll take it. She punches Sparky’s shoulder.

Azula tenses. “Do not assault my brother right next to me. If you must, at least wait until the food is finished.”

Then she keeps chowing down on food like she’s starving. Toph doesn’t get Azula. She’s ice cold one minute then burning hot the other. Toph could have sworn Azula didn’t care for Zuko. Huh.

Sokka keeps staring at them like they’re about to say _sike._ “The Fire Nation? Beautiful?” is what he settles on addressing.

“Yeah.” Zuko smiles, a tiny thing playing at the corner of his lips. “There’s this tree there, did you know? It’s all red. I haven’t seen anything like it anywhere else in the world. It’s one of the things I missed while I was gone.” He takes another bite of his food. He eats more delicately than Azula, but with a certain surliness that Toph loves to laugh at. “You don’t realise what makes home _home_ until it’s gone.”

Sokka stiffens. “Yeah,” he murmurs, voice oddly cold. “Funny. Like half your population disappearing overnight.”

Zuko winces and even Toph raises an eyebrow.

“Shit, I didn’t- I mean, I’m sorry for your loss, Sokka. It was wrong of the Fire Nation to do that.”

Sokka shrugs it off and resumes eating, tension bleeding away. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t you.”

He stabs at his food with a chopstick.

Aang returns from his long walk to try and find Katara, clearly disappointed with the results. He seats himself next to Toph.

“What are we talking about?” he inquires tonelessly.

“The Fire Nation,” Toph informs him.

He keeps picking at his food. Great. Even Aang isn’t interested, too distracted by Katara. It obviously falls back to Toph to create something from this mess.

“Do you guys have that stupid system where you have to treat everyone according to their position? That’s something I _hated_ when I was with my parents. Why can’t I just treat everyone equally?”

Azula sets her bowl down, finally finished. “It’s a sign of respect. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“ _Azula,_ ” Zuko warns.

She sighs. “Fine. Yes we have that, but age is also important. Treating your elders with respect.”

“We have that too,” Toph confirms. “In the Earth Kingdom. I don’t know about in the Water Tribes. Sokka?”

Sokka isn’t listening. “You’re two years younger than me,” Sokka realises, looking at Azula. He recovers quickly. “In the Fire Nation, doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to treat me with respect?”

He leers above Azula with the expression of one who has struck proverbial gold.

Azula scoffs and crosses her arms. “I’m a _princess._ I still outrank you. And why would I respect a Water savage?”

“I’m technically a prince,” Sokka points out, still gleeful. Aang nervously looks to Toph who appears completely unwilling to intervene, if her silent laughter is any indication.

Azula is losing control. She needs to reign it back _in._ These people have to respect her – if they see her as- as a laughing stock, as someone weak and mockable, then she can never carry through with her plan. On a more personal note, Azula is offended. How _dare they._ They think they can address her however they like, speak _casually_ to her, informally, like she isn’t their superior?

Zuko latches onto her arm before she can throw fire at them. She should attack Zuko too.

Voice low, he murmurs in her ear: “Azula, they’re trying to be _friendly._ ”

No, they are _mocking_ her and she _will not_ tolerate it! She hadn’t allowed it from Mai and Ty Lee, or the servants who whispered about her mother’s disappearance, or the war ministers who said _thank Agni we got rid of that boy, he was always too soft,_ or those who said she was too cruel, too emotional, completely unsuited to replace Zuko as heir. They need to _fear_ her. Fear is respect and respect is-

Azula launches herself forward. Sokka’s laughter dies on his lips and he reaches reflexively for his boomerang, but there is no need as a wall of water appears, spreading between Azula and Sokka.

“I _knew_ you were planning something!” Katara accuses, moving forwards into Azula’s line of sight. The rest stare in surprise. They hadn’t noticed her approaching either. The water is surging forward to meet Azula’s fire-

It fizzles out before Katara’s water reaches it.

The bloodlust fades from Katara’s eyes and she stares at Azula with confusion. Azula feels her checks burn. She climbs unsteadily to her feet, feeling her fire tug at her core, demanding to be fed when there is no fuel for it. Not now.

“Try again, Water savage,” Azula goads anyway. She doesn’t know her source. Maybe it is confrontation and she will recover it by fighting Katara.

Katara’s water hangs suspended in the air, a breath away from connecting with Azula. She doesn’t take the bait.

“Azula, your fire-“ she steps forward as if to intervene, something between fury and confusion playing across her face.. “Is it-? No, you’re _toying with me._ Fight me properly!”

“No,” Azula snaps and stalks away. Toph covers her back.

Aang places a hand on Katara’s shoulder, eyes beseeching. Katara doesn’t follow her.

Sokka does.

“It’s okay,” he explains, eyes narrowed. “You probably didn’t mean to attack me.”

“Really?” Azula turns around to face him. She smirks. “Are you confident in that?”

Sokka falters. “What, are you _admitting_ to trying to attack me? You’re not stupid, Azula.”

“No,” she muses to herself. “But your little girlfriend is.”

Their fragile amity was already a fraying thread. Now it _snaps._

“ _Where’s Suki?”_ Sokka yells furiously. He lurches forwards and grabs Azula’s tunic, slamming her backwards against a tree. “What have you done to her?”

Azula tuts. “Oh Sokka. Haven’t you heard?”

The yelling attracts the others. Toph runs towards them trying to intervene. Azula ignores her to smirk at Sokka.

“You _monster!_ ” he cries. His eyebrows draw together hatefully.

Hook, line, and sinker. He would never last in the Fire Nation.

“Oh don’t be dramatic.” She rolls her eyes. “My favourite prisoner is just that- my favourite prisoner. I haven’t _hurt_ her, silly. Although she may wish I did by now.”

“She’s in the Boiling Rock,” Zuko says quietly. She really needs a bell for him. She hadn’t heard him approach, standing beside Toph. “Isn’t she?”

Azula only smiles. Toph pulls insistently at Sokka's arm until he peels himself away, eyes never leaving Azula. Toph is frowning at her too but she guides Sokka back to the fire, leaving Zuko and Azula alone.

He is disappointed. Azula's smile slowly slides off her face. She can sense it. 

"What, Zuzu?" she laughs defensively. "I did them a _favour._ Now they know where their precious friend is."

Zuko stares as if he knows something she doesn't. It is not an expression she has ever seen on his face and she doesn't like it. That's _Azula's_ job. She knows everything, Zuko knows nothing. Those are their roles. 

“Azula,” Zuko says seriously. “Do you think Suki is with Mai and Ty Lee?”

She hopes not. Outwardly, she retorts: “Of course not, Zuzu. Mai and Ty Lee were only serving me. It isn’t comparable to a prisoner of war.”

Father will have received her letter by now. He must know that Azula is still on his side, always has been. He will have released Mai and Ty Lee by now in recognition of their loyalty. Or he will once Azula returns. Either way, the two are safe. They must be. He wouldn’t hurt them just to prove a point, would he?

Zuko’s scar stands starkly against his skin. Has it always been so red and patchy?

“Come,” she says abruptly. “Let’s put some ointment on your scar.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’ve had it for years, Azula. It isn’t going to get any better.”

But he follows. Azula digs the ointment from her bag that Toph had borrowed from Katara and gently dots it onto Zuko’s face.

She doesn’t know what she is doing. She is loosely mimicking what she has witnessed various healers doing. Azula has never had to personally apply any kind of products. There were servants for that. But weak as Zuzu is, she cannot trust this to one of those happy-go-lucky little fools. Who knows how they would worsen things? The scar is enough of a disgrace as it is – they don’t need it getting even more damaged. Agni forbid.

Azula realises Zuko cut his hair. She leans back to confirm it and yes. Zuko’s hair was longer in the Fire Nation. Long enough for a topknot. Now it fringes his eyes but is not long enough for anything.

Azula stands. Irritation courses through her. 

“You’re so _stupid,_ Zuzu,” she says. He glances at her in surprise.

Hair in the Fire Nation is linked to honour. To be shorn is the sign of a criminal. Your topknot is a sign of your status and personal honour, and Zuko cuts his hair so he couldn’t wear one anymore. He’s such a fucking idiot. It is almost as though he is _trying_ to disgrace the Royal House, and Azula by association. Did he even consider the implications? Those idiots don’t understand why he isn’t wearing that ridiculous pheonix tail anymore but _Azula knows._ She knows and she hates Zuko for it.

“Finish it yourself.” She tosses the ointment at him and stalks off.

Prison is boring. Suki exercises in her cell and trains where she can, but prison is _boring._

She wants to fight someone. Anyone. Suki isn’t desperate but she would _love_ for Ty Lee to appear one day. She has been craving a rematch since Ty Lee chi-blocked her. She has studied her movements; she could beat Ty Lee now. Suki is a Kyoshi Islander and she knows she is more flexible than most Earth trained fighters, but even the Kyoshi circling movements hadn’t protected her from Ty Lee. Suki is too straightforward and rigid in the way of Earth. Ty Lee, despite similarly holding the tenacity of Fire, was unpredictable and slippery. She flipped around and slipped right under Suki’s defences before Suki could even see her.

The fight was over in minutes. Suki aches to beat her into the ground. Or Azula. That would be an interesting match. She would even settle for a random firebender, or maybe that knife girl. Mai? She uses knives, Suki uses fans. That could work. They would rapidly reach a standstill but it would work, right? Suki has a sword and her fists. If she could get close enough to disable Mai or wait until the other girl runs out of knives, then attack.

Suki is so painfully bored. She had thought, if she was captured during a battle, that things would be more interesting afterwards. She had imagined interrogations. Maybe torture. Dramatically spitting into the face of the person leaning over her, _I’ll never tell you anything._ No one has asked Suki much. They don’t seem to particularly care that she is the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors.

Azula had, which was why Suki ended up in the Boiling Rock. But that doesn’t mean much where Azula is concerned.

There are rumours. About Azula. Some of the firebenders had gotten friendly enough with her, somewhat against her will, to get chatty. Suki isn’t a huge fan of idle talk _. (Hah,_ fan _, her mind whispers.)_ But there is nothing better to do in the Boiling Rock except train and talk.

She wants to beat Ty Lee. Which means she has to practice moving in a way that would beat her. And somehow watching Suki beat the shit out of an imaginary figure invites the firebenders to talk to her, and what they say is mostly gossip about various guards, but sometimes they talk about Azula herself.

They say she’s the Fire Lord’s favourite. They say she’s cunning and loyal and completely true to the nation, if you believe the propaganda. Suki doesn’t. But they also say that she is on a mission somewhere.

“No,” one argues with the rest. “The Fire Lord wants her dead, I’m _telling_ you. My cousin in the palace says she was arrested.”

“No!” they cry as one. “Bullshit!”

“It’s true,” the first insists, trying to flaunt his knowledge. Most of the prisoners here are firebenders so Suki has no choice but to interact with them, and some even seem to want to impress her. A foreigner from another land. “My cousin says she lied about killing the Avatar! To protect Prince Zuko! And when the Fire Lord found out he went ballistic and ordered her arrested, but she kidnapped the prince and fled!”

At _killing the Avatar,_ Suki’s heart stopped. Was Aang dead? No, she would have heard if he was. It slowly resumes beating with as his words continue.

So Azula’s on the outs, huh? With _Zuko._ The angry teen who burned down Suki’s village. There’s no way he was kidnapped. They probably teamed up and are on a mission for their father or something. It is impossible to think that they willingly went against their father. Their hot little hearts don’t have it in them.

“I call bullshit,” Suki says this time, and the others laugh along with her.

The first looks put out. He pouts. “It’s _true,_ swear on my grandmother’s shrine!”

“The Avatar is _dead_ , and he’s not coming back,” another jeers. What was his name? Puk? No, that doesn’t sound right. “It’s true that news from the palace has been quiet lately but you know how royals are. Princess Azula wouldn’t turn on her nation.”

The conversation turns elsewhere but Suki is left to think.

 _Well,_ she decides. _It seems I have some training to do._ Aang can’t be dead. He’s the _Avatar._ The fact that there’s silence on that front means that either the Fire Nation isn’t sure whether he is or isn’t, or he’s definitely alive and they’re trying to keep it quiet.

Suki will train. She will beat Azula and Ty Lee. And she will find the Gaang, wherever they are, if she can ever get out of this Kysohi-forsaken prison.

… Really. There’s _no way_ Azula turned against the Fire Nation. It has to be a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weak ending but i'm tired.  
> i'm so excited for the coming chapters, you have no idea. it's been in my drafts for aaaaages. <333


	13. roommates!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Azula become roommates. This is absolutely an excellent idea. Katara continues to be suspicious of the Fire Siblings, and tensions rise between Sokka and Azula.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's me again!  
> TO CLARIFY: i'm a bit mixed up too so i understand how confusing this new timeline must be, but this is set before the OG invasion attempt. so Suki, to my understanding, would be in Boiling Rock right now but Hakoda + the Water Tribe forces are all still out sailing in the world. does that help things?

They have to keep moving. Their stop in the Earth Kingdom was only temporary. Now that they all trust each other enough not to push anyone off the air bison, it is onwards to the Western Air Temples.

Aang is nearly vibrating in his excitement. He is desperate to show off his culture to his friends. Zuko, near the back of the bison, is silent. Does Aang know what most of the temples look like? Zuko has visited each one. The first time, they were littered with bones and he turned back in disgust. The second time, he lit incense with uncle and helped lay rest to the dead.

The Western Air Temples are clean. Not because there was no massacre, but because the evidence was cleared. Is Aang really comfortable staying in a place of the dead?

Katara refuses to talk to anyone. Whenever someone asks her a question she merely turns her head aside, sullen yet indignant. Aang visibly wilts the longer this carries on.

Packing up their bedrolls, _finally,_ had been a relief for Azula. Stepping onto the bison was another matter entirely.

“Is this safe?” she had hissed in Zuko’s ear. He only shrugged and climbed on before her.

Obviously she had to follow after him. Now she has settled near the back. Not so far that she could be easily dislodged, but away from the idiots near the front that might try and throw her off. Zuko would catch her, she thinks. She doesn’t want to put that theory to the test.

Toph is nervous, she notes. And Zuko keeps looking at Aang and frowning like he wants to ask something but is too afraid. He had mentioned something about the war earlier, and Azula supposes that makes sense. Zuko would have visited the temples and seen the remains of the Air Army. He called it _genocide,_ but really. Are the history books in the entire Fire Nation that wrong? There was the Air Army and they fought. Azula spent hours studying military history and strategy when she wasn’t training. She is familiar with the story of the Air Nation and their warriors.

Sometimes, looking at Aang, she wonders how he can claim to be a pacifist when his people were so clearly fighters. The Fire Nation cannot be wrong. She almost tells Aang not to worry, that his people fought with valour from what the records say, but she has been wrong before about what words would be comforting to the Avatar. She cannot keep making mistakes if she wants them to continue trusting her.

Azula tries not to grip the sides of the saddle and determinedly stares at a patch of the bison’s fur.

“Earthbender,” she murmurs, and knows Toph hears. “What did you do, before you joined the Avatar? I’m bored.”

Bored is not the word. Toph doesn’t pick up on it, though, clinging determinedly to Sokka.

“Why?” she says without turning her face. Azula sighs and Toph grips tighter to Sokka. “Fine, you’re bored.” She makes a face. “Lots of boring stuff for my parents. But fighting! Fighting was fun. I used to compete in these things called Earth Rumbles. They’re underground bending tournaments- that’s how Aang found me, by the way- and I got to beat the shit out of these big tough guys and get _paid_.”

Toph laughs. Sokka, still tense at Azula’s presence and unforgiving of her comments about Suki, tenses further at the maniacal laughter from their youngest team member.

Azula leans forward. “Bending tournaments? Tell me more.”

Zuko’s eyes open a crack from his half-daze. “Azula, no.”

He returns to sleep. Azula scowls at him and raises a fist as if to punch him, then stops. There is no need for unseemly behaviour. She smooths down her linen tunic and waits expectantly for Toph’s answer.

“They’re _amazing,_ ” Toph gushes, scooting away from Sokka to sit closer to Azula. Her face lights up in a way Azula rarely sees. “It’s just you, using whatever bending technique you want, and you keep fighting the other guy until one of you either can’t keep fighting or gets knocked out of the ring. They called me the Blind Bandit, because I kept stealing wins from all the other guys. Get it?”

Toph grins widely. Her teeth are surprisingly white. Azula has the impression she wants Azula’s comment here, her input.

“Interesting,” Azula says, and Toph launches into another ramble about bending tournaments.

It _is_ interesting. Azula almost wants to visit one just to laugh at how pathetic everyone else is. She could knock them all out of the ring with her hands behind her back. Is that how Toph felt when she started? Fighting because she already knew she was years beyond those blusterers and wanting to prove her point?

Toph keeps waiting for Azula’s reaction. For the first time in her life, Azula is forced to actively listen and participate. She has to hum and make noise to encourage Toph’s storytelling. Sokka almost relaxes watching them and Aang smiles from where he is steering Appa.

It is confusing to have this much attention from Toph. Azula doesn’t know what to do with it. Does she yell or snark and shut Toph down? Does she gloat and make a big deal of it, acting like she deserves Toph’s full attention and nothing less? Does she say nothing? Why does Toph want her opinion so badly?

During one of her first days with them, Azula had waited as Zuko was dragged off for interrogation by Sokka. Katara had marched towards her like it was her mission but Toph intercepted first and engaged her in conversation about bending.

“I have to wait and listen for the right moment to strike,” Toph explained, wriggling her grubby feet. “I’m blind, but I can see with my bending, kind of. It’s about feeling where your opponent is, but also where they _will_ be. What about you?”

Azula begrudgingly adjusted herself in her bonds, feeling her back ache. “Precision. Efficiency. I don’t waste my time and I only strike when I know I will succeed.”

“Huh,” Toph had said. The fire crackled in front of them. “Want a potato?”

“What.”

“A potato.” Toph raised her eyebrows, expressive for a blind girl. “You know what a potato is, right?”

She waved said potato towards Azula.

“Of course I know what a potato is,” Azula snapped. She snatched the potato from Toph. “I’m _royal,_ we don’t eat peasant food.”

Toph shrugged. “No dirt off my back. If you don’t want peasant food then just give it to me. I’ll eat it.”

She made grabby hands towards Azula’s almost burning-hot potato, straight from the cooking coals. Azula’s heart jumped.

Toph cocked her head and grinned. “Sounds like you want that potato after all.”

“No I don’t,” Azula muttered furiously. She curled her hands around her potato. Almost willing it to set fire.

“I can’t tell if you’re lying,” Toph laughed. “But I don’t need to. I can hear your stomach growling already.”

Azula covered her stomach with one hand. Traitor. Even her own body cannot be trusted. She glared at Toph but the girl wasn’t looking at her, stretching lazily by the fire and digging her feet into the dirt. She tore into the potato with her teeth.

Azula carefully mimicked her actions. Biting first with her canines, then shovelling the rest into her mouth.

It was hot. Way too hot for consumption, and bland, and Azula would have died before eating anything like this in the palace. She finds she doesn’t care.

“You’re not so bad,” Toph mused aloud. She tapped the ground near Azula’s knee. “I mean, not great. But you’re not terrible like we thought. You know that, right?”

Azula, eating, deigned not to answer.

She isn’t friends with Toph. She isn’t. Azula doesn’t have friends, she has _allies,_ and right now the only thing Toph can offer her is free whispers in the ears of the Water Tribe siblings and an extra helping of food if Katara isn’t looking. That hardly makes an allyship. Barely makes a friendship.

There is no need to feel guilty. Azula will betray Toph easily and take pleasure in it. Toph picked her side. You cannot have divided loyalties. Azula’s mother loved Zuko so she could not love her, and Zuko wants to be with the Avatar’s little group so he will not want to stay with her, and Toph is the Avatar’s earthbender. She can’t like Azula too. That isn’t how things work. It is one or the other. All or nothing. Success or failure, hatred or love.

She learned that from her parents.

They land in a matter of an hour. From the far point of the Western Earth Kingdom, to the Air Temples. If Azula were to steal the bison or a war balloon and fly back to Caldera, it would take less than a day. She could be home before she knows it.

There are actual rooms in the Air Temples. The Avatar jumps around trying to show everyone the best rooms. By unspoken agreement, they decide not to put Zuko and Azula in the same room, even though they are both prisoners.

“Who knows how they’d influence each other?” Katara muttered to Sokka.

Toph insists that it doesn’t matter to her where she is, so long as she doesn’t get one of the temple sky rooms. This launches a long string of discussion that has Azula rolling her eyes, the group haranguing each other over rooming arrangements.

In the end, they decide that Aang will room by himself in the sky room. Katara gets her own room too. Sokka goes with Zuko, and Toph with Azula. They are prisoners, after all. Katara frowns over Toph pairing herself with Azula, but does not volunteer, and no one is willing to force Azula to sleep in the same room as a boy. Her expression suggests that she would stab the person who tried.

The group peels off to set up their own rooms. The communal gear is left in the outdoors space where they feel they will do their cooking, Aang’s eyes flickering towards Zuko as he cheers that they have firebenders to create fire now!

Zuko blinks. “I mean, sure.”

He doesn’t say that his fire is fading. Azula doesn’t rat him out.

Toph drags her by the arm towards their room, crowing triumphantly that they’re definitely going to get the best room. Toph can sense the layout of the entire temple and has had her room picked out since she arrives.

The room Toph wants is… _smaller,_ than expected. Azula is accustomed to royal chambers, even on war machines and missions. Perks of being a princess.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Toph swings her head towards Azula.

She purses her lips. “No.”

It isn’t terrible, with everything taken into account. Convenient. Close to the courtyard so Azula can meditate as the sun rises and perhaps train, if the waterbender allows her. She will not miss the morning call this way.

Toph flings her things into a corner and crashes onto the floor.

“Ah, dirt,” she sighs. “How I’ve missed you.”

Toph may be able to construct her own bed from stone, but Azula sets about stealing a mattress from another room and dragging back into her own. She hears an indignant cry a few minutes later that resembles the nonbender’s voice but well, that must just be a trick of the wind. Azula would never steal from someone else. Especially not if he pinned her to a tree yesterday and keeps _glaring_ like his sister.

Nope. No way. Azula is 100% innocent here and she can prove it – Toph can attest she never left the room.

Once they are settled down, Toph stands and walks closer to her.

“Azula.” Toph seems unusually serious. “Do you really know where Suki is?”

“Why should I tell you?” Azula frowns. She places a hand on her hip. “She’s a prisoner of war. You know how these things go. Your friend will only do something stupid like try and break her out.”

Which could work in Azula’s favour, but how to prove that she was providing information to set the Water Tribe boy up and not to help him?

Toph continues staring. She is further inside Azula’s personal space than she usually gets and Azula tries subtly edging away, but Toph only sticks closer and the room is small. She isn’t demanding. Isn’t yelling or throwing her weight around like the idiot nonbender, or glaring like Katara, or even shutting her down like Zuko. Toph is just- _waiting_. Quietly. Patiently.

“Fine. She’s in the Boiling Rock, a heavily fortified Fire Nation prison. I told the nonbender as much. You’re _welcome._ ” Azula flicks her hair over her shoulder and stalks away.

She doesn’t know why she told Toph. They aren’t friends. The earthbender is nearly two years younger than her. She doesn’t have Mai’s skill with projectiles or Ty Lee’s acrobatic ease, she isn’t loyal, she isn’t respectful. The opposite, really. But there was no point in hiding it from Toph when she had already given the information to the nonbender.

Azula stops. She looks back and Toph is still standing there.

“You won’t be able to break her out, you know,” she tells Toph. “It’s too dangerous. It’s the strongest prison in the Fire Nation. She really won’t be harmed as long as they think I have use for her.” She pauses. “Wait until the war is over.”

“Thank you, Azula,” Toph says quietly. She smiles, a tiny but warm thing. “I’ll tell Sokka. Don’t worry, I’ll try and bring him around. Maybe I can make him see sense.”

That wasn’t why she told Toph. Azula opens her mouth to say something but stops. This is good. Toph is doing the hard work for her now. All the manipulating without even realising. Who cares what Azula’s intentions are? She has to go back. She can’t stay here. Even if she wanted to, Mai and Ty Lee and father are waiting for her and Zuko and Toph are traitors about to die anyways. She has to choose carefully. Wisely. Pick the winning side. Father’s side.

Watching Toph’s retreating back, she almost wishes Ursa had chosen her all those years ago. Maybe then she wouldn’t have to follow this path. But her mother didn’t choose her, she chose _Zuko._ Now Zuko gets to join the Avatar and follow his honour unto death, while Azula returns to the Fire Nation and reigns victorious.

She feels cold. This is exactly what she wanted. A little while longer and she will have them all within her grasp. The Fire Nation soldiers would be on their way by now. Father will be waiting. There is no way out.

Sokka grabs her arm and she instinctively flinches away. He doesn’t notice, pressing closer and hissing into her face.

“I know you’re up to something and I’m going to find out _what.”_

“Let go,” Azula demands, wresting her arm from his grasp with a violent jerk. She takes several rushed paces back. “ _Leave me alone.”_

Zuko appears. As if by magic.

“Is there a problem?” he asks, eyes flitting between Azula and Sokka.

Sokka’s mouth tightens. “Your sister is up to something.”

“That’s it?” Zuko laughs. It dies as he observes Sokka. “You’re serious. Sokka, you can’t go around accusing Azula every time you think she’s acting off.”

“You aren’t the boss of me,” Sokka argues back. “You’re our prisoner too. We can’t trust you. _Either_ of you.”

Zuko’s face crumples. There is something Azula is missing here. She scours her memory and latches onto the scant pieces of information.

Sokka and Zuko were getting along, weren’t they? Both older brothers. Both responsible. Both with the same foolish interest in weaponry. Of course they were. They are even rooming together now, Sokka jumping at the chance and cutting off Aang’s half-phrased offer.

Azula nearly laughs. Zuko’s hands dangle loosely by his sides. He isn’t even going to defend himself.

“My actions are my own,” she tells Sokka. Her smile reveals teeth. “My dear brother is too much of an idiot to scheme anything.”

“Hey!” Zuko objects. She silences him with a gesture.

“You really think _he_ has the cunning to successfully deceive you? Really? If anyone would be planning something here it would clearly be me. Don’t insult yourselves.” Azula finishes by snorting and crossing her arms.

Sokka glances uneasily between them. “That may be so,” he says slowly. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be trusted, Azula.”

Zuko finally grows a backbone and steps forward. “Sokka, stop. She’s not up to anything. Toph explained, remember? Azula was just trying to get on your nerves. You know where Suki is now and you can _do_ something about it, so maybe don’t keep blaming Azula for something that’s _helped_ you.”

He moves between Azula and Sokka. She doesn’t break eye contact with the nonbender.

It's like her instructors. Don't break eye contact. Don't move. Stare them down until they accept that you aren't backing down. It's how she convinced Lo and Li to permit her to study the methods of summoning lightning. Sokka of the Water Tribe, prince or no, cannot compare to anyone in Caldera Palace. 

Sokka steps away from Azula. He turns his attention Zuko. "Would you help me break Suki out?" Zuko is silent. Sokka's lips twist. "Thought so."

"Wait!" Zuko calls before Sokka can walk away. "I'll help. This isn't something we can do in a day, okay? I'll help you get Suki but you need to _think,_ Sokka."

Hah. Zuzu telling someone to think. Azula doesn't care for this conversation anymore. Sokka lets his guard down enough that Azula can twist away, leaving Zuko to talk Sokka out- or rather _into,_ a monumentally bad idea. Typical. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so you may be wondering why i made them roommates. answer: i thought it would be funny.  
> i'm that loser who already has a sequel outlined - it'd be about Zuko and Azula post-war and a 2nd "roadtrip" but to their mother this time, if anyone is interested after this fic.  
> thanks for the continued support <3


	14. roasted turtleduck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmmmm, roasted turtleduck. i'm sure there's nothing disturbing or upsetting in this chapter for Zuko and Azula. no way. this is a fic of sunshine and rainbows, what are you talking about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me to me: why wait for Friday. you finished this early, why not share it?  
> also me: but i only just posted another chapter and publishing early is why so many of my chapters aren't edited properly, i shouldn't do that again  
> me to me: ... but don't you want them to get this chapter early?
> 
> anyways. i'm back, early this time! i got a way stronger response to the possibility of a sequel than i expected. and i really left myself open to all those "they were roommates" jokes, but that's what you get when you title something "roommates", right?  
> this chapter is the one i've been so excited to share. i nearly posted this without editing like the monkey brain i am but i forced myself to sit on it for a day and do some actual editing. bleugh.
> 
> i'm always open to any questions about this fic so if there's anything that's confusing you and you want clarification, feel free to message/leave a comment and i'll get back to you with an explanation!

Azula runs down the hallway. Her father is a spot of red that never fades or nears. She runs and runs and runs towards that red spot but is unable, and collapses in a heap in the hallway.

A cool hand on her shoulder. "Come, Azula. Let's go sit with the turtleducks."

Her mother leads her to the bench and when Azula blinks there is bread in her hands. She looks to her mother, uncertain, but Ursa's hands are calmly pulling apart the bread to feed the turtleducks.

It isn't how Azula does it. Azula rips off big chunks and lobs it into the pond while the turtleducks quack and scatter, but Ursa is gentle. The turtleducks gather around her.

"I love you, Azula," Ursa intones. The voice is all wrong. Flat, like an actress delivering her lines. "I do."

Azula opens her mouth to scream but there is Ozai, sitting in Ursa's place with raised eyebrows.

"Skipping training, are you?" He laughs but there is no warmth behind it, and will not listen when Azula tells him Ursa led her there.

Ursa has been gone for years. It is time Azula started her real training, don't you agree? Ursa was always insisting you couldn't handle it. But you can.

Something tilts sideways on its axis and lightning crackles along her palms, Azula's vision spinning round to her father still sitting calmly on the bench by her. He shakes his head in disappointment. Azula already has an apology on her tongue but he raises his hand, wordlessly telling her to save her breath. What is she apologising for? She doesn't know. Father is disappointed and that won't do, it isn't safe to disappoint father-

He smiles at her. A kind, gentle smile, and Azula can see an echo of her mother reverberating through time.

“Come home, Azula,” he says.

“I am home,” she replies. She moves closer to him in a way he would never allow if this was real. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Azula smiles at him. Ozai shakes his head.

“I wanted you to come home, Azula. Why didn’t you come home?”

She falters. “Father, I- you _know_ I had to, I sent a letter explaining everything. It was to catch the Avatar for good. I’m home. I am.”

Ozai’s beard grows and grows and grows until the fire consumes his face.

“You failed me, my child. You abandoned me.”

“ _No,_ ” she sobs, already knowing what is to follow. His hands are gentle as they cup her face.

Then he sets it on fire. She should jump into the turtleduck pond, that’s the _logical_ thing to do, but her feet won’t move and her arms are frozen and she just _sits there,_ like an idiot, watching the fire ravage her face through the still surface of the pond. The wind makes no ripples.

“You know you deserved it,” Ozai breathes in her ear. He leaves. No use for _two_ scarred and weakling children.

Something about the dream remains in Azula’s chest. She blinks awake, rolling automatically out of bed for breakfast, and doesn’t notice her hair is loose until Sokka points it out.

“Hey,” he calls somewhat disbelievingly. “Your hair’s actually pretty long. I bet Katara could do hair loopies on you.”

Toph shoots him a discreet thumbs-up. She must have spoken with him. If Toph is awake then it must be late - well past sunrise, but Azula cannot bring herself to care. She thinks _can’t pull my hair back if father scars me._ She takes her food and sits by herself and yells at Toph until the earthbender leaves her alone, eyes pitiful like a child.

She wrote the letter. She explained. Father has to take her back, right? He has to. He will accept her. She isn’t Zuko. She isn’t their mother. She will not be chased from the palace or cowed into submission, he will not _burn her,_ he won’t scar her or hurt her, she will be finally by her father’s side. She earned that position. She earned that right.

Azula lets her hair fall into her eyes and buries her head beneath the curtain of lacquer black. She is not a failure. She is not weak. Father will see. Zuko made a mistake and that is why he was exiled and she-

 _Also_ made a mistake. But it’s different! Zuko disrespected father, showed shameful weakness. He cared more about dispensable soldiers than their own father. Azula just- _lied,_ just smudged the truth a tiny bit, but it wasn’t for Zuko. He has to see that. She wasn’t choosing Zuko over her father, she just- just _craved,_ body and soul, in that moment, for a brother by her side. For Zuko to return. To chase him through the halls again and bully him into playing with her and Mai and Ty Lee. But it wasn’t that, it was _strategy._ Logic. That is acceptable, that is understandable, Ozai approves of that. Sentiment never helped anybody but _strategy_ can.

He won’t burn her. He won’t scarr her.

“Azula,” Aang calls from the site. He watches with his head tilted to the side, almost bird-like. “Are you coming? The sun is up so training is starting soon. Zuko said we’re going to practice deflecting fire today!”

She stands. Brushes her hair back and flicks it over her shoulder. Then follows.

Katara dragged him from his bedroll and gestured, wordlessly, to the woods.

“We need to talk.” Her face was thunder. An oncoming storm Zuko desperately wished to dodge, looking around to see if anyone else had awoken. But no, Katara was quiet. And _sneaky_ for once. There was no one to witness Katara’s probable murder of Zuko.

He sighed. _Already?_

He followed Katara into the woods, grumbling internally but too scared to say any of it aloud. When they reach Katara’s designated spot, she stopped and glared at Zuko until he stopped too. They stood in silence as the sun drifted gently upwards in the sky. Now Zuko is tired of waiting. The sun has risen - he should be training Aang, not watching Katara try and guilt him into confession without even saying a word.

“What is it?” he asks her, finally cavin. 

She crosses her arms. “You _know_ what this is about, Zuko. I don’t trust you and the others don’t know what I do. _Ba Sing Se_.”

He winces then recovers. He gestures around them. “Katara, I said I was sorry! I begged your forgiveness. Everyone else has forgiven me. Why can’t you?”

Katara stares. For a moment he thinks she is not going to say anything further, then she explodes.

“Because you _lied._ You made me feel _sorry_ for you, about your scar, your mother. I actually thought you were _human._ I was going to heal you. _You,_ a firebender!” She shakes her head in disbelief. “I thought that you were actually regretting the bad stuff you had done. That you were a _good person._ ”

“I still am,” he tells her. She brushes him aside like a fly and advances.

“You’re a liar and a monster. You’re not leaving until you tell me what you and your sister are _really_ up to.”

“Nothing,” he groans, and ignores Katara’s harsh laughter. “Katara the sun has only just risen. _Why_ are you trying to confront me about this now? Do you want me to apologise again? I can do that. Do you want me to get on my knees and grovel?”

“Maybe,” Katara sneers. It is Zuko’s turn to laugh.

“Really? And that will make you forgive me and stop staring like you expect me to suddenly try and kill Aang? Be honest, Katara.”

She is silent. Zuko shakes his head and moves away, heading back for camp. If Katara doesn’t even know what she wants, how can she expect him to fix things? Maybe before Zuko would have stayed and begged Katara until she relented, but he has learned things from Azula. You can only be yourself. Sometimes even that isn’t enough for people. Sometimes it isn’t a problem with you; it's just them and their issues. Zuko isn't good enough for Katara and maybe never will be, but he is done apologising for that. Azula never apologises for being herself. Neither will Zuko. 

If Katara asks, he will do anything to make things right. But she has not asked. Just yelling and glaring at him like that will change anything.

He can hear the shift of leaves behind him as Katara moves around.

“You’re so evil you even have the scar to prove it!” she calls furiously after him.

Zuko stops. The lines of his back tense and Katara thinks, _victory,_ even knowing what a low blow it was. It is soon overturned by the wild, almost feral look in his eyes. He marches back over to Katara.

“My _father_ did it, okay?” Zuko yells. His chest heaves and Katara’s eyes go wide. Like a startled rabbit-hare. Zuko presses forward, the words pouring from his mouth unbidden. “You’re so curious about my scar and you keep acting like I was _lying_ about it. You want to know the truth? I was thirteen. I disrespected him and he _burned me,_ Katara, set my face on fire in front of _everybody_ and the worst part is that I thought I deserved it.”

“Zuko,” Katara begins, then swallows. This isn’t at all what she expected.

He barrels on. “It wasn’t a training accident. I couldn’t go to a port without people whispering _there goes the banished prince._ I can’t see out of my left eye. _Everybody_ knew he burned me.” Zuko’s lips tremble. “He said it was to teach me respect. But it was cruel! And it was _wrong._ How could he possibly justify a duel with a child?”

Realisation dawns. Katara steps forward, eyes dark and serious.

“Did he ever-? With Azula.”

“I don’t know,” Zuko says, and it is the truth. Bitter like medicine. “I don’t know if he hurt her like me. I was gone for three years. She was always the golden child, but a lot can happen in three years. I should know.”

He touches the scar. Katara looks at it. Really looks at it this time, the rough whorls and firebrand red. She doesn’t see an enemy anymore. The prince of a bloodthirsty nation. Just Zuko. Flawed and sometimes terrible, but not the face of evil like she once thought. He's human. Like her. 

“Were you telling the truth? About your mother?” Katara reaches for him but stops. She touches her necklace.

He sighs and flops gracelessly to the ground. “Grandfather ordered he kill me,” he confides conversationally.

Grandfather – that means Azulon. _That_ Azulon? ‘He’ needs no explanation. Ozai.

Zuko continues. “I woke up that night to my mother saying goodbye. I never saw her again, and in the morning Fire Lord Azulon was dead.”

“Did she-“

“Kill him?” Zuko raises his eyes to Katara, suddenly weary and sickly bitter. “I don’t know, Katara. Probably.” He kicks at a rock. “It doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone.”

Katara exhales shakily. The ground shifts beneath her feet and she quickly sits down. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. Zuko wasn’t lying in Ba Sing Se. She hadn’t wanted to admit it but seeing him with Azula, she could almost understand why he betrayed them for her. She would do the same for Sokka. The last inch of the blade buried in Katara’s chest was that he had _lied,_ manipulated her, made her think that an enemy could understand her pain.

But he wasn’t lying. He really does understand. She doesn’t want to keep blaming and hating him. Not when he is already so intwined in their lives that continuing to hate him will only destroy her.

“I’m sorry,” she says sincerely. She waits until Zuko looks at her. “Really, I am. I misjudged you, Zuko.”

He shrugs easily. “You didn’t. I’ve done some bad things in the past. Some were to try and gain my father’s respect. Some were just because I was angry. You were right about me, Katara. I can only hope that I can move forward with you.”

Katara smiles. “I’d like that.”

The conversation remains in Katara’s mind long after Zuko leaves to train Aang. She had her reasons for distrusting him. Zuko wasn’t always as good of a person as he is now. When he first came to them, she had no idea if he was planning another betrayal, or plotting something, or even trying to kidnap Aang again. He was with _Azula._ Even if Katara could strain her imagination to consider the possibility of Zuko turning on the Fire Nation, Azula? No way.

But Zuko was sincere. Regardless of Azula's intentions, Zuko genuinely regretted betraying Katara in Ba Sing Se. He wept for his uncle. Katara has spent all this time trying to punish him and make him feel unwelcome, and didn't deserve it. Katara wasn't _wrong._ Just misinformed.

She still feels guilty.

The things he said about living in the palace with Ozai. If Zuko was raised like that, what poison trickled into Azula’s ears? Was she trained until she cried? Did they punish her if she failed? Katara wouldn't put it past the monsters in the palace. 

Many things make sense now. The last thing Katara wants is to have empathy for _Azula,_ of all people, but she has already forgiven one enemy today. Maybe she can make it two.

Azula shows no remorse, is the thing. Katara watches her sit to the sidelines with that imperious gaze of hers. Azula delights in cruelty, in the manipulation of others. But with the haze lifted from Katara’s eyes, she can acknowledge other things too. Azula telling Zuko to grow his hair out so he doesn’t disgrace himself. Azula pulling Aang back from a sharp fall. Azula carefully laying her blanket over Toph’s sleeping form then going to sleep in the cold.

There is something there. Katara isn’t sure what yet, but there is something about Azula of late that tells her not to write the girl off completely.

Zuko is quiet while they train Aang. The Airbender isn't weak. He's the _Avatar._ But he lacks the iron will necessary to bend fire.

"Like this." She snaps a rope of fire in the air between them, then flicks his arm to correct his stance. "You have to be strong. Control the fire before it controls you."

Aang purses his lips in concentration, sweat beading on his brow, and settles into the proper stance. His punch of flame is good, if mediocre for his status. 

Azula tuts. "Try again."

Azula isn't a very good teacher. She is too impatient. The others call her harsh, but they say that of Zuko too and he is the softer between them. This is how you learn fire. You train relentlessly and you drill until you collapse, because you must serve your father and your nation and the two are one and the same. Failure is not an option. Be strong, or you will be disposed of. If you are weak then they will _make_ you strong, unless you are enough of a disgrace that you lack even the will to improve yourself.

Strength. Focus. That is fire. And the Avatar keeps reacting like it is something he can float around, or move with, or even face head on. There is only one way to work with fire. You reach into your core and feel your breath and you _move it,_ using the core of you who are, the essence of what drives you as a person. 

Zuko's fire is weak. He casts a warning glare towards her every time his flame fizzles out or stutters, barely escaping Aang's notice. 

"I'll find something to get angry about," he mutters as he walks past her. "Then my bending will be fine, so _don't mention it._ "

Suit himself. Zuzu is delusional but Azula doesn't care. His bending is his own problem. It is not gone, just weakened, and Azula is here to teach the Avatar properly and undo the damage caused by Zuko's soft tuition.

"Be stricter with him," she snaps at Zuko. "He won't learn unless you push him."

Aang stumbles from his stance. She pushes him back into it without looking. 

"You're pushing him too hard," Zuko argues. He uses his shirt to wipe the dirt off his hands from his handstand katas in the sun. "See? He can't even hold that stance."

"Hey-" Aang tries interrupting.

Azula rolls her eyes. "That stance? It's for beginners, Zuzu. I know you are hardly the epitome of an advanced bender, but really. The only way he will get better is if we _push him."_

Zuko looks at Aang, doubtful. "I'm trying. Katara is gentle on him and he seems to respond well to that. She said to try lots of praise." He shrugs. "I don't know how to do that, and I don't think Katara's methods are appropriate for wartime. They don't get that. Toph is more head-on, but her method seems to be more bullying than anything. Loving, but still bullying."

Azula sighs. "Zuzu. They _do_ realise it is war, right?"

"We do," Aang calls breathlessly instead of practicing the move she showed him. "That's why I'm training with you guys! So I can beat the Fire Lord!"

Hmm. Struggling, but he clearly still has the breath to yell. They need to work him harder. Azula curls a flame underneath Aang's feet and he yelps, dancing away from it.

"Good!" she calls. She smirks at his misery. "If you're enjoying yourself then you aren't training hard enough. Practice your footwork and don't burn yourself on that fire, _then_ I will dismiss you."

Zuko's lips twist in dismay. "Don't you think that's a bit too harsh?"

"What?" She turns to him. "Do you not remember the palace tutors? This is _kind_ compared to them. We let him stop if he burns himself and he has you to baby him. Do you really thing our tutors would have cared if we hurt ourselves? If we were _tired,_ or didn't want to train?" She laughs at the absurdity of her own words. 

"I'm not babying him," Zuko sighs. He studies Aang's footwork. "He needs a lot of improvement, but that can't be helped starting this late. Treat him like a late bloomer, okay?"

"If he was a late bloomer at this age he wouldn't be receiving instruction at all," Azula retorts.

Zuko's expression shutters. They both know how close Zuko came to being declared a nonbender. It is of no matter. He clearly isn't one and never will be if he regains his source of anger to fuel his fire. Azula has to restore her own source, but even that is not dire. It is fine. Her flames are weak but still blue which means she is still in control.

To prove it, she lights a flame on her index finger. Cobalt blue. She smiles victoriously as Zuko barks at Aang to move onto the next form. The smile drops off her face as the flame gutters. 

What? Her fire was doing fine. Faded since she left the palace and she _knows_ that, but it wasn't anywhere near as weak as Zuko's is now. 

"Azula," Aang pipes up cheerfully. He bounces over to her, almost like Ty Lee. "Do you wanna spar? I think I've got the hang of this move now and I want to try it!"

Azula lets her hand fall by her side. The dream echoes in her head. Father. The pond. Is this why? Did he know this would happen? Did leaving the palace poison her in some way, sabotage her so she could never be as good as she was?

"Fine," she tells Aang dully. She steps into his smiling light. "Let's spar."

Zuko shuffles uneasily. He looks between them and his back foot slides into a combat stance, the way the tutors always tried to drill into them until it became instinctive. It didn't work. Zuko is like this from experience, not their stupid tuition.

Azula smirks but there is nothing behind it. When Aang launches his attack at her she doesn't dodge, doesn't dance or hide away. She allows him to throw his weight at her until the last possible moment, then sends a searing blow towards his throat. It misses and Aang recovers admirably, but the nervous edge to his laughter belies that fact that he knows something is wrong. Azula can't find the energy to maintain her smirk so she allows it to slide off her face. 

Is she ruined now? Is this all she can do?

 _Come home, Azula,_ father said in her dream. 

_I love you Azula,_ mother said before she vanished.

They ruined her. The two of them. Ursa hated her and Ozai loved her and it damned her. 

Aang spins onto his feet and kicks fire at her. Azula steps to the side, feeling her body move as sluggishly as if she was wearing full armour. She is better than this. She knows she is. Her bending will recover, it will come back, and Azula will go home and everything will be _fine,_ she will be by her father's side, it will be _fine,_ and Ursa will stay gone and Ozai will accept her back to her rightful place.

Zuko tries to intervene as Aang fumbles his way through another attack, his confidence faltering at Azula's lack of zeal. 

"Aang, stop. Something's wrong. She doesn't seem like herself."

What? Not herself? Azula laughs and curses and spits fire at them. Aang flinches back. Zuko faces it head on and parts the fire like it is nothing. He stands strong before her. Zuzu the weakling, who so desperately wanted to return home even as father called him worthless and spineless. They all knew Zuko was chasing ghosts. The court thought he was chasing the long-dead Avatar, but Azula knew he was chasing a ghost that never existed - a father that cared for him. 

She traces down her chi pathway and channels her energy into her fingertips, readying for another blast of flame. Something catches and it explodes out of her, not blue but _red_ , and Zuko and Aang work in tandem to dispel the flame. Zuko is forced back into the ground and Aang steps in to cover him. 

"Azula!" Zuko shouts.

Is he concerned, or angry? She laughs. She doesn't know. She can't read him. Isn't trying to, doesn't care, just wants her fire to _work, dammit._ Father will discard her if it doesn't work. Even if she returns home, even if he lets her return, her worth is in her bending. Everyone knows that. Isn't it what he said in her dream? _You abandoned me._ Abandoned the training, the court, sat by the pond with her mother even if it was fake, Ursa was never there even in her dream because of course Azula isn't worth that. Azula betrayed her father for her brother and the ghost of her mother. Ozai won't accept her unless she is strong. She has to be strong. 

Zuko was chasing the ghost of their father all those years. Azula? When she defended Zuko in Ba Sing Se, she was chasing the ghost of their mother in his too-kind eyes. The ghost of her brother and who he used to be. 

Azula sweats furiously, ungracefully. She smells like a peasant and looks like one too, shirt clinging to her back and hair in tangles. She wants to go home. What is home? Training? Constantly hovering advisors and ministers? A palace full of eyes all watching for the slightest hint of weakness, reporting every tremor of her hands to her father?

Her breath comes in short, paralysed stutters. She moves her hands to her chest and feels her heart racketing beneath them. Zuko climbs from the dirt and starts walking towards her. She catches the movement in the corner of her eye, a wall of red rapidly advancing.

She screams. There is a roaring sound, fire ripping between them, then Azula is staring at the sky with her eyes refusing to focus. She feels cool, gentle hands on her shoulder and she flinches away, moaning into the ground.

“I’ll do better,” she cries, and the hands pause. She can feel their judgement, their scorn. Princesses don’t cry. The heir to the throne never shows weakness.

Azula is weak and now they all know it. She fights to control the noises ripping through her throat. She can stop this. She knows she can. She reaches for her fire on reflex. It was _just there,_ she felt it-

To sense nothing but ashes. Her fire has finally run out. Azula corrals herself, pushing unsteadily to her feet and slapping at the hands on her shoulders, stumbling a few paces away. She was weak. She was weak and she lost her flame, why did Lo and Li never _tell_ her what her source is, then she could have fixed it, saved this mess, saved herself-

What is _the point of her_ if she can’t offer her bending?

Zuko leaves her alone, to her surprise. It is Katara that comes to find her.

“Azula,” she breathes quietly, all fake relief and sympathy.

Azula hates her. She hates girls like her with their stupidly pretty hair and their freedom and their ability to make people just _like them,_ effortlessly. No one has ever called Katara a machine; an insult hiding in serpent-compliment clothes. Katara’s mother never called her a monster, either. Her mother is dead. Azula wishes Ursa was. At least then she would have closure.

“I can still teach the Avatar,” Azula assures her bitterly. She still calls him that – not Aang, not airbender. Just the Avatar.

Kataraa appraises her. She sighs, softly.

“That’s not what I’m here for. Are you okay, Azula?”

The question stops her short. What is Katara asking? Azula stares and stares but the question makes no sense, no matter how many times she turns it over in her head.

Is Azula okay?

“Was that my fire?” she dodges, throwing it back in Katara’s face.

The waterbender frowns, but it lacks its usual depth. “You _and_ Zuko, I think. You bended, he raised a wall of fire, it looked like? To defend us.” She shrugs. “We knew it wasn’t intentional. Don’t worry about that. Are you hurt?”

Azula scoots away from Katara’s healing hands.

“Don’t touch me,” she snaps, and it comes out more sharply than it should for someone pretending to be part of ‘Team Avatar’ or whatever dumb name it was they decided on.

She is calmer now. She knows where she is and who is around her. It was careless, losing control like that. Azula should be stronger. Weakness gets you killed and Azula isn’t _weak._ They only allow her to stay because she is of use as long as she can supplement Zuko’s bending tuition.

Then again, they must be happier knowing her bending has disappeared. They can safely dispose of her, or hand her over to the invasion force Azula is still pretending not to know of.

Zuko still thinks his bending is fuelled by anger. He thinks he just needs to get angry again – but he is wrong. There was a reason his bending was so weak before. It is a miracle he could bend at all like that.

Zuko’s source is _honour,_ the idiot. A perfectly acceptable notion for the Avatar and his friends to swallow. All he has to do is realise that there are other ways to bend that don’t involve anger and he will recover his bending.

Azula doesn’t know what fuels hers. She has a feeling it is nothing so palatable as honour. Lo and Li could help her. They would know, the old hags. They have tutored her since she was withdrawn from the Royal Fire Academy for Girls after a classmate tried attacking her, jealousy burning along her hands.

A thought strikes her. Maybe Mai and Ty Lee would know. They have been by her side for years – surely they have some inkling.

It does not matter now. Azula glares at Katara and thinks they can never, ever know that she has lost her bending. They would not be so lenient with her as they were with Zuko. She can salvage this. Make some excuse about feeling ill and it impacting her bending. She can still fix this. They suspect but do not _know,_ which means there is still a chance for Azula. As long as she is in control, there is no need for fear, or anger, or paranoia. As long as she is in control and can predict everyone's actions then there is no need to be startled when Sokka grabs her arm, or flinch from Katara's glares, or jolt awake at Toph accidentally kicking a rock. She just has to regain control. She can do this. There is time. 

Azula stands and brushes off her tunic, chin upturned imperiously.

“Leave me alone, Water Savage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i was going to cut the part where dream!Ozai burns dream!Azula's face but something about it just punched me in the gut so i left it because i was like "well when life gives you lemons, pass them onto your readers i guess?" idk, i wasn't quite happy with the nightmare sequence in this chapter but i have some really cool scenes planned for later!
> 
> feel free to holler at me in the comments if you have ThoughtsTM, or even just to go "what the heck was that"  
> <3


	15. anyone who knew me as a child must die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have lost all control of myself so i am uploading AGAIN this week. enjoy!
> 
> fun fact: it took me collectively nearly 2 hours to reply to all the comments i received on last chapter. most were during the same few hours so i opened my phone in the morning and went ".... that's a lot of comments in my inbox". i love it so keep it coming! 
> 
> another note: i started re-reading what i've written from chapter 1 onwards bc why not? and i got a bit emotional. HOW are you guys managing to read this whole thing? i was nearly crying by chapter 9 and even i don't know why. i think i was just really sad for Azula and i got a bit choked up over her. is this really what i'm doing to people? i would apologise but y'all are STILL HERE, READING. massive kudos to everyone. i don't know whether to hope you are all equally upset, that you're coping better than me

Zuko doesn’t know what to do.

It is a familiar feeling and he hates it. On the ship, there was always repairs to be made, because of course father gave him the worst ship in the navy. Zuko thought it was to add a challenge. To make him prove himself even further. Now he thinks it was just to humiliate his useless son.

There was still a lot of free time on the ship. Tea and pai sho were uncle’s time wasters of choice, while Zuko trained. Brooded. Spent a lot of time thinking about the Avatar and their next course, and if their budget would extend to new bed sheets since Zuko burned his last set. Nightmares suck. Shitty portside plays suck even more, no matter how many theatre scrolls Zuko bought with his dwindling money.

Zhao is also shitty. That's a whole other story though, and not one Zuko likes to tell since it culminates with fried fish and a night with no moon. He was cold. He remembers that much. The cold, and Zhao's expression.

There was a lot of starving when he was in the Earth Kingdom. Waiting. Walking. Stealing, sometimes, because Zuko was angry and felt he deserved those things, deserved to take the goods of passing merchants and nobles and their food, because why should they have nice things when Zuko, a _prince,_ was living in squalor? He is ashamed of what he did in the Earth Kingdom. Stealing that ostrich-horse from Song and her family. Threatening people. He didn’t know what to do, so he did everything that he wasn’t supposed to do.

Zuko wasn’t always a good person. He knows this now.

Azula won’t talk to him. She keeps avoiding everyone but especially Zuko and Katara, and they don’t know why. Zuko knows her bending is weaker now. He could never fully deflect Azula’s flames before. He could cut through them, forcing himself a small sphere of safety under the full heat of her flames, but he could never dispel them all. Azula was too strong.

While Zuko likes to think he’s gotten stronger, his bending is faded. Dangerously so. There’s no way he could successfully fight Azula like this if she was at full strength. Her bending – is it weak too? Has she lost sight of her source? When they first started following the Avatar, she mentioned that there are sources other than anger. She also implied that was why Zuko is so weak, but he doesn’t quite understand that part. He’s angry, right? Always angry. It’s Zuko’s thing. The scarred, banished prince who yells a lot and has a phoenix tail even stupider – according to the Avatar and his friends – than Sokka’s. Zuko feels that is an unfair assessment, but it’s not like he still _has_ his phoenix tail to feel offended. Maybe he can convince Azula to wear her hair that way.

She was _off,_ during their fight. He saw that. Azula is always disciplined but something flickered behind her eyes and when she _smiled,_ Zuko’s heart stuttered. It wasn’t a good smile. Empty, like a paper plaster. He wanted to go after her but didn’t know how to help. They went three years without seeing each other. She sent him a hawk when he was first banished. He never replied to the letter. He regrets that now. He thought she was sending a letter to laugh at him, point fingers, because Azula thought he deserved it for being weak. That she was victorious because she was strong. She told him as much in the infirmary, and he had assumed the letter would only be more of that. He told uncle to throw away the letter and he did it without any questions.

What was Azula’s letter? Was it really just more gloating? Three long years without contact. They became different people in that time. Azula no longer felt like his sister. Distant stranger would be more accurate.

He couldn’t read Azula. Couldn’t predict her. Could barely understand her. She was the little sister he left behind. He was the older brother who disgraced himself, who was barely worthy of her attention. That’s what they told her.

Zuko sees Azula across the camp site and sighs. He’s gotten to know Azula more by living in the palace again, then on the road as they worked towards the Avatar. She is cunning and ambitious and often cruel but sleeps like a log and cannot be stirred for love nor money. She eats a lot. She always does her hair the first thing in the morning and nagged Zuko until they stopped to buy a comb from a town they were passing through.

Really, the loose hair of yesterday should have been a sign. But Zuko does not know Azula. Not the way he should. He is realising just how much those years apart changed their relationship.

“She’s your sister,” Sokka says through a mouthful of food. He chews noisily and with his mouth half-open. “All little sisters are annoying, right? They put snow down your parka and steal your stuff then lie about it. Just push her around a little, maybe wrestle her or something. It’ll be fine then.”

“I’m not so sure that would work with Azula,” Zuko says weakly. He picks at his own food.

Sokka lunges for another serving of food. “Sure it will.” He settles back into his seat and burps. “You have a nickname for her right? Call her that and ruffle her hair. Little sisters can’t stay mad for long and they can’t avoid you forever.”

 _Azula can,_ Zuko thinks. He does not relay this thought to Sokka.

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. He taps his chopsticks against the bowl and resumes eating. “She might not know anything else about Suki. You know that, don’t you?”

Sokka hesitates. “I don’t know that I trust her,” he says slowly. “But I don’t think she’s hiding anything more with Suki. You’re right. What would be the point? You know where the prison is and I know what time they would have gotten Suki. That’s enough information.”

It really isn’t, but Zuko has done more with less. Like breaking into the North Pole. And Pouhai Stronghold. Now that he thinks about it, Zuko has done a lot of break-and-entering. Should he be concerned?

He sees a flash of red as Azula disappears into a room of the temple. Zuko frowns and sets his bowl aside.

“Excuse me, Sokka. I think I have to go talk to Azula now.”

Sokka waves him good luck.

He finds Azula sitting on a slab of stone. She is picking irritably at her nails.

“Go away, Zuko,” she says without looking up.

He hesitates but continues through the doorway.

“Can I sit here?”

Azula shrugs but doesn’t argue when he sits next to her, so he figures it’s okay.

“About yesterday-“ Zuko begins.

Azula interrupts him with a roll of her eyes. “Oh don’t start on that, Zuko. It was a lapse of weakness, that’s all.”

He sighs. This is going to be hard, isn’t it?”

“Lala-“

Azula jolts upright. “Lala?” She looks furiously around them. “Anyone could have heard, Zuko. What gives you the right to call me that?”

Sokka, Zuko is discovering, does not always give sound advice. Should he still try to ruffle Azula’s hair? Somehow, he doubts it.

“You didn’t care before,” he reminds her.

“When we were _alone,_ ” she says slowly, like talking to a child. “In the middle of nowhere. Does this look like the middle of nowhere to you, Zuko?”

Azula gestures around them. He badly wants to tell her that yes, it does, but Zuko has also traversed the Si Won Desert and discovered the true meaning of _middle of nowhere._ This hardly qualifies.

“Sorry Azula.”

“You should be.” She snorts and retakes her place.

Zuko is an idiot. Azula has always known that. He was her idiot big brother who she could bully and prod in equal measures. Then he was her idiot big brother who got himself banished and scarred. Then he was just the idiot she had to bring back to the palace because father was tired of having him sailing around the world causing trouble.

Zuko wants to talk about their _feelings._ He called her Lala. While it is true that she allowed him to call her that before, they are with the Avatar now. Agni forbid they hear. Azula has an image to maintain, especially in front of Toph.

He must be thinking of their childhood, because he gains the especially pained look on his face that occurs when he is considering their father, his scarring, or some other unsavoury aspect of their unfortunately shared past.

“You didn’t cry,” Zuko says quietly. He looks at Azula. “When mom left. You didn’t cry.”

She shrugs. “Was there a reason to?”

Zuko was devastated. He sprinted all over the palace searching for their mother. He fought the servants furiously, insisting that she was coming back, that they had no right to empty her chambers. Azula only watched.

The servants all crept around them. Scared of disturbing them or irritating the wound of their mother’s departure. The Fire Lord ordered a ban on all mentions of Lady Ursa, and they followed that rule religiously. Except for one maid.

“Don’t you miss your mother?” she asked gently. She smiled like she thought it would help. “It’s okay to feel sad, princess.”

She didn’t. Azula reported the maid. How dare she bring up her mother? Ursa had never cared about her. Ursa had never loved her. _Monster,_ she said. Azula remembers. She swore she would.

Why cry for a mother that would never cry for her?

When the servants finally won their battle against Zuko and cleared the chambers of even her jewellery, Azula stole one of her mother’s old hair pins just to throw it into the lake and watch it sink. She was eleven when Zuko was banished. Ten when her mother left. She packaged them into boxes in her mind and threw away the key, until father sent her to retrieve her wayward brother. Zuzu was stupider than she remembered. He really believed that silly little lie about father wanting her back.

Zuko frowns. “Azula, she was our mother. She cared for us.”

“Did she?” Azula reveals her teeth in what should be a smile. Zuko flinches. “I remember her nagging. She was in the way. We were better off without her.”

“I wasn’t,” Zuko mutters. His fingers dance along his knees and he looks towards where Aang is training with Katara. “You know I wasn’t.”

Azula tilts her head sideways. “Maybe,” she allows. “But I know I was. Mother never cared for me.”

“She did.” Zuko looks down at his lap. “I know she did. She was- kind. Loving. She used to sit by the pond with us, remember?”

Azula openly scoffs. She crosses her arms and leans back. “With _you._ She never did anything with me except tell me to stop.”

Zuko shakes his head. “No, when we were little, remember? Before we started firebending training. She would take us both to the turtleduck pond and she’d read us stories.” His mouth twists. “Then you presented your sparks and you started training. Then father started trying to make me show sparks too. Mother stopped then.”

Azula doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember. Why doesn’t she remember? Zuko is lying. He has to be. Mother never did _anything_ with Azula. She hated Azula.

“Liar,” she spits, climbing to her feet. Zuko tries grabbing at her tunic to stop her but Azula is too quick, darting away before he can catch her.

Her feet carry her to a clearing on the other side of the temple. It is quiet. Azula breathes in the mountain air and sits by the broken fountain. She never liked the quiet.

Zuko wants to talk to her. About mom. About her embarrassing little spat yesterday. About the years he was gone. Azula doesn’t want to talk about any of it. Why does it matter? Why does Zuko care so much?

She will betray him soon and turn all of them over to the Fire Lord and reign in glory. The thought brings her less joy than she thought. Why? What is so different now? She was determined to restore herself to power when she first left with Zuko. There was not a doubt in her mind that she would hand Zuko over the second the opportunity presented itself. Now she doesn’t know. Can she really betray Zuko? Toph? She doesn’t care about the rest. They have made their choice. But even the Avatar treats her with kindness after she shot him and speaks gently to her when he isn’t sweating his own weight in water during training.

Her or them. Father or them. There really isn’t a choice for Azula. She has to do this. It’s the only way. She won’t make the same decisions as Zuko, banished for defending a minor battalion whose deaths would have been for the honour of the nation, or her mother, banished of her own will for love of her son.

Never Azula. Only Zuko. Father loves her and has always paid attention to her, even when she was young and only just developing her firebending. He chose her. Everyone else she manipulated, threatened, lied to. Even Mai and Ty Lee. But Ozai _chose her._ This is the condition. Loyalty for love. She remains loyal and he chooses to love her.

She doesn’t-

There isn’t anyone else. There has never been anyone else. Love is something to be _earned_ and Azula knows that. She isn’t so stupid as to delude herself into thinking that these people could love her. She doesn’t have enough use to them.

Toph approaches from behind and seats herself next to Azula.

“Hey Blue,” she greets. Her voice almost sing-song. “You admiring the view?”

“No,” Azula says flatly. She refuses to elaborate. “Maybe I’m considering jumping.”

Toph cackles, throwing back her head in laughter. “You and Zuko are the only ones who speak so bluntly. You guys have really messed up senses of humour, you know?”

Toph launches into a spiel about Sokka’s incident with the laundry. “Katara was so mad when she found out he messed it up, she had to start all over again-“

“Toph,” Azula interrupts. She looks at Toph without moving her head. “What was your mother like?”

Her smile vanishes. Her posture deflates too, leaving Toph seeming smaller than before. She kicks at the ground with her short legs.

“Why?” Toph mumbles. “Is it important?”

“No.”

“But you still want to know.”

Azula smiles. Toph cannot see it and she cannot decipher Azula’s heartbeat. She sighs.

“Okay, I guess. My mother was… controlling, y’know? She thought I was this delicate flower that was only safe if I was locked up. And when she wasn’t telling me all the things she thought I couldn’t do because I’m blind-“ here Toph waves a hand in front of her sightless eyes. “-she was telling me _ladies do this,_ and _ladies do that,_ and telling me to sit straight, eat delicately, chew with my mouth closed. She didn’t let me do _anything._ I was blind and a girl and she never really _got_ me.”

Toph’s expression is as if she has sucked on a lemon. Azula taps her shoulder in sympathy, a quick one-two beat that would have spoken realms to Mai and Ty Lee.

“My mother didn’t understand me either,” she tells Toph. She returns her gaze to the sky as Toph’s ears perk up in curiosity. “The same as yours. Only she left when I was ten and I never saw her again. Everyone kept asking me if I missed her and the truth is that I _don’t._ I don’t miss her.” She pulls her knees to her chest. “Does that make me awful?”

Toph mouths something before she speaks.

“No. I don’t think it does.” Toph pats Azula’s shoulder in return, a clumsy attempt in a language she doesn’t know. “But I know that I miss my mother.”

“What?” Azula stares in bewilderment. “You just said your mother was controlling and never understood you. Why miss her?”

Toph punches the air to hide the emotion on her face. “Why?” She laughs loudly. It slowly fades from her voice as she droops. “Because she’s my mother. She’s the only one I have and yeah, she was terrible. But I still keep hoping that when I go back, she’ll understand this time. And things will be better, and she’ll let me earthbend and understand _me_ for me.”

Azula pinches Toph.

“Ow,” the girl exclaims.

“Your mother shouldn’t be giving you permission for anything,” Azula tells Toph as the eartbender rubs her arm. “You have too much talent and potential to waste it waiting for her. Your mother will never understand and you know that, Toph. Why else would you leave?”

Toph is silent. “Yeah,” she says eventually. “I think I do.”

She turns her face from Azula.

“Hope will poison you,” Azula sighs. She allows Toph her space and moves down the bench slightly. “You must overcome it, Toph. Be logical.”

“Yeah.” Toph’s voice is small. “Logic. Because that always helps, right?”

Azula frowns. What is the bitter tone to Toph’s voice? Azula gave her sound advice. Toph should take it before she destroys her future trying to reconcile with her past.

Toph doesn’t speak until Katara shouts for dinner. Sokka races past them on the way and doesn’t try attacking Azula when he sees her apart from Toph. _Progress,_ she supposes.

Are they still planning that idiotic break from Boiling Rock?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm always happen to answer any questions about this fic as well as, yes, to answer guesses about Azula's source. i feel like i left a few hints in this chapter - i got some ESSAYS yesterday from commenters trying to guess so i figured i'd give y'all some help. someone has officially guessed it correctly tho!!  
> and yes, Azula seems very much like she's talking about herself in this chapter. she's like "i know what advice i'm giving Toph but SURELY that doesn't apply to me, because our situations are so very different and father will actually accept me eventually."  
> take care of yourselves everyone! <333


	16. circus freak interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ty Lee becomes Mai's caffeine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ya girl got back from a night shift and instead of doing the sensible thing - which is sleeping - i stayed up until 3am to watch both Mulan movies. i make good choices, i swear

Mai is exhausted. She hates the Earth Kingdom and she hates walking and she hates that Ty Lee doesn’t look tired.

“We did a lot of moving around in the circus,” she volunteers cheerfully. She skips ahead of Mai. “It’s not so bad, Mai. Cheer up!”

Mai does not want to cheer up. Mai wants to lay down. She emits a pitiful groan not dissimilar from a dying peasant and Ty Lee prods her chi point.

Mai’s fatigue vanishes. She stops walking and glares with purple-rimmed eyes.

“Ty Lee,” she says through gritted teeth. Her hands ache with the effort not to attack Ty Lee, who skitters back nervously. “You couldn’t have done that earlier?”

“It’s not healthy,” Ty Lee defends herself. She pats Mai’s shoulder and laughs. “Blocking that chi point doesn’t _stop_ you from being tired, it just stops you from feeling it. It’s better to just sleep but-“ she pauses lengthily and sighs. “You clearly aren’t going to do that anytime soon.”

They trudge onwards. Mai ignores Ty Lee as much as she can, rage simmering beneath her skin. She likes Ty Lee. She does. But she really, _really_ hopes that they make it to the stupid encampment as soon as possible. Not even for themselves. Only for _Ty Lee,_ so Mai doesn't kill her or leave her behind. 

Circus, shmircus. Mai wants to strangle Ty Lee's stupid pink aura. Why is Mai’s aura orange? Of all the hateful, stupid colours. _Orange._

Being on the road with Ty Lee is familiar. Mai thought she could handle it. What she hadn’t taken into account was the fact that Azula is usually there to moderate, and they have their own rooms in the palace and when they are travelling with Azula. This is the longest period of time Mai has ever spent with Ty Lee at once and she wants to die. Or kill Ty Lee. Anything to end their suffering.

Ty Lee is growing twitchy and anxious too. She keeps snapping at Mai when Mai asks her to do something.

“Do it yourself,” she would yell and stomp off to do acrobatics or whatever.

“Go get a better attitude while you’re there,” Mai called after her once. Ty Lee responded with a rude gesture Mai is unlikely to ever use or repeat. She has _class._

Spending this much time together is trying for both of them. Nothing could kill their friendship. Nothing except for three weeks on the road with no entourage and no sleep. What a way to find out what their relationship is made of. If they make it out of this intact Mai will buy Ty Lee as many stupid pink things as she wants. But that requires them making it out of this.

Mai almost wants to yell at Ty Lee just to blow off some steam. Mai never expressed herself. Never felt safe expressing herself. Now that she’s away from the palace and Azula, from everyone, she feels ready to overflow. She keeps yelling at Ty Lee. The other girl doesn’t deserve it, she knows. Tensions are running high. They’re both tired and ill-fed, and growing sick of each other's company. There is no privacy on the road and Mai is forcibly reminded of this every time they have to make camp.

“You’re so infuriating,” Ty Lee bursts finally. Her hands curl into fists as she stares at Mai, clearly tired of the simmering silence. “You’re cranky and never express yourself and you- you wear all black like it’s fashionable or something, when it’s _not_ -“

“I don’t care about that,” Mai snaps back. She moves into Ty Lee’s space. “Okay? I don’t care about any of that. I’m just me. I can’t change that. I can’t help that my aura is dingy and grey like you say, or that I don’t express myself the way people want. I’m just _me._ ”

Ty Lee sighs, suddenly drained of fight. “I know that, Mai. I’m sorry. I was just frustrated and I took it out on you.”

She leans her head against Mai’s shoulders. Mai pats her back awkwardly. She has never been comfortable with physical affection, but Ty Lee makes her want to try. That’s what friends do, right? They show affection. Mai and Ty Lee always stuck to themselves, but that was a combination of Azula’s influence, lingering resentment towards one another, and the stringent rules of the palace. Away from all of that, Ty Lee is casual with her. Grabbing Mai’s hand to make them move faster, braiding Mai’s hair to keep it out of her face and calling it pretty when she is finished.

Mai is, to her disgust, reluctantly fond of Ty Lee. She knew it before. She was ready to die with Ty Lee. But she is only know realising the full extent of it.

She would _live_ for Ty Lee. Isn’t that terrifying?

"Your aura is still orange," Ty Lee says abruptly. She tilts her head to look Mai in the eyes. "It's super grey, don't get me wrong, but it's still orange."

She giggles. Mai raises a hand as if to smack her, but changes her mind. Let Ty lee have her fun. But why is Mai talking more to Ty Lee than she did with Zuko their entire relationship? Why is it so much easier? Ty Lee is almost seamlessly on board with her plan, too. Not even needing a word of explanation. 

They were headed towards the Air Temples, as Ty Lee suggested. Now they are turned around towards the nearest Fire encampment creeping steadily throughout the nearby region. They need soldiers, connections, for this to succeed. Mai still isn't sure she has made the right decision. She thought, when they were chasing after the traces of Zuko and Azula, that she would be able to do it. To hand them over. Now things are more complicated. 

She hopes Zuko can forgive her. But this is about more than just them. 

“Again,” Zuko repeats flatly. He folds his arms and refuses to back down in the face of Aang’s pleading eyes. “ _No,_ Aang. You need to improve. Improvement can only come from consistency.”

“Which means training at sunrise every day,” Aang sighs. “Yay.”

Zuko shrugs. “I’m sure Toph trains you harder. I could hear the yelling from the other side of the temple.”

He has a point, not that Aang will admit it. He reluctantly peels himself from the ground and readies his stance. Zuko still knocks him on his ass, but slower this time. Aang has to beat back the impulse to use air or water to counter. It's a bad habit of his. Using the other elements when he's only supposed to be using one. But it's just so _limiting._ The elements aren't supposed to be separated. They're supposed to move and blend together, and the Avatar is the channel, the median of that.

"Stop using that as an excuse whenever one of us beats you," Zuko says. He extends a hand and pulls Aang up. "I'm not the best of firebenders, Aang. If you can't beat me, there's no way you can beat my father."

Zuko's expression is... complicated. Aang still doesn't understand exactly why Zuko and Azula are here, but he has heard snippets of conversation between Zuko and Katara. He was jealous at first, thinking that their closeness was a sign of something more, but that isn't it. Aang may not know the full story, but he has overheard enough to realise that there is no love lost between Zuko and his father. 

"Is there something wrong with your fire?" Aang redirects curiously. He bounces on his toes. "I think you're a pretty strong firebender, Zuko. But your flames seem a lot weaker than I remember. Is something wrong?"

Zuko looks away. "It's my source," he confesses quietly. "It's changed, or- being channelled differently. I don't know what. Remember what we told you about the source of firebending? How it's different to other elements?" Aang nods. Zuko continues. "Yeah. I'm just- for a long time, I thought my bending was fuelled by anger. Now I'm not angry, and my bending is weak, and I don't know how to fix it."

"Then why don't you find a new source?" Aang asks.

"It's not that easy."

"Isn't it?" Aang smiles. Zuko glances away uneasily. "There's a lot I don't know, but I'm the Avatar. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no hard-and-fast rule for bending. You gotta find what works for _you,_ Zuko."

"Huh," Zuko says. He tilts his head towards the sun. "Maybe you're right, Aang."

Suki hears whispers of the eclipse. Not from prisoners. From guards. Making contingencies for when their firebending vanishes on the day, sending for more weapons and armour, keeping the prisoners in their cells.

Suki knows she was sheltered from the war. The most they saw on Kyoshi Island were the occasional Fire Nation ships, or refugees seeking refuge. They were lucky. Suki was trained in combat and stepped in as the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, but they had never seen true combat. It was just training. After the Avatar left, she took her warriors to help escort refugees and act as security guards. It wasn’t much, but they couldn’t dive right into the action. They weren’t ready. And they could make a difference for these people.

Turns out they didn’t need to worry about going to the war. The war came to them in the form of three teenage girls. Suki fought and lost, her warriors fought and lost, and now she is in Boiling Rock with a grudge. She doesn’t know where her warriors are. Her sisters. Suki hopes they are safe but fears the worst.

Suki was never particularly brave. She was confident in her own way, eventually being chosen to lead the Kyoshi Warriors after the previous head broke her leg in a way she would never recover from. She said she chose Suki because she was kind. And because she was brave. Once, a girl new to their island fell into the Unagi Lake, and Suki dove in after her without a moment of hesitation. She went toe-to-toe with some of the toughest warriors on their island in training. Suki hiked and learned battle first aid, and how to vanish like she was never even there. But can you really call Suki brave? Even with the Unagi, she was never afraid. She knew she would be safe. When she took her sisters to the mainland to fight in the war, she hadn't seriously considered the possibility of something happening to them. They were the Kyoshi Warriors. But that meant little to Azula and her companions. 

Suki has many regrets, none of which can be helped now. What's done is done. Suki can only come out from this stronger, and wiser. Maybe even braver. Suki has known fear now. Not for herself, but for her fellow warriors, and for Aang, Sokka, and Katara, in the eye of the storm without even realising. Suki knows they must have plans for the eclipse. She knows Sokka. He must be coordinating an effort. 

Is it selfish to hope that part of that is getting Suki out of the Boiling Rock? If they are taking on the Fire Nation then that comes first, obviously, but Suki hopes she can be part of it. She wants to crack some skulls. Throw her fans. Earn back what she lost in getting herself and her warriors captured.

A leader takes responsibility. Whether the outcome was Suki's fault or not, she is the leader so it is her duty to bow her head and take the fall. And it is her responsibility to rejoin the war, find her sisters, and thrash the girls who beat them. 

Suki was always a caring soul. The elders on Kyoshi always said that when she wandered into their tea rooms. Caring. Gentle. Then she put on her face paint and drew her fans and they weren't saying _gentle_ anymore. She was fundamentally still the same person, but she is harder now. Sharp corners instead of rounded edges. Suki thinks she is still caring. Hopes so. But she also knows that war has changed her, maybe forever. The Boiling Rock too. She eats between traitors and criminals, all Fire Nation, and does laundry with Earth Kingdom prisoners of war like her, and watches the guards play mahjong when they aren't on shift and allows that one guard to stand watch outside her cell incase someone tries something with the female prisoner.

Suki lacks the words to describe all the ways she has changed since she was a child on Kyoshi. She hopes her parents would be proud. They were farmers, before they moved to Kyoshi and Suki was born. Then they maintained their family plot of land kindly donated by the other villagers.

Her mother died in childbirth. Her father died shortly afterwards. Illness, injury, who knows? Suki was raised by the village. When she was fourteen, they allowed her to start training as a Kyoshi Warrior.

Suki picked up the fans. If she ever wants to put them down, she has to finish what she started. And that includes Ty Lee. 

The encampment turns out to be a hodge-podge of tents and semi-permanent buildings. They direct cursory attention towards the tents, then head straight for the most impressive- well, sturdy- structure they can see. 

They are assigned a platoon. Really, you would think the Fire Lord could spare more than a platoon, but the commanding officer of the unit carefully insists that this was really the best they could do at such short notice.

Mai rolls her eyes. "Whatever, it's fine. We'll take them." She pauses by the door. "And you can explain to the Fire Lord why we have so few soldiers with us."

He spreads his hands. "What can I do? We are regrettably stretched thin with holding down our territory in the Earth Kingdom."

Liar. Mai doesn't need Ty Lee's aura readings to see it hanging around him, like stench in the air. The Fire Lord told them they would have every resource made available to them. While Mai doesn't doubt that he wants Zuko and Azula back, she does doubt the sincerity of the offer. Mai and Ty Lee left by themselves because it was easier, and because they were confident they could take down the siblings on their own.

Now they need troops. And the best they can get is one platoon. The officer is no doubt aware of the Fire Lord's standing orders, so either he is choosing to ignore them- _unthinkable-_ or the Fire Lord has issued orders that Mai and Ty Lee are unaware of. She knows he is trying to get rid of one of his children. Mai isn't sure which yet - Azula, the traitor? It would seem so. But he burned Zuko and cast him aside into shadow, equally the traitor.

Who does the Fire Lord value more? Who does he expect them to bring home?

Is he trying to eliminate more than just one of his children?

Mai turns curtly on her heels and leaves without asking for dismissal. She dismisses herself. She isn't one of his soldiers and she isn't under his command, and as far as she knows Azula's rules that Mai and Ty Lee are treated as her direct subordinates is still in place. What's the worst he can do?

Ty Lee meets her outside. "That bad, huh?" she says sympathetically after seeing Mai's expression.

Mai turns her face aside so Ty Lee cannot read her. Ty Lee always claimed Mai was flat and emotionless. Why is it that now, of all times, she can suddenly read Mai? Even Zuko struggled to do that. 

The platoon turns out to be composed of a marbled bunch; some standouts that hold themselves properly and stare straight ahead, disciplined even with Mai leaning in close and walking around them. They don't flinch when Ty Lee weaves in and out of the ranks. Others waver. Their eyes roam around and they sneakily scratch or yawn when they think Mai isn't looking, some whispering to each other. Those same soldiers have untucked boots and sloppily ironed uniforms.

They will have to separate the duds from the semi-acceptable as soon as possible. Mai will _not_ have them fucking up her mission.

"You swore," Ty Lee sings into her ear. Mai swats at her and she dances away, giggling. "You never swear, Mai."

"Because I have class," Mai retorts. Then wonders how Ty Lee knew. She hadn't said it out loud.

And anyway, it's Ty Lee's fault. Mai never swore before this mission and she spent more time with Ty Lee than she ever has in her life. 

Ty Lee identifies the most senior ranking soldier in the platoon and takes charge, before quickly handing it over to the soldier himself. Mai relays their orders. Let him deal with the logistical headache of getting everyone packed and ready. They have a mission, and they have to be gone within the hour at all costs.

The back of her neck prickles. She turns casually to find the commander staring down at them from his office. Ty Lee notices too and waves, while Mai sighs. 

"Let's get this over with."

Sometimes Mai wishes she had never met Azula. Then there are times where she thinks that maybe being a weapon is useful. This is one of those times. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of Azula! this was originally just going to be Mai and Ty Lee but i call this the chapter of loose ends in my head - so it's a very functional chapter for the plot. there will be much more Azula in the next chapter!  
> Ty Lee swears while Mai doesn't. i take no arguments. look at them! Mai grew up the only child (until she hit her teens and Tom-Tom came along) of a rich, noble family. Ty Lee also came from a noble family but c'mon. she had five sisters. you really think she never swore?


	17. i'm gonna show you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring your tissues. Things get emotional for Azula, and an unexpected confrontation brings loyalties to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: reading this chapter made me cry. 
> 
> i'm not 100% sure if it makes sense to you guys so just let me know if it's too confusing as multiple key scenes take place off-camera!
> 
> to that commenter scared of the quiet chapter:  
> you were right.

Azula pants as she raises her fists to the sky. No flame exits. That’s fine. She doesn’t need her flame. She doesn’t need her father. She doesn’t need Zuko or Mai and Ty Lee.

Only herself. 

“Azula,” Katara warns, water hovering in the air between them. “Let Aang go.”

She considers it, then laughs. Aang winces as blood drips onto him. Down, down, a river of crimson. How patriotic of Azula. If this were a dream, flowers would bloom in its wake, or Aang would simply dissolve into foam. But this is not a dream. 

Sokka wavers as he moves his sword towards Zuko, then back to Azula. Who to aim for? Who to attack? Is Zuko involved? She can see the cogs whirring in his brain. What a fool.

“Zuzu,” she calls. Zuko’s gaze sharpens. “You always knew I was better than the Avatar.”

She raises the hunk of stone. Katara screams and slashes with her water, Toph stamping her foot, but both are too slow as the makeshift knife connects with Aang’s back. The water knocks her off her feet and the stomping yanks the knife from her hands, but the deed is done.

They forgot. They let their guard down around Azula. They started treating her as an ally, rather than a threat. Azula already has all the allies she needs, and they already on their way to her defence. They can’t be long. She sent the letter to father weeks ago now.

She smiles. Aang whimpers, rather overdramatically she feels, but then she wasn’t the one getting stabbed. Without looking at Aang, she climbs to her feet and steps over him.

“Azula,” Zuko whispers. He stares in wordless horror. “What have you done?”

“Killed the Avatar. It’s really rather obvious, Zuzu.” She sighs and spreads her arms. “Father will take me back now. You should understand.”

Katara’s next attack is more vicious, cutting through the fabric of Azula’s tunic. She scowls as more blood wells on her body. Ugh, waterbenders.

Toph seems too lost to do more than simply raise walls between Azula and their little gang. Sokka circles with his sword, still looking emptily at Zuko. He should really make up his mind. Azula knows her brother, but does the water savage? If he is going to presume that Zuko is an enemy, he should attack instantly. It’s only logical. This is why sentiment confuses things, and why you shouldn’t mistake things like blankets and food and conversations for friendship, because friendship is useless, and you still have to betray those you see as your friends, because they will never care for you, never protect you. The only person who can protect Azula is _Azula,_ and she has no use unless she is by her father’s side. There is nothing else for her. To be Fire Lord is the only thing she has wanted in years. Father drilled it into her head. Zuko was banished, essentially removed from the line of succession, so Azula will be Fire Lord. She will be useful. Her father will still notice her and pay attention to her exploits so long as they are in _his_ name, dedicated to _him,_ because she is nothing without him and he told her so.

There is no need to attack the rest, she supposes as she wanders away with her bloody hands. Killing the Avatar should be enough, the waterbender’s grief proof of her achievements. Father will believe that.

Katara doesn’t strike at her back. Instead she runs to the pathetically coughing Aang, Sokka finally engaging Zuko in combat and Toph remaining in place. Paralysed.

“You’re going to be okay,” Katara begs Aang. “Just hang on.”

There is a glow in her peripheral and Azula rolls her eyes. Healing. Of course. Then Aang raises his voice in a trembling whisper:

“I’m okay, Katara. She didn’t really stab me.”

Azula halts in her tracks. She turns over her shoulder to see a faint smile on Aang’s face as he reveals his unbound hands to Katara.

“I bended,” he says gleefully. “I bended the stone.”

Ttch. Of course he did. He’s the _Avatar,_ why couldn’t he bend one little stone? Azula spent so long sharpening it out of sight but sure, let all her hard work go to waste. Whatever.

She resumes walking. The Avatar will die sooner or later, so why rush things? Mai and Ty Lee are on their way. Father knows. She could fake the Avatar’s death but that is too messy, and deceiving her father was what led to this mess in the first place. Why couldn’t the Avatar have just died and stayed dead? Why couldn’t he just let Azula and Zuko return to the palace in glory and _stay_ in that glory, in their father’s praise, sitting by the beach and taking their meals together like they used to. She finally had Zuko back, supported by father. She finally had her family. Not that she cares about family but-

Zuko doesn’t hate her! He didn’t hate her! They went to Ember Island and he said that, he said _no Azula I am not mad at you,_ everything was _perfect, why_ couldn’t Aang have just _stayed dead?_

Zuko finally disengages Sokka, yells echoing around the courtyard, and chases after her.

“Azula!” he shouts. “Azula!”

Hmm. He seems angry. Azula looks at the sky and frowns. Zuko doesn’t have his bending back, but he still has more than Azula. He could burn her to a crisp.

Not that he would. He’ _s Zuzu._

“Azula, stop dammit!”

And _theeeeere’s_ the vocabulary he picked up on his ship. Azula wrinkles her nose. How undignified.

He grabs her shoulder and forces her to turn around. Azula flinches reflexively, worn to the bone and too tired to school her features properly.

“You tried to kill Aang,” Zuko demands.

“Rather poorly, apparently,” she tuts. She presents her wrists to Zuko and blinks expectantly. “Aren’t you going to take me prisoner now?”

“What?” Apparently, that isn’t what Zuko was anticipating. His hands remain by his sides. “Azula do you- did you _want_ this to happen? For you to be taken prisoner? Did you- attack Aang and steal Katara’s necklace all for- all for what? Some sick plan of yours?”

Azula retrieves the necklace from her pocket and dangles it in front of Zuko’s face.

“Katara must be mad.” Which isn’t an answer, not to Zuko. “I really was trying to kill the Avatar, Zuko. It would make things easier for all of us.”

“For _you,_ ” Zuko insists. He presses forward. “You’ve always been like this, Azula. Thinking what’s best for yourself is best for _everyone._ You thought that after mother left, after I was banished, after- after- I’m _done,_ Azula. I can’t keep playing your games.”

Azula laughs. “Not even curious _why_?”

He shakes his head seriously. “There’s not always a why, with you. Only that you can.”

She really did want to kill the Avatar. Aang dead is the best outcome. She can go home to father. She can see Mai and Ty Lee. She can sleep on a proper bed and not just the ground or some stupid bedroll. She can have Lo and Li fix her bending. The Avatar or her family? It's hardly an ultimatum.

But- being taken prisoner? Unable to do anything, to make a decision about her own mission? That wasn’t an undesirable outcome either. She exhales, tension bleeding from her body.

It is out of her hands now. She doesn’t have to choose.

Zuko takes her and brings her back to camp, Katara still fussing over Aang with red-rimmed eyes and Toph sitting cross-legged on the ground. Sokka is the first to notice them. He nods, once, at Zuko, then fetches rope to bind Azula’s hands.

“I know you can burn out of these,” he murmurs to her. “But don’t. Otherwise I’ll kill you.”

Sokka leaves. The funny thing is that Azula really couldn’t burn her way out. Zuko knows it. Katara knows it. Aang, and presumably Sokka, deep down in his subconscious, knows it now too.

Zuko stands over her and rubs his tired eyes. “I hope you’re happy, Azula.”

“I can help break my favourite prisoner out of the Boiling Rock,” she improvises with a spark of inspiration. “You want Suki, right? I can help.”

Sokka groans from across the courtyard. “We don’t need your help, Azula. We don’t need anything.”

“You’ve been planning it,” she accuses, leaning forward in her restraints. “I’ve heard you. And your dumb plan won’t work.”

Zuko scowls, defensive. He hunches inwards like he always does when he begins feeling outsmarted by Azula. In the past, he would be almost about to accuse her of knocking over the candle in his room, or stealing his new toy, or bullying his friends away from him like Zuko even _had_ friends.

She stares at Zuko, considering. The scowl melts off his face like butter the longer he undergoes scrutiny.

“What?” he asks, shifting in position.

Would things have been better if Azula had left with Zuko? If they went together on that ship? She would have been bored. Useless. Purposeless. But they would have been _together,_ and Ozai wouldn’t have trained her and Azula wouldn’t have broken herself down into the perfect mould, cutting off the parts of herself that didn’t fit.

Would she be happy? Would they be siblings? _Real_ siblings, that fight and laugh and makeup, like Sokka and Katara? Are they simply incapable?

Fire Nation monsters. Fire Nation royalty. It isn’t in their blood. People like Zuko and Azula, they aren’t capable of being like other people. Zuko will try. He will cut himself and break himself to fit the expectations of the Avatar’s group, the way he always refused to for father, but it will not be enough.

Azula knows that. She broke herself for father. She can’t- she _won’t_ break herself for these people too. There isn’t enough of her left. They want her to be kinder, gentler, smaller. They want her to remove her thorns and leave her fire wounded.

Don’t they see? Azula _can’t._ She can’t stay with them. She can’t be the firebending master of the Avatar, and Toph’s friend, and Katara’s little redemption pet project, or Sokka’s target. Azula has Mai and Ty Lee waiting at home. She has father waiting at home. She has already broken herself for the palace. For her father. She knows what is expected of her, what is safe.

Here? She has no clue. She wants to go home. She needs to go home.

“I received a letter from father,” Azula tells Zuko. His expression is akin to someone with a melon dropped abruptly upon their head. “I sent him one, weeks ago. When we first left. He doesn’t want me.” She laughs and Zuko flinches. “He doesn’t want a useless daughter. I have to prove my worth to come back. Don’t you see?”

He does. She can see it in his eyes.

“Azula-“

Sokka saunters over to interrupt. “Conversation over. Zuko, go see Katara.”

He leaves without argument, casting a glance towards Azula. Sokka’s expression darkens as they are alone.

“Katara had started to trust you, Azula. Did you know? She was trying to forgive you for hurting Aang.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “Really. That’s what you choose to focus on? I said I could help rescue Suki.”

“You _hurt Aang,_ Azula.”

“And now I am offering to help you.” Azula flicks a piece of dirt off her shoulder. “Make your decision.”

Sokka stares, gritting his teeth. “We should have just turned you over to the invasion force. My father would have taken care of you.”

Azula doesn’t care. She has no doubt that Sokka’s father would have killed her or held her for ransom. Father would have expected that she break herself free, defeat all of them, then ransom them back to the Water Tribe or hold them as prisoners of war like Suki.

It would have been easier than this mess. She was- almost happy. She hates to think of that. Almost happy. Then father finally replied and she had to do something. Anything. Trying to kill the Avatar was the easiest, the clearest. Kill him and she can go home, and her confusion could end. Everyone would end up happy.

The Avatar isn’t dead. Azula will have to explain to her father if she returns.

If.

There are no bargaining chips left for her. Killing the Avatar was the only remaining option, the only thing left she could do to return home. Anything else was unthinkable. She couldn't stay, had to go home, and the Avatar was the only way.

The only _acceptable_ way. She refuses to accept the other option.

Sokka sighs and collapses onto the ground. “Fine, tell me what was wrong with the plan, oh enlightened one.”

His attempts at sarcasm are pitiful. Azula ignores him.

“The Boiling Rock is secure, and surrounded by a lake of lava. You cannot simply stroll right in. And taking the bison?” She scoffs. “A foolish risk. You should sneak quietly with the element of surprise and assume authority so as not to be questioned. I suggest taking the warden – he’s Mai’s uncle, and an old fogey with more bluster than sense. If you capture him then you have control of the entire ward, and you can walk right in and out with whomever you please.”

It’s a good plan. Logical. Strategic. Azula’s tutors would be grudgingly satisfied.

Sokka is not.

“You’re trying to get us killed,” he concludes wearily. He leans back and folds his arms. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. You just tried to kill Aang.”

“You know it will succeed,” Azula argues, offended. “My plans never fail. I conquered Ba Sing Se from the inside, and that is much harder than the Boiling Rock.”

“Zuko invaded the North Pole. The. _North. Pole._ He swam through arctic waters and entered the most heavily defended area of the entire Northern Water Tribe. I think between the two of us, we’ll be fine.” Sokka stands with one hand on his sword. “We don’t need you, Azula.”

She conceals her frustration. Aang isn’t harmed. She didn’t even stab him, apparently. Katara’s necklace was returned to her- just hours after she first realised it was missing- and now Azula is doing them a favour. What is so wrong? They knew Azula was Fire. They knew she had obligations. Why are they only now turning their backs on her? Because she finally proved it? Because they finally decided she was too dangerous?

No one even got _hurt._ This wouldn’t even be worth a mention in the Fire Nation. It could have easily been a civil conversation over tea, or an empty threat in the War Room.

Don’t they understand? Don’t they see? _Father replied._ She scooped the fire hawk out of the sky and hid the message in her tunic until she was alone.

Azula’s options are limited. Every time they turn their back to her, they limit her options further.

She lied for Zuko. She protected him and it hurt her. Mother protected Zuko too and look where that got him. Maybe Azula should just kill Zuko when he comes back. Is he the bad charm? Is he the source of her bad luck?

Or maybe it’s just father. Maybe he hates his weakling son so much that he views any attempt to protect him as treason. Maybe he sees them all as traitors, as threats. Maybe none of them are good enough for him. Maybe he turns them all into terrible people, or maybe- maybe they’re all born that way.

Azula had this fantasy. When she was young. It was- _stupid,_ a stupid little fantasy for a stupid little girl who still burned dolls, but it was her deepest wish. She thought- she hoped- she _wished,_ on dark days where her whole body ached from training, that her mother would come back for her. _I’m sorry,_ on the tip of her tongue, enveloping Azula in one of those hugs she always saw her give to Zuko. _I’ll protect you from now on,_ she would say. And she would take Azula out of the palace, or- or challenge Ozai, or _something,_ and everything would be okay.

But her mother never returned. She didn’t even say goodbye. The thought of it twisted her stomach and made bile rise up her throat, and Azula would leave a dead animal on Zuko’s bed. Or a knife. Or trash his room and watch him kneel in the wreckage. Something. Anything. Hurting Zuko was easier than coping with her own hurt.

Azula can recognise that now.

She doesn’t want to hurt Zuko anymore. Not even if it fixes things.

She thought killing the Avatar would make everything right itself again but it didn't, because she failed. She ruined her chance at their only way out. She can't fix things unless she kills the Avatar.

She told Zuko. She told him this was best for everyone and he laughed in her face, disbelieving. But he doesn't know. The Avatar's death is their best option. The _only_ option.

She would kill the Avatar a thousand times over and betray Toph’s trust, break her heart, turn everyone against her over, and over again, but she won’t hurt Zuko.

Father shouldn’t have asked it of her.

_Azula,_

_If you wish to remain my daughter, you will prove your strength._

_The Avatar is mine. I will defeat him in combat. I am far more concerned with your traitorous brother who convinced you to lie on his behalf, and endangered everything we have built. His treachery and manipulation know no bounds._

_Dispose of him where none may find his body. Then I will know you are still my daughter. Princess Azula shall be welcomed home to glory, and all talk of your alleged deception will disappear._

_Signed,_

_His Majesty_

_Fire Lord Ozai,_

_Defender of the flame, Ferocious Dragon, one blessed by Agni, bestowed with the phoenix cry, chosen one of the Fire Sages, forever in glorious light._

_Long may he reign._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i crushed your heart <33
> 
> feedback on the clarity of this chapter is welcomed, i know it must be a big shock to the system!


	18. beggars can't be choosers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boiling Rock. You already know what's up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... so the overwhelming response to last chapter was "fuck you" and not even because i nearly killed Aang. i'm very proud of myself.  
> this chapter is severely under-edited but i was literally racing to finish it tonight because i knew i'd have no time later in the week. sorry for the drop in quality!  
> 

“We can’t take her.”

Zuko cuts his swords through the air. “Why not? Azula knows what she’s talking about.”

“That’s not the problem,” Sokka says quietly. He looks at Azula. “She tried to kill Aang yesterday. She could try to kill Suki too. I don’t trust her.”

“You don’t have a choice,” Azula tells him smartly. “You need me.”

Sokka doesn’t yell. He only maintains that silently wary expression, while Zuko groans.

“You think I trust Azula? No. But she’s my sister. There’s no reason for her to be lying about helping us.” He sheathes his swords and places a hand on Sokka’s shoulder, beseeching. “Look, I don’t like this any more than you do. But we’ll have an eye on Azula at all times and she doesn’t even have her bending right now. If something is going to go wrong, it’ll happen with or without Azula. But we have a better chance _with_ her.”

Sokka hesitates. Sighing, he folds.

“Fine. But if anything goes wrong, she’s the first one I’m throwing under the saber-tooth moose-lion.”

Zuko nods as if accepting the terms. He steps back. Azula watches him with gleaming eyes.

“So Zuzu, I’m on the mission then?”

He narrows his eyes at her. “For now. Azula, I’m serious. You can’t attack anyone again. There is more at stake here than just you. Remember my threat from the war balloon?” He allows her a moment to search her memory and find his I’ll-leave-you-in-the-Earth-Kingdom threat. “That’s still on the table here.”

Zuzu was never cutthroat. He was a dreamer, all _but what if we do this,_ and _if we do that we could help these people!_ Ursa encouraged it. Father abhorred it. Then Zuko brought that dreamer attitude into a war meeting and they all know how that turned out.

She smiles victoriously. Zuko wouldn’t abandon her. It isn’t in his nature. She doesn’t know what he did all those years without her but he isn’t about to turn her over to the invasion force or leave her. All she has to do is behave as prisoner and help Suki escape.

“Are we taking the bison?” Azula asks.

Sokka throws his hands up in the distance and continues stalking away. Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Unfortunately, yes. For part of the way. I thought the stupid bison would be faster, somehow.” He rolls his head and cracks his back. “All those years tracking the Avatar and turns out Appa is only moderately faster than _walking._ ”

Sokka stops and turns to yell at Zuko. “Don’t call Appa slow! I wasn’t even going to take you!”

So Zuko muscled his way onto the mission too. Hmm. Azula looks at where Katara is still clinging as she trains Aang. Do they know? They must, after Azula’s declaration yesterday. But did they know what Sokka had planned _before_ Azula revealed it?

Zuko’s attention is snagged by something behind her. He nods, once, and silently steps aside. Changing of the guard, evidently. Who? Sokka? Katara?

She senses the heavy presence before she hears the light footsteps, and she snaps her head towards Zuko.

_“No.”_

Zuko only moves further away. Toph sits beside her.

“Why did you do it?” Toph asks bluntly, trying to be confident. The effort fails. Azula can see the slight tremor of her hands as she remembers what Azula is capable of. What she has done.

Azula leers. “Do I need a reason? As Zuko so kindly informed me, I do not always have one.”

Toph mulls this over silently. “Yeah,” she says finally. “I guess that’s true. But it’s not like you to do something so suddenly without reason.”

Azula shrugs. “My father expects results.”

“Aren’t you exiled?” Toph reminds her, confusion evident. Her eyes sharpen. “Azula, has your father contacted you? Were you sent on a mission?”

Close. Incredibly close. Azula laughs it off.

“And when would he have done that? Maybe I’ve been on a mission from the start.”

Toph habitually tries to feel for Azula’s heartbeat, stamping her feet in frustration when she can’t.

“I don’t understand you, Azula!” she cries, jumping to her feet. “One minute we’re talking about our mothers and then the next you’re making snarky comments to Sokka or trying to kill Aang! I don’t _understand,_ Azula.” Her voice becomes pitiful and weak, like a child’s. “Can’t you just explain?”

Toph loves forcing her way through things. She loves bluster and strength, and Azula knows this. But Azula will not provide her with the cookie-cutter explanation she wants so Toph can slot everything back into place in her mind.

The real world is never clear-cut. This is her last lesson to Toph.

Azula calls for Sokka to begin the mission preparation. She can’t keep looking at Toph's sad eyes. 

Sokka’s genius plan was to ride over on Appa, sneak in, and break Suki out. Point A to point B. Zuko’s opinion was that Appa would be too obvious, and they argued until they reached a compromise of, guess what, _taking Appa._ The only way in or out of the Boiling Rock is by air. It was built in the centre of an inactive volcano. You can't swim in the boiling water, or walk, and if you scale the walls you would get shot down before you made it to the top. They can't hover above the air too, the heat of the water making it impossible.

Azula hates walking. She hates that stupid bison too, but at least she won't be as tired this way. She hopes. **  
**

She clutches the bison’s fur and bunkers down, afraid of falling. The water churns beneath them. The Boiling Rock isn’t far from the Air Temples. A matter of hours, really. The prison itself is on an outlying island off the mainland of the Fire Nation, halfway between Caldera and the Air Temples.

Azula could hijack Appa and send herself home. She watches the sky pass and realises she can’t. Even if she stormed the palace and demanded father take her back, he has no reason to. His affection is conditional. She must prove he can trust her.

Unwittingly, she glances towards Zuko. Killing the Avatar has to be enough. It has to be. It wasn’t what father asked but surely it was a challenge, an alternative. He wasn’t serious about leaving the Avatar alone when she is _this close._ He wouldn’t. The Avatar will be an acceptable sacrifice and Azula will return home with Zuko. Everything will be fine.

If Azula is stalling for time with this mission, well. No one has to know. Certainly not Ozai.

They dump Appa. Sokka hushes him, begging him to keep quiet for a few hours. Then they collect their bags and begin the long walk to the Boiling Rock. 

The Boiling Rock is on a volcanic island, yes. But it is _inside_ the lake in the centre of the island. Appa huddles on the shore while they trek the rocky terrain. Zuko seems convinced there is a way to get inside. Zuko is a dreamer and an idealist for many, many reasons, including but not limited to his _insane ideas._

"You know how to get to the warden and get Suki out," he says to Azula, grinning. "But I know how to get us _in_."

Zuko's incredible plan, because of course it is the day of men's supposedly incredible plans, is to find a war balloon or hijack it, get inside, steal a uniform off a guard, slip past the rest and open the back door for them, scaling walls in the process. Zuko seems assured that there _is_ a backdoor, shrugging when Azula asks him to explain his surety. 

"I've broken into a lot of places. There's always some sort of back entrance."

"North Pole," Sokka reminds them helpfully. 

"Pouhai Stronghold," is Zuko's contribution. Azula tries not to stare.

"Zuzu, what exactly did you get up to during those years?"

Zuko looks away, sheepish. "Anyway, I know I can get in."

Azula's feet are aching when they finally arrive. It is fortunate that Zuko is handling the next phase. She gets to rest her feet while she waits for him to succeed or die. Really, either option is convenient. Sokka stands guard and watches her with blatant mistrust, but Azula is content to kneel on the ground and allow him to hulk around their spot.

There is a gondola leading into the Boiling Rock. The side closest to them is at the crest of the volcanic walls, and Azula, Sokka, and Appa have to be careful to stay out of sight. Zuko wraps a scarf around his face and gives them a nod, then leaves to commandeer the gondola station. 

From their position, she can see Zuko evade the watch. He expertly darts forward and jabs his swords into openings in the rock, using the small cracks as footholds while he hauls himself up with his swords. Slowly, he manages to scale the wall. She almost thinks he is too exhausted to pull himself over the top, but he does, landing light on his feet the same way he did when they were first escaping the palace. An approaching guard is rushed and swept cleanly off his feet, and she imagines she can see the flash of Zuko's teeth as he pulls the uniform of the abruptly unconscious guard. He doesn't do anything stupid, like sending a thumbs up from the top of the wall as Azula fears. He moves silently and purposefully along the wall, walking as if he belongs. Azula finally looks away once Zuko is out of sight. It is all up to him now.

He returns what could be an hour later, out of breath but radiating self-satisfaction.

"There's a way in," he confirms lowly. "We need to hurry."

He throws their own sets of uniforms at them, Azula hiding her face and Sokka hiding his blatantly non-Fire features. Zuko assists Sokka into the station while Azula stubbornly climbs in herself. Sokka and Azula follow Zuko's armoured back, him ushering them through the watchpost. Azula has half a mind to write to the warden and tell him to step up his security. The other half tells her to just tell him in person. 

She smirks. Looks like his annual career review will happen sooner than he anticipated.

The Boiling Rock is one of the most secure prisons in the world. It is impossible to get in or out without the warden knowing. Zuko managed to scale the outer wall for the watchpost to get them inside, but even that will not help them for long. They need to move _fast,_ while they still have an advantage. There is a reason no one has ever escaped from the Boiling Rock, and a reason Azula felt it was madness to try. 

Sokka surveys the control board. "I think I can operate this. It's just a gondola, right? There should be central controls."

"One problem," Zuko points out, a habitual downer. "There's no gondola here, Sokka."

Azula inspects the platform below them and realises Zuko is right. They must either summon a gondola themselves, risking suspicion, or wait for a gondola to arrive and risk discovery. If Azula had her firebending, she wouldn't worry about any outcome. But she doesn't have her firebending. Only the tactics and knowledge drilled into her by her tutors.

She narrows her eyes. "Zuko. I have an idea."

Zuko crosses his arms, looking first to Sokka, then to her. 

"What do you need?"

"Well," Azula smiles, and Sokka flinches back. Zuko seems unperturbed. "I'm going to need your swords."

What follows next is under mutual agreement never to be spoken of again. But the guards are out of the way, and they are on the gondola, and there is nothing that can stop them before they reach the other side. 

"New recruits?" one guard surmises, looking them up and down.

"Uh, yeah," Zuko says, painfully awkward. He shifts. "That's us. The, uh, new recruits. We were told to report to the warden's office?"

The guard nods slowly. Azula shoulders forwards.

"Do you really want to keep him waiting?" she says impatiently. "He's a _very_ busy man, you must know. He said to report straight away. Are you _trying_ to delay us?"

"No, no," the guard assures them. He turns hastily on his heel and couldn't be more helpful in escorting them directly to the warden himself, bypassing all the security checks.

"Thank you," Azula smirks, and here is where Zuko's swords come into play.

She surges forwards and knocks him with the hilt of the sword and is across the desk with the blade to the warden's throat before he can even shout. Sokka slams the door shut. Zuko smirks and checks the windows, sliding them down. 

"What now?" he confers with Azula. 

"Now," she checks the time. "We find your precious Suki and get out of here. I calculate we have exactly half an hour before they find a way to get the warden from our grasp."

Said warden struggles as Sokka binds his hands. "What are you- I will have your _heads!_ Give me your badge numbers."

"Sorry," Zuko drones wrly. "They don't exist."

He and Azula share a smirk. Then Zuko's drops, remembering why he was mad in the first place. They escort the warden out of his office, Zuko and Sokka clearing the way and threatening the warden's safety if any of the guards try to intervene.

"Let them go," the warden barks. He tries to lean away from the blade at his throat. "No one is to attack them!"

Azula laughs. "You seem worried, warden. Concerned your guards won't find a way?"

She hauls him onwards as Sokka searches for Suki's cell, growing increasingly frazzled. 

"C'mon, c'mon. How hard is it to find one cell?" he cries, still reading the map. "Suki..."

Zuko frowns and peers over his shoulder, then points. "It's there," he says. "Maybe try turning the map next time, Sokka."

Sokka flushes. No matter, they are already outside Suki's cell. 

Suki blinks. Rubs her eyes. The sight before her does not grow any less strange

Sokka, what appears to be Zuko, and what _appears to be Azula,_ standing before her in guard uniforms.

Suki stares. She blinks, rubs her eyes, feels the ground beneath her feet. It doesn’t help. Why is Zuko here? No, scratch that. Why is Azula here? Sokka she can understand. Sokka she welcomes. But them?

She instinctively looks behind her. No Ty Lee. Relaxing, she realises there is no Mai either. This isn’t an ambush.

“Sokka? Why are you here?” She moves forwards and spreads her hands. “This is the _Boiling Rock._ You can’t just walk right in, Sokka.”

“I didn’t.” He grins and drags Zuko closer to him, who flushes. “ _We_ walked right in. We took out the warden and now we can do anything!”

Suki peers behind them. True to Sokka’s word, there is the warden under the care of a bored-looking Azula, who gives a calculated half-wave. Suki’s blood pressure rises in response.

“Where are your warriors?” Sokka asks, looking around as if they will magically appear.

“Somewhere else,” Suki sighs. “Another prison, I don’t know where. But I’ll find them. Let’s go, Sokka. Quickly, before the guards catch on.”

“They already have,” Sokka brags as they hurry along the corridor. “But that’s why we’ve got this guy!” He gestures again to the warden, who sinks heavily into Azula’s grasp.

Azula makes a face, repulsed. “You pathetic old man. I can’t believe Mai’s uncle is a weak old fogey. She clearly didn’t inherit any genes from _your_ side of the family.”

“Mai?” he turns his head. “Mai is on a special mission from the Fire Lord.”

“What?”

“In return for her pardon.”

Azula stumbles to a halt. She blinks down at him and Zuko steps between the two before Azula can blast him.

“Azula, we can interrogate him later. We need to get out.”

“Don’t you care for Mai?” Azula argues fiercely. "Tell me you didn’t care for Mai. Then I will move on.”

Zuko purses his lips. He says nothing.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we need to _move._ ” Suki squeezes lightly past them. “I’m not staying in this prison a moment longer than needed.”

Tension broken, the siblings haul together and escort the warden to their back-door exit. Suki trusts that they have an exit plan. If anything, she knows Sokka, and he wouldn’t have brought the two firebenders without good reason.

Still. _Zuko._ And _Azula._ Just- _why?_ Why are they here, helping Suki escape? Zuko burned her home and Azula was the one who landed her in the Boiling Rock. How did they even get here in the first place?"

Suki's mind whirrs while they run towards the exit. The only way out is through the gondola, and she tells them as much. They exchange glances and abruptly change their path, heading towards the gondola. The alarms begin to blare just as they have nearly reached it. Sokka sprints ahead and forces the guards aside, Zuko a step behind him covering Sokka's gaps, then whirling around to meet the other guards approaching. Azula dumps the warden with them as they pass. Sokka is determined, but lacking confidence as a warrior. Suki can tell. He tries to outsmart the guards with flashy manoeuvres as he fights, while Zuko moves like a shadow. Confident in his own abilities and wearing self-assurance like a cloak.

Suki grabs Azula by the arm and tugs her to the side. Why Azula hasn't used her bending yet, Suki doesn't know, but she doesn't know benders either. Azula could be ill, or injured, and as long as she is cooperating with Sokka then Suki will not attack her. She doesn't need another person getting hurt. She crouches with Azula behind the board. 

"Are you okay?" she asks aside. She watches Zuko have a sudden stroke of realisation that, _hey, he can bend,_ extending his sword like an extension of his body. His fire dances along his blade and he grins, feral, moving back to back with Sokka. 

Azula scoffs but does not answer. "We need to hijack this gondola."

"We do indeed." Suki risks darting up to take a peek of the approaching gondola. One, two, three, _four_ guards on board and she can count more coming for the warden still sprawled on the ground. Sokka and Zuko are doing an admirable job stalling for time, but even Mr. Blabber Mouth and Mr. Uses-Swords-Apparently cannot hold off forever. 

Suki turns to Azula. "Do you think you can stop the gondola?"

"What, now?"

"Yes." Suki's eyes shine with- excitement? nervousness? Azula doesn't know. "We're going to stop that gondola. Ready?"

Azula has never followed anyone's lead in her life, and she won't start now. She hauls herself over the board instead of waiting for Suki's signal and dashes across to the control board. Suki is fast, faster than Azula, and somehow makes it there before her, taking out the guards with a few well-placed punches. It almost reminds Azula of Ty Lee. Suki has clearly learned from their fight. Except Ty Lee never grappled like an Earth peasant, stubborn and determined and immovable as she flips the guard over her back, blocking a punch from another and forcing him backward. Suki is stone one moment, flowing water the next. Kyoshi Island was borne of rock and worn by the tides, and Azula can read every inch of her story, her training, as she watches Suki fight. 

For _her._ So Azula is safe while she stops the gondola. 

Azula wastes precious time trying to decipher the controls, much like Sokka did, before simply smashing the board. The gondola screeches to a halt. 

"Gondola, stopped!" she yells towards the idiots still fighting.

Zuko spares her a glance of acknowledgement then turns back to slam his sword into an unfortunate guard's face. They abandon the warden and run towards the gondola, Suki bringing up the rear. 

"Great job!" Sokka cheers. "But how are we going to get it moving again?"

The guards sprint towards them. Suki smirks. "We aren't."

They look, as one, to the cables.

"Oh _come on._ "

Zuko and Suki, the more nimble of the group, climb onto the ropes. They help Sokka and Azula up shortly afterwards. Sokka's legs are shaky as he clings to the rope, while Azula stands calmly if admittedly unsteady. 

The guards begin clambering into the gondola, attempting to reach the teenagers standing atop it- half standing _on the cable._ Suki turns back to them.

"Do you trust me?" She points to the descending gondola. "We're gonna hijack that."

Sokka's expression is foolishly lovesick. Azula doesn't like Suki. Doesn't appreciate her. But her determined creativity? Well, Azula can get behind that plan. 

Suki has found her confidence as a leader. This time, she knows it is not false.

Sokka and Zuko cut the cable. The gondola lurches, and the guards snatch at their tunics as they race along the tipping gondola. The group jumps across to the gondola. Zuko lands and tucks into a roll, Suki jumping neatly, Sokka just grabbing the outside ledge and quickly being pulled up by the other two. Azula waits until the last possible second for the most momentum and jumps across, Suki's arm already outstretched to pull her on.

She would snap at her, but she is also uncomfortably aware that Suki may be the only reason she made it onto the other platform. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

They take out the guards on the gondola and reverse its direction, to much frustrated screaming and yelling from the warden. Azula leans over the railing and watches him with glee. They did it. They rescued Suki and there is nothing that can stop them now. One step closer to appeasing the Avatar and his friends, earning an honourable parole. Or maybe she is one step closer to relaxing their guards and carrying out father's mission.

But- Azula is grinning like the rest of the lunatics as their chests heave with exertion. They did it. They really broke into _the_ most secure prison in the world and came out unscathed, all in less than a day, with no small amount of help from the Kyoshi leader.

"Nice work, fan girl," Azula tells Suki.

Suki makes a face. "My name is Suki, Azula. C'mon. You helped me escape from prison, at least call me by my name." Then Suki smiles, cheerful and bright. "That was fun, right?"

Azula rolls her eyes. Missions aren't _supposed_ to be fun. They are supposed to be hard, and test your limits, and break you into the ground sometimes because that's how you prove yourself. But-

"Yes," she admits. "That was fun."

Sokka interjects to finally catch up with Suki, their faces glowing. Azula turns her head aside. 

What now? She stalled for time. She did a good thing to earn leniency. Now Suki is here- another person who hates her. What happens now? And how much time does she have before father expects an answer? Ozai is not a patient man. She learned that when she was twelve and stalling with her progress in her lessons. Mai is on a mission in return for a pardon, so father has some sort of plan. He must be sending Mai to her. But to help or hinder? Will Azula be presenting proof of Zuko's death to Mai? Or will she be begging for mercy while Mai relays a message from Ozai?

Azula is safe, for now. But as she looks at Sokka, Zuko, and Suki, returning to a camp of people who either hate her or she tried to kill yesterday, she wonders for how much longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i'll edit this tomorrow but i'm exhausted.  
> we are moving onto the angsty arc now! (spoiler, whoops). prepare yourself, if you can...  
> also, you can [find me on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chaoticsandstorm) now! i'll mainly be sharing stuff about this fic if anyone is interested


	19. goodbye my friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter now brought to you by exhaustion.  
> i am so sorry for the quality of this chapter. i've been working on it in like 10 minutes a day because i've had no time.

The roars past them and the bison sways with fatigue. Sokka pats his head and urges him on.

“C’mon Appa, just a little further,” he coaxes, tempting the bison with an apple. “C’mon old buddy old pal.”

Suki leans forward and gently strokes Appa’s fur. “Is this safe? I think Appa is too tired to get us all the way.”

“He has to,” Zuko interjects sharply, arms crossed. “Unless you want to swim across the ocean.”

The last part could be a joke, albeit a terrible one. Zuko has come across as an asshole once again and Azula is already rolling her eyes and preparing for Suki’s anger.

She only shrugs it off.

“I’m a good swimmer,” Suki says easily. “I grew up on an island.”

How can she stand it? Azula turns the pieces over in her head, trying to make sense of Suki. The girl who threw her in prison and the boy who burned her island are on the same bison as her. One move and Suki could send them both plummeting into the ocean. The impact would kill them. Suki wouldn’t have to get her hands dirty.

But she’s just sitting there, smiling and watching them from the corner of her eye, but otherwise making no move to attack. It’s like she decided that they were on her side after the prison break. Which they _aren’t._ Zuko’s loyalties are divided between the Avatar and his nation, and Azula has a letter in her bag from her father. She tried to kill the Avatar yesterday. Azula isn’t on _anyone’s_ side, least of all Suki’s. The warrior shouldn’t be letting down her guard this easily.

When they finally get back, Katara is waiting with an unreadable expression, Aang and Toph by her side.

“Blue!” Toph cheers as soon as Azula’s feet touch the ground, surging forward. “And Sparky! You came back in one piece.”

Azula avoids Toph’s grabby hands, and her face falls. Toph steps back and lets her bangs fall across her eyes.

“Hi Sokka,” she greets quietly. “Hi Suki.”

Katara frowns and moves in front of Toph, putting herself before Azula.

“Don't even try anything," she informs Azula coldly. "We won't hesitate to take you down."

Azula laughs and stalks past her. Suki carefully slides off Appa then bounces to her feet and waves. 

"Hi everyone! It's nice to see you again."

"Suki!" they cry, and move forwards to greet her. 

There are tears, and shouts, and food spilling everywhere as they reunite with Suki. They all seem glad to have their friend back. Sokka finds Azula and quietly pulls her to the side to thank her for the help. 

“As much as I hate to admit it, we probably couldn’t have done it without you,” he admits, leaning casually to one side. He looks to where Suki is smiling with Aang. “You imprisoned her, but you brought her back. All things considered, you could have been a lot worse, Azula.”

Aang sits quietly with Zuko afterwards, meditating in their usual spot. Aang is absorbing the glow of the sun, feeling its warmth spread throughout his body. He hadn't quite understood what Zuko said when he told Aang that the sun is connected to firebending in a way that the other elements and benders are not. Aang can't really say he's any closer to understanding, not in the way a real firebender would. But when he spreads his arms and feels the sunlight stretching from his toes to his fingertips, feeling the fire within him respond, he thinks he might have a clue. 

They have Suki back. Which is awesome! And she can help with the invasion, with or without the Kyoshi Warriors. Hakoda already wrote back to them to say they can definitely use Suki's skills, and if they want to leave her with the invasion force then they will take good care of her. But that raises another issue - Zuko and Azula. They still don't know about the invasion. Aang had just kind of assumed that they would help. Or that Zuko would, at least. 

Aang needs to tell him. 

"There's an invasion," he says, watching Zuko's eyes widen. "On the eclipse. We have a lot of people. We're going to go straight for the heart of the Fire Nation, and your father."

Zuko looks away as he digests the information. "What, and you don't trust me?" 

Aang shakes his head, sighing. "It's not that, Zuko. I _want_ you there. But I don't know about Azula."

"We'll find a way," Zuko argues, already falling out of meditation. He climbs to his feet. "We can work something out."

“You can’t stay here,” Aang realises.,heart sinking. He looks at Zuko. “Not with Azula. She’s too dangerous. And I can’t ask you to fight with us against your father.”

“But that’s _why_ I came,” Zuko bursts. His chest heaves. “I came to fight against my father, even if it killed me! I didn’t _care,_ Aang, I just wanted the war to end and my father off the throne. Anything after that was up in the air.”

Aang shakes his head. “You didn’t even want to be Fire Lord? You didn’t think of your father?”

“No,” Zuko says after a slight pause. “ _No_ , you have to believe me. He wants me dead, Aang, and I was declared a traitor twice over. Even if I was still in the line of succession, the Fire Nation would never stand for it. My honour-“ he looks away. “It’s besmirched, in their eyes. Damaged.”

Aang steps forward and places his hands on Zuko’s shoulders.

“Zuko,” he says firmly. “Just because people see it as damaged doesn’t mean it is. Even then, it’s not worthless.”

 _You’re_ not worthless.

That is Zuko’s problem. He has spent so long alone he doesn’t know how to trust other people now. He doesn’t think he can rely on others. Even with Azula here, Zuko still counts himself alone. Not among friends and allies. Not among family. That won’t change whether Zuko stays here, or whether he goes back to the Fire Nation with Azula.

Zuko is a confusing person. _He is complicated_ , Monk Gyatso would have said. A complicated young man in need of a warm slice of pie and a long walk around the courtyard. But Monk Gyatso is gone, and Aang thinks he understands now. It is hard to see someone in pain. It doesn’t matter who it is. Aang wants to give Zuko pie, but there is no pie. There hasn’t been any in a long, long time. But Aang can give him something else instead.

Zuko can’t stay, because he hasn’t given up on the Fire Nation. Aang realised that when he saw Zuko's face as he stood beneath the sun. That connection? Zuko has it to his people too, not just the sun. Aang can't separate him from that or cut him off. To try would only hurt Zuko. He can't give up on the Fire Nation, and he can’t go back to the Fire Nation without Azula. That’s just who he is. Zuko never, ever gives up on anything, even if it kills him. Even if he expects it to. Azula may be willing to go back, but Aang has seen the shadows in her eyes. She will not go back with Zuko _._ Not in the way that he wants. 

This will be Aang’s gift to Zuko.

“We can take you back to the Earth Kingdom,” Aang offers. He gives Zuko space before he gets too prickly. “We can’t let you go back before the invasion, sorry. But we can make sure you get to the Earth Kingdom.”

“Thank you,” Zuko replies lowly. He ducks his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Aang smiles, unexpectedly serious. “You have to do what’s right for you.”

Zuko smiles tentatively back.

Aang comes back and tells everyone that they have to leave for the invasion. There is confusion, and calls of alarm. _Why now, Aang? Why now?_ But once the confusion subsides and Aang explains himself, it makes a certain kind of sense. They can't keep pretending that nothing is happening. The invasion force is almost ready to sail out. They need to leave. 

Katara spies Azula in the crowd and notes that she doesn't seem surprised by the mention of an invasion. Rather, she appears vindicated. 

Katara finds Zuko packing his bags like the rest of them. Azula is under guard by Sokka and Suki while the rest have their backs turned. This is the only chance Katara will get to talk to Zuko alone without prying ears.

“Are you staying?” Katara can’t help herself from asking.

Zuko stares. He blinks hard, then draws his sleeve across his face.

“I can’t,” says, and Katara can see the misery on his face. Plain as anything. “I think- I think Aang was right. I can't give up. I can't go with you. She’s my _sister,_ Katara. I thought- I thought it wouldn’t matter, if I joined the Avatar. If my father killed me for it, or I died trying. And I thought Azula might kill me or turn me over, too. She was horrible. For a long time. I still remember her laugh. But things are different now, see?” His eyes beseech Katara. “If I die, Azula has no one. And I can’t do that to her. Not again.”

Zuko clutches his bags defensively, holding them between himself and Katara like a shield. He expects to be attacked. Yelled at.

“So you’re leaving,” Katara surmises. She sighs. She shouldn’t be surprised.

Zuko nods. Gone is the nervous fidgeting of before. He is resolved.

“You’ll need supplies then,” she says instead.

His eyes light up. Suspicion gives way to gratitude, and Zuko hesitates, then bows smoothly in the Fire Nation style. It isn’t anywhere near as awkward as his previous attempts at Earth, and even Air bows to avoid making them uncomfortable. Somehow, Katara feels like this means more.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Katara warns. She puts her hands on her hips. “We still expect you to be Aang’s firebending teacher, and if you think I’ve forgiven you for Ba Sing Se then you can think again!” Zuko’s face falls. Katara sighs. “Just come back, okay? So I can be mad at you to your face. Take care of Azula.”

Her last words are ashes on her tongue but Katara refuses to take it back. She means it. She still hates Azula and she isn’t sure that will ever go away – not like her hatred for Zuko, who has shown himself actually capable of real, human regret. Azula doesn’t doubt herself. She doesn’t hesitate. And she never looks back. Katara wanted to strangle her the whole time they were with her, even more so after Azula tried killing Aang again, but she sincerely hopes that Zuko and Azula can find whatever they are looking for. Closure, maybe. For their mother. The way Katara never got closure. A renewed sense of purpose. Their bending, even. Katara doesn’t pretend to understand their weird dynamic, but she does understand that Azula turned on her father for Zuko. There is hope for them.

 _Both_ of them. 

“You’re leaving?” Toph huffs as he finally catches up to Azula.

Azula pauses in her packing. “Apparently so,” she says without turning around. She doesn’t need to.

The Avatar and his friends have finally grown weary of Zuko and Azula. The Fire traitors. They can preach all they like about acceptance and forgiveness, and Zuko says they are being redirected so they do not have to dirty their hands in the invasion, but Azula knows the truth. There is no forgiveness. There is no moving on. They are being led to their deaths. The shepherd promised a paradise at the peak of the mountain and Azula and Zuko followed, like idiots. Because they thought they could have peace. And honour. And friends.

Idiots. Both of them. Idiots. Worse than Sokka, and Aang, and Katara. Why did they ever think they could have a home? Their own parents didn’t want them. Why did they think a few teenagers on the opposite side of the war could give them that?

Azula spits. Her mother would yell if she saw Azula doing that, and Ozai wouldn’t say anything. Just frown and declare it time for Azula to learn another lesson. But her parents aren’t here, and Toph is, and Toph seems proud but confused of Azula’s sudden desire to spit.

Suki wanders over, peering at their bags.

"You're leaving, then?" She looks up. "For the invasion force?"

"No," Azula scoffs. "Obviously, we are being discarded."

Toph protests at Azula calling it that, but Suki only hums, considering. 

“You know, you’re not as bad as I thought you were,” Suki tells her casually.

“And that matters to me _why_?” Azula snaps back. Or- _tries._ There is something wrong with her voice.

Suki shrugs. She watches Azula carefully out of the corner of her eyes, a veteran to the core.

“I don’t know. I thought it might mean something to you. That a Earth Kingdom _peasant,_ as you call it-“ she uses air quotes for ‘peasant’. “Can forgive you. That your people might forgive you too.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Azula really does growl this time.

Suki arches an eyebrow. “Really?” She gestures, as if to say _look around._ “Because from where I’m standing, you're trying to push away the people that care about you, and you're standing by a cliff." Her expression hardens. Azula almost misses the transition, would have if she hadn’t been looking. “I’ve lost enough warriors that way to know what happens if you get too wrapped up in your head. You’ve done bad things, Azula. So have I. What I wanted to tell you before we leave is that it doesn’t really matter whether you’re a good person or not, anymore. What matters is what you choose to do.”

Suki leaves after that. Azula stares down at the fan that was pressed into her hand. Toph pats her on the shoulder, feet turned to where Suki's footsteps lightly fade away. 

Azula walks back to the bison with Toph trailing behind, Zuko already throwing their bags onto the bison's back. 

"Why is your stuff so heavy?" he complains, rolling one of Azula's bags up. "Do you keep rocks in here or something?"

"Maybe I keep weapons," Azula retorts. She folds her arms. 

Zuko rolls his eyes, knowing that the only weapons they possess are the swords strapped to Zuko's back. Something odd flashes across Toph's face and she jumps forwards. 

“I’m coming with you,” Toph declares. She shoulders her way onto the bison and refuses to move.

Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose. “Toph, we’re leaving. You know that right? You don’t have to come with us.”

She punches his arm. “You’re my _friends,_ Sparky. I wanna stay with you until the end.”

The end – them leaving so the Avatar’s group can fight the Fire Lord. Their father. Zuko tactfully keeps his mouth shut so as not to ruin the moment, and even Toph is unusually silent.

When their final moments together can be delayed no longer, the Avatar climbs aboard the bison with Zuko and Azula, Toph sitting next to them with her hands already firmly grasping the saddle. The others stand on the ground holding their bags, preparing to leave as soon as Aang returns. Katara's expression is complicated as she watches them leave. Sokka mouths something to Zuko that has him perking up then deflating, sinking back into the saddle to brood. He seems to be contemplating something. And Suki-

Suki taps her wrist and makes a gesture like a fan. Her eyes remain locked onto Azula even as the bison picks up speed and the figures on the ground grow smaller and smaller. Suki was not always a strong leader. She got captured. She made foolish decisions in combat. But she is relentlessly, pathetically kind. Azula hates her for it.

The journey passes in a daze. The sun drips slowly down the sky like candle wax, giving way to a shining mirror in the sky. She does not talk. Not when Toph tries to engage her in conversation, not when Zuko broods, or jokes with Toph, or turns his head to the sky and sits calm but unsettled. It is as though someone dropped a curtain between Azula and the rest of the world. She cannot see through it. Cannot part it. Cannot find a way around it. Azula sits and stares and _waits._

When the bison finally stops, Aang turning to them with a regretful expression, Azula stands and tries to exit so quickly that she tumbles from the bison. She snaps at Toph when the girl offers to help.

“Leave me alone!” she snarls, and Toph retreats as if burned.

Azula brushes herself off- _alone,_ and grabs her bags- _alone,_ and begins walking away. _Alone._

 _Father isn’t coming,_ she realises. He was never coming. Maybe he knew she didn’t have it in her to kill Zuko. Maybe this was the final test, and she has failed. She can never go home. Like Zuko. Like mother.

Azula laughs. She is her mother and her brother, the failures of the family. The ones who ran away. Azula is them. Not her father, not her grandfather. Not cunning and loyal. Just a stupid little girl who thought she could have it all. Her family and her position. She dared dream that she could have her brother by her side without losing everything.

Father despises weakness. Azula has always known. She thought Zuko deserved to be hurt because he was weak and useless _. Just try harder,_ she thought. Get up. Stop complaining and _do_ something. Earn father’s approval like she did.

But Zuko didn’t want to try. He wanted to be accepted as he was. He thought he could still play by the turtleduck pond and practice with knives and still have father love him. Then he thought that he could capture the Avatar and return home and father would love him.

Father. Love. An oxymoron. Father doesn’t love anything. Not even his children.

Azula always knew her place – above Zuko, excelling where he could not. She was good at that. She trusted that Zuko would always be below her and she would always be above. Azula told Zuko to stop being such a baby and pick himself up after training. She told him rumours that spread through the palace like a monsoon in wet season. When he fell into the trap of an Agni Kai, she smiled because that was Zuko’s place. Below her. Everyone knew it. Father preferred Azula and she constructed her world around it. Zuko did too.

Father took things further than she expected, in scarring Zuko. Then he took things even further and Azula insisted that he must be right. That he had a reason. That it was the natural order at work. She told Mai to stop crying and Ty Lee to burn the letters.

Azula is not a good person. She knows. Her father made her this way, but sometimes she thinks she was just born like this. Her mother saw her true form and recoiled. But everything was okay – because father loved her.

But father doesn’t love anyone. She should have realised that a long time ago. Before he accused her of treason. Before he exiled Zuko. Before he struck a deal with their mother and they never saw her again.

The bison sails away, taking Toph and the Avatar with it. Azula stares at the darkening sky.

“Come on,” Zuko says, and leads her into the night. Just her, Zuko, and the things they give to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azula tired me with this chapter. i just wanted to shake her and go “GIRL, get your head OUTTA THE CLOUDS and take notes on what’s actually happening! Azula please!!”  
> i'm very exhausted right now so i would like to apologise again. i know you're not supposed to apologise for your chapters and just like.. own it, which i try to do but i just really feel like this chapter could have been better. 
> 
> StuckatHome77: your next song(s) are 'I Found' by Amber Run and 'Where's My Love' by SYML


	20. i think we're alone now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my goodness we're at chapter twenty already! here, have another chapter while i have the time

Azula pulls the blanket over her head.

“I’m not getting up.”

Zuko sighs and retreats. “Fine, but don’t get mad when you miss sunrise.”

“My bending is _gone,_ ” she hisses. “It’s not coming back. Meditate _alone,_ Zuko.”

“It’s not gone,” he says quietly. She can hear his footsteps fading. “You’re just not the same, Azula.”

Screw Zuko. Maybe he is right. Maybe she is not the same but will eventually recover her bending. How long will that take? Will she recover in time for father to take her back? Does she even want father to take her back?

The longer she stayed away, the longer the list of conditions for her return became. She could return – if she regained her bending. If she killed Zuko. If she killed the Avatar. If she was exactly who she was before she left, but even more loyal to her father.

Azula burrows further into her bedroll. The chill seeps through. 

She can feel the pull of the sun, urging her to rise and breathe in the morning rays. Habit demands she meditate. Azula insists she stay in place. What is the point? Zuko is the only bender now, and the only one with a chance at earning father’s approval.

Zuko doesn’t comment on her remaining in bed. He starts cooking their breakfast as soon as he finishes meditation, setting the water to gently boil. He fishes the lentils from their bags and dumps them into the pot, then frowns at their remaining supplies.

“Any suggestions?” he asks, clearly not expecting an answer.

Azula sits up with the blanket draped over her head, a protective cocoon. She shrugs. Food is food. The Avatar hasn’t circled back to kill them yet, so she can assume that they will not die within the next few hours. But what does that matter? Just give her the lentils and be done with it.

Zuko sighs. He brushes off his palms then throws something else into the pot, and crouches on the ground.

Zuko can’t cook. Neither can Azula. There was never a need. If father told them to stop bothering the kitchens by asking for meals, it was not an instruction to learn how to cook. It was an instruction to starve.

Azula almost misses it. Things were clear in the palace. She knew the rules. She knew the punishments. This? This is just chaos. Suffering without explanation. Suffering without end. She watches Zuko prepare their food like a peasant, sitting in the dirt, and thinks he should be back at Caldera. They both should. Father may not love them but it is still their rightful place. They belong on the throne. They were _born_ royal and there is a reason for that. Agni doesn’t bless just anyone to be reincarnated into the Dragon line.

Father was terrible. The palace was terrible. But at least it never pretended to be anything other than what it was, a dagger hiding in an outstretched palm. They promised her friendship. Toph, the Avatar. Even Katara and Sokka. They promised her safety. They said _lay down your weapons, cut off your thorns, we will accept you._ Then they cast Azula aside, as everyone eventually does.

She wasn’t good enough for mother. She wasn’t good enough for father. But she has Zuko, and Mai and Ty Lee. That is enough. That has to be enough. There is still a way through this, a lantern across the lake. She just has to find it. She has to hold onto Zuko and find a way to contact Mai and Ty Lee, tell them her location has changed.

Azula is confident father sent them. He had to. They were the only ones who could successfully face the Avatar. They can run away, maybe. Together. Just the four of them. They can go to Ba Sing Se and burn it to the ground. They can burn the whole of Caldera. 

_(The shadow of her mind whispers an alternative. But she can’t- she won’t. Not yet.)_

Zuko ladles the lentils into a wooden bowl and passes it to Azula. He digs into his own without waiting for her approval, meaning he is hungry enough to risk food poisoning. She takes a spoonful.

It is bitter. She tells Zuko this.

“It’s not bitter,” he mutters defensively, drawing his bowl closer to his chest. “It’s a perfectly fine meal, okay?”

“No,” Azula repeats slowly. She sets the bowl down and glares. “It’s _bitter._ ”

He catches on. “Okay then,” he says, taking the bowl from her. “It’s bitter. What would you like instead?”

What does she want? What she always wants.

“I want sugar candy,” she says.

“Okay.” Zuko smiles, hands on his palms. “Okay then, we’ll get sugar candy.”

There is no sugar candy, but there is a town within walking distance that is reasonably sized and sells sugared fruit skewers. Azula sinks her teeth into the fruit and hums as she walks with Zuko, who watches her curiously.

“You were always a picky eater,” he remarks, his own skewer untouched. “You wouldn’t eat anything unless it was prepared a certain way.”

She shrugs. Hunger does that to you. Being removed from the confines of the palace does that to you too. Zuko remembers how much she ate in secret, shovelling down rice and plums in Zuko’s room where she wouldn’t get caught.

The Avatar may be coming back to kill them, but he at least had the courtesy to drop them off near civilisation. She wishes he was more iron-willed while she taught him. Then she wouldn’t have burned his feet so much and he wouldn’t try to do the same to her.

An eye for an eye. It is only fair. If she was stronger then she would have killed the Avatar when she had the chance, and wouldn’t be stuck in this situation. But the Avatar was kind, and a fool who hopped around switching stances far too often, and she allowed him to take breaks when his shoulders slumped with exhaustion. She went easy on him. That was a mistake.

They had a conversation one day, where Zuko was busy training Sokka with swords.

“What do you want, after the war is over?” Aang asked her.

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” Aang fumbled, struggling for words. He shuffled awkwardly. “What do you want? Do you want to be Fire Lord? Do you want to travel? Just- what do you want when you don’t have to fight all the time?”

Azula didn’t have an answer. She still doesn’t. Her father has always determined what she did, how she trained, where she went. He approved of Azula taking initiative – like when she conquered Ba Sing Se, as long as she was working in _his_ name. Working towards his goals. His glory. He took credit for everything. She thought that was just the price she had to pay for his approval, the way Zuko never learned.

Zuko gives her his skewer in the end then offers to go buy some real supplies. The Avatar gave them enough to last a few days, but they need to figure out where they’re going and what they’re doing. Rice is always handy to keep in your bag.

Azula goes with him anyway. She dawdles by the stall while Zuko haggles – and when did he learn to haggle, anyway? She briefly considers just threatening the woman into giving them a discount, but Zuko has it well under hand.

A flash of green catches her eye.

“I’ll be back,” she tells Zuko absentmindedly. She is already walking away before he replies.

That merchant – she has seen him before, hasn’t she? When she was passing messages to her father while she was in Ba Sing Se. There were ways to circumvent the Dai Li. Not many, but that merchant was sympathetic to the Fire Nation. Their money, at least.

He meets her eyes. Sweat beading on his forehead, lips quivering with nerves. What is he up to?

He bolts down an alleyway. Azula walks leisurely after him. No need to raise suspicions for _two_ of them.

“Do you have something for me?” she interrogates finally, the merchant cornered in the alley.

The merchant nods furiously and reaches into his jacket, removing a letter. He proffers it with both hands, quivering from his shoulders to his wrists, and she accepts it the same way. Both hands, following etiquette. She ignores his tremors. 

_To my loyal daughter,_ the cover reads.

“Go,” Azula dismisses him, eyeing the letter. “You will receive your payment.”

He hurriedly bows and scurries back into the crowd. Azula turns the letter over in her palms. It is from her father. It has to be. Is this a formal notice of her banishment? A scolding for not killing Zuko?

She rips open the letter. 

_Dear Azula,_

_I have been advised that my previous writings may have been too harsh. I_ _have since imprisoned that minister for his poor advice. You would know I would never ask you to do anything without good intentions._

_I have reason to doubt your brother’s loyalties, who so cruelly manipulated you into lying on his behalf. It is understandable, and your loyalty to family brings me great pleasure, but I cannot allow it to continue. Zuko betrayed us, Azula. He is no longer our family._

_If you will not bring me your brother’s head, then we cannot reunite. We will be lost from each other. If you manage to sway your brother’s heart once more, send me evidence, and all shall be forgiven._

_We can be a family again._

_Your loving father,_

_Ozai_

Her instincts scream _father is lying._ She crumples the letter and throws it to the ground. He is lying. He is using her again, the perfect little tool. He is manipulating her.

Then she bends down and picks up the letter, smoothing it out to read it again. _Your loving father. Dear Azula. I have imprisoned that minister._ Was it really the advice of a minister? Is that why he sent that letter? That would mean father never asked her to kill Zuko. It was a minister. _If you manage to sway your brother’s heart,_ means that he is giving Zuko another chance. _Them_ another chance.

Things could be different this time. They could be better. She doesn’t have to kill Zuko and he isn’t asking her to. She just has to bring the Avatar. That’s it. The Avatar, for a life with her father and brother in the palace.

It isn’t really a decision at all. Azula seizes it with both hands and doesn’t look back.

Zuko’s eyes slide over her. “You’re okay?” he asks like an idiot.

“More than okay,” she smiles. “Zuko. We have some old friends to catch up with.”

She drags a reluctant Zuko along until the reach the outskirts of the town. Zuko ducks his head and flinches, drawing inwards.

“There’s _Fire Nation soldiers_ here,” he hisses. “Are you crazy?”

It is true. There is a small platoon of Fire soldiers clustered together in the street, the Earth Kingdom villagers skirting anxiously around them, casting murderous glares at the armoured soldiers.

“It will be fine,” Azula insists. “Trust me.”

He looks back, then to her. He nods. Azula grabs his arm and marches him past the soldiers to the two girls to the rear. Azula’s eyes light up at the sight of them.

Mai and Ty Lee. A little more worn, a little thinner than she remembers them, standing close together so that their hands are almost intwined. Ty Lee’s greeting is weak, while Mai says nothing at all.

“You came,” Azula laughs. She tugs Zuko forward. “See, Zuko? They’re here to help.”

Zuko frowns as he looks between them. He moves backward. “I don’t know, Azula. I don’t trust this.” 

His fingers twitch and his back foot slides into a defensive stance.

Azula rolls her eyes. "Zuzu, you dummy. I said they’re here to _help._ Father is allowing us to return home.”

“What?” Zuko’s face turns ashen. “Azula, have you been in contact with him? Has he sent you letters?” He presses forward, jaw set. “ _Why?_ Azula nothing good can come of this.”

Ty Lee taps twice on Mai’s shoulder, who inclines her head and steps onto the scene.

“We’re here to escort you two back to the Fire Nation,” Mai explains flatly. She flexes her fingers and a knife slides down into her palm. “Whether by force or by choice.”

“The Fire Lord said to use our own judgement,” Ty Lee says quietly. Her hands remain by her sides. “If you were kidnapped, we’ll take you back, Zuko. But if you went with Azula willingly…”

Then neither will return. Zuko can hear the unspoken meaning. Azula cannot.

“See? I’m fixing things,” she smiles victoriously. “Everything will be okay. We know where the Avatar is headed- the invasion force, of course, and we know their approximate location- so with Mai and Ty Lee we can kill the Avatar and return home.”

Zuko stares at her in horror. “Azula,” he finally croaks. “What are you doing?”

She frowns. “Zuko, they weren’t our friends. They kept us as long as we were useful, but then they were too pathetic to kill us rather than dumping us in the Earth Kingdom and hoping someone there would do it for them. We were in the way, see? So they got rid of us.” She spreads her arms. “We can’t stay here, Zuko. We don’t belong. Our place is on the throne. We’re _royalty,_ Zuko, don’t be stupid. We have to go back.”

“And kill Aang to do it?” He demands. Zuko’s hands drift to his swords. “I knew you were lying. You _always_ lie. But I thought you at least cared for Toph. I thought you learned that father doesn’t care for us.”

“Don’t bring Toph into this,” she snaps. “And I did! I know father doesn’t care for us, that he’s using us but- can’t you understand? The palace is the only place for us. We _belong_ there. It is our birth right. It doesn’t matter that father doesn’t love us, because we can earn his respect. We can earn it, Zuko, and everything will be fine. It will be different this time. And we have each other.”

He shakes his head and steps back. “I can’t support the war, Azula. I can’t go back. I gave up _everything_ I was to earn his approval and even that wasn’t enough. If I go back, I’ll never be myself again. And neither will you.”

“I will! I am a _princess,_ I _own_ these people.”

“No,” Zuko retorts, swinging his swords off his back. They cast stripes of shadow along the ground. “They _fear you._ Do you really want to go back to being afraid of eating too much? Of being hurt in training? Of father discarding you one day, the way he discarded me?”

“It will be different this time,” Azula argues furiously. She advances on Zuko despite the drumming of her heart. “He doesn’t love us, but that is because we haven’t earned it. If we return with the Avatar’s head and a new alliance, then he will respect us, and allow us to be by his side. Just _think,_ Zuko!”

She wants to shake him. Can't he see? Can't he see that this is for the best? There is no other way. This is their only chance for them to be happy. 

Zuko turns away. “He will never respect us, Azula. Or love us. That will never change.”

Ty Lee tries to intervene, but Mai catches her arm and shakes her head. Azula ignores them as she chases after Zuko’s retreating back.

“You just didn’t try hard enough! If you tried harder, you could have gotten father to respect you. If you just killed the Avatar!”

“ _Enough,_ ” Zuko roars, spinning around with his swords extended and fire dancing in his eyes. “You don’t understand, Azula! You don’t need a _reason_ to love your children. If he ever loved us, he would have loved us from the start, whether or not we were useful! Children don’t _have_ to be useful, they don’t have to be silent and perfect. He burned me because he could, Azula, and he banished you because he could. He’ll keep hurting us for as long as we let him. Just- can’t you give up on him?” Zuko finishes tiredly. His swords sag. “Can’t we just be happy here? Aang and Katara and Sokka, they’re all coming back for us after the invasion. Toph wants to see you again. So does Suki.”

Azula’s lip trembles and she feels herself tracing a familiar gesture. It won’t work, of course. Her lightning is broken and her firebending is broken, but she traces the circles and extends her fingertips anyway, because she wants to hurt Zuko the way he is hurting with his words, saying they cannot be family again, and she wants to feel the power, the electricity coursing through her arms-

Ty Lee darts forward and jabs her in the neck. Azula gasps. He body betrays her and slowly crumples. 

“I’m sorry, Azula,” Ty Lee whispers into her ear once Azula hits the ground, desperately trying to keep her eyes open. “We can’t let you do this.”

The platoon shifts and murmurs. Witnesses- reliable, Fire Army ones, who can all attest that Mai and Ty Lee successfully subdued Azula. They completed the Fire Lord’s mission. They will report back to their commander everything they saw and heard, and the Fire Lord will receive that very same report.

Mai joins Ty Lee’s side, impassive as ever. Her eyes bore into Azula’s.

“Zuko, let’s go.”

Zuko doesn’t waste time. He walks around Azula and nods to Mai and Ty Lee, extending his arms. Mai sighs and knocks them aside.

“We’re not taking you prisoner, stupid.”

Zuko’s mouth opens and he starts saying something as Azula’s eyes close on her. Something wet runs down her cheek. 

Mai and Ty Lee. Zuko. They were never on her side, were they? No one was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are going the same as my outline but so very different at the same time? i feel like i have lost all sense of everything
> 
> StuckatHome77: your songs are 'To Build A Home' by The Cinematic Orchestra (it's 6 mins but you don't have to listen to it all) and 'Nightcall' by London Grammar


	21. Azula alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i'm supposed to comment on the fic but instead:
> 
> recognise the red flags of grooming and conditioning! this is super important! sexual harassment isn't always as obvious as the person touching you. if they are in a position of power over you it can be as simple as them making repeated comments about your love and sex life and trying to get you alone, conditioning you into feeling that they are your friend so they can continue their comments and groom you into thinking that it's okay. it's not. even if you trust them stop and think about whether it's appropriate. if you think your friends or parents would react with horror, then it's not. it's harassment and grooming. 
> 
> please be careful everyone! this is the unwanted PSA i am delivering in place of a life comment!

When Mai was a child, she thought she would never love anything. She saw her parents and she saw their stilted interactions and thought _love would be nice._ But it wasn’t realistic. Not to her. When she first starting admiring Zuko, thinking he was cute, Azula caught on.

“Say, Mai,” she crooned with those innocently wide eyes, back in the early days. “Why don’t we bring Zuko into our game?”

Mai blushed and looked away. Azula brought Zuko into the game and ended it with the two embarrassing themselves in the water fountain.

That was the thing about love. You hide it. You hoard it to yourself, away where no one can trip over it and claim it for themselves. Azula didn’t want Mai to like Zuko. She wanted Mai to herself. And she wanted her brother to herself. She demanded their full, undivided attention at all times. Anything less was treasonous and unforgivable. 

Azula was always like that. She didn’t know how to receive love so she stole it for herself. She stole people, too. Mai. Ty Lee. Isolated them from their peers and said _come with me, we’ll be much better friends than anything any of those other losers can offer you._ She bullied the other kids into leaving Mai and Ty Lee alone so they would have to rely on Azula.

Mai liked Azula. She did. Ty Lee did too, and they gravitated towards Azula for her charisma, her power, her charm. Azula could be almost likeable, at times. Those small glimpses of favour, of her smiling at them and inviting them to the palace, seemed to make everything else worth it.

Funny. Azula was always so good at manipulating people. She never wanted to acknowledge the same being done to her.

“I don’t trust him,” Mai whispered to Ty Lee one day, when they were still young and Zuko unscarred and the palace not yet so deathly cold. “The Fire Lord. I don’t trust him around Azula.”

It was Ty Lee, then, who took her hands and leaned in as if imparting some great secret.

“It’s not our problem,” she whispered back. “You have to keep yourself safe, Mai.”

Mai hated Ty Lee for that. _Turn away. Don’t mind it._ The way her nannies and servants all murmured to each other, _it’s not our problem,_ when Mai fell and ruined her new robes, her mother screaming at her for making a fool of them in front of another family.

It took time. But after Zuko was banished, Mai realised Ty Lee was right. She learned not to care. It was safer that way.

_(Azula crying by a pond, Mai pretending not to see and turning to Ty Lee instead. Ty Lee watching with sad eyes, unsurprised._

_Mai questioned what else Ty Lee knew and never spoke of._ _She half-wondered what had driven them all to that point; Azula crying in secret, Mai turning away, Ty Lee keeping her lips carefully sealed. She knew, though. She always knew and never said.)_

The palace runs on fear. Royalty are not exempt from this.

With Azula on the floor, her deep, slow breaths indicating a sound sleep, Mai turns to Ty Lee.

“How long?”

Ty Lee understands. She fiddles with the end of her braid as she examines Azula.

“An hour. Maybe less, knowing her.”

“Are you really here to help?” Zuko asks, eyes fixed on Mai. “Or are you just here to take us back?”

Mai shrugs. “That would be helping, wouldn’t it? Taking you back home.”

“You know it’s not, Mai,” Zuko sighs. He crosses his arms. “She’s charged with treason. I’m guessing I was, too.”

Ty Lee neatly inserts herself between Zuko and Mai, one hand encircling Mai’s wrist. Zuko follows the movement and carefully does not comment. Mai kind of hates him for that. 

Mai tugs her wrist away and steps back. _Keep it to yourself. Hide it so it cannot be used against you._

"Yes, you were," Mai informs him sharply.

The quick flutter of Ty Lee's hands screams _what are you doing, this was not part of the plan,_ but Mai wrote the plan. She can re-write it to spite her ex, right? At least, she thinks Zuko is her ex. She stole the letter from Ty Lee's bag when the other girl was sleeping. Really, did she think she could keep it hidden from Mai forever?

Zuko nods, slowly accepting the news. "I figured as much," he admits. Then he examines their expressions. "You're serious, aren't you? About helping."

He talks like he can't believe it. Like the idea of someone helping him is strange and foreign, copper on his tongue.

"You're our _friend,_ " Ty Lee sighs softly. She kindly pats Zuko's shoulder despite still carrying a faintly injured air about her from Mai's earlier dismissal. "Friends help each other."

Zuko's smile is bright and honest. Mai forgot he could smile like that. It hurts a little, deep inside her chest. He is happier away from the palace. Away from her. 

"What's the plan, Mai?"

"We can't tell you!" Ty Lee chirps in Mai's place. She absentmindedly stands closer to Mai, and Mai does not brush her off this time. Zuko is safe, she thinks. He wouldn't tell. Not with what she has seen from his reaction to a boy expressing interest in him when they were on a date one day.

That is another secret Mai will take to her grave, should Zuko decide. She hates him for leaving, but she isn't a complete asshole. She has lines.

Secrecy for secrecy, that was their motto. It made them terrible together. But maybe, just maybe, it will make them good friends. She can trust him with this.

"The soldiers," Mai says quietly. She slants her eyes towards them. "They report to Commander Huang." 

Zuko's eyes sharpen. He understands. "I take it everything we do and say will be reported back to him? Then to father?"

Ty Lee and Mai exchange glances. They nod.

"We need you to trust us," Ty Lee explains gently. Her pinky finger touches her inner palm. "Okay? Everything will work out, we promise."

Trust isn't easy for Zuko. It isn't easy for Mai either. But when confronted with Ty Lee's earnestness, they have the same reaction.

Zuko takes a deep breath, weighs his options, and takes the leap of faith. 

Azula awakes in a teashop, her head resting on the tabletop while Mai and Ty Lee sit across from her. A few months ago, they would have let her head rest on their shoulder. Azula would have demanded it, or ordered they bring her a pillow. Azula carefully straightens, blinking the ink smears from her vision.

Mai is stirring her teacup and looking contemplatively out the window. Ty Lee's fingers are drumming a beat on the wooden table. They seem calm. Collected. Nothing like they just betrayed their princess. Azula's lip curls. 

"Where's Zuko?"

“Away,” Mai volunteers, expressionless as ever. She continues stirring the dark liquid and her eyes bore into Azula’s, like a challenge. “He's busy."

Azula forces a bitter laugh. "You betrayed me for him and he isn't even here? Typical."

Ty Lee lets out a frustrated groan and slams her own spoon against the table. 

"We didn't betray you, Azula." She slumps in her seat. "This is for the best. You wanted to go back to _your father._ You're safe here, with us."

"Father has forgiven me," Azula replies immediately. She straightens into her usual immaculate posture, a deliberate mockery of Ty Lee. 

Mai and Ty Lee look at each other. There is something there, something Azula isn’t seeing. Ty Lee taps nervously at the handle of her mug while Mai remains calm and collected. It was always Ty Lee that complimented Azula. Fawning over her hair, her firebending, her porcelain complexion. It was Mai that hovered on the edges. Killing time because she was bored and couldn’t think of anywhere better to be.

Azula’s eyes narrow. Under the table, one hand slowly grips a knife.

Ty Lee barely refrains from rolling her eyes at Azula's statement. "Has he? Truly? Azula, we had orders to _kill you._ "

No. 

No, father wouldn't do that. Their orders must be outdated. Father forgave her. Father said they could be family again. Father said he would let Zuko live if they came back united and with the Avatar's head. Things were going to get better. Father was going to get better. 

"You're lying," Azula cries. She half rises from the table. "You're _lying._ This is about Zuko! You're lying for him, to protect him just like you always do. This isn't about me. You're just trying to give Zuko a better chance. You want _him_ on the throne, _him_ getting father's approval! You're trying to sabotage my mission!"

Mai’s expression hardens. “This isn’t about Zuko, Azula. It never was.”

Azula laughs. “Never about Zuko?” It sounds like the old Azula; deliberate, mocking. “Then why did you betray me for him! You _left_ me, you and Ty Lee, and you knew the consequences! And for what? To help Zuko? To put _him_ on the throne instead of me?"

Mai’s lips curl in disgust. “Azula. If you ever really knew me, then you would know why I did it.”

The years stretch between them. A young Azula deciding Mai was of a suitable pedigree and skill to become her ally, spending the next few years manipulating Mai into following her. When Mai’s aim was even slightly off, Azula was there. Barking into her ear about how she didn’t expect the daughter of such a high-ranking official to be so pathetic. Get over yourself and _improve._ Mai heard the same thing day in and day out from her tutors, from her parents, then from Azula. Her hand tightened around the knife and she forced herself not to cry.

Then she tried again. And again and again until Azula was finally happy and moved on to bullying Ty Lee instead. If Mai thinks carefully, that is where the resentment started. Little Mai in the training grounds of her school friend, learning how to make herself a weapon because she couldn’t say no. Her parents didn’t care if she came home late after training with Azula. They were just ecstatic that Mai had gained the favour of a royal. When Mai cried as the servants wrapped her burned arms in cream and bandages, they said nothing. They kept on saying nothing when she was invited to training exercises and lessons with Azula at the academy. When Azula transitioned to private tutors, she demanded Mai and Ty Lee withdraw as well.

Azula has controlled every aspect of her life for the past ten years. She orchestrated her relationship with Zuko, forced her interactions with Ty Lee, threatened her family and ensured that Mai would be _good,_ but never better than her.

Enough is enough.

“I was grateful,” Mai tells her evenly, posture immaculate. “For the opportunities you gave me. And for getting me away from my family. But I am not _yours,_ Azula. I don’t belong to you any more than I belong to my parents. I am my own person and I can make my own decisions.” She brings the teacup to her lips. One eyebrow raised, she says: “And I chose love over fear.”

Azula snarls. She slams her hands on the table, knife skittering from her grasp, and leans into Mai’s personal space. Face inches away from Mai’s own.

“You think you can leave me? You think you can betray me? You are _nothing_ without me, you understand? Do you think Zuko will want to date you again? That your parents won’t trap you in New Ozai? _I’m_ the only one who can give that to you Mai, _how dare you-_ “

She doesn’t try to attack Mai. Just intimidate her into coming back. Mai allows herself to feel a moment of pity for Azula. She has clearly changed. Trying to be better and less volatile. Mai and Ty Lee put themselves on the line to help Azula, time and time again. Even as she screams at them, they are helping. The safest place in all four nations for her is right here in this teashop. If she just _let them_ help her...

Mai pities Azula. She really does. And she will help Azula out of that same pity, but Mai is under no obligation to forgive Azula for all she has done. A quick glance to her left confirms it, Ty Lee’s eyes sad but resolved.

“Goodbye Azula,” Ty Lee says softly.

Mai takes her eyes off Azula to sip her tea. Rage bubbles and bursts forth in Azula’s chest. Did Mai sell her out? Did Mai report her to the Fire Nation? For a chance at glory, to defend Zuko? She picked Zuko over Azula. They were supposed to be a _team,_ supposed to be allies. Mai betrayed her. 

Mai glances over, and Azula launches herself across the table to set _Mai on fire._

It’s over before it even really begins. Azula slumps over the table, face nearly in her tea. She forces her eyes to remain open so she can see Ty Lee’s guilty face. The chi-blocker looks not at Azula, but at Mai, and quietly takes her hand.

“I’m sorry Azula,” she whispers quietly, but she still isn’t looking at Azula. She worries at her bottom lip with her teeth.

Mai looks at Azula. She appears calm, for someone nearly murdered by their old friend and boss.

“For what it’s worth,” Mai offers, and her voice is level but there is a dark undertone Azula has never heard before. “I didn’t betray you. Not to Zuko, not to the guards. Not to anyone. If you could see past yourself for one moment you would realise that.” 

Mai allows herself one last glance at the girl who controlled her life. She owes Azula a great many things. Logically, she knows Azula cared for her. She just didn’t know how to express it. But that is no excuse for the years of torment she forced Mai and Ty Lee through in the name of forging loyalty. _Fear_ is not loyalty, and loyalty is not the same as love. It is time Azula learned that.

Mai follows Ty Lee out of the tea shop. Ty Lee squeezes Azula's hand on the way out, and it enrages her in a way that the chi-block didn’t.

She tries to reach for the teapot to throw it at their retreating backs, tries to firebend, tries to _spit_ at them, even, but she can’t. She can’t do anything.

Zuko finds her. He sits in front of her, carefully in her line of sight.

“Azula, are you okay?”

She can’t reply, can’t move her lips, her arms, _anything._ A scream tears its way through her throat and she _howls,_ tastes salt water, wonders what the ocean is doing in this nightmare of hers. It feels exactly she went three days without sleep to keep practising her katas in the courtyard until she passed out, because there was no mother to make her stop, no father that looked beyond the surface dedication to think _maybe there is a problem with my twelve year-old daughter overworking herself like this,_ no tutors or friends to care. Azula trembles even as her body refuses to respond. Somehow, this is worse. 

Zuko sighs. He carefully enfolds her in a hug, whispers into her ear, then takes her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did call this the heartbreaking arc. have i hurt you yet?  
> i was very tired when writing and editing so let me know if i missed anything or if there's scenes that don't make sense! i wrote half of this ages ago so it may not match up very well but that is a problem for the morning
> 
> StuckatHome77: bc i am dramatic and decided to go Full Throttle to try and hurt you with this one, take these humble selections -  
> 'Dynasty' by Miia  
> 'Can You Hold Me' by NF ft. Britt Nicole  
> i honestly don't know if my writing can match the emotions of this song but gosh i hope so.  
> AND BITCH I SAW THAT COMMENT ON YOUR BOOKMARK DON'T THINK I DIDN'T


	22. get this gal a therapy dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow i can write 20,000 words for a novel i started 4 days ago but not 3,000 words for a fic i've been working on for months and have a detailed outline for?? i don't understand myself

Zuko takes her to the backroom of a merchant's house.

"He agreed to rent us the place for a while," Zuko explains as he tucks her into bed. A _real_ bed, for once. "I don't know how long we'll be staying, but he doesn't seem to care."

Azula turns her head aside. Zuko sighs. 

"We're safe here, okay? Mai and Ty Lee have made it so that father will think we're on the run, headed east. They won't find us here."

Azula doesn't care. She pulls the covers over her head. Zuko sits silently by her side for several heavy moments, weighted like pebbles, before he caves and goes to pace around the room. 

Zuko didn't want them to go home. He worked with Mai and Ty Lee to stop her. They could have left. They could have worked together as a team, the four of them, and razed everything to the ground. Father would have been proud. She knows he was.

_("We had orders to kill you, Azula.")_

Father loves her, except he doesn't. Father is proud, except he isn't. Kill the Avatar. Kill your brother. Drive a knife through your heart and prove you are the monster daughter your mother feared, darling. Then you can stay by my side.

What did he want from her? A means to an end? Was he always lying to her? Azula fears the worst. They could have been _happy._ If everyone just stuck to Azula's plan, worked as she directed, then everything would have been _fine._ Azula knows what she is doing. She is loyal and father knows that. Did he really want her dead? 

Zuko tires of pacing and she can hear the slight padding of his feet across the tiles. His feet slide, indicating he is entering a kata. Azula searches herself, trying to summon any emotion. Jealousy. Indignation. Anger. Her search comes up empty, Azula focusing on the rise and fall of the blanket stretched across her head.

"Look!" Zuko cries eagerly. He rips the blanket off Azula's head, one hand slowly cultivating a flame. He grins at Azula. "You know what this means? Your bending isn't gone. You just have to find a new source, like I did."

Azula looks away disinterestedly. She wants to sleep.

"And what is your new source?"

"Honour," Zuko says without shame. He ignores Azula's snort. "No, listen. My old source was anger, right? Except that burned out. Because I wasn't angry anymore, like you said. So while I was meditating with Aang, we talked sometimes. And Aang said something like 'if you want honour so much, isn't that what fuels your bending?'. I thought he was being stupid, then I realised that he was _right._ Honour is my source, Azula. My own. My nation's. _Yours_ too, Azula. We're going to get your bending back. As soon as we understand its source, we can get it back."

He smiles again, flashing teeth the way he never did at home. Azula has never seen him smile like that. Zuko was always frowning or scowling or recoiling in fear. He is confident that Azula can get her bending back. That this is possible.

"What was your old source, by the way?" Zuko asks.

Azula doesn't know. The longer the silence stretches between them, the more Zuko's smile slowly drips off his face. Azula rolls over so she doesn't have to face him.

The old Zuko would have assumed she was deliberately hiding it from him. The new Zuko understands what Azula is not saying - that even she doesn't know what fuelled her bending. Azula pulls the covers back over her head. She doesn't want to look at Zuko. Doesn't want to think about her non-existent bending.

"Don't you _want_ your bending back?" Zuko exclaims in frustration. His weight settles next to her bed. "I don't understand you, Azula."

Neither does she. Azula signals for Zuko to leave her alone and, blessedly, he does. 

Azula gravitates to the teashop. The woman there pities here, gives her free refills on the house. Azula hates her. She hates the teashop and Mai and Ty Lee and stupid Zuko who left her with them, but especially her father.

She hates herself too.

Afterwards, she wanders through the markets. There are merchants selling all kinds of wares and goods, farmers loudly calling that they have the best produce around, and the odd child weaving in and out of legs, making a nuisance. Azula's fingers itch. Noise. Chaos. A blur of colours and sensations. Twice she sees movement flicker in the corner of her eye and slides into a combat stance, quickly discovering that it was nothing more than the flutter of a scarf or tunic.

Her heart thunders in her chest. She tries her breathing katas to calm down. Here is better than _there,_ and _there_ where Zuko is. The stupid little room he rented with his silly little teapot, because Zuko bought it at the market yesterday apparently and thinks that he can make tea now. 

The sun slowly ducks behind a cloud. Azula isn't worried. Agni's light is always there, even in the dark. It won't leave her without power. She strolls on, deciding to look at the pastry stall. Maybe she can convince him to give it to her on credit. She could steal money from Zuko later.

It is only when the rain begins to pour that Azula remembers there is another reason people watch for storms. She closes her eyes against the realisation. People around her raise scarves over their heads and run for shelter, others pushing onwards through the rain in search of their purchases. The rain doesn't chase everyone away. Only the more wealthy. 

Azula finds herself sitting outside a vegetable stall. She blinks through the rain settling along her eyelashes, tunic clinging to her back like a second skin. The owner of the stall- a woman, middling age, generic Earth ancestry from Azula's quick scan- is clearly packing up. Azula hopes she won't ask her to move along before the weather clears. It would be a pain for Zuko to find her soaking wet.

The woman continues packing. Azula's shivering finally catches her eye and she pauses, looking at Azula with concern. 

"Are you okay? It's getting dark and you shouldn't be out in weather like this. I'm headed home as soon as I'm finished with the stall. Do you need a place to stay?" the woman asks gently. 

Azula turns and sees Zuko standing at the end of the street, out of breath and clearly looking for her.

"No," she says, eyes fixed on him. "No, my brother is here for me."

"If you're sure," the woman says finally. She pushes a basket of vegetables into Azula's hands. "You look hungry. You tell that brother of yours to make you both something nice and hot, okay?" She shakes her head and looks up at the storm. "Children should be safe inside at these times."

Before, Azula would have brushed her off. Would have threatened her, screamed, thrown the basket of vegetables back in her face. _How dare you pity me._ Now she stands in the rain for a little longer, clutching the basket and watching the woman.

"What would you do?" Azula asks her. The woman continues packing but looks at Azula. "If you had a daughter, and you didn't understand her? If you thought she wasn't good enough?"

"That would never happen," the woman replies firmly. She heaves a crate onto the stall. "No child of mine could ever be a disappointment. Children aren't there to be useful, they're there to be loved." 

The woman finishes packing after that, glancing at Azula in concern, but she moves on. Azula feels the rain drip down her nose and plaster her hair to her scalp. She steps back, further into the rain.

To be loved. Children don't have to be useful. She knew, didn't she? After Azula started talking to the daughters of other nobles, all those years ago. She knew her family wasn't normal. She knew that they were loved, adored, because they were carried the flesh and blood of their parents. Possessions, but not ones to break. Ones to cherish. Azula knew her family wasn't normal, she knew what Ozai did wasn't right, but then there was Mai and Ty Lee who said the same things as her, scoffing at the idea that children can be loved without purpose, because they never experienced it either. Mai was perfect or she was nothing. Ty Lee was outstanding or she was nothing, subsumed by her sisters. Azula thought that made it okay. She thought, _here are these people who say I am right._ She pushed all other thoughts from her head. 

Azula wanted to be _happy._ She thought, if this is normal and I have done something wrong to deserve this, then I can fix whatever mistake I have made. I can change my behaviours, my personality, the way I walk, talk, eat. Then everything will be okay and I can be loved. Then father will stop testing me. Then mother will look at me. If it _w_ _asn't_ normal and it wasn't her fault, wasn't anything that Azula was doing, then that meant there was nothing she could change. Her father didn't love her and that was that. No _ifs_ or _buts._ No way to make it stop.

Letting herself believe that it was her fault made things easier. Zuko did the same. Accepting that they were fundamentally unlovable was an easier task that wrapping their heads around the idea that father just didn't have the capacity to love them. That there was no reason for their suffering.

This woman. She extended her hands. She said children don't have to be useful. No child of mine could ever be a disappointment. And Azula would have buried it as the ramblings of a stupid peasant woman, but yesterday Ty Lee sighed and said _he gave orders to kill you, Azula,_ and yesterday Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her but didn't turn her over to the guards, and yesterday Zuko left but came back for her, and today this woman gave her a basket of vegetables from her own stall so Azula wouldn't be hungry. These people. All idiots. Mai and Ty Lee were fools to betray her and Zuzu is just an idiot, period. But they all showed her love. They reached into their withered hearts and offered breadcrumbs, at least.

Ozai couldn't even give her that. His heart was coals. Warm at first, but rapidly cooling. Azula thought that was enough. The _illusion_ of warmth, if nothing else. 

She deserves better. 

Azula finally understands. This vendor, this strange woman who has never seen her before in her life, can smile at her and extend her arms and say you’re welcome to stay the night, just because Azula is a child, just because she is tired and hungry and cold. Her own parents couldn’t do that. Neither of them saw a child. Just a weapon of war. Her father’s weapon. And Azula finally understands that it isn’t hard, to be kind. It isn’t something you’re born with or without like she thought. You can choose to be kind, you can choose to be better, to welcome cold children into your home, to give them food from your basket. Her parents could have chosen. They just didn’t feel it was worth the effort.

Azula closes her eyes. Standing in the freezing rain, she feels peace like she has never known. It wasn’t her. She didn’t do anything wrong. There is nothing she can do to change her father, nothing that will make him love her. Killing the Avatar won't be enough. Razing a nation to the ground won't be enough. Killing her brother won't be enough. Twisting and contorting herself to fit his mould, forcing herself to act like the daughter he wants, none of it matters. It won't have an impact. She can let go now.

And she does.

Zuko wakes her in the morning with a pot of no-doubt burned tea leaves and an expression like he is watching a wild pygmy-puma. She doesn’t care. She drinks the tea and eats the rice without tasting it and doesn’t question why he is here.

He chose. Months ago now, Zuko chose. Mai and Ty Lee made their decisions too. Suki as well, when she pressed a fan into her enemy’s hands and left her alone, trusting her to make the right decision.

Now Azula chooses for herself. She will bring her father down, and with him the trainers, the instructors, the advisors and servants and guards, everyone who ever made her feel that she was nothing more than what her father wanted. Azula will burn that place to the ground. She doesn’t care about the war, even now. She doesn’t care about the people that have been hurt by it. She isn’t sure she ever will and maybe that makes her a bad person. But she wants her father dead, and she wants to live to see her brother on the throne, and- well. One thing at a time, she supposes. They can’t expect too much from her.

For now, Azula turns her eyes to Zuko, and asks, quietly, if he has more tea.

"I'll be thirsty if I'm training to recover my firebending," she says.

Zuko's answering smile is beatific. Azula thinks this might be the only thing in her life she has ever done right. Staying with Zuko. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this concludes the angsty arc. well, for now. this was originally going to be so much longer and more painful but i just looked at the fic again and kind of decided that Azula is already in the place i wanted her to be by this point, so there's not really a point in prolonging the arc. i'm reaching the point where i don't have a lot of notes on what happens next and mildly panicking? i have stuff sketched out for the sequel and no idea on how to wrap this up. do y'all want to see what happens with the throne at half at the end of this fic and half in the sequel or just entirely in the sequel?
> 
> anyways, stay safe everyone! there's been another outbreak in my area so this is your friendly reminder to wear a mask and wash your hands! if i can wear a mask for 7 hours at a time then so can you!


	23. move onwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula's source is revealed. Zuko attempts to get her to restore her firebending, but Azula finds her motivation wavering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i found my old outline notes and you guys should be SO GRATEFUL i did not unleash the full angst of my original outline upon you. i have spared you from so much, you have NO idea.  
> also, slightly shorter chapter this time because i've been busy. sorry!
> 
> EDIT: i re-read this chapter while listening to "You" by Petit Biscuit and cried, so do with that what you will

Despite what she tells Zuko, Azula doesn’t feel like firebending.

Is that really such a surprise? For ten years, she trained daily. She burned herself and kept going. She burned others and kept going. It didn’t matter how exhausted she was, it only mattered if she had mastered the kata or not.

If she failed, they stayed on that kata and Azula would not be released from training until she had the movements down perfectly. If she passed out, she would earn a few hours respite before commencing. Failure was never an option.

Azula cannot remember if she liked the training. At the beginning, it was part of the deal. Excel at firebending and you will receive the affection from father that mother never gave you. Azula considered it a fair trade, skill for attention, and she threw herself into the training with every inch of her might.

Azula wants to recover her bending. She cannot imagine a life without it. She needs it to burn her father and the palace to the ground, to punish every culpable adviser, minister, and official there. Lo and Li will not be exempted. They were the guiding influence of her childhood, but they pushed her. They hurt her. They hid her source from her so that Azula lost her sense of self, relying on her father and her father alone.

She is _tired._ Some days it feels like her entire life revolves around her bending. They always praised her powerful bending first, before they commented on her smarts or her ambitions. _Just like your father._ Maybe Azula doesn’t want to bend. Maybe she doesn’t want to train. Maybe she wants to take up a useless hobby, like Zuko has taken to tea-brewing, leaving burned pots of the appalling liquid in the kitchen every time Azula so much as breathes near him. Maybe she wants to paint. To draw. If Zuko, _the heir,_ can waste time on useless things, why can’t Azula?

She won’t. Already in her heart, Azula knows she won’t. She will train instead and spend her time smoothing out her roughened katas and honing her rounded corners back to sharp edges, ready to hurt those who hurt her.

What would life be like if Azula wasn’t born into the royal family? If her parents had encouraged her to pursue passions outside of combat and training? Would she be happy?

Azula doesn’t know. She remembers how, even as a child, she trained so extensively she had permanent bruises beneath her eyes, explosions of purple she later learned to cover. They betrayed weakness. That she wasn’t getting enough rest, that she couldn’t handle the rigour of her schedule.

If she was born to someone like that peasant woman, maybe Azula would draw. Maybe she would admire turtleduck ponds instead of hurling stones and sticks to infuriate the mother who punished her for trying to feed them, turning instead to violence. If she wasn’t accepted when she was trying to be kind, then what was the point?

Maybe she would laugh. Really laugh, not just fake giggles like when she was trying to get Chan-the-idiot to like her, or make officers who underestimated her relax, assured that they were just dealing with a teenage girl and not some mastermind.

Azula cannot be anything other than what she is. There is no point in twisting and bending herself into a new form, one better suited for this new life of hers. She cannot stay in the Earth Kingdom and find herself new parents, a new family. She is royal. She was born to Lady Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai and there is no turning back, no erasing of time. Azula is a weapon. She must embrace it, rather than looking wistfully towards the lives of other girls who were permitted to be children, to pick flowers and sit braiding each other crowns, rather than learning to hit until it breaks.

She must move forward. It is the only direction she has ever moved in, unlike Zuko who circles and backtracks and leaps forward before circling again. That is his strength – knowing how to find his way again. Azula’s strength is that she has never lost it. She has always known exactly what she wants to do and be.

Now those ambitions involve the downfall of her father. A fitting touch, considering he made her this way. But that isn’t true, is it? He offered the promise of love, the illusion of warmth, and she made herself in his image. She did this to herself. For him. Out of the desire to be loved.

She woke this morning with a ghost’s voice in her head and an aching in her heart. She had dreamed of her mother. Graceful and dignified the way Azula could never be. She was sitting at her vanity in her old bedroom, before it was closed forever and Azula stole a bracelet to remind herself of her mother.

When Azula was young, the promise of her mother’s love was the drive for enduring the endless etiquette and calligraphy lessons. Except the reward never came, the promise never delivered. When father made the same promise, but in return for Azula excelling in firebending, she thought it fair. _Easy,_ almost. She was already leagues ahead of her peers in firebending and her teachers had begun whispering that she was a prodigy.

Azula could never be enough for her mother. But she thought she could be enough for her father.

She dreamed that Ursa smiled through the mirror, reaching into Azula’s soul.

 _I’m sorry._ Her voice floated through the air like smoke, gentle at first sight but harsh and cloying at the back of your throat. _I didn’t love you enough._

 _Of course not,_ Azula thought back silently, but Ursa’s face fell anyway. She heard. She always did. When Azula cried after training, stifling the noises with her silk pillow, Ursa approached with a casual suggestion that Azula sit with her while Ursa read letters from courtiers and other wives of nobilities. _You can help me draft the replies,_ Ursa said, and laughed at Azula’s too-blunt words.

Azula always knew her mother didn’t love her. Not the way she loved Zuko. But there were moments where she almost thought that she could, with time. If Azula worked hard enough. Then there was father, and he made everything easier. Including hating her mother.

 _She doesn’t love you,_ he informed her while Azula tried explaining one of her lessons on geography to him. His eyes were dark and cold, but Azula mistook it for focus. Him listening to her words. _Your mother. Ursa. She doesn’t understand you the way I do. She prefers Zuko to you. But I understand you, my dear. I am always here for you._

Zuko, Mai, Ty Lee. They all thought her stupid for not understanding Ozai’s intentions sooner. Making a weapon of his daughter. But Azula wasn’t stupid. She thought love had conditions, and Ozai’s conditions were easier to meet than Ursa’s, in the early days. Before Ozai increased his. The good moments overpowered the bad moments where Ozai forced her to keep working herself until she collapsed. He was kind, at times. _Almost_ kind. He told her that Ursa kept taking Zuko to the turtleduck ponds to turn him against Azula.

Whether her father was lying, Azula doesn’t know. But after she dreamed of her mother and her gradually fading voice, Azula had to press one hand to her heart to assure herself that it was still there, beating and behaving normally.

It made sense. Finally, she pieced together the scattered hints laying throughout her memory. She dressed and walked through the markets once more, just for something to do, just to avoid Zuko and his stupid tea-making attempts while her head spun and spun and spun.

_The desire to be loved._

It makes sense. Whether she merely dreamt her mother’s voice or if it was an echo from the past, Lo and Li murmuring the answer, she doesn’t know. But it makes sense. Zuko had anger, Azula had love. One was too soft, the other too sharp.

She wanted to be loved. More than anything. Unconditionally, wholly. She changed herself and broke herself to pieces, fuelling her bending from the frantic, desperate desire to be loved.

When she returns to their temporary residence, Zuko is already up, seemingly unsurprised to see that Azula woke before dawn and is only returning now. She has noticed him sneaking out at night, swords strapped to his back. What he does, Azula doesn’t know, but he has his bending back. He doesn’t need his swords like he used to.

Habit, perhaps? Stupid Zuzu. He precariously perches two teacups on the bench, cursing as he burns himself on the teapot.

She doesn’t have her father. Her mother is gone, too. Azula has Zuko though. She always has. Always will.

“Don’t burn it, Zuzu,” Azula calls to him. He jumps and bangs his elbow on the counter, cursing even louder as one teacup clatters to the ground. “I wouldn’t want bitter tea this early in the morning.”

When she drags the floor cushion closer to the kitchen, a tiny installation towards the back of the room. When Zuko kneels across from her a moment later, he can sense something is wrong. She is too quiet.

“You figured it out, didn’t you?” he guesses. Too accurately. When did he get to know Azula? When did he know her better than herself?

Azula confirms it quietly. She doesn’t volunteer her source, and Zuko doesn’t comment. He only pours her a cup and asks when she wants to start bending.

When does she want to start? Did she ever really _stop?_ If she begins training and practicing again, will it consume her life like it did before, becoming the yardstick for measuring her own worth against others? Even Zuko?

There is no choice. Azula is Azula and Zuko is Zuko. He is the failure with a heart softer than a rabbit-mouse. She is the roaring fire come to burn everything down.

Her father must pay. Azula can worry about what comes after once her father has been toppled from his throne.

“As soon as possible,” she says.

Zuko smiles. He sets his teacup aside.

“Let’s go, then.”

They spar first without fire. Zuko beats her, then she retaliates with a particularly vicious blow that has him staggering and coughing the next two rounds.

He still beats her. Firebending, swords, hand-to-hand. He is well versed in all three areas, a master of none but somehow still managing to outshine most others.

“You’re still a better bender than me,” Zuko pants during a water break. He looks sideways at Azula, expression faintly twisted. “I was jealous of you. For so long. Even after I was banished, I kept thinking that you learned this kata in two weeks while I struggled for _months_ , or that if I was you then I wouldn’t have such weak flames.

“You’re a Dum-Dum,” Azula says, lost for words. She refuses to acknowledge that Zuko’s admission made her feel better.

They continue moving through the basics. It rankles, but Azula knows better than anyone that you must master the basics before you can accomplish the advanced moves. Zuko struggled with that, when they were both still in the palace. He didn’t want to build the foundation. He wanted to be advanced immediately. From what she can glean, that attitude continued well into his banishment.

Azula’s form is neater, more polished than Zuko’s. His are rough around the edges but steady enough, considering he had no formal tutor for more than three years. His breaths are even when she closes her eyes to listen.

They taught the Avatar, briefly. Never together. Zuko and Azula clashed on everything, having only one joint session in teaching him. Azula drilled him until his forms were as perfect as she could make them. Zuko did the mentoring and the coaching, and the philosophical conversations on the true meaning of fire, or whatever. Azula didn’t listen.

She is still better than Zuko. After noticing the first flickers of jealousy from Azula at his flames, he turned them off and resumed the katas without fire, just as Azula is. It levels the field and makes it clear that Azula is still the prodigy.

The thing about fire is that you can’t simply _choose_ a new source. It finds you. Azula has not told Zuko, watching the movement of his feet and he shifts through the katas, but she does not think she has a new source. Zuko doesn’t, either. His source was always honour. It is why he struggled so much when he tried using anger to fuel his bending for all those years. His bending finally burned out when Zuko relinquished even his anger, and has only returned now that he is deliberately trusting his sense of honour.

She won’t tell him. Dum-Dum can figure it out himself. As for her, she hates that she is the same. Wanting to be loved. Azula doesn’t know how to use it to move forward, when the world has changed overnight and the ground ripped up beneath her feet.

Father doesn’t love her. Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her.

Her gaze turns, as it always does, to Zuko. Azula may not know what real love is like. To be accepted for who you are. Neither does Zuko. But between the two of them, she thinks sometimes that they are growing closer and closer to finding the answer, and discovering what it means to be siblings rather than rivals.

There is always the issue of succession looming over them. Azula doesn’t want to think of that. With the next kata, she feels the drumming of her heart and thinks of a young Zuko bringing her plums because she was still hungry but couldn’t get more food. She thinks of Zuko helping her escape arrest, defying their father to do so. She thinks of him coming back for her, again and again since they left, and how his voice refused to waver when he told the Avatar that Azula could be trusted.

She doesn’t expect it to work. She has seen too much to believe that Zuko can truly love her, despite everything she has done. When she feels fire warm her fingertips, barely curling over them with the next kata, she looks down in shock.

 _Fire._ Azula meets Zuko’s eyes, expecting jealousy or envy, but there is nothing but smiling pride on his face.

“See, Azula,” he breathes easily. “I knew you could do it!”

Azula looks back to the baby flames dancing across her fingertips. Small, only barely enough to light a candle. Nowhere near enough to attack her father. But she feels the twin flame inside her gut and _smiles._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it wasn’t clear enough – the source of her bending is, in my exact words, ‘the desire to be loved', which girlswhosaybruuuh guessed exactly! closely followed by Camipretzel, then a few others who guessed later.  
> the evolution of your guesses was a trip to watch!! at first everyone was guessing fear, power, control etc. consistently, but gradually it became “is it loyalty?”, then, in even slower increments, “is it love?”. my worry was that it wouldn’t seem realistic to you guys/too out there, but as this fic progressed more and more people seemed to latch onto the love theory. i was excited because it means that you guys found it at least semi-realistic for Azula.  
> fear = loyalty = love in her eyes. she uses fear to demand loyalty and she thinks that’s the same as people loving her. (see: Mai and Ty Lee). my thoughts were initially fear and control like you guys, but then i thought “but what does Azula /want/?” and the answer was love. she wants love and attention. how did she first get good at firebending? partly because she was a prodigy, but partly because she worked hard. and what fuelled that? her desire for her father to love her and pay attention to her. in canon, her bending first starts to waver after Mai and Ty Lee betray her, then she collapses more completely after Ozai casts her aside. but she doesn’t lose her bending because she is 1) unstable and 2) still has faith that she can do something, if she just makes father proud  
> i hope this met your expectations! i am but one person doing my best <33


	24. old friends, old enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news, bad news, it's all the same. Word of the invasion arrives, and Azula contemplates what this means for her and Zuko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i write each chapter in like an hour which is why they're so often riddled with errors

They continue sparring regularly. Azula gradually learns to evade Zuko’s throws, whether there is fire behind them or not. She isn’t good enough. Not without the full force of her fire. But she is learning to move her body in ways her tutors would have frowned upon, learning new attacks and new methods of combat that Zuko says are more likely to keep her alive than her katas.

You can throw dirt in an opponent’s face. Azula wrinkles her nose at the idea – _how cowardly,_ but Zuko sighs and asks her if she values her life or her pride more.

Her pride, of course. Azula opens her mouth to answer but Zuko’s sharp expression warns her from voicing the opinion. She kicks dirt up at Zuko during their next round of sparring, only to be petty and not because she is testing the technique.

“You’re already doing so much better,” Zuko comments during a break.

They sit kneeling on the floor, both too stubborn to lay down or fully rest. Azula amuses herself by wondering if they both hear the echoes of their tutors, screaming _you want to relax? You are royalty, you are better than the childish desire to_ relax!

If Azula threw a fire punch at Zuko right now, him drooping and half leaning over his waterskin, he would still be able to deflect in time. They were trained the same way, after all. For a while.

The invasion might be successful. Azula knows Zuko has received a letter from the Avatar and company. Only the one, for fear of being tracked. No doubt it bears news of how the preparation for the invasion is faring. He hasn’t shared it with Azula. Whether he doesn’t trust her or doesn’t want to upset her is irrelevant – it doesn’t change the outcome.

If the invasion succeeds, Zuko and Azula will be in direct competition for the throne. They can’t let it go to Iroh, the fogey of an uncle too weak to even grasp onto Zuko’s hand when he offered to break him out of prison. What kind of fool turns down the promise of escape?

Azula hasn’t made her mind up whether she wants to challenge Zuko to an Agni Kai. She can’t kill him. She wouldn’t do it for Ozai. She won’t do it for herself. But there are other options – exile, removal from the line of succession. Both things that Zuko has experienced and survived.

He was gone for years. Azula was groomed to take over her father in Zuko’s absence. Nothing personal. Zuko simply does not have the knowledge or the experience to lead a nation. His lessons on leadership concluded rather abruptly after three years, when he _led_ himself into exile.

She doesn’t want to hurt him. Azula accepts the waterskin that Zuko proffers and takes a long drink. Zuko’s hair sticks to his forehead and she can see the rise and fall of his chest. This is her brother. It hardly feels like it sometimes, with everything that has happed. But this is her brother.

They don’t know the outcome of the invasion. There is no point in worrying yet. Azula has her plans, as she always does, but no reason to act on any of them. To act, you must first have all the information. Zuko always missed that lesson. He ran straight into meetings, attacks, whatever he wanted, all because of his rash nature.

Azula knows better. You bide your time, and the situation will unfold before you.

“My bending will return soon,” she decides. She rolls it around on her tongue then looks at Zuko for his reaction.

He shrugs. “I’m sure it will. I don’t doubt that.”

Zuko admitted he used to be jealous of her. Azula already knew that. _Everyone_ was jealous of her. It’s why she had to transfer from the Royal Fire Academy for Girls to private tuition at the palace. Once the other girls realised they could never be as good as Azula, their anger turned to resentment and they tried sabotaging her. Azula found chameleon-frogs under her desk with the paper and ink in her boots. She would catch the bracelet thrown to her from a classmate only to drop it with a hiss, the too-hot metal burning her hands.

She soon learned to watch Zuko. _Would he sabotage her too?_ She could see the resentment and frustration in his eyes, hear it in the cracks in his voice. But their mother was there to soothe his hurts and plaster over his injured pride.

Azula didn’t learn cruelty from her classmates. She didn’t learn to be wary because of her brother’s resentment. She learned everything on her own. Azula was cruel long before Ozai began shaping her.

They didn’t ruin her. She was always like this. Azula was never so weak as to crumble because of the rumours of the palace or the irritants of her classroom. Even before she was a princess, she was still royalty. Royalty do not falter. Except-

“What will you do?” Azula asks him, capping the waterskin. “After this.”

He meets her eyes evenly, almost lounging on the ground.

“What? After sparring?”

“No, Dum-Dum,” she sighs. “After the invasion.”

Zuko frowns. He stares down at the patch of dirt before him.

“What I always do,” he says finally. He looks up, smiling tentatively. “Mess things up and watch you excel.”

Azula blinks. Then she bursts into laughter and has to set the waterskin down so she won’t knock it across the small clearing they found. Practicing far from the little room in the back of the stupid merchant’s house who was dumb enough to rent the room to Zuko.

Dum-Dum dodged the question. Of course he did. Azula doesn’t care if he has designs on the throne – it’s only natural, after all – but Zuko should at least have the courage to admit it.

Their family has a long history of siblings killing each other for power. Some through miscommunications. Azula needs to know if Zuko is with her or against her.

She feels the flame in her palm. It flickers small but bright, like her faith for Zuko. She smothers it. Azula will do whatever it takes. She will look after herself no matter what.

She wants Zuko on her side. Hopes desperately that he is, that no matter the outcome of the invasion they can still work together. Azula knows they have different goals, different ambitions, different hopes. She only wants a way out of this where they don’t have to kill or abandon each other.

Azula supposes that is too much to ask for. She leaves Zuko in the clearing and makes her way back to the house.

She skips dinner and ends up on the rooftop. It is a clear night, drawn with velvet blue drapes. Azula never liked heights. She preferred her feet on the ground, where nothing could sway her. It was Zuko who always climbed out the window to sneak around on the roof after mother left.

Azula joined him, once or twice. Clinging to the edges and inching slowly along the tiles, calling out for her brother. He yelled at her to go away. He didn’t want Azula there to ruin it. But Azula continued, and he swung back down into his room to grab her a blanket so she wouldn’t be cold on the roof.

Even when they were on opposite sides in the palace, there was room to be siblings. Not much. Stolen time they clawed with their hands. Zuko bringing plums in her room so she wouldn’t get punished for getting more food, Azula climbing onto a rooftop to talk to her brother even though she was scared. Then Zuko left and Azula stayed. It took a year for her to realise that the scarred failure of a brother was still the same brother who wrapped her up in blankets and played chase with her around the gardens.

Azula made it so that Zuko could be by her side in the palace, with the Avatar gone. But Zuko didn’t want to be in the palace. He was wary of Azula and lukewarm to the idea of being home, and Azula could hear the staccato rhythm of Zuko’s heart whenever father addressed him.

It wasn’t enough to come home in glory. He wanted to follow his principles too. She saw how he lingered in the hallways and hesitated before entering any meetings, any room, like he didn’t believe he had the right to be there.

Zuko was scared. Of the palace, of father. Of her. He was her brother, but not as she had known him in their childhoods. He wasn’t the raging, bitterly disquieted person she encountered when father told her to imprison him either. He was just… different. Not quite here nor there. Wandering through the prism of memories in his mind and debating his loyalty between himself and his father.

Azula warned him. She didn’t think he would leave. Not really. But she noticed his indecision as to whether the Avatar’s death was a good thing, constantly asking _“But what if the Avatar is alive?”_

When they left, Azula was too absorbed in her new situation to notice. But she gradually realised that Zuko was more himself, outside the palace. He carried himself with confidence and used his swords like a man familiar with combat, and his fierce glare was enough to ward off most who would try to pickpocket them.

He was still an awkward, fumbling misery of a person, and Azula felt that most days putting him down would be a kindness. Especially after he spent days practicing his speech to the Avatar. _Dear Agni._ Azula was amused the first time he tried performing it for her to see her reaction. By the fifth time, she was ready to set him on fire and just be done with it, Avatar or no. But he was closer to the Zuko she remembered. Just- _more._

She breathes in and feels the ridges of the tiles beneath her. Sitting on the rooftop is fun, but it gets tiring. Azula never understood the appeal. Zuko would sit up there all night long unless Azula told him to come down. She didn’t need to see Ozai’s reaction to know that he wouldn’t approve of Zuko’s little hobby.

Ozai never knew about Zuko playing with knives. He never knew about the shadow-dancing either, or the rooftop. But Azula always felt a chill when she walked with her father after spending time with Zuko, like he saw all and knew everything they were hiding from them. It was the cold glint in his eyes. Azula never told, and Ozai never asked.

Azula always hated the cold. She would go to lengths as a child to avoid it in the rare times it was cold enough in Caldera to be felt. Mostly, they went to Ember Island in the winters. When that stopped, Azula learned to either layer up or use her firebending.

She doesn’t feel the cold now. She lays on her back, staring up at the stars. Zuko doesn’t come looking for her. Maybe he knows, already, where she is. Maybe he always did. 

The dawn breaks. Azula sees trickles of pink, like blood, running gently down the horizon. Just like that, she knows what the outcome of the invasion was. The pink turns to the golden lines of her mother’s vase and Azula raises a hand to trace the cracks in the sky, illusion and reality splitting and merging at will.

She senses Zuko’s presence over her shoulder, hovering without a word. He has no problems keeping his balance on the roof. He never did.

Azula smiles humourlessly. “It failed, didn’t it? The invasion?”

Zuko hands her a letter from Suki, withdrawn in a way she rarely sees. He looks not at the sky but to the town, watching the people mill about.

Azula exhales. The sound is crisp under the early morning light. She lights a flame and uses it to break the seal on the letter, removing it from its pearl-white encasing. A quick scan reveals everything she needs to know.

Her father is alive. Of course. Monsters are rarely so easy to kill. Azula is alive, isn’t she?

Azula turns the letter back to Zuko without comment. He clutches his own set of letters, and Azula identifies three seals before he tucks them behind his back. Coward. Even now, he hides things to himself.

Suki’s letter spoke of other things. Forgiveness. Friendship. A hand extended not out of obligation or fear, but of a fledgling respect for a long-time enemy. One who has defected to the opposite side.

Azula does not understand Suki. Is there a point in trying? Suki will do as she pleases with her own reasoning, whether Azula approves it or not. She could reply to Suki and demand she stop writing to Azula, stop trying to befriend her, stop counting her as an ally. Azula is not a good person. Not like those fools. Her father poisoned her, and it is still creeping through her system, polluting and corrupting everything she touches.

It is better to stay away from Azula – just look at Zuzu. She ruined him, didn’t she? Or perhaps she should say that he ruined himself, and Azula took the ashes of his honour and scattered them like the dutiful, horrible sister she is.

They had a game. When they were young. They played a game they called _switch,_ because the rules would always switch according to what Azula decided. Zuko always complained that it wasn’t fair that Azula always got to decide the rules. Then Azula would yell _switch!_ and he would scramble to follow the new rules, laughing as he chased after Azula.

They were siblings. Before their parents separated them. Before Ozai whispered to Azula that her mother hated her, before he murmured to Ursa that there was something wrong with her child, before Zuko spoke up and burned his own face.

She had _liked_ being cruel to Zuko. She thought he deserved it. Azula has not completely changed – she still thinks Zuko should have been stronger, shown more guts – but she thinks that maybe Ozai should not have demanded him to become as ruthless of Azula. Two monsters in the family were enough.

The invasion failed. Azula is not worried. She was trained for this. Bled for this. Azula will do the hard, dirt work, and Zuko can chase after the Avatar with his useless optimism. Zuko was away for years. Does he understand? Their father must die. Will Zuko hate her for this?

He was always too soft.

Azula rises and lowers herself off the roof. She finds her footing on the window and swings gently inside. She could have used bending before. Now she must rely on her own strength.

Her fire is back, but not as it was. It grows stronger daily, fed by her growing conviction that Zuko loves her. But it is still broken. _She_ is still broken. Her father, her mother, Mai and Ty Lee. Is one person’s devotion enough to outweigh a lifetime of never being enough for anyone? For being _too much,_ too loud too hungry too outspoken too _frightening._ That is Azula. The monster made from lightning. She hears the crackle in her ears and knows she cannot let this go.

Zuko will try to stop her. Rather than killing their father before they left the palace, he went with Azula and brought her to the Avatar. If he was going to kill Ozai, he would have done it then.

Zuko was not made the same as Azula. She finds a mirror Zuko bought her from the market and settles on her knees inside their little room, studying her reflection.

She looks like her mother.

The thought brings her no rage, only a heavy feeling inside her chest she has no name for. Azula touches the corner of her eye. Dark amber, rather than the pale gold Zuko inherited from Ozai. When she combs her hair out, it falls in a curtain and Azula remembers the times she sat next to her mother as she put her ornaments into her hair on special occasions, topped with the crown.

Ursa never had the time or the desire to brush Azula’s hair. There were servants for that, then Ty Lee to show Azula how to style her hair so that she would never be dependent upon anyone.

Azula yearns for a childhood never lived. For a mother who vanished, for a father who didn’t. If Ursa had stayed, would things be different? Would Azula know how to be kind? Would Ursa have eventually grown to love Azula?

The thoughts swarm her head like locusts. Azula crushes them in her palm and stares calmly into the mirror, then begins the methodical process of tying her topknot.

She hasn’t worn her hair in a topknot since she and Zuko first left Caldera, disguises as peasants to avoid suspicion. They stole tunics. Azula burned the pink set three days in, and now dons an earth-green tone that makes her lip curl whenever she sees it. At least the pink had reminded her of Ty Lee.

Azula has been wearing her hair loose since she left the Air Temples and the Avatar’s group. There was no point to tying it, she felt. She had no honour. No ambitions. No goals. Only a homeland she could not return to without a price too high to pay. Now, she brushes her hair back and ties it off, then slowly forms the rounded top. There is no crown to slide into it. Azula’s crown rests in a small pouch inside her bag that Zuko sewed for her.

She is not Princess Azula. Not yet. But when she arrives at the gates to Caldera Palace, she will be. Princess Azula and so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> StuckatHome77: 'We Must Be Killers' by Mikky Eiko
> 
> this chapter was super late but oh well. anyways, good news! i have more of an idea of how to wrap this up and move onto the sequel so hopefully the ending won't be a disorganised mess. fingers crossed, i guess


	25. like an old cloak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula and Zuko head for the invasion force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word deleted the chapter so i rage procrastinated for a while. my deep apologies

Ozai must die.

Azula is certain. He may be her father, but he raised her to think with logic. To rationalise any action, and consider the benefits before hesitating to commit to a particular method. Azula hated burning people at first. The smell of burning flesh always brought her back to the moment she saw the bubbling of her brother’s face.

Ozai made her overcome that weakness. Now she will help him in the same way. She will make him overcome his own flaws, only she will not be as kind as he was.

He designed her to be even more ruthless than him. His perfect weapon. Azula checks her reflection in the mirror and clicks her tongue, satisfied with the topknot. She searches for her crown and neatly inserts it into the top. When she raises her eyes once more, she sees Princess Azula blinking back at her. She lifts her chin defiantly, an arrogant smirk curling upon her lips.

It feels like an act. Azula drops the smile and places her hands in her lap. She is not who she was. Not the perfect weapon. She is damaged now, taken from her true purpose.

Ozai doesn’t get to decide for her anymore. Azula is broken but she still remembers what he taught her. Now she will use it against her so she can be free from him, once and for all. Zuko will hate her, but Azula never expected his love to last.

She stares at her hands. This is what she needs to do. Azula looks back into the mirror and straightens her back. She may not be who she was, but she can pretend to be. A river cannot be diverted from its course that easily. She has been away for too long – once she returns to the palace, it will come back. Like muscle memory.

Put on the crown, the robes, and walk to inspire fear. Azula tilts her head. She will destroy them. All of them. Then she and Zuko will be safe, and she can finally hurt those who hurt them.

Azula is fourteen. For a moment, she allows her spine to droop. She is fourteen. These peasants playing in the street, their laughter echoing through the open window, have no idea of the burden of leadership. They have no idea of impossible standards. Things were always different for Azula. Different expectations. _Higher_ expectations, higher than even those of Zuko.

Does she really want to do this?

She must. There is no alternative. They could be happy here, she and Zuko. But it would be fake. A false promise of security used to delude themselves into growing soft. They must return, and Ozai must die.

Azula pulls a sleeve of paper from her sleeve and begins inking a reply to Suki. The warrior claimed that the invasion failed due to the advance warning of the Fire forces – there were soldiers lining the streets when they arrived. The Avatar couldn’t even make it to the palace.

Stupid. They didn’t go with Azula’s plan. If she was still there, the Avatar and company would have been crushed in the invasion attempt. But why would the Fire Nation continue with Azula’s plan? She is a traitor now.

The losses were minimal, for such a resounding defeat. Most managed to retreat and regroup at Chameleon Bay. A few of the Water Tribe members were captured, although presumably not Katara and Sokka’s father otherwise Suki would have mentioned it.

Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she doesn’t trust Azula. It doesn’t matter anymore, and never did. Azula has her mission. Suki has hers. Warriors, both, they know this.

The little group wants Ozai dead. Azula is not doing this for them, but it makes it easier to know that she will face no interference from them. When Azula kills her father, the only protests will be from the fogey old ministers in court who wanted to remain in glory for a few decades longer.

Before the end of the day, Zuko and Azula have their bags fully packed. They meet in the hallway without prior discussion, both unsurprised to see that they had reached the same understanding.

They cannot remain here. Their father, and their fate, calls. There is no place for people like them. Only a destination.

Zuko bows to the merchant who allowed them to rent the backroom, apologising profusely for leaving without notice. Azula watches, almost impressed. The merchant waves Zuko off and turns back to his family, uncaring at the loss. Before, Zuko would have become abrasive, his edges sharp enough to cut. Zuko always had a temper. Now, he accepts the dismissal and bows again on their behalf, so Azula doesn’t have to lower herself.

“Let’s go, Lala,” he says once he emerges. He doesn’t speak further.

He takes their bags in his hands and walks them out of the house, out onto the street. Zuko is proud. He holds his head high and refuses to reject his heritage, even at cost to himself. He softened himself for the Avatar, made himself seem more palatable. But Azula knows who he is. Zuko does too.

Azula doesn’t know how they will return home. She removed her crown before she left their room, but she still wears her fine robes. Next to Zuko in his rough-pun tunic, they earn several double-takes as they sit along the street.

She raises her chin higher. Her spine straightens of its own accord, as if recognising the eyes on her. Muscle memory.

Zuko will find a way. She knows by now not to underestimate him. When there is something Zuko wants, he stops at nothing until he gets it. Father tells him to find the Avatar? He finds the Avatar. He wants to go home? He goes home.

He wants to bring down their father? Well. Azula knows he doesn’t mean it in the same way she does. They are different, after all. But Zuko managed to find a way for them to get from the Fire Nation, into the Earth Kingdom to escape their shadows, then to the Air Temples. He can find a way to the invasion force.

They are following their own paths. Azula looks at her brother, studying the curve of his back and the weary yet determined glint in his eyes. What comes, will come. They are not yet enemies. They were raised in the same place with the same values driven into their skulls until they bled.

They will not give up so easily. Azula and Zuko will find the invasion force, and they will bring their father down. There is no other way.

Zuko sends a letter to Sokka. He watches the pigeon-hawk screech into the air, then turns back to Azula.

“They know. We’re going to meet them there.”

 _There_ is Chameleon Bay; the very place the failed invasion force met before the eclipse. Azula hadn’t noticed its influence. It wasn’t like she could bend, anyway. She slept through the night and even her connection to Agni becoming dislodged was not enough to wake her. In the morning, she pressed a hand to her chest in a burst of panic, recalling a haze of dreams of the sun falling from the sky. Then Zuko brought out a rattling tray of tea, and it escaped from her mind.

Zuko is always awake at night. He does not sleep. Dreams, memories, habit – who knows why Zuko does not sleep?

He would have seen and felt the eclipse. He said nothing. Perhaps he knew how Azula would respond.

If the invasion had failed any more drastically, the forces would never have reconvened at the same place they launched the attempt. The Water Tribe would have scattered. The Avatar and his friends would have been forced to hide. As it is, Katara and Sokka’s father barely escaped, and Toph dictated a letter through Suki to tell Azula that they were okay, just rattled from their failure.

 _We’re tougher than you think,_ Suki’s neat penmanship scrawled, Toph’s voice bleeding through the pages. _We’re not giving up that easy!_

Azula’s chest aches at the thought of Toph. She thinks, reluctantly, that they might have been friends. Now it is too late. Azula didn’t recognise what she had, and now she risks losing it forever.

She brushes down her robes and stands. She surveys the passing carriages and ostrich horses, people rushing across the street. They should buy supplies. Zuko found a way to get them to Chamelon Bay – he explained in hushed whispers before leaving to finalise the arrangements.

They walked from the town to another, nearly a day’s travel. They hadn’t wanted to stay at their former residence for any longer than necessary.

Azula stretches her arms above her head. It was not a hard walk. The journey will only be easier from here on, with Zuko’s transport arrangements. They will have to resume walking once they get closer to Chameleon Bay for fear of unearthing the invasion force.

They have walked further with less time. The only people rushing them are themselves. Azula fixes her robes and flows into the market, dancing with the crowd. The least she can do is buy food for herself and Zuko.

Azula still struggles to shake the impulse to demand food, or insist that they should not be charging a princess. She hates purchasing food. It is why Zuko does the majority of the haggling.

She fights the desire to set the seller on fire when he claims his produce are all worth the exorbitant prices. Azula allows herself to still. She stops arguing with him and looks him in the eye, her frustration and rage channelled into this one point. The seller quickly backs down.

“… 10 yuan. Final offer.”

Azula will take it. She refuses to break eye contact as she pays and collects her items. He gulps nervously, sighing in relief as Azula disappears back into the moving sea of people.

He probably cursed her the moment her back was turned. Azula has half a mind to go and throw him around a little, but she has more important things to care for than one measly market seller.

Zuko meets her with two ostrich-horses in hand. His wry smile alerts her to the fact that he is at least aware of the irony of ending their journey as it began.

“Zuko,” she informs him solemnly. “I am willing to follow you across this salt-scorched nation to Chamelon Bay, and then to the Fire Nation to bring our father down. But if you tell me that we have to sleep on bed rolls once more, I will not be able to contain myself.”

Silently, he reaches into his bag removes a roll of coins.

“Inns,” is all he says.

It is a high risk, and an unnecessary one. Even as they talk, they both know they cannot afford to stay in towns. They are high-profile, and after the failed invasion the Earth Nation is more on alert than ever for any Fire-resembling faces. It isn’t worth it.

Azula is secretly pleased that Zuko offered, anyway.

“Come on, Zuzu. We have people to meet, places to be. Don’t slack off now,” she teases.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, sullen in a way he has never been able to shake. But he smiles as they mount their ostrich-horses, and Azula thinks that things might be okay.

She must murder her father. The man who trained and raised her, but never loved her. She thought he did. She hoped he did. Even now, she wishes, in a deep, well-hidden cave in her heart, that her father loved her. Or that he was proud of here. Somehow. Somewhere.

Azula is foolish. Zuko is too. She loves her father but is still planning on killing him, and Zuko loves him but is planning on handing him over to the Avatar. Really, who is the most foolish? Both of them? Neither of them?

What was their crime? Loving your father is not a crime. Loving your nation is not a crime. Trying to help your brother rise to grace is not a crime either, but Azula and Zuko were both banished. Their crime was that Ozai simply couldn’t love them enough. It wasn’t inside of him. Azula can mourn that all she wants, but it will never change the fact that her father was incapable of loving her.

Maybe it’s her fault. Maybe she was bad. Maybe she deserved it. But Zuko? He is a Dum-Dum, but he should have gotten more than what father gave him. Even if Azula could refute the idea that she is fundamentally unlovable, there is no evidence that Zuko was also so twisted that father had no choice but to reject him.

The truth is that it was not them. It was never their fault. Azula flits between believing this wholeheartedly and thinking that if she just finds the flaw, the mistake, the error inside the flesh of her body, the blood of her bones, then father will accept her. She was just born wrong.

Azula is not broken. Ozai is. Broken things must be put down – he was the one who taught her that.

Across the Earth Kingdom, Mai and Ty Lee lay in a field of wilted grass.

“When this is all over,” Mai says slowly, tasting each word on her tongue. She maintains eye contact with Ty Lee, trying to get her point across without words. “Would you like to go for tea?”

Ty Lee rolls over and smiles. “What are you saying?” She laughs. “It almost sounds like you’re asking me on a date, Mai.”

Mai blinks back. “I’m saying,” she replies. “That I hate the war and I hate the Fire Lord.” _Treason, she thinks._ “But I don’t care what happens. I care about _you._ ”

Ty Lee’s smile falters. She pulls her hand away from Mai.

“Our families, Mai. We can’t go back to them now that we’ve committed treason. _Again._ ”

Mai turns her face aside, pressing it into the grass. “I know. I’ll never see my parents again.”

She lets out a bored exhale. Ty Lee sighs.

“That’s not quite true. The war-“

They look at each other. The eternal question. What to do about the war?

They could leave. Run. Find a place in the Earth Kingdom and hide, change their names so the Fire Nation can never find them. They could go home and face punishment for their crimes, bringing their family honour the only way they can now.

But-

Another option. The third that neither of them have put words to.

“I asked you to go for tea,” Mai speaks to the sky. Her eyes follow the drifting clouds and she settles her head onto her arms. “I hate the tea here. It’s not proper tea. Not like home.”

Ty Lee is quiet. Then, finally, she replies.

“Is that it, then? You’ve made your decision?”

Mai rolls onto her stomach to speak with Ty Lee, betraying every inch of her etiquette training as a child. She searches Ty Lee’s eyes.

“I want to go home,” Mai says. “And not as a prisoner. The war is wrong, but I’m not so concerned with that. I’m selfish, you already know that. And what I want is to go to the tea shop in the lower quarter of Caldera. With you.”

Ty Lee visibly hesitates. Mai always accused her of being a bubbly airhead, when she knows that the opposite is true. Mai acts on desire. She wants something, she gets it. She doesn’t want something? Nothing can make her do it.

Ty Lee is the one who considers each option, turning them over and over in her hands until her mind grows exhausted. Mai defended Azula on impulse and abandoned her the same way. Ty Lee had planned her moves well in advance, calculated and strategic in a way Mai doesn’t care enough to be.

Whatever they do next depends on Ty Lee. Mai has expressed her wishes. Assisting in the next invasion and bringing down the Fire Lord, so she can return home without chains and sit in a teashop with Ty Lee. Now Ty Lee must decide what it is that she wants.

Mai has grown to know Ty Lee in a way she never could when they were with Azula. She knows what Ty Lee’s laugh sounds like – her _real_ laugh, when she isn’t putting on an act. She has seen Ty Lee exhausted and frustrated and angry, dragging her feet and snapping at Mai on the road because they are both too tired to manage their emotions. Mai has seen the worst of Ty Lee. But she has also seen the best.

There isn’t a word for it, the emotion that sits inside Mai’s chest. Not one she can put a name to. She looks at Ty Lee and sees courage, sees ambition, sees talent. Mai thought it was jealousy, at first. The desire to be more like Ty Lee.

Now she has realised it is different than that. Not jealousy. Just- appreciation. Affection.

“If I said,” Ty Lee reveals in quiet breaths. “That I wanted to sit in that teashop with you. What would we do?”

Mai covers her left hand with her right. Another signal, one expressing Mai’s intentions better than Mai can herself. Ty Lee’s eyes sharpen then soften.

“We fight,” Mai answers. “We end the war. We go home.”

Ty Lee reaches out and entangles her hand in Mai’s, eyes sad but shining with something deeper.

“I would like that.”

“If I said,” Mai mirrors, pressing her hand more firmly in Ty Lee’s. “That it was a date. Would you still say yes?”

Ty Lee smiles. She leans into Mai’s space, her pink cheeks brightening. Then she whispers:

“Ask me again after the invasion.”

Zuko and Azula emerge through the trees. Azula instinctively latches onto Zuko’s tunic at the sight of the encampment, an old reflex from weeks of navigating markets together.

Chameleon Bay.

Suki stops in conversation with Sokka to stare at them, eyes wide. Then she breaks into a smile and half-jogs over to them.

“You came.”

Azula and Zuko share the same heavy stare. They know why they are here. Everyone does.

“What can we do?” Zuko asks.

Suki taps her nose. “We’ve been working on a plan. Things have been pretty hard since the eclipse, I won’t lie, but now that you two are here-“

“We can beat him.” Azula looks out over the camp, where injured soldiers lay scattered. “The comet is coming soon. We have no choice.”

Suki folds her arms and nods. She seems almost concerned for Azula.

“Right. I’ll show you where the command tent is.”

Ungrateful children that they are, Zuko and Azula follow her. They are not ruining his life. He ruined his own life when he chose to force a young woman to be his bride, and again when he chose to have his own father assassinated, and again when he turned his children to monsters and cast them aside.

This is justice, moving like a blade. This is revenge, burning along hands. Ozai will get what is coming for him. They will make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really have much to say except that we're moving into the final stages of this story! yay!   
> and yes i just confirmed Mailee. i hope it wasn't disappointing to anyone?


	26. communication? i don't know her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula drops an unexpected bomb. The Gaang welcome back the Fire Siblings, and Toph reunites with her favourite punching bags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone added this fic to an ATLA collection of fics under 100K and i'm eternally amused because this is aprox. 88,000 words and still has 4 chapters left

Suki is clearly worn as she shows them around the camp. She staggers at times and lilts to the left, the aftermath of the invasion rippling through her body. She is in better condition than many of the soldiers laying prone on the ground. Azula steps around a Water Tribe man with bandages wrapped along his arm to his shoulder. It leaves a strange taste in her mouth. She cares little for these people, but it is proof of her father’s cruelty. At the same time, she knows the attack would have been a hundred times more devastating if she was commanding it.

Who is crueller? Azula or her father?

These people seem to think her father.

Suki is not a tactile person, for all that she seems to enjoy Sokka’s relentless clinging. She is a warrior and a leader. But she looks back at Zuko and Azula, sees their expressions, and reaches forward to take their wrists and tug them forward.

Azula furiously analyses the act, blocking out the misery and suspicious glares around her. Suki was a leader, but she called the Kyoshi Warriors her sisters. Azula has seen them in action. There would have been training, ending in group tackles and hugs. It is the only explanation for Suki’s casual closeness, even though she is not overly prone to touch.

Again, possibilities. Endless possibilities Azula casts herself into, unable to stop herself from picturing what her life would have been like if she were born as anyone else. Anywhere else. She allows Suki to guide her to the command tent, Sokka running ahead to alert the others, and Zuko moves beside her to block the burning gazes from her sight.

There is no use in wondering. Maybe Azula would have been miserable as a Kyoshi Warrior. Sisterhood? Friendship? The closest she ever came to that was with Mai and Ty Lee, and it was not based on respect. It was a relationship of fear.

Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her. Whatever regrets Azula may have, they clearly do not feel the same way. They never valued their partnership. They defended her but ran at the earliest opportunity, then came back to drive the dagger further.

Mai and Ty Lee did not love her the way Zuko does. They are selfish, and self-contained. It is why she picked them. They care only for their own interests. That was safe, that was manipulable. She broken them down then built them up to her liking, because she could trust that they would always recognise Azula as the one thing standing between them and mediocrity.

They did not want to be mediocre. They wanted to be brilliant and powerful, like Azula. Each for differing reasons. Sometimes they slipped – forgetting how useful Azula was, how much she gave them. Then she had to remind them. Put them back in their place.

It is different to what her father did. It is not the same. She did not force them to stay. When they left, she let them leave. She never banished them. She never forced them to train until they collapsed. They did everything to themselves because they recognised the benefits.

It wasn’t her fault. They made their choice. It must be easier for them to blame Azula for everything. She knows Mai does.

Has Mai forgotten already? She sought out Azula for friendship, because Azula was a princess and her parents approved. Mai never cared for Azula. She cared for power. For getting her parents to shut up. And Azula delivered, didn’t she? Mai’s parents had to let Mai train with knives and abandon her calligraphy lessons. Azula helped Mai. Things like loyalty and trust are conditional. They all understood that. Her, Mai, Ty Lee. It is why their partnership lasted so long. Love is fickle. Loyalty lasts.

Then Mai and Ty Lee decided that their deal wasn’t enough for them. It wasn’t good enough. They wanted to be free, whatever they choose, and they wanted to not be afraid of her, and they looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes sometimes in a way Azula pretended not to notice.

Fear is loyalty is love. When did that formula fail?

Azula leans into Zuko. She spots the command tent ahead, even before Suki points it out. It is an ugly, misshapen thing constructed in a rush. Azula arches an eyebrow. They do not expect to be here long. Will they scatter after all?

Suki halts. She turns over her shoulder, uncertainty flickering across her face for a moment. Then she visibly pulls herself together, and her expression ripples into stillness.

“I’ll go ahead,” she says. “Tell them that you’re here.”

She doesn’t mention that Sokka already went ahead. They all know and noticed – none of them are stupid. What Suki isn’t saying is that things were complicated the last time Zuko and Azula saw the little group. Azula tried attacking them. The group must still be torn between anger and pity.

Would Katara allow Azula back into the group? She, more than Toph, more than Suki, had pitied Azula. Bitterly resentment or not, Azula knows it was pity that coloured her gaze.

Katara asked if she was okay, after Azula attacked them the first time. When it was unintentional and not her desperately trying to protect her brother and her failing dream. She was- it was-

 _Something_ happened during training. When Azula was sparring with Aang and Zuko as a lesson. She saw the fire out of the corner of her eye, and the wall of red advancing upon her, crashing down like a wave, and Azula was feeling unsettled in her body and stepping through the movements thinking of her father. It ended with her screaming on the floor.

Zuko is not their father. He carries himself differently, walks, talks, breathes differently. Azula wasn’t looking properly. If she had, then she would have known the fire was not her father’s.

She just... forgets, sometimes. That for all Azula carries the curse of her mother’s face, so too does Zuko. He has Ursa’s fine bone structure, her gentle eyes, but the colouring? The slope of his nose, his side profile? It is all Ozai. They are not identical, but the resemblance was close enough to startle Azula.

She was already off her game. It was not Zuko’s fault. Azula should have realised.

Katara hoards anger. She curls her fingers around it and holds it to her chest, the way Zuko used to. They are alike in that respect. Can Katara forgive her, after everything?

Zuko says she has no reason to fear. He taps her on the shoulder and smiles.

“They’ll welcome us back,” he says, without explanation. “I know it.”

He sounds certain. Azula was not privy to all of Zuko’s conversations. She does not know everything that he does. But she knows people, and she knows their tendencies to stoke the coals of their hearts because it is easier than facing the cold. She was like that too. Still is, depending on who you ask.

Suki exits the tent with Aang and Katara following closely behind. Katara adjusts herself so that Aang is behind her, and Aang doesn’t seem to notice as they approach Zuko and Azula.

“You came back,” he smiles. His eyes flicker between the two then settle on Zuko. “Like you promised.”

“I don’t break promises.” It’s true. Zuko has never broken a promise in his life, even at detriment to himself.

Azula studies Aang. There are lines to his face that weren’t there before the invasion. Stress, exhaustion. She follows the slope of his shoulders and reads more there. Guilt. Responsibility.

The invasion failed. Azula had hoped for the best. If she is honest, _truly_ honest, she knew it would fail. She prepared too thoroughly for it for even the most idiotic of commanders to mess things up.

Azula’s eyes turn to Katara while Zuko and Aang talk. Katara is already looking at her. Eyes dark but contemplative.

“You’re back,” Katara echoes, and Azula nearly asks her to find something more original to say.

Azula shrugs and shifts her weight so she is standing more casually. It is a disarming adjustment to her body language that she picked up from watching girls her age in the market. Katara relaxes almost imperceptibly at Azula’s clearly non-combative stance.

“We’re here to help with the next invasion.” Pointing out the obvious, tit for tat. Azula cocks her head. “Unless you have given up already.”

“Never,” Katara snarls, taking an immediate pace towards Azula. Then she breathes and visibly calms herself. “We don’t give up that easy.”

“You lost men.” Azula gestures around them. That much is obvious. What is more telling is the overwhelming numbers of men in blue laying on the ground, stumbling from place to place. Katara no doubt feels the failure personally. “I can help.”

“What makes you think we trust you to help?” Katara asks. There is no judgement in her tone, only a rounded curiosity. “The last time we saw each other, you tried to kill Aang.”

Zuko looks over sharply, overhearing, but relaxes when he sees Azula’s expression. He reaches over and lightly squeezes her hand, then releases and turns back to Aang.

Azula doesn’t want pity. She doesn’t need it, least of all from Katara.

“He said it was the Avatar or my brother,” she volunteers anyway. Katara slowly closes her eyes, unsurprised but horrified anyway. Azula keeps her gaze level with Katara. “I made my choice. I don’t regret it. Would you?”

Katara moves her hand from her hip, away from her waterskin. She shakes her head.

“I still don’t approve,” Katara sighs. She raises her hands as if signalling for peace. “But I’ve heard enough. I don’t blame you, Azula. I just wish you had talked to us. We could have helped.”

Azula barks a laugh. It is unmistakably bitter, and Katara winces.

“You couldn’t have,” Azula tells her. She folds her arms. “He’s the Fire Lord. Nowhere is safe. And I had- people I cared about, that were reliant on me too.”

Not anymore. It doesn’t need to be said.

Katara delivers a gentle knock to Azula’s shoulder. She blinks in astonishment, staring back at Katara. What is this? None of her social observations prepared her for this. Is it a Toph-style mark of affection? A threat?

“I’m glad you’re here to help,” Katara says gently, smiling. “I much prefer having you on our side than the Fire Nation’s.”

“I’m still on the Fire Nation’s side,” Azula replies compulsively. She scoffs, and Katara moves reflexively to her waterskin. “Not like that, you idiot. I am the princess of the Fire Nation. I will always be on their side.” She watches Zuko as he relays their story to Aang. Katara demands her attention once more, and Azula gives it to her. “But I am not against you. I want my father off the throne.”

Katara measures her. “Dead?” she guesses. Then she laughs to herself. “I’m guessing you want him gone, or banished. There’s no way you would support us in that.”

“I do.”

Katara falters. “What?”

Azula smiles. Katara appears even more unnerved.

“It’s only strategy,” Azula says. She spreads her hands and shrugs. “He cannot stay alive.”

Katara has no reply. Her words have abandoned her. Azula ignores her and presses her way into Zuko’s conversation.

“By the way,” she says, a thought occurring to her. “The Fire Nation will invade the Earth Kingdom on the comet.”

There is a beat of silence as the group processes. Then pandemonium.

Suki explains in whispers that Toph was commandeered by Sokka to construct more shelters for the soldiers.

“She sensed your presence as soon as you arrived.” Suki seems fond, if slightly irritated. “We had to warn her to stay away until we could judge your mental state. I expect she’s been spying on you anyway and will show herself soon.”

Toph does not do subtlety. Azula remembers that of her. Toph may have changed in a million ways since Azula last saw her, the way Azula herself is changed, but Toph’s brutal straight forwardness is an eternal and enduring quality. One might call it endearing. Azula refuses to.

“Explain that again.” Sokak furiously rubs his forehead as he struggles to wrap his head around the enormity of Azula’s bomb. “The Fire Nation will be powered by Sozin’s comet and raze the _entire Earth Kingdom_ to the ground.”

“Yes,” Azula says, bored. “I really couldn’t have been any clearer.”

Zuko snorts. Sokka’s withering glare silences him.

“I know this is serious,” Zuko offers as an apology, leaning forward in his seat. His brows draw together. “I do. I know my father and what he is capable of. There needs to be another invasion, but we don’t have the time to plan it out to the last detail like you want, Sokka.”

“I know that,” Sokka snaps back. He marches over to Zuko. “Okay? But _I_ was the one who planned the last invasion and look how that turned out. I won’t have it happen again. Not because of me.” He turns his face aside.

Zuko sighs. “I’m sorry, Sokka. I know this must be difficult for you. But we don’t have _time._ ”

“To deal with the threat we literally just found out about, yeah. No thanks to Azula.”

She waves a lazy hand in the air. “There was already an invasion underway, and I was… otherwise occupied. Forgive me for assuming you were handling it.”

Sokka scowls but doesn’t try to attack her. Zuko counts it as a win. Even he wants to throttle Azula right now, but as she said it really isn’t her fault. They were already planning an invasion. What could she have done?

“We can’t succeed without planning,” Sokka declares with a tone of finality Zuko doesn’t want to argue with. “We’ll plan this thing out. No rash moves.”

Zuko carefully doesn’t point out that he certainly wasn’t thinking ahead when he broke into any of the places and strongholds that he has, but Zuko is not a good example for anything. This is invasion. Not breaking into somewhere or stealing plans. Sokka is right. This needs thorough preparation.

Sokka and Azula are their best bet. Isn’t that a terrifying match-up?

"We need to talk to dad," Katara says. She plays with the end of her hair loopie. "We need him and Bato."

"We do," Sokka agrees. He rubs his face. "But they're busy assessing losses right now. They won't be back for another hour."

Azula peers at them in amusement. "Can't you start planning without them?"

Suki catches her eye and shakes her head in silent warning. Azula is treading in dangerous waters. All her life has been spent that way, and she will not back down now.

" _Think._ " Azula stands to face Sokka, and his expression withdraws in her shadow. "We have very little time until the eclipse. Will you rely on your father and shy away from your failures, or will you face then?

" _Azula_ ," Zuko interjects sharply. Azula doesn't turn around. She knows he agrees with her, even if he won't admit it.

They have both run away from their failures. The difference between them and Sokka is that they have _faced_ them too. Zuko once said he learned to be unapologetic for his ambitions and unafraid to be his true self because of her. Azula laughed, but she thinks, fleetingly, that she has learned things from Zuko too. How to face yourself even if it is uncomfortable. How to face others. That there is always, always a chance to start over, so long as you seize it with both hands.

There is a difference between her and Zuko too. He wants to start over. She doesn't think she is capable. There is always _the chance,_ certainly, but it is not for people like Azula to take.

She moves closer to Sokka, eyes burning furiously. "This is my father. He will spare no thought to the failed invasion. He does not care. To him, you are just a child who would never succeed."

"I'm not," Sokka snaps. He pushes Azula away reflexively and advances. "The plan would have worked. They had _f_ _orewarning._ "

"Will you give up so easily?" Azula tilts her chin upwards. She refuses to give a single _cun_. "Or will you prove yourself?"

Katara doesn't get in the way. She only places a hand on Sokka's shoulder, gentle despite her head shaking in warning to Azula.

"You have nothing to prove," she tells him quietly, a sister the way Azula could never be. Even more reason to hate perfect princess Katara.

Suki stands next to Azula. She can see her expression in her periphery, but Suki is unreadable to Azula. Aang flutters nervously between Sokka and Azula.

"There's no need for that guys. Can't we all just work together?"

Zuko exhales in frustration. He half-rises from his seat, the only person who had not sprung to intervene.

"Aang, did you not hear a _single word-"_

"Can we, Sokka?" Azula throws out. Sokka's eyes widen then narrow and Azula stares back, bored. "This is up to you. You are the head of the invasion, correct?"

Suki taps Azula on the shoulder but she ignores it. Sokka frowns, then throws his hands up. 

"Fine! You win. What would you have us do, _oh mighty one?"_

It is a sarcastic and insolent remark but Azula smirks anyway. She opens her mouth to reply but is interrupted by a dramatic crashing of rock.

"I'm done waiting for all your angsting to finish. _Azula! Sparky!"_

Azula stares at the excitedly approaching Toph and forebording sinks into her gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i tried reading through the fic to see if Azula had already told them about the comet and i couldn't find anything so i assumed that no, she HADN'T told them about the comet. if i'm wrong, please just let me know as soon as possible so i can change this chapter lmao. i'm trying my best over here but there is only so much skim reading i can do


	27. weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka and Azula devise a plan for the invasion. A surprise appearance from old friends works in their favour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no editing we die like losers

Toph barrels through the entrance and launches herself at Zuko. He staggers beneath her weight, confused as to whether the assault is a hug or Toph converting her small body into a moving stone knocking down everything in its path. Toph then turns to Azula and cries:

“You didn’t send me a letter!”

Which, stupid, because Toph can’t read. Azula stubbornly ignores the fact that someone could have read it to her. This is her excuse and she is sticking to it, thank you.

Toph’s feet patter along the dirt. She is really quite short. She barely reaches Azula’s chin, and Zuko’s shoulder. Toph peers up at Azula with glassy eyes, no doubt an attempt at intimidation seeing as there is no need for her to look at Azula’s face. She sneers back, unsteady on her feet but prepared for any of Toph’s verbal volleys or assaults.

Toph doesn’t curse or yell at her. As she takes a step forward, she engulfs Azula into a hug, who stiffens in the embrace.

Zuko doesn’t hug her. No one does. They were on the run and in hiding, and before that they lived in a palace where their palms would have been burned for it. Zuko never hugs her, because it does not occur to him. They were raised to view it as an unacceptable concession of weakness.

Azula’s arms dangle uselessly by her sides. She can’t push Toph away. Her mind whirrs as she processes the possibilities, eyes trailing over the embarrassed faces of the group. Why are they embarrassed? They aren’t the ones being subjected to a hug like a child.

She raises her hands to break Toph’s hold but Toph only grips tighter, slamming one foot down so rock encases Azula’s feet.

It’s been…

Hard. It’s been a long few months. Azula has left her home and cast aside all her former loyalties. Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her. Her mother is still missing and still drifting through Azula’s dreams, more a spectre than a living memory. Some days Azula is convinced her mother is dead. Others, she wonders if she is alright, if she is hiding in some hovel somewhere.

Does it matter? No one has ever come back for Azula. If Ursa hasn’t returned for Zuko by now, she must be dead.

Azula doesn’t lean into the hug. But she doesn’t force Toph away, and politely ignores the quiet sniffles into Azula’s shoulder.

If she were Zuko, she might hug Toph back. _Maybe._ If she were someone kinder or gentler, she would tell Toph that everything is okay, that Azula has returned for good and that they will end the war. That the Fire Lord will die and everyone will be safe once more.

Azula is not kind, nor is she gentle. Mercy is a word that never entered her vocabulary.

“We have planning to do,” she says once she finds her voice. She looks down at Toph’s dark hair, idly thinking that she needs to brush it more often. “There is an invasion effort, Toph.”

“I know,” Toph groans. She releases Azula with burning bright eyes, but makes no further comment.

They will talk later, when there are not so many prying ears. Suki appears studiously disinterested, but Azula expects her a talk from her later. Suki is a leader, after all. She knows to invest in people. For some reason, she has chosen Azula as one of hers.

Azula still does not know how to return that loyalty. She clearly does not understand the true nature of such connections. It was not enough for Mai and Ty Lee, or the servants who opened doors for Zuko but closed them in her face until he explained that she was with him.

Sokka brushes aside his surprise at Toph’s entrance and actions, visibly shaking the dazed expression off his face.

“What do you think, Azula? Invasions aren’t _easy._ ”

“I wouldn’t know,” she remarks casually, and Toph’s attention feels pointedly disapproving. “I’ve only invaded Ba Sing Se.”

The room sharpens at the reminder. Sokka grimaces.

“Yes, and you were—as much as this pains me to admit—unusually successful. You used the Dai Li’s disguises, but that wouldn’t work in the Fire Nation.”

Azula runs through her knowledge of the palace defences and the pages upon pages of weakness dotted around the islands. For years, it was her duty to understand the intricacies of national security. A weak nation is a sign of a weak ruler. There could be no misunderstandings.

As she considers Sokka’s statement, she mentally examines the situation. Not only have the Crown Princess and the prince defected, but those sent after them also defected. The Fire Lord would be keeping it secret. Is the War Council even aware?

“Wouldn’t it?” Azula counters. She folds her arms and watches Sokka’s eyes focus. “The inner court is in disarray. The Fire Lord is withholding information concerning the defections. The War Council, if they are aware of Zuko’s defection and my own permanent one, would hardly be aware that Mai and Ty Lee also left. As a collective, we hold more inside military knowledge than the Fire Lord should feel comfortable allowing to run loose.”

Sokka nods, lost in thought. Katara appears visibly lost.

“What’s the point?” she nudges her brother. “I understand what she’s saying, but how could we do the Dai Li plan?”

In the corner, realisation is slowly gathering like clouds on Suki’s face. Her smile is predatory. Aang flickers from group to group, but Azula can see understanding niggling at the back of his mind. _Just a little more._

Toph tugs at Azula’s elbow.

“Who would go undercover? And as what?”

Sokka interjects before Azula can explain. “That’s obvious, Toph,” he grins as he strides to the planning table and uses a small wooden block to glide open the paper. “If there’s divide in the court, then there’s probably divide in the military too. All we’d have to do is find an officer who isn’t so quick on the uptake and use the old standings to slip right by!”

He concludes with a quick fist-pump of excitement. Azula rolls her eyes but is reluctantly impressed. Sokka had no formal education and no elders or tutors to learn from. His strategic knowledge is entirely his own.

It leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, but Sokka may grow to outrival her. Azula obviously cannot allow that to happen. Her higher status demands that she be above the likes of Sokka. But she can admit that much of her military knowledge came from poring over textbooks for hours and sitting in on strategy sessions, rather than purely practical experience like Sokka.

Suki laughs and runs a hand over her fan.

“Sounds like you’ve got a plan already. Care to fill the rest of the crowd in?”

Azula subtly scans her for signs of jealousy. Girls never liked it when Ty Lee bounced over to boys. They become territorial, protecting their property. Azula never experienced it herself, but she watches Suki as a precaution.

She finds nothing. Suki’s posture is open and relaxed, teasingly bumping Sokka with her hip to congratulate him for his quick thinking. Something inside Azula unfurls. Suki trusts her. Even now, Suki trusts her.

“We use Mai and Ty Lee,” she hears her voice say.

Zuko shakes his head, frowning. “Azula, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He seems uneasy. “We didn’t leave things in a good place with them. Who knows what they’re doing right now?”

“Mai loves you, correct?” Zuko flinches. Azula continues, undeterred. “Then she will be happy to assist, regardless of her personal feelings. Ty Lee will follow. I am sure of it.”

Mai is a selfish person. She does not do things out of love or loyalty. Before, Azula would have laughed herself into her own grave before thinking that Mai would come back for Zuko. Then Mai betrayed her for a glimmer of a brighter future.

Mai associates that future with Zuko. She will come back. If Zuko called.

Zuko shakes his head again.

“She won’t,” he insists. “I know what you’re thinking. Mai has Ty Lee now. They wouldn’t risk themselves like that.”

Azula scoffs as Toph scrabbles at her arm, trying to get her to shut up.

“Azula, there’s something Zuko’s not telling you. I can feel it-“

Zuko moves around Sokka to face Azula. “Just _trust me,_ okay? I can’t explain. But Mai won’t come back for me. It’s not like that.”

Sokka glances between the two of them. “We just need an answer. Would Mai and Ty Lee help or not? Are you sure they defected?”

“Yes,” Zuko and Azula answer together. Toph gives a thumbs up to confirm its truth.

“They’re convinced,” she reports faithfully. “Whether it’s true or not, they both seem to think it is.”

Sokka shrugs. “Good enough for me. Zuko tracked us across the world and Azula manipulated us to the last second. If anyone can judge Mai and Ty Lee’s intentions, it’s them.”

Suki contributes for the rest of the group: “They want Mai and Ty Lee to claim they’re handing over Zuko and Azula. With the division in the court, the officer wouldn’t know that all four of them defected. They’d be able to slip right inside the palace without challenge, and the rest of the invasion force could sneak in behind them.”

“We still have the Fire Nation uniforms,” Katara realises. She turns to Aang excitedly. “This could work!”

Aang smiles back at Katara, unflinching. “See? Sometimes you just gotta have a little faith in people, Katara.”

“Yeah.” Katara surveys the group, the assorted clusters all discussing the new plan. She takes a slow breath, her lips curved upwards. “You’re right, Aang.”

“It’s simple, but effective,” Suki judges. She peers over Sokka’s shoulder at the map. “I’ll leave the planning to you and Azula, but I think this port could work.”

Suki points at a point three hours out of Caldera. Well-maintained, but with a significant lag in communication Azula could never iron out.

“That’s just my opinion,” she shrugs.

Sokka shows the map to Azula. “Would it work?”

“Yes.” Azula focuses on Suki. “You must have learned more in the Boiling Rock than you thought. That is where I would have picked.”

“Huh.” Sokka shakes his head when confronted over his puzzled murmur. “I’m proud of Suki. She’s a Kyoshi Warrior and a leader, of course she would remember this stuff.”

A pleased flush settles across Suki’s cheekbones.

“Thanks, Sokka. Maybe get back to the invasion?”

“There’s still the matter of Mai and Ty Lee,” Zuko points out, bitingly blunt as ever. He loiters by the map without looking at it. “They’re probably halfway across the Earth Kingdom already.”

Azula sighs. “Zuko, you don’t know them-“

“Neither do you,” Zuko snaps. He pushes away from the table and lets his hair fall across his face, hiding the scar. “You didn’t talk to them. _I did._ When we were trying to find a way to keep you hidden from the Fire Nation, they made it clear that it was a one-off thing. We can’t count on them for more help. They aren’t our friends, Azula. We weren’t trained that way.”

She stares back at him. “Since when did you stop trusting people?”

“It’s not that,” he says tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m just concerned. We don’t know them anymore, Azula.”

“Nor do they know us. Maybe we’ve all changed. Or,” she counters, sensing Toph about to strike at her foot. “Maybe they’re exactly the same, and it’s just you who can’t see it. They care only for themselves. If they think helping you would help themselves, then they would do it.”

Zuko doesn’t reply. Suki shifts the attention back to Sokka, who clears his throat awkwardly.

“Right, so we’re infiltrating the Fire Nation with a small team first. They’ll let the rest of the invasion force inside by exploiting the division right now. We don’t have the men for a direct confrontation, but with the comet on the way we don’t have the time. It’ll be a quick fight.”

“We need to crush them,” Toph volunteers, grinning as she stamps her feet threateningly. “Once and for all.”

Zuko winces then recovers. Azula silently judges him. This is war, not a child’s game. They knew what they were getting themselves involved with. Ozai’s downfall comes above everything else. Even protecting their people.

This is the price they must pay for being pawns. Azula paid it. Zuko is still paying it. If you are weak, you are swallowed alive. 

Azula will not be prey any longer. She will swallow others and let them descend into the dark. Zuko doesn’t understand. He never does.

Katara brings forth a dancing stream of water, swirling around her hands.

“We get in, defeat the Fire Lord, then force the stand down of all their forces.” Katara’s eyes are cold as the ocean in storm. Unforgiving. “We take them all down.”

Aang looks around. “We’re all agreeing,” he says in bewildered wonder. “We’ll have another chance at the invasion!”

Katara places a hand on his shoulder.

“You’ll need to practice your firebending again,” she says firmly.

Azula raises an eyebrow and makes a nonverbal ‘not it’ gesture to Zuko, who sighs at the ceiling of the tent. She nearly laughs. It feels as if they are children again, only with higher stakes.

But weren’t the stakes always high? This is just the first time Azula has truly felt as though she had nothing to lose. They cannot hurt her. They already took her position, her home, her friends. Azula will succeed or die trying.

“We need Mai and Ty Lee,” she repeats.

Sokka crosses his arms. “I know, Azula. I trust you on that.” The conviction in his eyes stops her from arguing. “But how can we contact them? Even if you’re right and they’ll return because they think helping Zuko will benefit them, Zuko was right. They could be anywhere.”

“They couldn’t have gone far.” Azula turns her gaze inwards. “They stick to routine. Habit. Their own sentimentalities mean that they would not have strayed far from where they abandoned me.”

She can almost hear Zuko flinch. Toph shuffles her feet then delivers a quick pat to Azula’s arm.

The room sighs.

“I don’t want this argument again,” Suki says quietly. Then her voice grows. “We can settle this tomorrow. The invasion doesn’t have to be planned immediately. We still have the wounded to tend to.”

“Does that matter?”

“ _Yes,_ Azula.” Suki doesn’t snap, not quite, but she fixes Azula with a withering glare.

Azula turns away.

“Sorry,” Suki says after a moment, the room pulsing with energy. She leans against the chair, exhaustion visible on her face. “I’m just stressed.”

“We all are,” Aang sighs. His eyes move to the door, gloom clouding his face. Then his eyes widen.

“Well,” Azula hears Mai’s monotone voice from the entranceway, the hair on her arms stiffening. “It seems we walked in at an inopportune time.”

Ty Lee waves beside her. The Water Tribe guards hold their arms tightly. Azula turns to Zuko accusingly, who raises his hands.

“I had no idea this would happen. Isn’t it what you wanted?”

Staring at the judging curl to Mai’s lip and Ty Lee’s weaponised bounce, Azula cannot decipher her own emotions. _This isn’t what I wanted._ It rings clear in her head.

Ty Lee leans into Mai’s shoulder, and suddenly Azula has another thing to focus on. Since when were the two so close? Mai has always been particular about her personal space. She used to push Ty Lee for getting too close to her.

That doesn’t seem to have changed. Mai doesn’t lean into Ty Lee’s space in return, but she seems to tolerate Ty Lee’s touchiness.

What changed? What else has Azula missed, while they were separated?

She has known these girls all her life. She could read them inside and out. Now she stares at them and finds them replaced by half-strangers. Her friends, but different.

“They claim they want to help with the invasion,” one guard reports. He looks to Sokka. Interesting. “Your father is busy, but he would escort them directly to the prisons.”

Sokka hesitates. He makes eye contact with Azula.

“No,” Sokka says, overcoming his fear as he looks at Azula. “Bring them inside. And tell dad that he and Bato need to get over here now.”

The guards murmur to each other, but one leaves to find Hakoda and the other steps inside with Mai and Ty Lee.

Change shivers through the air. The second phase of the invasion has officially begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was late! things are really heating up, plot-wise. i did not edit this. i have been editing my chapters before posting recently, but this was rushed so i apologise for its roughness. a few more chapters and we're done with this fic! wow!
> 
> also, if you're following "hello moon, it's me" i'm working on the next instalment now but it won't be up for another few days to a week.


	28. what makes a friend?

Mai and Ty Lee stand in the middle of the room, surrounded by others with hands half on their weapons. Sokka appears grim but determined.

“You said you’re here to help with the invasion?”

Ty Lee looks to Mai, who shrugs and raises her bound hands.

“We would be considerably more helpful if you untied us,” she drawls.

Sokka looks to Aang for permission, who falters but nods. Sokka quickly unties Mai but leaves Ty Lee. They don’t need their benders incapacitated, thank you very much.

Mai rubs her wrists as the ropes fall, the guards having quickly tied her before leaving. When she raises her head, her eyes flicker to Zuko and widen. He makes a sound like a wounded animal and does not recover.

Azula clicks her tongue. Useless, both of them.

Ty Lee inserts herself into the conversation. “Let me try!” she cries excitedly, and within moments she is wriggling her hands out of the ropes as the room erupts in protest.

“Hold on, we haven’t finished interrogating you-“

“Can’t you at least _pretend_ that those ropes can hold you?”

“Really, Ty Lee?”

“This was such a bad idea-“

Ty Lee shows her palms to the room, the ropes dangling from her clearly unbound wrists. She beams. Next to her, Mai sighs and barely refrains from rolling her eyes, but there is a fondness to it that Azula does not recognise.

“Right.” Sokka claps his hands to disguise his nerves. “Now that we’ve sorted that, you need to tell us why you’re really here.”

“To help with the invasion,” Mai sighs. She examines her nails, disinterested. “How much more specific can I be?”

Ty Lee leans on her shoulder. “Yeah, what she said!”

Mai turns her head to Ty Lee, silently disapproving. Ty Lee only smiles back. It’s… _strange_ , seeing them so bright around each other. They nearly glow. While Azula can confidently say that they were at least allies under her, they squabbled and nagged, each prickly with suspicion. They were not friends. Not in the way that Azula has come to learn means real friendship. Now, they interact with ease. Even the short glimpse has revealed that they no longer make each other bristle. Mai treats Ty Lee’s obnoxiously bubbly speech like it is amusing, or even endearing. Ty Lee brushes off Mai’s bland, cold words to take her hand.

Ty Lee sees Azula. She tenses, then like the release of a spring she is surging forwards, chattering incessantly about how _pink_ their auras are, and how the people in the Fire Nation have had their auras corrupted by brown.

“Why brown?” Katara asks, as though she cannot help herself.

“I’m glad you asked!” Ty Lee pounces on the opportunity and Mai sighs. “Usually brown means stability and grounding, but the Fire Nation-“

“We don’t care about that,” Sokka groans over the top of Ty Lee.

Suki looks at him sharply. “Sokka, any intel is good intel. And she’s here to help. Don’t be rude.”

Mai quietly upgrades her mental opinion of Suki.

Toph rocks herself into the middle. “Great, everyone’s here. Now just explain what you need them for, dummies.”

The group stares at Toph. She pauses.

“… Everyone’s feet are pointed at me. If you’re staring, there’s no point, stupid. We were literally just saying we need Mai and Ty Lee, and now they’re here!” She waves her hands wildly. “Just accept it!”

Mai calmly surveys the room. “We have inside knowledge. More than even Azula, considering she hasn’t seen the Fire Lord in months.”

Azula’s gaze turns accusing. Ty Lee fidgets but does not meet her eye.

“Let’s get dad,” Katara suggests. Suki raises a hand to support the notion.

“Not that I doubt either of you,” she says to Sokka and Azula. “But Hakoda needs to be informed. It’s a security thing, more than a strategy thing.”

The room reluctantly concedes to Suki’s authority. Azula allows Mai and Ty Lee to pass her without comment. They are not her friends. They never were. They chi-blocked her and abandoned her in a teashop for their own gain.

Azula remembers when Mai still wore her hair with ribbons and when Ty Lee still skipped everywhere, because _skipping is more efficient!_ They have seen Azula in every stage of her life. She doesn’t want them to know her. She wants to burn the knowledge out of their brains. They don’t get to know her, not after everything.

She presses a hand to her shoulder and ignores them.

“I’ll stay here,” she offers.

Zuko also volunteers to stay behind and guard the plans, and no one second-guesses their intentions. Azula is almost glad.

Zuko walks behind her and studies the plans, overlapping scrolls sprawled across the desk. Sokka and Azula’s meetings to furiously churn out sketches of their strategy has resulted in a mixture of papers. Azula meticulously organises hers, while Sokka throws them into seemingly random piles that now clutter the desk.

Azula notices that Zuko is frowning. Does he disapprove of the strategy? Is there some ethical or moral aspect that Azula has missed in Zuko’s eyes?

 _No,_ she realises. Zuko is frowning because he does not understand. The paper he holds in his hand is one of Azula’s, written according to the military guidelines of the Fire Nation. Zuko never studied those. He was banished before his lessons ever began. It was Azula who was groomed to eventually head the military on behalf of her father, and Azula who was taught the various shorthand gestures. Still, some of them are really quite simple. Even a recruit would know them. It was one of the first things she taught Mai and Ty Lee, who caught onto it without any effort.

“Pathetic,” she scoffs quietly to herself.

Not quietly enough. Zuko’s ears sharpen and he looks up as though burned.

“I’ll leave,” he says. He immediately makes his way for the door.

Regret building in her chest, Azula tries calling for him.

“Zuko, I didn’t mean it like that. Come back.”

He shakes his head as he leaves, one arm parting the tent flap and allowing it to swing strongly behind him. Azula clutches her wrist; a nervous gesture she has found herself increasingly adopting. She cannot recall its origin. Suki, perhaps. Or maybe Azula is simply more nervous than she has been in a long time.

The remark was cruel. Azula knows that much. Planning an invasion is difficult, no matter what she told Sokka. Azula thought that being a princess and a leader would mean that she was naturally better than Sokka, that he just wasn’t trying hard enough since his plans failed. She thought success amounted to effort – if you tried hard enough then you would succeed. If you failed, then you it was not a reflection upon your skills or experience. It simply meant that you lacked the innate ability.

Planning the invasion with Sokka has placed a burden on Azula’s shoulders that she has never had to contemplate before. In the Fire Nation, if she planned to save lives then it was for the convenience of not having to replace soldiers, and not because there were people who cared if they sustained losses. Azula must navigate the intricacies of Fire Nation security whilst explaining them to Sokka, whose idea of security is a _wall._

It has been more trying than she expected. Azula looked at her brother- older than her by nearly two years, she forgets sometimes- and saw the only other Fire person in the entire camp. The only person who didn’t do a double-take at the colour of her eyes. Zuko should _know_ this. He should know the shorthand, the codes, the systems. He is her brother. The prince. Brothers are supposed to help, are they not?

Azula felt that he was letting her down. _Pathetic._ She stared at him through eyes straining to close and could not control her mouth.

She should have. Azula now regrets letting the comment fly. Things are different now. Azula cannot say whatever she wants without consequence. Zuko is one of the few people she has left, and she cannot afford to lose him over a careless remark.

Why is change so difficult? Azula wants to lay down for a year and reject all responsibility. She wants to escape into the fire that rests within her stomach and bathe in the blue-white chi. Why can’t someone else take over?

 _Because there is no one else._ Azula pinches the bridge of her nose. She needs Zuko to forgive her. He _must_ forgive her. How? How can she encourage forgiveness? What button can she press to make him forget?

“Just apologise,” is Toph’s useless advice. She kicks her feet at Azula and blows a strand of hair out of her face, head tilted to the sky. “There’s an invasion soon. We could all die. Punch him on the shoulder then admit you’ve been a dummy.”

Azula stares at her hands. She feels the weight of her robes pressing down on her. Zuko gave her his spare set to wear over her own – with Azula’s bending weakened, even now, she is more susceptible to the cold.

“I’ve never apologised before,” Azula confesses. She would be afraid to tell this to Suki or Katara, but with Toph she knows there will be no judgement. Not anymore. “I don’t know how.”

Toph leans over and drops a rock in her lap. Azula scowls, in no mood for Toph’s games.

“It’s like that,” Toph explains. She leans back with her hands behind her head. “The rock. Once you drop it, there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you’re an earthbender, I mean. The rock is gonna fall no matter what you do. You just have to watch.”

“Comforting,” Azula comments dryly.

Toph snorts. “You know what I mean.”

Azula does. _I’m sorry,_ is all she has to say. She cannot make Zuko forgive her, nor can she force him to accept her apology like she might have with Mai or Ty Lee. Once she has delivered her apology, she can’t do anything but wait. It is Zuko’s decision alone.

Having Mai and Ty Lee floating around the campsite has unsettled her. She _knows_ them. They are written into the calcium of her bones, the flame of her heart. They surprised her when they betrayed her for Zuko. But that was predictable, if Azula reconsiders it. She was not around to invoke fear. Inevitably, the loss of fear led to a loss of loyalty.

Azula knows now that fear is unsustainable. Mai and Ty Lee would have left, one way or another. They did not love her. They still don’t. The only thing Azula can trust is their nature – and as much as Azula has been swayed by them before, she knows that they have not fundamentally changed. Mai is Mai. Self-concerned and afraid of expressing her true desires lest she be mocked or controlled like her parents tried to. And Ty Lee is Ty Lee. Flighty and evasive and pinwheeling through her emotions so no one can gain an accurate reading on her, because Ty Lee is scared of being confined to a box.

They have not changed. Zuko misunderstands. Azula knows that they are dangerous, that they cannot be trusted. She knows they are not here out of love or loyalty. But Zuko does not understand that there is something more reliable than those things, and that Azula has a firm enough grasp of it to trust that Mai and Ty Lee are indeed here for that thing.

She finds Zuko sitting by the water. His knees are pressed beneath his chin and he wraps his arms around himself.

Zuko is a mess, his emotions bleeding out onto Azula’s hands whenever she touches him. But he is also extraordinarily self-contained. For all that he monologues about his past and his ambitions to painful lengths, he is rarely forthcoming about his emotions. Azula has no clue how he feels about leaving the palace. About sticking with her at the cost of his friends, nation, and father.

Azula does not know him. Not in the way of before, staring at a stranger. She _knows_ him, but she cannot read his mind, cannot feel the heart pulsing in his chest. He is her brother. They are not the same person. Azula can guess at his motivations, his feelings, but she is now realising you cannot know completely understand a person’s depths. There is always a hidden face.

 _I’m sorry._ Why are the words so hard to say? She chokes on them before they can leave her mouth.

“It’s okay,” Zuko says without looking at her. She hadn’t realised he knew she was there. “I’m not mad. I just need some space.”

The wind tugs at his clothes and he continues staring straight ahead over the rippling water, the waves steadily lapping at the shore.

“It’s getting dark,” Azula says. “You should come back.”

“It’s not yet dark,” he returns. His head falls further onto his knees. “I’ll be okay, Azula. I promise.”

It is always Zuko making the promises. Never Azula. The only things she has ever guaranteed him were taunts and misery. The air is cool on her back as she seats herself beside Zuko.

Azula is not a good person. She joined the invasion force not because she truly believed in an end to the fighting, or even the necessity of peace. She joined for revenge. For the chance to kill her father- the only family member who didn’t leave her behind. She is not a good person, but she thinks that she can pretend for Zuko. He deserves that much from her. More than what a sister like her can give.

She should apologise. She knows she should. She has never apologised in her life, never heard anybody do so unless they are begging for their life.

Azula is a sister who speaks without thinking, callous barbs aimed to hook into her brother’s heart and dig in, unable to apologise for the hurt she has caused.

They sit until dark falls.

Sokka musters the group, Hakoda and Bato included. Hakoda examines the anxious lines of his son’s face and misunderstands.

“Sokka, if this is about the failed invasion,” he sighs. “Then it’s okay, son. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know,” Sokka is quick to assure Hakoda. He spins around to check the room’s attendance. “Everyone is here now. Dad, we have a plan. I need you to hear me out.”

Hakoda and Bato look at each other. Bato shakes his head. Hakoda nods in return and turns back to Sokka.

“I’m here. What is it?”

Sokka explains. Hakoda’s expression grows more serious with each passing minute, and by the end Bato is hurriedly copying down notes for Hakoda.

Hakoda places a hand on his son’s shoulder. “I’m no strategist,” he admits freely to Sokka’s surprise. “In our tribe, I am Hakoda the wise. I’m the closest thing to a tactician we have. But you, Sokka. I think you’re going to be better than us all.”

Azula refrains from scoffing. “It was my plan.”

Sokka nods in acknowledgment, directing Hakoda’s eyes to her. He blinks in surprise.

“When did we get the prince and princess of the Fire Nation here?”

Sokka leans forward with his arms crossed. “We told you we had a plan with them, dad.”

Hakoda frowns further. “You never mentioned that they were already present.”

Suki’s eye roll is a physical presence. Azula does not need to see it to know it is there.

“Sokka left a few things out, I see.”

“When I asked to speak with him alone, I didn’t quite expect he would be this secretive,” Hakoda admits.

Sokka laughs nervously. “See dad, here’s the thing-“

Mai emerges from the corner of the tent and yawns. Ty Lee similarly springs into sight. Hakoda does not startle but he does stare at his son with increasingly weary eyes.

“I am assuming,” he says slowly. “That this is also part of your plan, son.”

Katara smoothly moves beside Sokka. “I think Azula can help you understand, dad.”

Azula raises her chin as their eyes alight upon her.

“We’re invading the Fire Nation. It will succeed, or we will all die when Sozin’s Comet bestows the power to raze the Earth Kingdom to the ground.”

Her tone is too carefree. Azula recognises the mistake in the same instant she sees pain flash across Suki and Toph’s faces. Azula is here only for one goal, but the rest care for the world they are trying to save.

Hakoda doesn’t call her out on it. Neither does Bato, standing by his side and curiously mulling her words over.

“Cheery,” is Sokka’s comment. He latches onto Hakoda’s arm. “But dad, trust us. We have a good plan this time. A solid one. It’ll work, I know it.”

Azula tries not to stare. If she had ever tried beseeching her father like that, she would have been banished before her arm made contact. Sokka is going to get hurt. Nagging and begging like that earns only pain.

Zuko’s scar is a permanent red blur in her vision.

“Okay,” Hakoda says finally. “Okay, I trust you. We’ll go with this plan.”

Bato also nods. “We’ll support you all the way.”

“Great!” Sokka smiles, then his face drops. “Now we need to gather the men.”

“And women,” Suki whispers to herself. Toph cackles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? writing a weak ending? when am i /not/ lol.  
> time really flies when you forget that it's a thing and that the passage of life isn't just a void. here's another chapter for you! i may add some more chapters to the current total count but we'll see, lol.


	29. dawn; rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am seemingly incapable of just getting right to the action.  
> as always, i will edit this later when i am less exhausted from smashing out 4,000 words in a few hours.

Azula crouches in the shabby little boat next to Toph and tries not to be seasick.

She has been on boats before, of course. Strong naval steel crafted by the Fire Nation, using techniques they invented during the war but refined based on thousands of years of naval knowledge. The Fire Nation, despite its name, is not truly a _nation_ in the sense of a single consolidated block of land. It is a series of islands, almost reminiscent of the Air Temples. Every Fire child knows how to swim, and almost all of them have been on a boat at some point. Azula would be embarrassed to be sick on one of the warships.

But this? This is not a ship, cutting through the ocean with ease. It is barely a boat. No, this is a monstrosity. It does not power through the waves so much as bounce gamely over them, buoyed along by the movement of the water. They are not controlling where they are headed, no matter what Sokka and Katara tried explaining about the sails and keel.

“You can swim, right?” Katara prodded. She smiled widely at Azula’s confirmation, almost predatory. “Then you’ve got nothing to worry about!”

The Avatar and company are all headed to the Fire Nation at the same time but scattered across multiple boats. The Avatar is on his own boat with Suki, a fact Katara worried over before finally conceding.

“Suki will protect him,” she said, releasing her grip on her hair loopies. “I don’t like Aang being vulnerable. What if something happens and it’s just him and Suki? But I have to trust that they can handle themselves.”

Azula, quietly, hadn’t liked Suki being in the same boat as the single-biggest target among the entire fleet. It was strategically sound. If the boat sank, Aang could bend the water for Suki long enough for her to get out of the way of the fight, and if Aang’s bending was taken then Suki could protect him. She was not at risk of losing her skill the same way the rest of them are. Besides, Suki also grew up on an island. She doesn’t fear water the same way that Toph does, and the Water Tribe siblings were needed to actually help the rest of the non-Water steer the boats. Instead, they sent the man underneath Bato to show Suki how to control the boat, then left them to their own devices. The more people on the boat, the higher the risk of discovery. Aang is someone who must be kept secret until the last possible moment. It is why he is lagging slightly behind them.

Now Azula rocks in the boat with Toph, who sits pressed against Azula’s shoulder with her eyes screwed tightly shut as though she can somehow block out the overwhelming sensation of seasickness. Katara sits at the helm, using her bending to help control the boat. There is a Water Tribe man with them that Azula does not recognise but Katara seems familiar with, so he is likely aligned to Hakoda. Mai and Ty Lee refused to separate and so were paired up under the plausibly-careful watch of Sokka, who Azula still does not trust to fully anticipate Mai and Ty Lee’s actions, but believes will not let them freely walk away. At the very least, he would throw his sword at them.

Azula doesn’t want to think about Mai and Ty Lee and her slowly dawning suspicions regarding the exact nature of their new relationship – since when did they like each other more than Azula? More than anything and anyone else? – so she quickly runs through the plan in her mind.

Sail to the port with the stupid general. Trick him, using Mai and Ty Lee, into thinking that the Crown Prince has returned as hostage. Sneak into Caldera Palace. Kill her father. No big deal, simple steps that can be executed to exact perfection. Azula remembers falling asleep with her face pressed to the pages of her military textbooks, what feels like a lifetime ago. She studied until the characters blurred before her eyes. Azula knows tactics from the best Fire Nation strategists of the past three hundred years and spent hours in the War Room sketching out plan after plan for her instructor’s approval. She conquered Ba Sing Se on a whim.

Azula is smart; she knows this. The information is all inside her head. But translating that into reality is a different matter entirely. It requires relay, confirmation, trust. If the others involved with leading this invasion attempt misinterpret her words or cannot carry out each phase of the plan down to the exact flick of her brush, then everything will fall apart. She wishes she could reach into their brains and _pull_ until she can control them, force them to connect with her through their thoughts so they understand precisely what she needs. Or maybe Azula could clone herself, produce copies upon copies, an army comprised of only herself. Then she could be confident in their victory.

Currently, Azula is relying upon others. It is not her specialty. While she thinks that maybe she could bring herself to trust Zuko, he has been placed with Sokka in the lead boat that Hakoda and Bato currently command. It is a waste. Zuko navigated _ships,_ not _boats._ He cannot unfurl a sail. She watched him try when they were in Chameleon Bay. She wishes there was a way to unlink their bloodline. Then she could live her life without having to admit that the idiot who somehow brought an entire mast upon their heads is her _brother._

Ozai would be proud if she managed it. Maybe he would take her back. Azula shakes her head to clear the thought, nearly disturbing Toph who presses her hands to her ears.

“Why can I hear the movement?” Toph moans. She curls into Azula’s side. “I hate this more than _sand._ ”

Sickness combined with vulnerability. Azula pats her sympathetically. She cannot understand how Toph feels, abruptly stripped of her senses beyond the brief range of the boat and what she can physically feel beneath her. Perhaps Azula should be fearing that Toph will act impulsively in her haste to get off the boat, potentially jeopardising the plan, but Azula is not worried. For all Toph’s brashness and head-on approach for everything in her life, Azula has seen her fight. Toph knows when to wait and listen. She will be fine. Azula pulls a piece of ribbon from her pocket and pushes it into Toph’s hands for extra sensation.

“Feel this,” Azula tells her. “Ignore the stupid boat and the stupid waves. Just focus on what you can feel inside the boat, not what you _can’t._ ”

Toph’s head rolls back but she nods, despite her obvious misery. Azula feels the warm glow of fondness inside her chest. Azula has never been allowed friends. Allies were permitted, because they could be exploited and manipulated, but Ozai didn’t approve of friends. It was weak. Sentimental. Within a week of Zuko’s departure, Ozai finally managed to clear the scent of burning flesh, and with it all of Zuko’s official portraits. Images of the banished prince were forbidden. He had caught Azula staring.

“Do not miss your brother,” Ozai commanded, lip curling as he watched the portrait’s removal. “You are powerful. Maintain that power.”

Because of course missing her brother made her weak. Azula swallowed the logic the same way she swallowed the rest of her father’s lies. Bitterly, but without reluctance. Azula is not a kind person. She burned her mother’s fire lilies and mercilessly taunted Mai until she cried, because Mai had the audacity to look sad as they removed the portraits.

Azula has always wanted things. The specifics have differed over the years, from Ty Lee’s dolls to her classmate’s new robes, from her mother’s attention to a life where she didn’t constantly feel the burden of perfection forced upon her. Azula knew, even as a child, that she could not get everything she wanted. She ignored the things she could not achieve and focused on what she could. Azula was cruel. She stole Ty Lee’s dolls. She burned her classmate’s new robes and threw her mother’s bracelet into the pond after she went through the trouble of rescuing it from the pile of belongings the servants threw out.

Azula doesn’t care about being a good person. She cares about what she wants. Her goals, her ambitions. She gently moves Toph’s hair out of her face, the way she hazily remembers Zuko doing for her when she was too exhausted to move. Nothing about Azula is real. She is a collection of traits stolen from other people, copying what she lacks. Azula is a piece of paper twisted and twisted until it took on the form her father wanted. Then she looked for other people to twist her, to change her. Azula is rain that dissipates against a hot road. Impressive, but empty. Azula wants things, but she knows she cannot have them. She spent all her time ensuring that others would never have the things they want, just so it would make her feel better. Azula traces the outline of Mai and Ty Lee’s boat with her finger and sighs.

Empty, empty, empty. The eternal monster. Azula will kill her father, because that is what is expected, because that is what good people do. People who are not empty empty traitors.

Azula did not cry when her mother left. She wonders if she ever will. If one day she will wake up from this dream and have the enormity of the loss hit her, all at once. She told Toph that parents are unimportant. That all they do is break you. Is that true? Are all the world monsters? Azula has seen kind people, good people, is copying them even as she rocks from side to side in a boat with Toph, but even good people hurt others. To be human is to inflict pain. Zuko says their mother was a good person, but Ursa hurt them. She sat with them and read Zuko stories by the pond and tried to help Azula learn dancing, back when that was still required of her, and left them both behind without a backward glance. Maybe Zuko is too twisted to understand. Maybe Azula is too. She stole the bracelet to remember her mother, but threw it away all the same. It is difficult when you have been hurt by someone but love them all the same. Azula feels it trapped deep inside her chest and wonders if she can burn through it one day. These useless emotions. The conflict. 

Azula closes her eyes against the crooning lullaby whispering through her mind, the sea breeze cool against her skin. She tastes salt on her tongue. When she wakes, she hopes that Ozai will already be dead and that she will not have to take responsibility for invading her homeland and killing her father.

Azula doesn’t care about the citizens. Not like Zuko does. Not like she should. That’s the story of her life, isn’t it? The eternal by-line etched beneath every achievement: _monster._ Azula doesn’t have empathy, isn’t compassionate like society demands. She is ruthless. She knows what must be done and she will do it, no matter the cost.

The only silver lining in this mess of a situation is that she gets to kill Ozai. Not Zuko. Her brother understands her as much as anyone can, raised under the same roof and ingrained with the same teachings of bloody legacies and endless war. Zuko thinks he could kill Ozai. That it would make him happy. But that is not his duty, and Azula will ensure it never is. Zuko is the good sibling. The perfect repentant Fire Prince struggling to make amends.

When Azula finally closes her eyes, snatching a few hours of sleep before their plan finally gears into action, she does not dream.

They change boats. This stage of the plan requires the Avatar and company together, for the initial slip past the old fogey at the naval port. The danger of discovery or sinking has passed, so there is no point to continuing onwards separately. If one of them goes down, they will all go down now.

Sokka quickly confers with Hakoda before they depart, leaning over the side of the boat. Azula nearly yanks him back by the back of his shirt, the way she once did to Aang when he was in danger of falling. Azula always thought of Aang as stupid. That only intensified once she actually had to teach him. But he was _her_ stupid student, and if he had died then Azula would have been irritated that she wasted her time for nothing.

The boat rocks as Sokka clambers fully inside. He joins silently with Katara to steer the boat, Aang hovering as a third ghost manipulating the sails and occasionally moving a piece of rope.

“We’ve done this before,” Aang explained almost chirpily. “We went ice dodging with Bato and Hakoda!”

Now they are going to kill the Fire Lord. Azula snorts. Toph reaches out and smacks Azula’s shoulder, unerringly accurate even without full use of her senses. If Toph’s parents hadn’t been useless, she would have been recognised as a prodigy across the Earth Kingdom by now. Everyone would know her name.

As Suki cleverly suggested, there is a port three hours outside of Caldera stationed by a former admiral turned general who feels himself far more important than any other base, bar Caldera. He seems under the impression that he alone holds the line, nevermind that Azula would have to think before pointing out his port on a map. There is always a significant lag in communication between Caldera and Ake Bay. Azula was once assigned to investigate and found no significant challenges with the hawkers or staff. The problem is the general.

If Mai and Ty lee, close companions of the Fire Princess Azula herself, return with Zuko prisoner and say that Azula has run away and defected, then the general will trust them at their word. After all, the last word he received was that Zuko and Azula are traitors and that her former companions were tasked with bringing them down. Of course, the two-way communication lag between Caldera and Ake signifies that the old fogey is actually _ignoring letters from the Fire Lord,_ a thought that now gives her considerable delight where before it infuriated her. Azula imagines their infiltration will go a little like this:

Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, and Azula manipulate their way inside. The general will allow them inside, and _of course your esteemed naval escorts can enter the bay, what a humble pleasure._

The general will send a letter to Caldera requesting confirmation as soon as their backs are turned, but why would he hurry? He thinks he is doing the Fire Lord an honour. So he will delay, he will talk, and while is awaiting a response the rest of the invasion force will scatter throughout the city. By the time he thinks to hold them in place, they will already be gone, each making their way to Caldera. Azula’s little group will rendezvous with the rest of their ragtag team, and together they will continue the ruse right until they are before Ozai.

 _Father,_ she will say. _I have returned with the Avatar, the traitor prince Zuko, and their allies. I am your devoted daughter._ Then she will strike him in the heart with lightning.

Mai looks over, eyes knowing. She says nothing as they float into Ake Bay. The sky slowly darkens.

They are spotted within the hour, ships surrounding them. The rest of the invasion force, having hung back, has escaped notice. It is only Azula’s boat. To the critical sailors, it appears as thought there are only four people in the boat. Technically, this is true.

Azula contains a smile as she thinks about the air bubble contained beneath the boat. Having benders of other elements can be useful on occasion.

Zuko has both hands flat along his thighs, an empty show of non-aggression. Azula knows he can take down the sailors before they even think to notice Zuko. She always thought he was useless, the weak brother to be ashamed of. They thought he was a terrible bender. Zuko was never bad at bending – he simply wasn’t as advanced as Azula, or as quick to follow the punishing tutorials.

Ty Lee climbs unsteadily to her feet in the boat, arms raised above her head.

“We have the royal seal,” she says carefully. There is no trace of her usual bubbly tone. “We are here on orders from the Fire Lord.”

The sailors look at each other. When Ty Lee produces the seal from her inner robes, they hurry to examine the contents of the boat. They shine a lantern in Azula’s face and she scowls imperiously.

“Are you trying to blind the Crown Princess?” she demands, ignoring Zuko’s sudden sharp intake of breath. “My brother is a traitor. I have come to personally deliver him to the Fire Lord. I require passage from Ake Bay to Caldera Palace. Do you really want to be the fools who delay Crown Princess Azula?”

One collects his wits enough to identify Zuko, and his eyes widen. “Of course not, princess. We will escort you to the general immediately.”

Mai takes the lead with a bored tilt to her head. “Our orders were to report to no one but the Fire Lord. Pending, of course.”

“Pending what?” The other sailor squints at Mai. “And who are you?’

“Someone who has the royal sigil.” Mai stares directly into his eyes. “And pending execution.”

They back away after that. Zuko reaches down, pretending to collect his belongings, and quickly raps his knuckles twice against the bottom of the boat. The waves gently sway in response. Azula coughs into her hand to disguise her laughter. These fools have no idea what is coming for them. Her father underestimated them on every account.

The plan unfurls before her eyes. Azula can see each arm extending, calculated to the degree. The sailors kindly bring the little group right to the heart of the base, where the general receives them with a shockingly low level of suspicion.

“Princess Azula,” he greets. Then raises an eyebrow. “Although I have heard you are now crown princess.”

“Indeed,” Azula confirms. She seats herself with dignity then folds one leg over her knee. “With my brother’s heartbreaking betrayal of our nation, it is only a matter of time before I am installed as crown princess. I would suggest you keep on my good side.”

Azula’s smile is cuttingly sharp. Ty Lee glances at her uneasily. Really, there is no need for that. Azula is playing to her strengths - fear and manipulation. What is so wrong with that?

Before they left Chameleon Bay, Zuko pulled her aside. 

"I know you've been trying to be good," he said seriously, his hands on her shoulders. "But Azula? Whatever you need, do it. Whatever you decide, I'll support you."

Zuko, who went nearly four years without a whisper of contact with her, supports her more fully than the girls who stood by her side for six years. Azula is wired differently. She does not act according to principles of right and wrong. She follows her own desires. Mai and Ty Lee are the same, are they not? They didn't return to help end the war because they felt it was wrong. They were with Azula for years, sitting through War Council meetings and helping her destabilise cities. They don't have moral compunctions, so why are they shaming Azula for their own acts? 

Azula lounges in the chair and _realises._ The reason Ty Lee avoids her eyes, the reason Mai stares without comment, is because she reminds them of who they used to be, the same way they remind her of her past self. Azula breathes through the pressure in her chest. They were horrible people. All of them. Even Zuko. Now they are together, and pretending to be good, but all of them know why they are really here. Zuko is the only one who truly sees a problem with the war, and even he is not acting selflessly. He wants to go home. 

Azula still has not had a direct conversation with Mai and Ty Lee since their return. The last time they spoke, Azula was accused of only caring for herself, for dragging them down with her. _Loyalty is not the same as fear,_ they said. Mai believes Azula ruined her. Controlled her life. Burned her into submission. Stripped her of hopes and dreams the same way Mai’s parents did. Mai is right, of course. Azula did all those things and more. But somewhere in that, they built a fragile sort of friendship. They used to laugh at the other girls at their school. 

Mai, Azula can understand. She made her reasons abundantly clear. But Azula cannot understand why Ty Lee also hates her. She could share Mai’s reasoning. She might not. In a world where everyone hates Azula, she cannot find it within herself to care. They were not friends. They were allies. That is the fundamental difference in her relationship with them, compared to Toph or Suki. Allies can be betrayed. Allies are expendable. Azula gave them what they needed and they left when she could no longer serve them. When the guards first came for Azula to carry out Ozai's orders, she threw Mai and Ty Lee at them so she could make her escape. Expendable. All of them were.

Friends are not. And Azula was never a friend to them. Not in the way they wanted. They hate her both for what she is and what she is not, and they judge her still. Ty Lee shakes her head as she makes a silent signal not to attack. Not yet. 

_Slow down,_ the tapping of her fingers writes. _Don't threaten him like that already._

Being born a princess placed Azula on a pedestal she could never leave. She was royalty before she was a person and was expected to act like it. No excessive eating. No running. No playmates that were not of a suitable status. _You are superior,_ she heard daily. _You are Agni’s blood. His light shines through you._ Her classmates didn’t want to play with the princess. She was strange, speaking the royal dialect littered with heavy pronouncements that were expected in the palace but shunned outside. Azula walked the way she was taught. She ate the way she was taught. When everyone bowed to each other at a familiar degree, their backs only slightly bowed, Azula either inclined her head or did not bow at all. They hated her because of that pedestal. Azula tried stepping off, tried making friends, tried bringing Mai and Ty Lee to the palace and treating them like friends. No one wanted her to leave the pedestal. They wanted her to stay there, eternally strange and perfect so they could hate her in peace. Even Mai and Ty Lee never tried breaking through. They were content with Azula as an ally. It made their parents happy. Who needs friendship when you already have what you need from someone?

Azula was not a good person. She was cruel. She knows this is not solely her father’s fault, nor anybody else’s. But sometimes she wonders what would have happened if she was given the chance to be something other than what she is. If someone taught her to be kind, to apologise, to play like a normal child and not another facet of her father.

She was Ozai. An extension of him, used to avoid losing face. His daughter was a prodigy. He exploited it for his own gain. He never cared for her. He only cared that he could use her, manipulate her. Azula takes the moment to truly think about what will happen once they reach Caldera. The war will end, obviously. Azula has no desire to continue it. Can they achieve peace with other nations? Does Azula even want to? When her father dies, how will they dispose of his corpse?

The man who ruined her childhood will die. Her father will die. Azula will kill him. She tries keeping her eyes on the general before her, but her vision is swimming. She furiously tries to coalesce the room back into one image, not a dozen different splinters doubling over and scattering before her. Ozai must die. It is the only way. 

"Are you okay?" Ty Lee whispers into her ear, lips barely moving so the general does not notice. "You look pale."

Azula barks a laugh. The general startles, but neither Mai nor Zuko move from their own staring contest. She needs to get her mind back on track. Azula pinches the back of her hand and watches the red mark slowly rise. This is justice. He hurt her, so she will kill him. It's for her. It's for Zuko. It's for their mother, who left without a backward glance, because father drove her away, because she at least cared for Zuko even if she didn't care for Azula.

Azula never got the chance to know her mother beyond the scoldings. She never will. And it is all Ozai's fault, her father's fault, and he needs to die, the plan depends on it, but she looks at Zuko and sees two of him, the scar on the right side instead of the left, which is all wrong but Azula can't refocus her vision, and she wonders if she hadn't run away would she have a scar like that?

Breathe. Focus. Azula tells herself to break down later. Her father is weak. He is weak, so she will swallow him alive like the predator she is, like he tried doing to Zuko and Azula. He deserves this. Killing Ozai means that they can finally be happy. Zuko won't have nightmares. Azula can eat as much as she pleases without the overwhelming sensation that she is doing something wrong. There will be no more burns, no more punishments, no more expectations. They will be free.

She just needs to get the stupid seal off this general so they can pass through the city without stopping. 

"Well?" Azula demands, but the pitch is all wrong. Mai frowns. Zuko drums his fingers nervously on his chair and does not stop looking at her. "We need passage through Ake. By order of the Fire Lord."

The general hesitates. He rises from his desk and spreads his hands apologetically. "I have not received confirmation from the Fire Lord. Not that I don't trust you, esteemed princess, but my predecessor was... lacking in appropriate tact. I do not wish to repeat the mistakes that earned his dismissal."

Looking at him, the final puzzle piece finally slots into place. Azula realises what was bothering her about him: He is not the general of Ake Bay. Not the one Azula was accustomed to, the one they _expected._ He has likely already sent a letter to the Fire Lord. They have no _time._

They reach the same conclusion in an instant. Zuko vaults over the desk and presses his hands to the general's throat, voice low and hissing like the unsheathing of his blade. Mai bars the doors while Ty Lee rapidly jabs him in the throat with two pronged fingers, and the blood drains from his face as he realises his bending has disappeared.

"What-" his voice cracks and he coughs to recover himself. "What do you want?"

"Passage," Azula smiles. A blue flame sparks on her finger. "Unless you desire to become more intimately acquainted with Agni's grace, I would hand me your personal seal _right now._ "

He hands her the seal. Zuko takes one look at the door, guards piling up on the other side with loud shouts, and breaks the window pane.

"Let's go," he yells over the noise. Zuko grabs Azula first and helps her out the window, balancing precariously, then waits until Mai and Ty Lee leave to follow. They have the seal. No one will stop them, not with the Fire Lord _and_ the general's seal. They have guaranteed passage to Caldera, so they can go kill the Fire lord.

Azula wishes she felt something other than what she does. She wants to be happy when they achieve victory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this hasn't been a disappointment to anyone, but y'all are too nice for your own good and wouldn't tell me if it was anyway lol. we're wrapping up now but we still have a LOT to get through with the next chapter or two! i just had to set some stuff up with this chapter so it was mostly just the set-up chapter, not the actual action chapter. don't fret, the good stuff is coming next!


	30. anagapesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anagapesis: the process of falling out of love.  
> i kinda hate how AO3 distorts the length of my paragraphs but oh well. i managed to control myself for once and actually edit a bit. y'all should be proud. i've made minor edits to the prior chapters so feel free to re-read. aaaaaaaAAH we're at the end!

Azula hates running. She hates the thundering of her heart, prepared to beat right out of her chest, and she hates the way her hair flies into her face as she runs. She prefers to saunter, thank you very much. An intimidating pace perfectly capable of instilling fear.

She trips on a rock as the hightail it out of the compound, and Mai’s lips purse even as Zuko determinedly hauls Azula forward. For one terrible moment, Mai appears almost on the verge of laughter, valiantly attempting to reign herself in.

Traitor. Twice over.

The guards are ill-prepared and still disorganised from the change in command, and really, that must have been ill thought out even if it means Ake Bay is more secure. Their group runs right past the gaping mouths of the guards. Azula wants to burn them permanently shut.

For a little flare, Azula traces lightning into the air. Nothing sparks, but she sends pulses of fire instead. She doesn’t hurt anyone. Only scares them a little. Zuko’s sigh is long-suffering but quietly amused. Ty Lee’s fingers dance along the back of Azula’s shoulders and the smile slips off her face.

“Don’t touch me,” she snaps, pushing Ty Lee away from her even as they run. She cannot control the crawling of her skin.

Ty Lee sees it, turns away to give Azula privacy over her reactions. Habit, from when they were still a trio and not just Azula versus her old friends. Ty Lee was always a flatterer. She knew exactly what Azula needed.

“Mai, sigil,” Zuko barks as they near the gates.

Mai speeds up and her sleeves fly alongside her, arms extended to avoid flinging knives wantonly. She nails one at the lever of the gates and it slowly rolls upwards. Mai nods at them as she darts around the corner, moving ahead to secure the sigil. Ty Lee’s posture is visibly worried but she forces herself to relax. Azula arches an eyebrow at it.

She thinks- if she truly, has to put a name to it, this new relationship between Mai and Ty Lee- it is more than friendship. _Lovers,_ is what springs to mind. Relations like that have been illegal since Sozin took the throne, but Azula figures today is the day to forgive transgressions. They are on their way to kill the Fire Lord. What are a few more broken laws, to them? If there was ever a day for Azula to let it go, it is today.

Mai and Ty Lee are their own people. She thought they were hers. When she told Toph that before they left, Toph punched her on the arm with an overdramatic groan.

“You can’t own people, Blue.” Her expression slowly turned serious. “That’s what my parents thought. That’s what your dad thought, too. You know better, Azula.”

 _Does she?_ Azula wondered. Looking at Ty Lee now, she realises that the answer is _yes._ She was only clinging to the reminder of the past. What they had, rather than what they have. Mai and Ty Lee were hers, but they are hers no longer, and they have reasons of their own for returning. They left Azula behind. Even now, working towards the same goal and running for their lives together, they will happily discard Azula a second time once the war has ended and the Fire Lord is dead. Mission complete.

In their eyes, Azula is merely another aspect of the plan. An essential player. She taught them that way. Trained them to view the world in sliding scales and checkered boards. Now they are using her own tactics against her, and she cannot blame them.

There will be time, afterwards, to sort out things between her and the traitors she called friends. She will unpack the emotions in her chest, she promises herself. If she survives. She will uncover the damage instead of ignoring it the way she ignored her mother’s departure.

Azula has no desire to lose her bending again or reach the point of crying in the rain. Never again.

With Mai gone, the remaining three converge into an arrowhead formation. Zuko leads the way while Azula tries to keep pace with Ty Lee on her opposite side. Azula _can_ run, of course. But in the palace there were palanquins to carry her, and in the field there were komodo-rhinos, and running really is very undignified. She hates that neither Zuko nor Ty Lee seem winded.

They slow as they reach the markets. Zuko pulls his hood over his face and Azula quickly lets down her hair, while Ty Lee bounces behind them and tries to make herself seem innocuous. The number of stares she draws says otherwise. They forge through the markets, no one stopping them despite their suspicions, and Azula thinks of running through empty streets with an arrest order out for her head, but miraculously no one finding her. Now, she questions how much of it was timing and luck, and how much of it was people deliberately turning their heads aside.

The war of the upper classes. Ty Lee presses close and whispers,

“They won’t tell on us. Not unless they’re paid.”

Azula barely restrains a snort. Of course they won’t tell. Living among peasants, she has learned that people are primarily concerned with their own affairs. If Azula, Zuko, and Ty Lee give them no benefits to turning them in, then they will not do so.

The guards barge and shout as they attempt to push their way through the markets after them, but they are already slipping away.

They meet Mai in a clearing, with the Avatar and company standing next to her, each belaying their nerves. Azula nearly turns to make a snarky comment to Ty Lee on reflex but deflates.

They are not friends.

Sokka holds eye contact with Azula. He signs for the sigil and Azula gestures towards Mai without being obvious. Some of the tension bleeds from Sokka’s shoulders, and he leans against Katara who irritably pushes him off.

“Can you just focus, Sokka?” she demands, but her tone is not sharp. Only wavering slightly.

She doesn’t push him off the second time.

When Mai manages to commandeer transport to Caldera, imperious sneer to her voice as she reveals the sigil despite the high alert of the city, no one questions her. Katara shuffles close to her brother in the carriage. Azula tries not to make her longing obvious.

Could she and Zuko be like that, one day? Would they even want to? They spent most of their childhood competing. Azula sabotaged him. She mocked him and left hideous ‘gifts’ on his bed to frighten him. They are not Katara and Sokka.

She thinks of the father laying in wait and the blood that will stain her hands tonight.

 _No,_ she decides. _We cannot be like them._ There is too much between them. Azula looks at Zuko, his jaw clenched as he stares between his hands, dual dao strapped to his back despite the lack of need, and decides that what they have is enough. It is the best Azula will ever get. Zuko says that Ozai needs to die, and Aang disagrees, so Azula will step between them and bring Ozai down herself before either of them can do something about it.

Zuko will change his mind, otherwise. He thinks he has what it takes for murder. Azula knows he doesn’t. Maybe he did, once. A lifetime ago. Now they have changed too much. He is used to caring for Azula, shielding her from all the bad in this world. Doesn’t he see? She _is_ the bad. The monster in the dark he brews tea to keep at bay. The reason for people’s nightmares.

There can never be a happy ending to this. But between the two of them, Azula thinks that this is more than she ever could have hoped for. Whatever happens in Caldera, Zuko has already given her enough. Now is the time to return the favour.

Father doesn’t care for her. Zuko does. Selective loyalty is Azula’s specialty, and with Mai and Ty Lee sitting across from her in the carriage, it is easy to remember what happens if you let others make decisions for you before you can make them yourself. He is her father. He must die. The two facts are not incompatible, no matter how many times Aang tries convincing both her and Zuko that there is a way to end the war without killing Ozai.

She knows her father. He will not allow himself to be taken alive. Azula could regret, could ruminate on all the possibilities of the forsaken future where they could have been a happy family, but there is no point. They can never be happy together. Ozai cannot escape the wreckage alive. Azula is a monster, and tonight a monster is exactly what they need.

The carriage descends into a silent tension that wraps around their throats and _chokes._ They all know their aims tonight. The invasion force has been let in through Ake Bay, and they will reconvene outside Caldera Palace. Once Azula has been allowed inside using Mai and Ty Lee, they will burn everything to the ground.

She doesn’t know what the Avatar and his friends are planning. She only knows her own plan, and what she and Sokka cobbled together during days of strategizing. How Aang plans to take down Ozai without killing him, how Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Suki will dismantle the invasion force, she has no clue.

Toph reaches over and taps gently against Azula’s knee.

“Things will be okay,” Toph says. Her voice betrays her.

Suki leans away from Sokka to wrap her arms around Toph, and for once Toph doesn’t fight it. They may not escape tonight alive. They all know it. Children placing their lives on the line.

Azula wishes she could comfort Toph, could return Suki’s faith, repay Katara’s gentle prodding. Aang trained noisily and complained constantly, but he was a good student. A kind student who understood Azula’s intentions even when she snapped at him. Azula still has the fan Suki gave her, once. When Azula was standing a touch too close to a cliff’s edge and needed something to ground her.

She doesn’t know how to express her profound gratitude in this group for trusting her, over and over again, even when she tried to kill Aang. Even when she wasn’t someone worth trusting. Katara may think Azula doesn’t know she made the decision to let Azula go, but she does. Everyone, even those that don’t like her, made an investment. They placed their faith in Azula. She looks out for herself first and foremost, followed by Zuko, but if she digs inside her heart, she might be doing this for them, too. For the siblings who lost their mother to the war. For the talented daughter still treated like a doll. For the warrior leading a team and an island on her own, who treated the sight of a girl standing by a cliff like a familiar sight. For the two traitors who never deserved Azula’s loyalty but got it anyway, flawed and broken as it was.

They gather outside the palace. Azula looks to Zuko, who steps forward and has quiet words with Sokka.

“Remember the plan,” are Azula’s own. Then she turns to Suki and Toph. No words are needed for them. Or Katara, for that matter. They already know.

She smooths down her tunic and raises her chin. Caldera unfurls behind her, with its winding streets and endless hiding places. The palace was always tall, she thought. Dignified and royal. Now she thinks it seems more and more like Ozai – inflating itself to be more than what it is. A wall is just a wall, after all.

Azula cracks her knuckles and tries to summon her lightning. She hasn’t tried, before now. She was afraid to. As expected, it doesn’t so much as spark. She closes her eyes and breathes. She pictures herself on her old training grounds, Lo and Li by her side. She expects it to trigger her. To block her bending. Instead, the familiarity of the memory has her hands moving of their own accord, and when she opens her eyes, she is holding lightning. She nearly smiles.

Azula angles herself upwards and tries releasing it into the sky, but it won’t let go. She pushes the energy through her fingertips but something is blocking it, preventing its exit. She can’t let it go. Her hands begin to sizzle beneath the weight of the lightning, the sky wobbling as she loses focus.

Zuko surprises her. He steps between her and the others right as the lightning bursts free, hands moving like water. Katara looks at him with newfound respect as he guides the lighting to the sky, energy dissipating before them.

“I didn’t know you could do that, Zuzu,” Azula says once she has regained her breath. She holds her shaking palms by her sides. The burns are only minor. Nothing that will interfere with the invasion.

Zuko shrugs, as if it is nothing special and not a technique for _redirecting lightning_ that Azula has never seen before, in all her time perfecting lightning.

“Uncle taught me,” he says.

“Can we move on now?” Mai interjects. Her nails tap along her arm and she raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. Somehow, Azula feels like Mai is protecting her. Moving attention from her failed attempt at lightning.

 _Why?_ Mai owes her nothing.

Katara motions the group to move together. “We all remember the plan. Send a flare if something goes wrong, okay? We’ll be waiting.”

Ty Lee sneaks a hug from Suki and Katara, too fast for either to do anything about it, then patiently waits with her fist held out. Toph rolls her eyes with a dramatic motion of the head, patently obvious, but fist bumps Ty Lee in return.

“You’re not so bad,” Toph says. “For a flippy girl.” She doesn’t mention the Fire Nation.

Ty Lee smiles. Mai’s eyes soften, and the two step closer together. Sokka hurriedly confirms the plan with Azula, unable to help himself from obsessing. It’s a big plan. The responsibility lays squarely with him and Azula. She can’t fault him for being nervous, especially after the last failed attempt.

As she watches, his expression hardens until his shoulders are straight and his hands are still. Sokka has found himself. Somewhere between planning and invasion and dealing with the fallout, he has managed to secure a fragile sense of confidence.

The group finally pulls apart.

“We know what to do,” Suki confirms. She looks at the sprawling palace, anxiety flashing across her face before it vanishes. She steels herself. “Good luck.”

“We don’t need luck,” Zuko answers for them. The two groups peel away, each to their own phase. He turns over his shoulder. “We make our own.”

Azula laughs at him. The nerves overflow from her stomach, rising up her throat. Ty Lee taps the back of her hand twice in rapid succession, and Azula still can’t handle Ty Lee near her after her betrayal, the immobilisation, but she understands the message. Azula summons the goodwill to smile back at Ty Lee, who flinches then steadies herself. She smiles back.

Mai rolls her eyes at the two of them and pushes past. She doesn’t chase after Zuko, sticking a step behind him in case of a threat, but barely a pace ahead of Ty Lee. Azula thinks that if this is how she finally goes, if this is what she has managed to salvage from her punishment, then it isn’t a terrible way to die. There are worse people to fight with in your last moments. Worse people to fight _for,_ too. Azula would know. 

They close in on the gates. Mai and Ty Lee fall behind Azula without speaking, Zuko volunteering his wrists. Mai sighs but binds them with cloth, half-twisted over her shoulder to bind them as she walks.

“I am your princess,” Azula declares in front of the guards once they have neared the palace gates. Her hair is pinned and immaculate, and they managed to scrounge some passably red robes on the way. The only flaw is in the missing crown she could not bring herself to wear. “I bring the traitor Prince Zuko for my father. I demand you let us inside at once.”

The guards move closer. They inspect the makeshift bindings on Zuko’s wrists, and the impassive duo of Mai and Ty Lee who present the royal seal from Ozai.

They bow. “Right away, princess.”

Azula silently counts the paces as the guards begin closing the gates behind them. Each time her foot hits the ground, she breathes out the count. _One, two, three-_

Mai shoots a knife at the guard, pinning him to the wall, then launches her knives at the other guards. Ty Lee pinpoints their pressure points with her usual freakish accuracy, bodies toppling in her wake. Ty Lee would be a force to be reckoned with if ever she switched sides. So would Mai.

Zuko doesn’t use his fire, instead swinging with his sheathed dual dao. He crashes his swords over the head of one guard then ducks under a punch of fire, coming up and knocking the guard off his feet. Mai finishes the job with a flurry of knives.

Azula doesn’t have to step in at all. The others quickly move the bodies aside then crack open the door and release the signal for Aang. The rest are sabotaging the Fire Nation forces and Azula’s assembled group are tasked dismantling the palace, while the actual invasion force helps bring down Caldera. Seize the capital and you seize the nation. Azula remembers reading that in a textbook.

Aang alone will confront the Fire Lord, and he shakes his head when they offer to escort him.

“I need to do this on my own,” he explains firmly, his staff by his side. His eyes are older than his body. “I can’t explain. It’s an Avatar thing. I just _know_ that I have to do this alone.”

“You can’t handle him alone,” Zuko argues. Is that really his strongest line?

Aang stares back calmly. He seems self-assured in a way Azula has never seen from him before.

“I can take him this time.” Aang extends the blade of his fan and prepares to take off, barely glancing back. “This is my destiny.”

Zuko breaks off his argument and steps back. He finally nods at Aang.

“I believe in you, Aang. I know you think you can bring him down without killing him, but if you need…” Zuko trails off.

Aang smiles. “I won’t need to kill him, Zuko. I’m confident in that.”

What Aang thinks he knows, Azula cannot fathom. She stares as Aang spirals into the sky. Should she shoot him down? Go find her father herself?

It is Mai who shakes her head at Azula, this time. She does not convey Azula’s intentions to Zuko, instead passively dissuading her. Azula forgot. Between the two of them, it was Ty Lee who was the head-shaker, always saying _yes_ or _no_ or _I don’t know._ Ty Lee was prepared to overlook almost anything. It was Mai that always expressed her opinion, one way or another. Azula should never have underestimated her strength.

“Azula, c’mon.” Zuko tugs her by the hand into the palace. “We’ve got some ministers to take down.”

Azula looks away. She quickly increases her pace to match Zuko’s, and together they ascend the stairs to the palace. Aang will fail. There is no peaceful option for Ozai’s defeat. When he fails, and he _will,_ Azula is there. She is ready.

She and Zuko tear through the halls in search of the ministers. A terrified servant reveals they are assembled in the War Room, and shrieks when she sees Azula’s face. Whatever expression Azula is making, she does not care to correct it. She sends the servant running with a flick of her fingers that has blue flames licking up the sides of the curtains.

“ _Azula,_ ” Zuko warns sharply. She ignores him and presses forwards.

They breach the War Room, ministers scattering before them. Zuko shoots a jet of flame that they combine to redirect, and Azula ruins all their efforts with one bolt of lightning centred at the Fire Lord’s seat. No one is harmed. Singed, burned, faces haunted at the sight of Zuko and Azula, but they are alive. That is all anyone can expect from Azula.

Invasion force soldiers file into the room and quickly subdue the ministers. Azula’s smirk is cruel and mocking as she leaves.

It’s _easy._ She had never thought it would be easy. Things apparently deteriorated even further after she left. She rounds the corner and hears a servant refer to _Phoenix King Ozai._ Her father is making up titles for himself now, unsatisfied with what he already had. Power, power, power. That’s all he cares for. She is sick of it.

Azula bitterly questions why she was willing to endure his treatment for so long. Desperation for family? For love? She doesn’t know. Those are issues of the past, and the issues of the present are scouting out every minister and advisor that could bring the full force of the palace guards upon them, thus preventing issues for the invasion. Aang will find the Fire Lord. Ozai is never difficult to locate. Once the fight is over and Azula has done her part, she will kill her father, whether Aang has the guts to do it or not.

They round the corner and nearly run straight into Mai and Ty Lee, who nod as they pass but do not stop. They each have their own missions within the palace. Mai and Ty Lee will disable as much of the War Council as they can and force the palace security out into the open. Then Zuko and Azula will flush them out of the palace.

The palace grows increasingly crowded as Zuko and Azula forge through, the invasion force trickling into the palace to help seize control, the Team Avatar doing whatever they decided upon out in Caldera Bay. Azula thinks they are targeting the war balloons and fleets but cannot be certain. They have a head start above palace security, and the majority of the War Council already captured in the War Room. Azula sees Ty Lee cartwheeling into the head of security in a room she quickly abandons, backtracking to rejoin Zuko who had fallen behind.

Azula hears the change before she sees it. Tiled floors shifting beneath her feet to marble, polished and manicured by hundreds of years of history in the Caldera Palace. The portrait hall looms around her, and Azula feels ten years old again, watching her brother’s face removed permanently from the walls, the absence conspicuous as his scar.

They are outside the throne room. Azula hears the fighting, smells the ozone in the air. Zuko tries grabbing her shoulder, shouting something in warning, but Azula is faster than Zuko for once and pushes past him. She latches onto the door handles and _pulls,_ bursting inside to confront her father. The smell of burning flesh hits her nose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to split the final chapter into two so you're getting two chapters for the price of one! i'll put this chapter up then put the other one up so it doesn't confuse people as much


	31. swan song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so there's a storm where i am right now and power might go out so uploading right now before i can't upload today! so there may be a few issues in the chapters still, idk.  
> i am very sorry for the delete and re-upload, i know it caught a lot of people by surprise and disappointed others. some people raised issues concerning the ending of the chapter and i made initial edits last night to fix it until i could re-write it, but in the end i felt too anxious about leaving it up when people had expressed dissatisfaction with how i handled the ending. eventually i decided to proceed with what i had written, and i’ll take the criticism for that if needed. i’m very sorry if it doesn’t align with what people had hoped for. i think it’s one of those things where no matter what i did with the ending – specifically the throne – there would still be people either confused as to why, and people who believe it should have gone the other way.  
> thank you for your patience while i dealt with the hurdles of last night 😊. i actually felt so bad for taking it down to fix it when i saw how many people went chasing after it!

Azula wishes she could go back. There were simpler times, where her father loved her and Zuko’s face was smiling, and their mother still made attempts to pretend she wanted to stay. When she didn't know what it smells like when someone's skin melts off their face. Now, she covers her nose with her sleeve and coughs violently, refusing to retch against the familiar stench. She forges through the doorway and the wall of heat that slams into her; a physical force. 

_Aang isn’t screaming,_ she realises once the smoke has cleared enough for her to open her eyes. Small mercies. It is the only reason she knows he is unharmed. Zuko screamed when he was burned. He screamed until his voice went hoarse. Azula knows the sounds of dire injuries. If she had a father who was a little kinder, a little less proud, then maybe she would not know that Aang was okay. But she does, and Zuko runs into her back when she pauses in her stride. 

Their father is snarling, one hand raised above Aang’s throat, while Aang has a firmly grounded stance Azula has only seen him attempt once. He tilts his head back, unafraid. Smoke wavers between them and Azula cannot tell who has been burned. Likely Aang, but she cannot be certain. Ozai brings down his hand with fire growing between his palms, Aang prepared to take the blow, and panic shoots through her. Azula _screams._

Ozai falters. For the first time in his life, he falters and looks at Azula, and the moment of distraction is enough for Aang to tilt the tables and push Ozai back. He pants as he finally puts space between him and his opponent. 

“Azula, Zuko, you need to leave,” Aang tries calling across the room. He limps slightly as he tries transitioning into a kata. The fight was not an easy one. Azula can tell that much. 

She ignores Aang. Azula looks at her father and his hateful, prideful eyes, summoning the hatred in her heart to clear her mind. She stares at his face and traces lightning into the air. Ozai is not fast enough to dodge. Her lightning hurtles through the air and _crackles_ as it meets its target, the hairs on her arm standing on edge as the lightning resonates through the room. 

Ozai is not slow enough to die, either. The lightning hits the pillar next to him and the impact throws him forward, rolling across the floor. Ozai groans as he tries getting to his feet, then slumps halfway. Azula knows her power. She knows that even though the strike did not hit him, Ozai will not be moving soon. Once more and he is finished.

Azula tries summoning another bolt of lightning but she knows, even as she focuses her mind, that she cannot. Her thoughts scatter like koi fish in a pond. She stares into the pebbled reflection and watches the water slip through her hands. Lightning does not require a stable mental state, as her tutors suggested. It requires _focus._ Concentration and clear intentions. If your mind is confused, then the lightning will respond to your confusion and remain trapped inside. To release it, you must be one with your intentions, providing a direct path of exit. There are too many contradictions inside her mind and her heart for Azula to summon more lightning. She pushes her arms down angrily.

It isn't over. Not yet. 

Zuko touches her arm as he shoulders past her. Ozai lays wounded but not dying. The strike tore a hole through the wall, bricks and mortar falling like helpless bodies. Wind stirs through the room. If Azula turned her head, she would be able to see the fighting raging outside.

Zuko stands halfway between his sister and his father.

“Traitor,” Ozai laughs, the sound sharply bitter. Azula recoils then steadies herself. Her back foot slides into a familiar kata and she sends blue fire raging into the night air. Ozai manages to deflect, and sneers at her in return. Azula chokes on the fury rising up her throat like a tidal wave. It crashes over her and she cannot control the midnight waters.

“Father,” Zuko greets stiffly. His eyes flicker to Aang and he readies his fire. “We’re not turning back, Aang. This ends tonight.”

Ozai kicks out with his feet but Azula is there, redirecting the flames as she whirls into the group. She swipes aside the wall of fire and punches it through to Ozai. Azula advances on him, heat growing more intensely hot the closer she steps.

“Azula!” Zuko shouts, but his voice is lost to her.

Ozai coughs blood. He manages to stagger to his feet and his face twists into a snarl. He reaches for Azula as if to strangle her but instead releases a wave of heat that she avoids with ease. Azula never realised before, but he really is a weak bender. He trained her to be better than him. The weapon he could exploit for his own use and protection. Ozai is no match for he and he never will be. This is Azula's battle to lose. 

Aang grips her elbow. Azula reflexively jerks her arm back, nearly blasting him in the face. Aang’s eyes are unafraid. They shine as he determinedly holds onto her.

“Azula,” he says quietly, so Ozai cannot hear. “Don’t let him do this. Don’t let him make you something you’re not.”

“This _is_ me,” she retorts, ripping her arm from Aang’s grasp and moving closer to her father. “This is my destiny, Avatar. Not yours.”

“Killing him isn’t your destiny.” Aang shakes his head slowly and beckons to Zuko. “Azula, trust me. He won’t hurt anyone else ever again once I’m finished with him.”

Ozai snaps forward with a blow but Azula topples him without looking, Ozai curling around his ribs. The burning intensifies. She can smell the sizzling skin. She could kill him right now, like this. She holds his life under her power. All it would take is one more shot, or a strike with lightning. It would be easy.

Zuko reaches and holds her hands steady. He shakes his head.

“Azula, please don’t do this. He’s not worth it.”

Azula doesn’t tear her hands from his the way she did Aang’s. Instead, she looks him in the eye and tries to read the story there.

“Zuko,” she says. “Do you really think whatever punishment Aang gives will be enough? You know what he has done. What he is capable of. Aang doesn't understand." 

Ozai didn't kill Aang's people, after all. That was Sozin. Aang is intimately familiar with the cruelty of the Fire Nation, but he does not know Ozai. Azula was seven when he ordered her tutors to burn her every time she was too slow in training. He doesn't _care._ He acts without thinking of others. Even now, as Azula's chest heaves and she aims her hands at Ozai, he twists his lips mockingly. He doesn't feel things the way normal people do. His daughter is about to kill him.

She had hoped for apologies. For him to beg for his life, plead for mercy, and Azula would have the satisfaction of denying him. _This is your punishment,_ she could thunder, and he would die with his heart burned out of his chest, stuttering out his final words of how he was wrong to Zuko and Azula, that he was at fault. She wanted him to admit what he did. That he knew mother thought of her as a monster and did nothing but encourage it, that he burned Zuko for no reason, ruined her for no reason. Azula desperately wanted him to be afraid of his daughter and what he turned her into. But he is only _laughing._ He thinks it is funny, what he has done. He doesn't see anything wrong with what he did to them. These are his final moments, whether he realises or not, and he still can't find it within himself to acknowledge the damage he did to them.

Azula finds her body shaking. Her hands ball into fists and she struggles to keep breathing. She's just- he's so- _why can't he just be sorry?_ Ten fucking years Azula bled for him and killed for him and blamed her brother for his exile. She cast aside Mai and Ty Lee for trying to protect her from Ozai. He ruined everything. Fathers aren't supposed to delight in that knowledge. His final moments, his daughter about to kill him, his world crashing down upon him, and he still can't fucking apologise. 

Zuko wavers. He turns Azula so she is facing away from Ozai, her chin nearly pressed to Zuko’s shoulder.

“It has to be enough.” Zuko gently holds her. “Nothing can repay him for what he did to us, and to everyone who suffered from this war. Okay? I understand. But Azula, we don’t have to be what he wants us to be. You killing him will only make him happy.”

Zuko is right. It would make him happy. Azula tries to ignore it, drawing on her fire, but the flames sputter out in her palms. She breathes deeply through her nose and looks at the ground, focusing on the cracks in the concrete. She tries to will her nausea away. She won't give Ozai the pleasure of seeing her unsteady. 

“Azula,” Aang says close to her ear. She turns and sees him standing behind her, calm but insistent. “I can handle this. Trust me.”

Azula looks to Zuko, who looks back. Their father coughs on the ground. A wet, rattling sound Azula recognises as someone with blood in their lungs. He will die. Whether Azula steps aside now or delivers the final blow, he will die without medical help.

It is Azula's turn to hesitate. Aang takes the chance to stride firmly past towards her father. Aang crouches beside, eyes immovable and unforgivable. Glowing cobalt blue. When he looks up, his eyes are searching for permission. 

Azula is _tired._ She wants this to be over. Her father deserves to die, or suffer whatever punishment Aang claims is worse than death. Azula protected him her whole life. She conquered cities. Terrified ministers. Betrayed her brother and her family over and over again, treated Mai and Ty Lee like they were inferior, and sabotaged every chance she had at happiness. She did it all for him, and he never cared. There is no reason to care for Ozai when he has so thoroughly demonstrated how little he cares for her in return. Azula killing him now won't hurt him. There is nothing she can do to him that matters. She cannot hurt him the same way he hurt her, because she does not matter to him in the same way. Ozai was her father. But Azula was barely his daughter in his eyes. No use in being sentimental over a weapon, after all. 

“Do what you want,” Azula tells Aang. She tries not to let herself sag. 

He nods. Aang places one hand on the Fire Lord's chest, the other on his forehead, and Ozai's eyes burn orange to match Aang's blue. There is no screaming. No yelling. Only Aang, his back turned to the two siblings, and a gradually slackening face. All at once, Aang releases Ozai. The former Fire Lord collapses, unmoving. 

For one long, horrible moment, Azula thinks Aang killed him. She shivers violently. Azula cannot tear her eyes from her father's body and she nearly moves aside to retch, thoughts tumbling through her head. Is this how things end?

Befre she can move, Ozai is shuddering and rolling over.

"What did you do to me?" he rasps, face white as chalk. 

Aang stares down at Ozai with an expression she has never seen before. Steel, wrapped in silk. 

"You brought this upon yourself, Fire Lord Ozai."

"What-" Zuko's voice cracks and he has to steady himself. Azula is painfully, terrifyingly glad that she is not alone in her contradiction of emotions. Zuko continues. "What did you do?"

Aang takes the moment to collect himself. He answers quietly. "I took his bending away. He won't ever be able to bend again."

They observe the fallen Fire Lord in silence. Aang bows to them in unspoken apology, then leaves to announce the defeat, leaving Zuko and Azula alone. Ozai lays dead. Then he recovers his energy, voice raising in volume as he reaches for fire that has extinguished. 

Her father roils and screams on the ground, demanding the Avatar return and kill him like a true man would. _Coward, pathetic, weakling-_ His beard gets caught in his manacles and tugs. Azula watches her father unravel, howling at the uncaring moon, screaming that he is the Phoenix King and he will rise once more.

Zuko’s face is half hidden in shadow. The remaining embers of Azula and Zuko’s fire dance across the ground, blue mixing with orange, bleeding into the dark.

This is the man who ruined her. Beaten, broken, kneeling. He is powerless. Condemned to a fate worse than death by a pacifist twelve-year-old who somehow sees this as mercy. Maybe Azula was wrong. Maybe Aang really did learn from her and not just Zuko.

Azula should be happy. Her father narrows in on her as the guards drag him to his feet, pinpoint focus lashing at her.

“Azula, do something! I am your leader; you cannot allow this to happen!”

“Can’t I?” Azula replies dully. She holds herself upright, but she struggles. Every inch of her body begs her to lay down.

She could yell back in his face, tell him exactly how he ruined her and Zuko. How she resents him for driving away the mother who never loved her.

There is no need. It will not bring her satisfaction. Her father does not care what she has to say. She sent letters, in the start. Then she sent messengers. She knows Zuko spent years of banishment trying to reach their father, trying to beg, to plead, to say _father I will make you proud_. It was never enough. Not because of them, and who they are and what they did, but because of Ozai. He does not have the capacity to love them. It is not in his heart.

Azula lets them take her father away. She could turn on them now. Burn everything and everyone to the ground, seize her father and the throne. It could be hers. All of it. Her father would love her for saving him, for staying-

Zuko falls to his knees, too exhausted to stand. Nervous tremors wrack his body. Azula spares him a glance, but there are no tears lining his face. Only empty frustration and longing.

This is how it is. Azula wipes her face and steps away from Zuko’s solitary misery. She wanted to destroy her father. To burn him, even if she burned along him. Why isn’t she happy? She hated him. She hated him. She hated him.

 _No,_ she admits under the light of the bloody moon. _I loved him._ That is why it hurts.

It wasn’t all bad. She knows Zuko; knows he struggles to remember a time father ever loved him, ever treated him with kindness. He says that once, they were happy. They were the type of family to take vacations in the summer, because Ozai was only third in line to the throne and they had the luxury of time. Azula does not remember this. But she can remember checker games with her father and running to him to tell him about her lessons, because he listened and mother did not, and Zuko always chased her away from his games.

Azula finally bows, her body curving as she grabs onto her thighs for stability. She wanted to abandon him. To say _your love was not enough_ , it was cruel, you were cruel. She never expected that he would have already cast her away. Azula was dead in his mind the moment she made the mistake of lying about the Avatar’s death.

Why does it hurt? She hears Zuko behind her, silent and still as the pavilion at dusk. He does not cry. Even now, when Azula is fighting to keep the ugly sobs from clawing up her throat, he does not cry. Why? Was father dead in his mind, as Zuko was in his? Was Azula the only one who had any lingering faith in their family?

A haze descends upon them. It engulfs her, burying her in the mist that she cannot escape, searching for an exit from this mess. Her father hurt her. She still trusted him. He told her Zuko was worthless. She protected him in secret. He disapproved of Mai and Ty Lee, told her to exchange them for friends of higher status, and she clung to their hands. He said her mother was poison. That she would ruin Azula. She loved her anyway, and isn’t that tragic? The mother who never once looked back, who couldn’t find it in herself to say goodbye, is likely now rotting in the ground and Azula _still loves her._

He was horrible and abusive and Azula is so profoundly glad that he is gone, that he cannot hurt them anymore, that the stupid war is over so Azula can be with her brother and return home. She chokes on her tears and presses her forehead to the freezing ground. He was awful. She loved him. Azula helped lock away the only person who never left her, condemning him to a fate worse than death.

She doesn’t regret it. Isn’t that awful? She doesn’t regret it.

Neither she nor Zuko move until the moon slowly reaches the edge of the sky. Then she pulls herself together, drags herself to her feet, and faces Zuko.

Father is gone. No longer Phoenix King, Fire Lord, whichever title you care to call him. Now there is an empty throne. It is Azula’s, by right. She was Crown Princess after Zuko left. It is hers. She trained for it, bled for it, and Zuko was _gone._ He doesn’t know how to run a country. Azula was groomed for it. Her father is powerless and imprisoned and the war is over and Azula should take the throne, should want it, but she looks at Zuko-

He slowly moves into a fighting stance, already wearily resigned. She sees her own exhaustion reflected in his eyes. All she can think of is the countless siblings who killed each other over this throne. Azula’s mother murdered her grandfather and her grandfather ordered Zuko’s death, his own grandson, and her head spins round and round as she remembers all the people who have died over a stupid chair. What is the throne, really? A position with no real power, anyway, when you consider the influence of the ministers and advisors. Nothing that matters. 

But it matters to _Azula,_ and she hates that it still matters, after everything, and the scar on Zuko’s face has never burned so vibrantly, insistently red. He is prepared to fight her for the throne. Would he die for this? His blood-stained inheritance? 

Zuko was removed from the line of succession. The only way he can still regain the throne, as the firstborn, is to challenge Azula for his right. He was Crown Prince before her. It would be treated as a legitimate challenge. But Azula knows Agni Kais, has seen countless in the courts. It always ends in disfigurement or death. She doesn't- she can't put Zuko through that. Not again. He would be an idiot and let her do whatever she wanted to him if he lost, and she is _tired_ of watching her family hurt each other for power. Azula is sick of hurting others, too. She doesn't want to be that person. 

Azula drops the stance, energy draining out her fingertips. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. Zuko can have it. If he wants this badly enough to fight her for it, he can have it.

Ozai never intended for her to be Fire Lord, did he? She was the placeholder of an empty symbol, _heir,_ while he propelled himself to power. When Azula gave him the opportunity, he cast her out and tried to replace her with Zuko, a puppet whose strings he could pull without resistance.

It was always about power, wasn’t it? He never saw them as people. As children. As his. They were dolls that never moved nor breathed unless he was looking, peering through the windows and adjusting them to his taste. They wore what he wanted. Acted how he wanted. Fought how he wanted.

Azula isn’t a doll. She isn’t. Neither is Zuzu. They are people, and they are real, and he told her that she would be heir, that she should want to take the throne after him, but did Azula ever really want that? She thinks she did. For a time, at least, when she thought it would make her father happy. But what is her power? She could be ruler of any place on this Agni-forsaken world if she tried. She conquered Ba Sing Se in a matter of weeks, where so many failed.

She could be Fire Lord. She could. The knowledge burns inside her chest, but when she exhales the air mists with frost. It is an unusually cold night. The moon judges their sins, her father’s blood staining the cobblestones from where he tugged against his manacles until the skin tore. Azula can still hear her father’s screams echoing.

Her brother is more important than any crown. Azula kicks at the ground then makes her way to Zuko, palms raised high.

“I love you, Zuko. I don’t want the stupid throne.”

He falters. She expects him to doubt her, and he does. She can see it in his eyes, hesitating for the barest of moments. Then he launches himself at her and engulfs her in a hug. Her hand creeps tentatively over his back, and for the first time in her life she is returning a hug from someone she cares for. Azula finally concedes and tucks her face away into Zuko's shoulder, sheltering her from the remains of the throne room and the moonlight filtering through. This is how it all ends. Azula feels Zuko stroking through her hair and thinks:

_I'm glad._

The Fire Sages find the siblings, sitting on the palace steps.

"Princess Azula," they murmur together. "Prince Zuko." 

Azula tenses, suddenly on guard. "We settled the throne," she tells them, narrowing her eyes. "What are those faces for?"

Zuko shifts next to her. She can feel his weight changing for combat. She holds onto his arm to stop him. 

"Forgive me, Prince Zuko." One bows his head. "I am afraid that whatever arrangement you have come to is void. You were removed from the line of succession. Only a Fire Lord can reinstate you as heir."

Zuko's quiet exhale shows he understands. He lilts painfully to the side. "I'm still a traitor, aren't I? Even after everything."

They bow to avoid answering. Azula scowls at them. 

"However," the Sage pauses delicately, hands folded in their sleeves. They turn to Azula and the following words feel like an offering. "You will have to elect a regent. You are not yet of age, Princess Azula."

 _Soon to be Fire Lord._ The thought spins through her head clean out, like one of Sokka's boomerangs. 

“Zuko will be my regent,” Azula declares instantly. It isn’t open for argument and the Fire Sages know it. Zuko looks at her in shock.

"Azula, don't you want uncle? Or someone else? I'm not- I won't be good at this." 

Zuko's admission tugs sharply at her chest. Iroh was never an uncle to her. Not the way he was to Zuko. And does Zuko really think he would be that terrible>?

Azula folds her arms and raises her chin haughtily. "You heard the Fire Sages. I am not of age. And do you really want Iroh, the dotty old fool, taking the throne? The last I heard he was operating with a resistance."

That's news to Zuko, she can read it in his face. Oops. Azula tosses her hair and lets the Sage quickly help her tie it for the ceremony. They want Iroh on the throne to control Azula, she can tell already. She hasn't even been crowned and they want her gone. If Zuko took the position, he would be gone within the day. He doesn't know how to handle the snakes of the palace.

Isn't this protecting Zuko? If she lets them make her Fire Lord, just for a little. She can keep him safe from the court so that they won't tear him to shreds. 

In the end, it doesn't matter what Zuko and Azula decided. Zuko is a traitor untrusted by the people. Azula was decided as the heir. The Fire Sages will only install one of them to the throne, and Azula looks to Zuko. She cannot give up her rights, with no heir to take her place. This is the only way for them. Azula is ashamed to feel a slight glow of excitement in her chest at the prospect of being leader, but then she was groomed for years to want this. Can she have the throne and her brother? Is it really possible?

Part of her is afraid that she will slip back into her old habits the moment they put the crown on her head. Father's screams still echo in her ears.

Impulsively, she snatches Zuko's hand. He smiles, almost sad, and gives his blessing. 

"We need someone to take the throne," he says. "It's okay that it's you."

"But what if I'm cruel?" Azula demands, studying his face. Zuko knows her better than anyone and she bites anxiously at her lip. "I don't trust anyone else but you to be my regent, Zuko. What if I turn into father?"

Zuko has always been uncomfortable with physical affection. It doesn't come easy to them. They weren't raised that way. But he reaches forwards and hugs her.

"Lala, you aren't him. Neither of us are. And if you want me as regent to help you, then of course I'll be your regent."

The others were successful.

Toph runs back and wraps Zuko and Azula in hugs, ignoring the Fire Sages and servants that lurk nearby. Azula tries to focus on Toph instead of the confrontation with the Fire Sages, and before long her smile melts into something more genuine. Toph is rough around the edges, but a good friend. She claps Azula on the shoulder and tries rocking the two of them together. Suki wanders over and offers her quiet sympathies and congratulations, all in one, while Katara helps heal the burns littered on Azula's skin from the fight. Her eyes are gentle when she looks at Azula. Then Sokka whoops and cheers that that they won, and Katara turns around to scold him viciously for interrupting her healing sessions. Sokka sheepishly backs off then immediately returns to hollering when Toph runs towards him, the two creating their own victory dance with complicated-looking footwork.

While the group rejoices, Aang still cannot meet Azula's eyes. Maybe he never will again. She knows he does not regret his actions, and if she takes the moment to reflect upon herself, she knows that she does not either. Whether she resents her father's continued survival or secretly praises it, only time will tell. For now, she has her friends, and she has Zuko, and her father cannot hurt them anymore. 

They pile together on the palace steps, slumping against each other's shoulders from exhaustion. The remaining forces from the invasion carefully finish securing the palace, servants scurrying to and from. The invasion was a shock to everyone. No one expected a coup. Not this close to the eclipse. 

Mai and Ty Lee come running around the corner, both laughing hysterically about an officer's expression when he realised they brought down every member of palace security. They look happy. Azula watches Ty Lee swing in front of Mai and plant a kiss on Mai's cheek, who blinks slowly in Mai-speak for unadulterated shock. Zuko lets out a loud bark of laughter. Azula had wondered if he was jealous of their relationship, even though it was Zuko who broke up with Mai. She had assumed the break-up was temporary. Looking at Zuko, Azula relaxes. There is no tension there. Not between those three. 

"The war is over," Ty Lee teases, referencing a joke no one else knows. Her eyes dance happily. "You can ask me again now."

Mai smiles then, small but ear-achingly loud to Azula's trained ear. She whispers something. 

With Mai and Ty Lee swept up in their own moment, and Zuko pulled into conversation with the Water Tribe siblings, Suki takes the moment to approach Azula.

"You can keep my fan, you know." Suki leans easily into Azula's space, a comforting presence after the night. "Call it a token of inter-nation diplomacy or whatever."

"And they call me the manipulative one," Azula scoffs. She stares at her hand for a moment then wordlessly extends it in a gesture that has Suki grinning widely.

"Fist bump, wow. Don't tell Sokka, he'll never stop asking for them." Suki presses her fist to Azula's. "We're friends for life now, no take-backs."

"Weren't we already?"

Someone flags Suki and after a glance to Azula, she jogs over to them. Azula feels a tap on her shoulder. When she turns, Mai is quick to press a knife into her palms. 

"You're still awful," Mai says, predictably. Azula nearly rolls her eyes. "And I don't forgive you. But if anyone comes after you when you can't bend, use this."

That's another thing. Azula's flames rise and fall when she tries to bend. They are not gone. Not the way they were. Her fire is smoother after the fight, more consistent, but Mai saw the initial faltering. This, she thinks, is Mai's way of saying she still cares for Azula. Maybe she never stopped. Azula looks at Ty Lee but the acrobat is also smiling, her eyes mysterious.

"I'm sad for you," Ty Lee admits freely. She clutches Mai's hand. "I really am. But I'm also happy for you. I think this will make things better for everyone, you and Zuko included."

No one asks Azula what they are doing about the throne. There is no need. Zuko sticks close by her and the lack of animosity alone must be enough to tell them that the siblings made their decision. Azula almost wishes they would look to the gathered Fire Sages and read the story there. Every time the others glance at the crown awaiting with the Fire Sages, she feels the need to desperately defend herself for when they are told of who the next Fire Lord will be. _It wasn't my idea_ , she wants to say. _I'm good now._ _I didn't demand the throne. I gave it up and they put me on the throne anyway._ Defending herself, as though becoming Fire Lord is proof of her manipulations, as though she could predict the Fire Sages' decision. 

Azula is tired of pretending she does not want things. She loves her brother, and she didn't want to fight him for the throne, and she would still step down in a heartbeat if it meant she could keep Zuko by her side, and avoid all the things she fears when she looks into the mirror. But she will not pretend that she hates the idea of being Fire Lord, any more than she will deny her heritage. You take the good with the bad. Azula is not a bad person for wanting things. Even if she had demanded the throne, wouldn't Zuko have agreed anyway? But she didn't demand it. She will take the throne, and they can sort the rest from there.

Being Fire Lord will protect Zuko, and it will protect Azula from being outed by the court. They have time to figure out what this means for them. If Azula will still want the throne once Ozai is away from her sight. They have time. 

The Fire Sages declare her Fire Lord as the sun rises over the peaks of Caldera. Azula is the only viable option. Zuko was not willing to challenge her for the throne. Now he helps her stumble down the steps as the Fire Sages prepare the coronation ceremony.

Azula still smells of smoke and burning skin, and her hands are slathered in burn cream from what Katara could not heal for lack of water. There is a pain in her leg that needs to be seen by a healer to test for further damage, and when Azula kneels to be crowned, her robes are too short around the ankles. Nothing is what she could have imagined in all those years of dreaming of her coronation. Her father is imprisoned. Azula's face is streaked with grime, a disgrace before her people. She still doesn't know if she truly wants to be Fire Lord, the Fire Sages attempting to bestow her with the crown that they tore from her father's head. She doesn't want to be like him. Not with the endlessly bloody throne. Azula still thinks that if the throne is to come between her and Zuko, then she doesn't want it, but Zuko had followed the decree of the Fire Sages. Azula cannot argue.

She looks into the assembled crowd for the informal ceremony, her friends are in the first row screaming their lungs out, wholly inappropriate and profoundly appreciated. Toph stamps her feet loudly and pretends to whistle at Azula, forcing her to hide a smile. So far, Azula is starting her reign as far from her father as possible. The thought brings her comfort. 

Nothing is right and everything is upside down, yet Azula doesn't feel disrespected. She doesn't need a crowd of perfect attendants all clapping politely. Just a row of terribly rude peasants cheering her on, one loudly demanding to know why Suki got a fist bump and he didn't. 

When the Fire Sages complete the ceremony, the crown nestled in Azula's mess of a topknot, she turns to her brother. A part of her still worries that he will not accept her on the throne, that she will have to turn against him too. She waits anxiously for his reaction.

He smiles. Like that, she knows whatever mess follows the blood of the night, they will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i have included an explanation for the delay in the start notes so i won’t address that again here.)  
> i had a really hard time deciding who got the throne, and whenever i looked at my planning document there were conflicting notes. a lot of people didn't understand why i made Azula Fire Lord when i first uploaded this, which led to me taking it down while i reconsidered, but ultimately i've decided to keep it as is. i'll expand more on my reasons in the sequel but for now i hope i can provide an explanation for those who don't want to read on-  
> i thought, why does Azula have to give up this thing she wants to prove that she is a good person now? why does Zuko being a better person make him more entitled to the throne? he was removed from the line of succession, and he can't be reinstated as a royal/heir until the Fire Lord decides. and there /is/ no Fire Lord right now. so either way Azula would have to be crowned to make him Fire Lord because Iroh gave up his rights, and what's the point in making Azula Fire Lord just to make /Zuko/ Fire Lord? additionally, Zuko was gone for /years/ as a traitor. there's no way anyone would approve him getting the throne when Azula is right there, still mostly sane, and qualified. so as things stand right now, Azula got the throne. i hope this clarifies things a bit and no one is too disappointed! there was a lot of pressure for me to do it either way so i just had to do what i could. 😊
> 
> parting remarks:  
> that's it folks!! we're at the end of a 100K word journey that has been a massive emotional investment from everyone involved, so thank you so much!! this wouldn't have been possible without the hundreds of amazing comments and kudos i got. y'all kept me going when i struggled to write and now we're at the end of this fic! while the final chapter isn't perfect, i hope it still accomplished what it needed in bring the story to a close in a way that feels cathartic for everyone. again, power might go out soon for me so i'm trying to finish this up quickly.  
> i DO have a sequel planned and the first chapter is written, so for those of you who want to see what happens after this, it'll be a fic revolving around the throne, and the sibling's search for Ursa. (which will not follow 'The Search' canon, i make my own thanks). for those who feel that this is enough, thanks for your support along this journey, and i hope this has been a fulfilling ending for you! my writing hasn't been consistent at times so there's been rough patches where the story declined in quality, but y'all stuck with me anyway. i cannot thank everyone enough <3333


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